Please Tell Me This Is Just a Phase........ - Auburn,IN

yup its a phase.......i hear they outgrow it somewhere in their 20s.........and it only gets worse as they get older. I have a teenager......lol

It is a phase for sure. Change things up. Parenting is always staying one step ahead i.e. if spanking makes her laugh, don't punish her that way, take something away, do something that registers. Good luck, one of my sons constantly kept me on my toes...

She's not really "testing" you, she's exploring things and figuring out how the world works and finding her voice. All normal. It lasts until about age 4. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing, and in my experience, nothing matches the horror of a 3.5 year old.

I would suggest that you stop asking her to do things. It sounds like a choice or a request when really it isn't. "All done with the potty, great job! Now let's get your underpants back on and wash your hands!" And help her back into her underwear. If she laughs and runs off, then it's a game. Chase her, catch her, tickle her, enjoy the moment and then get back to business in a matter of fact way and move on to whatever is next. Don't turn things into power struggles.

I would also suggest abandoning time out - she sounds smart (potty trained and speaking at 2.5 is pretty smart in my book) but it's really too young for time out. Just do a quick correct and re-direct at this age. And I'm not a fan of spanking - it just escalates aggression and doesn't teach anything positive or useful.

Keep your sense of humor and perspective - it really does pass.

its usually just a phase.. my suggestion would be to just be stern with her dont let her get away with any of this behavior or let her think its all a big joke and shes going to do what she wants anyway.. let her know ur serious tell her if she keeps it up there will be consequences, no desert after dinner no tv, or she wont get something she wants.. i was the same way u said ur husband was when he was a kid.. with mom i knew i could get away with it.. but with dad no way i knew he was serious.. could be just because men are more intimidating.. has your husband yelled at her or put her in time out or spanked her or is it you most of the time.. see if she listens better for him .. then you could always just use the "dont make me tell ur father" line .. good luck

I don't necessarily think it's a phase when kids act like this - they are testing you to see how much they can get away with so if they get away with it, they'll keep it up and get worse.

I had noticed that I had started doing a lot more yelling and in turn my toddler was starting to act out more. Then a friend told me about the Love & Logic technique and adore it! It has done wonders for my family, my patience level and our happiness. (I have a 2.5 year old and 9 month old.) It's all about giving them choices and logical consequences when they break rules.

Their principles are empathy first, choices and logical consequences. Empathy shows that you understand that they are having a hard time. Choices give them some of the power that they want and logical consequences just make sense.

The basic rundown is you give two choices for things, making sure that you will be happy with either one they choose. Let the child take up to 10 seconds to make the decision and if they don't then you choose - generally the choice that they probably wouldn't have chosen.

How it would work with some of the examples you gave:

Underwear: "Would you like to put on your underwear by yourself or let me do it?" Give her 10 seconds to answer, if she doesn't, you put them on her. If she fights you, pull out the "uh-oh" song, which is just where you say "uh-oh" in a sing-song voice. It really kids little kids' attention. For my two year old, pulling out the "big boy" card works really well. I usually say something like, "Uh-oh! :::big sigh::: This is so sad! Big boys put wear underpants. Since you don't want to cooperate, I guess this means you're still a baby. I'll go get a diaper." If he still doesn't want to cooperate, then I tell him he needs to go sit in time out. If he doesn't go to time out ON HIS OWN, then I start putting every toy I see laying around in the "bye-bye" basket. If it goes in that basket, he has to earn it back by doing something kind - after sitting in time out and apologizing for misbehaving.

The cart: "Uh-oh! This is so sad. It hurts when you kick me. Do you want to get a special treat for being good when we're done shopping or do you want to sit in time out?" (Time out can be anywhere - the car, the bathroom, a corner in the produce section, or, if you must, all the way back home.) (I also found it a good idea to go to the store specifically for practice runs when I just needed a few items. This is when I taught my son to walk at the store near me. He now stays close really well, helps me shop and has fun. He knows if he acts up he has to sit in the cart or we'll go home.)

Another L&L principle is to turn your no's into yeses. Try to say yes to her more often. "Can I have a sucker?" "Yes! After you eat your lunch." "Can I play with Play-Doh?" "Yes! After you pick up your toys." "Can I run out in the street and play?" "Oh, that would be so sad! I love you too much to let you get hurt. Do you want to play on the swingset or in the sandbox instead?"

Now whenever my son is not obeying, all I have to do is say, "Uh-oh!" and he knows I mean business. He immediately stops whatever he is doing or comes running saying, "I'm coming, Mommy!"

It has even worked on my 9-month-old. She started biting while nursing so everytime she'd do that I'd pull out the "uh-oh" song and say "Uh-oh! How sad. All done." And stop nursing. Now all I have to do is say "uh-oh!" and she knows to stop whatever she's doing!

Here's a link to some of their other techniques/advice - this stuff really works! http://www.loveandlogic.com/articles.html The first book of theirs I read was "Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood." SOOOO glad I did! They also have a Facebook page where you can post specific questions and other L&L parents will help you figure out how to handle the situation. And you can search for Love & Logic on Mamapedia - I see lots of L&L advice given on here all the time. Good luck and have fun! Parenting should be fun most of the time, not some horrid stressful chore all the time!

I've been told that the magic happens at age 4 where they become angels. This was true for my oldest, but my other daughter did NOT get that memo! She's still a nut and always has been.
Taking my DD's blankie away is the only punishment that even slightly works.

I would continue to discipline her like you have been and stay constant with it but also don't say anything to where it's a question. Just 'we are putting on your underpants after you tinkle'. Or just do it. With that type of child the less questions or choices you give the worse it is. Also your tone of voice is very important. I think children should do what you say because you are the one in charge but also you can make it more fun and say let's see how fast you can get your underpants on or something like that as they don't do well to commands. Sad to say but I had some like that and learned the hard way. She should obey you but do try to make your voice not so much of a command but see she still does what you tell her.

Who is in charge here???? Choose your battles well. No it is not acceptable to kick you. End it now. Hold her leg still and look her in the eye and say NO!!! You can not hurt mommy. I do not believe in spanking. I only lightly swatted my child on the behind once, I said do not go out into the road. He looked at me laughed and went, I went, picked him up, said no and swatted his bottom. He was shocked and never ran into the street again. Don't get into a screaming match. Don't ask, tell her. Don't say do you want lunch. Say we are having lunch now. When she doesn't want her panties on. Go put them on her and tell her big girls wear panties and if she wants to be a baby that is fine but she will need to wear diapers instead. You are the boss. Remember, you ARE setting up the protocal for the years down the road, love and respect them and expect respect in return. Do not settle for less.

Hi K.,

It's the defiant stage. Right around age 3, it usually becomes a challenge to parent. One of my kids was super defiant. If I was tense, she was extra tense. And I am not a tense person. I had to take a look at how tense she made me and I had to tell myself to keep calm.
Therefore, I would take her OUTSIDE in my own backyard for about an hr in the morning (in all kinds of weather) to let her burn off some steam during this stage.
When she did not want to come inside I would look at her and say let's "fly" in the house. I would pick her up and wisk her in very quickly. And, of course, there were times when she would kick me. I would tell her that it is our play time outside was over and now it was time to go in the kitchen for a snack. If she did not want me to "fly" her inside, I would look her in the eye and tell her that I would have to help her come in the house.
Oftentimes, they really need guidance during this "developmental" stage. So, I would barter with a friend during this stage. I would go to the store for and hour. When I got back, she would go. It does pass after a few months!
Remembering back...If my daughter did not want to get dressed (Because we had to run out). I would tell her that she needed to get dressed and I would help her. I would let her choose between the 2 shirts. And she knew I meant business ! On the other hand, If she a tantrum over me turning off the tv, I would let her tantrum.
My second child had a much easier going temperment. The 3's stage was much easier this time around.
Kristen

learn different discipline techniques. take everything away from her, and I mean everything! every single toy, book, movie, tv time if she is allowed, dress up clothes, special treats. I mean literally everything she likes. strip her room bare, just her bed and blanket/pillow. not to sound too rude, but taking away a dress for the night is no big deal to a child. they learn after one or two times that something comes right back to them either after the time out or the specified time. take it all away for 1 solid week. make sure you tell her that her things got taken because she is being bad and not listening and throwing fits etc. after 1 week let her have 1 thing back. if she acts up again, take it away for another week. after she earns her one thing back for every day she behaves give her another item. be firm, be the parents. I'm not exactly sure how a 2 and a half year old can "decide to not take her meds". she is a CHILD, you give them to her, make her take them. and yes, I have a son who will be 3 next month. and yes I have employed these tactics. it took 10 days, that's it. obviously he's not perfect, he acts up, but he know the line. and yep, he has been on many meds, had to do lots of different treatments including the nebulizer (along with being born with bilateral cleft lip and palate, he has asthma and suffered reflux for the first year of his life). make a plan, make sure your husband is on the same page and be firm and consistent. my suggestions may or may not work. but something will and you will find it. =)