Problems with My Teenager, Please Help! (Very Long)

This child needs to have no contact with his bio mother ever again and you need to get him into a psychologist immediately,perhaps even in a boys ranch.

I know first hand what volatile children are capable of, and your baby is in danger. Your husband needs to see this. The more he ignores it, the worse it is going to get.

Write down everything he has done, or withheld when the baby is going into a dangerous situation how he sits back and watches and show your husband the incidents.

Tell him you only bring this up because you love your stepson and want him to be happy and to provide the most healthy and loving environment possible and the only way that is possible is with intervention.

I'm so sorry you are in such a tough spot, but you need to take this VERY SERIOUSLY!! You are responsible for your 18 mo old and imagine how you would feel if you do nothing and your stepson harms the baby. You need your husband to get on board (giving an ultimatum if necessary- which i wouldn't normally advise but this situation warrants it - to leave with the baby) with doing something drastic about this i.e. therapy for your step son and possibly the whole family or removing your step son from your home entirely. Your child's safety is at risk! In the meantime, never leave the two of them in a room alone together...ever! Your stepson is obviously troubled and unpredictable. Good luck...please keep up posted!

First, if there is a safety issue concerning the new addition, you HAVE to take it seriously. If he started off loving this baby deeply and now he is acting differently, maybe something has recently happened. I would not leave the baby alone in his care, first of all.
What kind of relationship do you have with your step son? Has it changed? I always heard of the middle child syndrome and never believed it until we had baby # 3 and #4. I saw regression in my children both times.
At 13, he is old enough to know right from wrong, but may not be intentionally trying to hurt the baby. ( I am assuming he has not actually succeeded). When you see him doing something questionable, in a calm voice ask him not to and explain why. It seems like something you shouldn't have to do, but I have a 13 yr old and a 15 month old and sometimes she does "stupid" things without thinking of what the consequenses could be for the baby. If his behavior gets violent or you start to get scared for the safety of the baby, you need to do something. Confide in your pediatrician and ask for some direction. If your husband doesn't believe you, try to get a video of his behavior - most phones take video. Stay strong and trust your instincts as a mother.

Wow....I feel bad for you and your family....I was wondering if you have ever tried counseling for him? He sounds like he could maybe benefit from it...I have a friend that has been in a similar situation...She didn't have the violent issues, but other very severe problems...Hang in there...

Wow, you are in a tough position.

Really watch your baby. On the other hand, I feel really sorry for your poor little stepson, who has been devastated by his evil witch of a mother.

You don't say what your relationship is like with your stepson, but is there any way you can step in and be a loving mother to him? He needs it so desperately. I know that will be hard, since your maternal instincts towards your baby are so strong.

Your husband also should be showing extra love and attention to his son right now.

Once again, I don't know what your relationship with this boy is like, but can you talk to him about his feelings about his mother, etc? Please love this boy if there is any way you can do it.

I think this is a situation in which your son and your family in general should consider getting professional help.
If you cannot afford family counseling, get him into mental health counseling per referral from his pediatrician. This poor boy went through a lot in his young life, and although I do not doubt that you have the best intentions, this would be a good time to get a professional involved.

Chances are that your stepson will suffer from the consequences of his biological mother's despicable behavior for a very long time, if not for the rest of his life - even with all the love that you have given and continue to give him. The sooner he starts on working on dealing with this, the better his chances to stay on track and reduce the impact. At 13 he is still young enough to get him to go - once he is older it will be more difficult.

I truly wish you and your family the best of luck!

WOW.......husband needs a wake up call. I feel for you. I would not leave your little one unattended around your SS. Make sure he knows that you will not put up with him hurting the baby. He needs help! get it for him! good luck!

He needs counseling NOW to determine what is causing this behavior. If hubby won't agree to that, I encourage YOU to see someone. Not only will it make you feel better to be able to discuss this with a professional who has no personal connection to your son, but you will no doubt be given some advice about things you can do to communicate your concerns to your husband in a way that won't make him defensive. Above all, PLEASE be sure you are always in the room with the baby!

I would first attempt to cut off any contact with biological mom. It does not seem as if she is any positive influence in his life. If she does not want him why does she just stay away and stop damaging him more. You say he has been with you since the age of 5 and now he is 13. I think that is long enough for him to at least feel like a member of your family and get any negative issues he may have, brought on by the mother, out of his system.
Why does his father feel sorry for him. He is not in a position of ptty. He has a family that cares for him, He has his father, you, and siblings.
Many kids grow up without their bio-mom. That does not mean that they are prone to violence.
Has anyone tried talking to him and asking him about his feelings or what is going on inside his head? I think everyone is more re-acting to his behavior and not knowing where the behavior is coming from.
As for the baby,try for as little contact as possible until he gets some help. I know its hard when you live in the same home.
Also, you might want to get him evaluated. Maybe his is suffering from some type of depression. It could also be physical/medical problem.