Our Room or Her Own Room!?

Hi L.,

I personally do not see a major issue here, other than the older you daughter gets the harder it may be to move her into her own room and be comfortable being in there alone. My daughter who is now 7 actually slept in our room until she was 3. She was very excited to have her own space and did take a little time adjusting to being alone at night, but she is fine now.

I think allowing an older child to stay could foster seperation issues later on not at 2 yrs old.

I think people should mind their own business. Just out of curiosity, what's their argument for her to be in her own room? Do what works for your family.

if it works for your family who is anyone else to crab about it. you don't have to justify or defend yourself to anyone unless you are harming your child (which you aren't) or your spouse (which i gather he doesn't mind either) so no worries! The more I learn about our American culture vs. other cultures did you realize we are the ONLY country who doesn't advocate breastfeeding past 1 year and children are shipped to their own room as early as 4 mos. old? My 15 mos. old son is still in our room and lots of time winds up in our bed for the sake of all of our sleep and sanity and you know what scratch what anyone else thinks, our kids will know they are loved and grow up secure in it :).

L.,
personally I feel you should do what you are comfortable with. She's your daughter. And the most important thing is the happiness of you and your child.
A.

Children should room with their parents until they are comfortable sleeping on their own. We've always co-slept with our kids. It's a good way for working parents to still connect to babes and does a ton of good for their self-esteem to feel "secure" now. Kids before reading age, have a hard time feeling the space their body occupies. In the dark, they get scared because they are not comfortable enough in their body. Ever noticed how kids have to always feel you in their sleep to make sure you're still there? This helps them connect to themselves. There is a lot of research on co-sleeping you can find on the internet. It's only in America that we have to have BIG spaces and our OWN rooms. For centuries, families have slept together.

What a wonderful thing you are doing for yor daughter by keeping her close to you through the night. Only in America is this considered out of the norm and I would continue to do what you are doing and ignore those that say anything negative. In most other countries people actually WANT their children close to them day and night! Statistics show that many many people actually co-bed or room share and choose not to say anything to their pediatrician or even to friends/family because of old-fashioned negative stigma. You are not unusual, people just do't talk much about the fact that they do it too!

What a blessing that your daughter gets to enjoy the comfort and security of knowing you are close by if needed. She must sleep at ease and enjoy peaceful dreams! I have always thought it odd that we expect our babies to be incapable of talking, using the toilet themselves, eating solids etc yet somehow people will tell you that they should 'learn independence' and somehow have this advanced cognitive thinking to start understanding that Mommy and Daddy are just down the hall, that there is nothing going to get them in the dark, that being alone should be fun?? I just have never bought the idea that a baby or toddler has this level of logic and reasoning and I have always felt that they were meant to be close, day and night as humans are in other countries and how animals are in the wild. Personally, I want by children to reach for me when they are developing and maturing rather than 'soothe themselves' or 'learn independence' or reach for something inanimate....I want to be close by and needed while I still have the opportunity. Soon these little ones will be off on their own and you will cherish the time you had with her, close by in your room. Enjoy her now...

everyone should just mind their own business. if you want her in your room, and it's not causing any problems, then why should anyone else care? there are as many different ways to raise a child as there are children in the world... so what makes you and your family happy is what is right for you. it will not hurt your child in any way to share a room with you. the important thing is that it is what everyone(you, your husband and your daughter) wants.

I agree with the previous posts... it works for you and it's good trust-building for your babe. She'll let you know when she wants her own space.

You have to do what is best for you. It is important for you and your hubby to have time as a couple but if she is going to bed before you then that isn’t an issue. However the longer you wait to move her into her own room, the more anxiety she will have when you do. Maybe it would be a good idea to have her start napping in her own room. That way she is adjusting to being in a room alone and waking up alone when it is not as dark and you will be faster to get to her if she does get scared. If you do that then when you feel like it is time that she move to her own room it will be a smother transition. Not to try to scare you but I grew up with several ppl who either co-slept with there parents or shared a room. Even as teenagers they were absolutely petrified to be alone. Even if there were 2 children that wasn’t good enough.

I was just pondering this the other day. This may sound strange, but women in 3rd world countries sleep with their babies, and don't most animals sleep with their young? Just a couple of thoughts. My husband really likes kids to be in their own rooms, but it just feels so much more natural to me to have them close. Every family has to do what's right for them...please don't be influenced by others' opinions...as long as it's ok with your husband...it's wonderful!

I just want to point out that around the world families that sleep together are in the majority. It's a shame so many people in the US don't see the benefits of co-sleeping even as children get older. I know that for my daughters (ages 6 and 3) that since they don't get to spend much time with their father (he was traveling for work 5-6 days a week for months and now is home in the evenings when he doesn't make a business trip) that snuggling up for bedtime is a really important bonding time. I think you need to do what you and your children are most comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with sharing a bedroom if it works for you. As we found when we lived in small quarters it also opened up a play room space instead of wasting more than one room on beds. Also, I think that it is important for young children to know you are close by if they do need you and that seems to provide a strong emotional foundation instead of hindering their development.

Victoria
homeschooling mom of 2 girls (with an early childhood development degree)

L., If you are happy and there are no problems at home, then ignore the naysayers. We don't have our kids sleeping in our room, but one of my best friends does. It's not for us, but they are happy with it. There are pros and cons for both approaches. My husband and I wouldn't get any sleep with the kids in our bed, but it works for my friend.

L.:
As a mom, you need to do what works for you and your family. If that is to keep your daughter in your room, then that is your business, no on elses. That said, I lost a baby during birth at 9 months. My next pregnancy was full of worry and fear. As a result, I keep my daughter in my room until she was about 2, but had her nap in her own room so she would understand that was her room. When we transitioned her to her room, I kept a monitor in her room so I could see and hear her in case she woke up. It was a compromise that let us both know she was okay. It is difficult to transition them to their own room and harder, the older they get. IF you are ready to transition her (and only you and your husband can answer that) try naps first and use a monitor. The other thing that keeps me sane is a security system in our home. I couldn't sleep without it. I used a monitor in both of my kids rooms until they were 5 or so and still get up to check on them at night even though they are now 7 and 11. As a mother, you instinctively know what is best for you and your child. I encourage you to go with what works for you but keep in mind also that kids need their own space - especially as they grow older. No matter what you decide, ignore those who make judgements. The old saying don't judge someone else until you walk in their shoes applies.
God bless!!!

I think you should stick with what YOU feel comfortable. Only you, your husband and your daughter know what's best for your family. Your sleeping arrangements aren't anyone else's business! :)

I am a single mom and love it to sleep with my daughter. It provides security to me and i sleep better too. however I think it is better for her to have her own space and independance. We just moved into a new house and i surprised her with a new rug, paitn on the walls, wall stickers in fairies and butterflies, hanging from teh ceiling, curtains, etc. She walked in and her mouth dropped for 10 seconds, it seemed like an hour. She looked around and gave me the biggest best hug ever!! SHe loves her new room. If it gets to a point where she has a fit becuase you dont want her too anymore, that would clue me in that she is trying to be in control. If you think, we cant do that becuase she will have a fit, that doesnt work for me. You do what works for you though.

My 3year old sleeps in our room in her own bed and some times even sneaks into ours. As a newborn, she slept with me. I don't see a problem with it. I've never had a problem with co-sleeping. On the contrary, I get a great sense of security and comfort from it. I'm sure its the same for her too. Also, I've read many articles on this form of co-sleeping that has many positive benefits.

If you'd like to read more about it, I've listed a link to a variety of co-sleeping articles.
http://www.mothering.com/search.html?cx=01392352589559091...

You should just really do what feels right to you as the parent.

Honey, It is time to allow this child to grow up and let her sleep in her own room. She is 2 this month and needs to adjust to sleeping in her own room. The child does enjoy having there own room once you put them in that situation. I have seen my grandson who had no choice but to sleep in the same room as his parents and then get his own room, he was so excited that he had his own room to sleep in and slept so much better in a room by himself. I know alot of people are big on co-sleeping with thier child but personally I do not believe this to be healthy for the child. Of course this is my opinion. The child needs to come out of the baby stage and grow up and I feel that when you keep them in your room to sleep you are trying to keep them a "BABY". They cannot stay babies forever.

Good Luck with whatever your decision is.

L., i am a mom of a two year old son, and i do let him sleep with me. he has medical,(and other problems), that warrent it. my husband works third shift. and me and my son both like feeling were not alone while we are sleeping. i personally do feel he should sleep buy himself just as soon as his med. problems get better. children do need to learn they can handle being by themselves at night, (and/or with any thing really). but when a child is little, i dont see anything wrong with it. its up to each individual parent, (and childs situations.)

I put mine in their own room at six months. The longer you wait the harder it will be for her to adjust. You are not doing her any favors by letting her sleep in your room. I have a friend that has a six year old daughter sleeping in their room because she throws fits if they put her in her own room. I agree. She needs her own room. It can put a damper on your love life and possibly destroy you marraige over time. Parents need their own private time. And one thing you really want to consider if she doesn't get used to having her own room then she will have a lot of serious problems later in life when she has to be on her own. Lots of girls end up in bad marraiges because they fear being alone. My advice is to put her in her room. It won't hurt her a bit and you can have Mom and Me time during the day.

Hi L., I have 2 girls, one is 10 years old and my other is just 7 months old. With my first baby, I was single parent and she slept with me (same bed)for 4 years!
Now with my 2 baby, she is sleeping in her own room since she was 5 months. I can see that bolth have pros and cons.
I really enjoy having Fernanda (10 years old) sleeping with me and I know she loved, however she was a kicker and I didn't sleep good. Also it was "very" hard to move her to her own room when I got married. And she was afraid of the dark for very long time. With my new baby, I feel I am helping her in the long run, but when she wakes up in the midle of the night I have to go all the way to her room and I get even less sleep because I became a light sleeper because I worry I wouldn't hear her cry.
Each family and situacion is different and if this works for you and your family go for it, but maybe you want to put her in her room for her naps during day, so when is time for her to sleep in her room it is easy for her, and for you, I know you will miss her too.