Does Any One Else Sleep with Their Baby?

Rachel: you poor thing, BIG HUGE MISTAKE...... my daughter did the same thing to me, many earaches, I breastfeed and was exausted and tired all the time, one night decided to leave her in bed..........that was it, she moved in....well, neethless to say it took me over a year to get her out of our bed, NOT A GOOD THING. Our solution, you have to put her in her crib, if she wakes up or fusses, just leave her in the crib, and rub her (while she is in the crib) do NOT PICK HER UP.....otherwise she owns YOU. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, it will take a while to get her out, but you must be consistent, and leave her in the crib, if she cries, you must not come immediately (I know it sounds cruel) but you let her cry for about 5 mins, and you come to the crib and rock her or rub her (WITHOUT PICKING HER OUT OF THE CRIB). Eventually she will get it......it will take some time, start on a weekend ( I'm not sure if your back to work). Just a word of advice, stick to this, it's not safe for your baby to be in bed with you, she's too small and you can crush her while a sleep, it can be tragic, it's in your best interest to keep her in the crib.

Your husband needs his rest too, it's not fair to him either. You guys need your space.

Good luck, Aida

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I am a big fan of co-sleeping and if it feels right to you keep it up. I recommend reading The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears and The Family Bed (can't remember the author). They are supportive of co-sleeping and have good info. FYI, we co-sleep with our now 14 month old and she snuggled right next to me until she was about a year when I sensed that she was ready for her own space. She sleeps in her crib which we use like a sidecar co-sleeper until the early morning when she crawls over for snuggles and nursing. Good luck and enjoy this precious time when she needs you so close. There is NOTHING wrong with it.

I recommend the book "Good Nights"... pediatrician co-authored co-sleeping book that really explains how to make sure your baby is safe (don't cosleep intoxicated, etc) and how to work around any concerns that you might have to keep your baby safe. I have slept with my baby every night since he was born- he's 10 months now. Did you know that the majority of cultures in the world cosleep, and parents across the world consider Americans to be neglecting their babies by keeping them far from them at night? Furthermore, sleep studies have been conducted proving that your baby is actually safer with you regarding sleep apnea and SIDS... your baby regulates her breathing to yours when you are sleeping close and is not likely to stop breathing.

But, you can't let your marriage suffer. We had to buy a king size bed after 3 months of separate sleep arrangements- our small full size bed did not accomodating 3 people. Now we are quite comfortable. =)

I have a 6 mo old daughter that i am doing the same thing with. She wakes up 2-3 times a night to nurse and i end up keeping her in bed trip number 2 or 3 so that we both get sleep. I have just recently started putting her in her crib and making an effort to put her back after middle of the night nursing snacks. I did the same with my son when he was little but I think i remember getting him to the crip about 2 months earlier. I am having the same fears with her since i keep giving in. Once my son was in his crib he and i were much happer, we both slept better and were in better moods during the day. With my daughter, we still can't get her into a schedule or to sleep through the night. So It isn't really advice just reassurance that other moms are doing the exact same thing. My husband has not made it to the couch yet but it does cause problems that she is still in bed with us.

Rachel, you are not doing anything wrong...your baby loves being close to you! The only disservice might be that she will not be able to fall asleep without you, and in the long run that isn't helping her. Also, it seems your husband is getting the shaft! We used co-sleepers for all of our 3 children. If you are worried about your current situation, you might try helping her fall asleep in the co-sleeper. Put her down awake and stay next to her. You can give her a shirt of yours with your scent on it; and even rub her back or soothe her with your words or singing. After a few days, she should get used to falling asleep in the co-sleeper.
OR you could keep up your pattern if it is working and just STOP FEELING GUILTY!
If you haven't already read it, Dr. Willam Sear's The Baby Book is helpful in supporting co-sleeping. He may also have a book that is exclusively on co-sleeping.
Good luck, and follow your instincts...but don't forget daddy in the process.
All the best,
L. J.

Hi, I'm R. W. too. I had no intentions, but both my daughters slept with us and still do sometimes. If you and your hubby are ok with it, just let her until she is bigger. Be prepared though to wake up in a panic once in while thinking something is wrong. I know I did. Congrats. on your new baby.

Hi R.,

I do sleep with my 10 month old son as well, and my husband in another room. However I have been blessed many times because I would fine him to close to the pillows and had even fallen asleep while nursing. I have cried over this because this is how SIDS happen to babies, we don't mean to hurt them. I am trying very hard to keep him on the other side of the daybed. I have a trundle so its like having two twin beds I just push them together and I check him all nite. PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL. I feel so bad and sad because I see what people write and I know they just want to be close to you but their safety is what is most important. I understant you, I need to do the same myself. GOOD LUCK! :)

Dear Rachel; you are doing a GREAT JOB! what a wonderful, tender, committed mom you are! co-sleeping and nursing your little girl; how natural, how perfect.

i am sure you will get a lot of support here but you can also check out the Dr. Jay Gordon website, just google his name and it will come right up, for support and information on cosleeping in the family bed with your baby. it's safe, it works, it's healthy, and you're doing it right. you can also check out these websites;

Kellymom.com
Askmoxie.com

for more information on cosleeping, safety, and nursing.

meanwhile keep up the great work. the most important thing is that you are finding a natural, peaceful, loving way for your family to get the most sleep possible; and i'm not kidding, as the mom of a nearly 3 yr old boy and 14 mo old girl, good nursing and maximum sleeping is WHERE IT'S AT!

lots of love
J.

Hi, this question is one that I think about a lot because people are so opinionated on the issue of sleep. I have come to believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with your baby, as long as you're not intoxicated. Every baby is different, some (like my 1-year-old boy) are just not naturally good sleepers and need more attention. I struggle against all the advice I get from very good and well-meaning friends (as well as nosy strangers) that I should let him cry it out. As anyone who spends time with an infant can tell, babies are learning constantly, and they have a full range of emotions from very early on. Perhaps some emotions are more intense for them than for adults since they cannot put things into words, and obviously their range of experience is so limited. So leaving a child to cry all night by themselves when they have no other mode of communication and are completely helpless to do anything other than lie there is incredibly traumatic for the child, and teaches them that they are helpless and that the people they trust the most cannot understand them. There is a great article on this topic that includes some links that you might want to check out: http://yourparentingsolutions.com/ferber-sleep-training-b...
I think some children might be fine going through this process, but definitely not all kids. When I buckled to pressure around 8 months and let my son cry a bit (still not for long) and I tried to just pat him and leave, he responded very negatively. He stopped looking me in the eye or smiling at me, and was much more clingy too. When I decided to just forget all the advice and let him sleep with me again and nurse at night, he would wake up smiling and hug and kiss me. There is no clearer sign to me than to see how happy it makes my child. There will be time enough when he's older to deal with discipline and boundaries, but right now he's just a baby and too young for that. He won't be a baby forever, sleep won't be this difficult forever. I think that parents who let their child cry it out may be well meaning but they are more concerned with themselves getting a good night's sleep than the effects it has on their child. If a baby is going through separation anxiety that comes with new milestones (crawling, walking) and needs more comforting, there is a reason for that, and we as parents should respond. Sorry for rambling on so long, but this issue has been on my mind a lot. I just want to say go with your instinct and don't buckle to pressure. There are many parents out there who sleep with their babies (and moreso in other countries than the US), so you're not alone! As for the pillow issue, if it really concerns you maybe you can sleep without it for awhile (until your baby can turn over by herself), but I have a feeling it won't really be a problem. Also, we did the same thing with a co-sleeper and my husband slept on the other side of me. It was snug, but it worked. Good luck!

Hi Rachel,

I co-sleep with my daughter and I plan to co-sleep with my next baby. It's more natural than rushing the baby to sleep in a crib. Think about the days when we didn't have heated homes... Co-sleeping is safe and natural and would only be an issue if you drink or are on medication. Your husband should stay with you all too. Then everyone is bonding. I recommend a mesh rail/barrier instead of pillows to prevent falling. I bought the rail that is used on toddler beds. Remember there's not one way to parent. If you follow your instincts, you will do what's right for you and your family.

Best of luck to you. :-)

Although I am not in the majority I have to disagree with your decision. I am the mother of two, 5 and almost 2yrs old. They have never and will never sleep in our bed, I have seen many of my friends get into this pattern and are unable to get them out. Also, it has to be putting a strain on your marriage, he is not even in the same room anymore. Sorry, but its time for a crib. Good Luck. LeeAnn

I don't know if its safe to sleep with the baby so young. Have you tried having her in a bassinet next to? That is what I do with my son and it makes feedings so easy in the middle of the night and he also see's me which also makes him happy. Trust me, the worst thing you want to do is train your kids to sleep in bed with you. They will become dependent on it and will never learn to sleep on their own in their bed.

Hi Rachel, Your baby is only 5 months old and you are nursing her. I see nothing wrong with letting her sleep with you until you want to put her back in her bed. I'm sorry your husband is staying on the couch, that is not good for your marriage. My kids are all grown and I don't know what a co-sleeper is. I do know there are cultures where the whole family sleeps together. Not sure if I like that but I don't think you can harm your child by letting her be close to you. Follow your heart, Best wishes, Grandma Mary

Of course many many mothers sleep with their babies! Some estimates indicate that 80% of mothers have slept with their babies at some time. On the other hand, most American mothers will not admit this, so your friends and relatives may not be as helpful as you would like. There ARE safe ways to cosleep (i.e., sleep in the same bed instead of a cosleeper crib):

1 - First, and MOST importantly, NEVER EVER EVER cosleep if you (or your husband!) have had a drink or are on medication. Research has found that nearly ALL cosleeping deaths were a result of a medicated parent failing to wake when the baby was in distress. Even as exhausted as you are, you and the baby are in sync, and you will wake up if she needs you.

2 - Make sure you're on a firm mattress (no pillowtops or featherbeds), just like your baby's crib mattress.

3 - Blankets and pillows need to be evaluated. I cannot sleep without a pillow, so I would put my daughter against my side, under my armpit, so she couldn't wiggle up to the pillow. This is a natural placement for babies who nurse all night! I also learned to sleep with just a light blanket (no down comforter). I dressed my daughter in light PJs and a sleep sack, so she didn't have any blanket on her. This worked well until she started walking (that's when footie PJs were handy).

4 - It's best to put yourself in the middle of the bed, with the baby at one side. Sorry to all the great Dads out there, but they just aren't programmed to wake up like Moms are. Some parents push the bed against a wall and snug the mattress up tight so the baby can't roll out. We left the cosleeper against my side, so the baby would only roll into that, if she rolled at all.

Cosleeping often results in better sleep for the WHOLE family, with happier days as a result. Many cultures (including industrialized countries in Europe and Asia) consider cosleeping the ONLY option for babies, and are amazed (and horrified) at the American obsession with cribs.

I also recommend the Dr. Sears "Baby Sleep Book". LOTS of advice on different sleep arrangements and ways to soothe a baby to sleep. Lots of encouragement too. Good luck!

(BTW, my daughter coslept with us until she was about 18 months old, when she would still wake 3-5 times each night. Soon after turning 2, she started sleeping in her own bed ALL NIGHT by herself. At 3 1/2, she is actually a GREAT sleeper, and I'm glad I was able to enjoy our cosleeping while she was a baby.)

Hi R.,

My grandchildren slept with mom and dad from day one. The 2 oldest are now in their own bed, a 4 and 3 year old. The baby who is 3 months old sleeps with mom and dad now. When he was tiny, tiny he slept on his boppy pillow. I don't know if he still does, he is 3 months now. I know the other two children slept on mom's side of the bed so dad wouldn't roll on them. When they moved the older children out they would still get up at night and get in bed with the parents so my daughter put a matteress from the bunk bed at the foot of her bed and the children would go to it instead. Now that is gone and they sleep together in their bed. My daughter is going to let them progress to sleeping alone as they get older. The two older are boy and girl and the baby is a boy. My daughter seems to think once the baby is bigger and starts sleeping with his brother that my granddaughter will break away from them. My daughter is a big fan of the family bed. Look it up on the internet and read. At first I was against it but now I think it was a good thing and the older children progressed find. Years ago people may have only had one or two beds and everyone slept together. God Bless, J.

Rachel, all three of my babies have slept with me. My and now 8 and 6 year old slept with me until they were 6 and 5. I now have a 9 month old who sleeps with me as well. They all snuggled up close to me and I too find the pillow close to my nine month old's nose. Yes, you must be careful and check the baby and remove the pillow; however, research shows that it is safest for a baby to sleep with her mother than to sleep in the crib. SIDs occurs more often in the crib. Scientist feel that mother and baby have a natural sleep/breathing rythm that helps to prevent SIDS. Some scientist feel that it is next to impossible for a baby to die from SIDS when sleeping with her mother. Here is the website-cut and paste the urls below:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2000/1...
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2000/1...

I also have an email from Dr. Sears that I could forward to you-I would need your email address to do so. It says that same thing-it is actually safer to sleep with the baby.

Good luck! P.S. I am a Holist Health Counselor

Well at 5 months, I really think she is safe, but I don't see why you kicked your hubby onto the couch, specially since you say she sleeps on the co sleeper side.
why not just put her in the co sleeper and hold her hand at night ?

M

i see that you got plenty of responses, and i'm glad that you got so many good ones...i just have to say, i myself did the same thing (had 2 queen beds next to eachother, my vicious sleeping husband in his own, and me sharing the other with my daughter) i LOVED it, and didn't want to change it UNTIL she started to crawl and fall off while i was sleeping! that is the scariest part! (at least for me as i'm a sound sleeper and never rolled without partially waking to see where she was!) so at 6 months i tried putting her in a crib and it was HELL for 3 months on and off (mostly for the 1st month, but the 2nd 2 were almost as bad) honestly, we had troubles on and off up until last week after she turned 2 and i finally broke down and put her in a toddler bed. since she was in a bed from birth she WANTED to be in a bed and nothing else! my best advice would be once she crawls and you have the worry of her falling off the bed, just go to a toddler bed and make sure she's gated into a safe place, whether it's the same room as you with the door shut, or in her own room with a gate on the door so she can't get out, but the door is open so you can hear her, whatever makes her safer...but if you're going to keep her in bed with you you DEFINITELY have to watch out for any dangers of her falling out of the bed because it DOES happen! my daughter crawled right off the edge and all 3 times i woke up as she was falling (only because she started to scream as she started to fall) just make sure you're safe with her....plenty of pillows on the floor! good luck, and YES it is a great comfort to have your child in bed with you (until the crawling lol).

I know you are exhausted and frustrated and want to make things easier as far as breastfeeding is concerned but being a responsible mother means sacrificing sleep, needs, and NOT taking the easy way out to ensure the safety of your child.

No. Your child is not safe. Put her in her own bed and reconnect with your husband.

Your baby is helpless. If it seems cruel to let her lay there and cry until she pukes, that's because it is!

I breastfed my baby and he ate every two hours like clockwork, day and night, until he was almost a year old. While I never figured out how to nurse him on my side, it was so much nicer to lay him on the Boppy and feed him and then lay down and go back to sleep. Absolutely everybody has an opinion on sleeping with a baby, but only you are the mother of YOUR baby if you know what I mean. It's ultimately nobody else's business.

As for us, I started putting him into his crib at night after he fell asleep (which was always after nursing) so that he spent at least the first part of his night there. When he woke up hungry I picked him up and brought him to our bed where I fed him and then kept him with me the rest of the night. Like many others who've posted, I also read Dr. Sears and agree wholeheartedly with his parenting philosophy. At 4, my son is trusting, happy and very bright and I give a lot of the credit to breastfeeding, cosleeping and Dr. Sears. He still wanders into our room most nights and crawls into bed with us.

"Is he going to be here when he's 17?" my husband asks. From what I've read, most Dr. Sears-style kids move on to their own beds anywhere from 3 to 6, so I just kind of keep the faith that the day is coming and when he moves on it will be because I know HE is ready, not because my mother-in-law and a whole lot of other people were.

hi rachel, i know exactly what you are going through, i did the same with all 3 of mine, we always had sleep issues, which i know i created the minute i brought them into my bed to nurse. but how do you not do that when you are breastfeeding? i have no idea. anyway, i was doing the same as you again with my 3rd because it was absolutely the only way he would sleep, but i never really slept because i was so nervous. my husband is big, and sleeps like a bear. my 5 year old is still in and out of my bed, and once in a while my 2 year old. its a busy place! then i saw a horrible show about a woman who rolled over on her twin babies and you can guess what happened, i cant even say it. so that was the end of my babe sleeping in my bed, and it was also the end of any sleep at all. that was at around 5 or 6 months, and the last 4-5 months have been pretty much torture trying absolutely everything short of letting him cry to get him to sleep in the crib, as he was too big for the cosleeper, could roll over, and wouldnt do it anyway. i was up all night with him, it got worse and worse and ended up with him sleeping probably about 5 hours a day, and not even in a row, just a half hour or an hour after nursing in my arms here and there, and a half hour or maybe an hour after i transferred him to the crib, when he would wake up and scream like he was on fire. it was horrible, and so terrible for him to have no sleep. babies need sleep! so, finally about a week or 2 ago, at 10 months, we let him cry in the crib. now, please understand that this goes against everything i am, everything i believe in. i never did it with my other 2 kids, and they were up all the time too, i walked the floors for hours with them. it was horrible and i still feel it is wrong, for us anyway. i also didnt want my other 2 kids to know i am letting him cry, what does that tell them?? also, you should know that before i did that, i spent hours and hours rubbing his back, singing, talking, reading, sleeping by him in the crib for nights and nights, did the t-shirt thing, white noise, various twinkly musical things, pacifier, bottle, everything. i truly tried everything, all the while knowing all i had to do was put him in my bed and he would sleep like a charm, smiling in his sleep. but i couldnt do it. i know someone who recently lost their 6 month old to sids, but they know it was from a little baby blanket on his face. sooooo horrible. it does happen. i remember that my gyn told me to let my 1st sleep with me while i was nursing, told me that people dont really roll over on their kids unless they are drunk or something .... fyi, the woman i saw on the show with her twins WAS drunk.... my gyn asked me when was the last time you fell out of bed in your sleep? you know what is where while you are sleeping, he said. and it does make sense. and he has 9 kids, all breastfed, i trust him.....but i couldnt do it anymore, i really felt and feel like the crib is the only safe place for him, at least in my house with my situation......so, my little tyler cried in his crib for a few nights, really about an hour or 3 on and off for 2 nights. it was torture, but now he sleeps. i tried going in to reassure him every few min, that ferber stuff, but it just made it worse, as he would lose his mind when i walked out again and the screaming would start all over, so i stopped and he stopped. now i nurse tyler to sleep and then transfer him, but instead of waking up screaming a half hour later, he now sleeps, ususally till around 6, he will wake up, ill nurse him back and he will usually transfer back and sleep for another 2 or 3 hours, which is fine with me. it would probably work better in the long run if i put him in awake like you are supposed to (and like i swore i would when i was pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd, but never could), but i dont want to give up nursing him to sleep, its too sweet, he looks so unbelievably content and happy, and i dont think i have to, as long as he doesnt wake up all night ill gladly nurse him to sleep. i dont know how i will get him to sleep when he stops nursing, that will be a whole other issue. when i stopped nursing my daughter, we started putting her to sleep in the boppy seat, and that was it. we bopped her to sleep in that thing until she was over 2, you couldnt even see the boppy seat anymore, not that it bopped anyway, just layed flat on the floor at that point, it was rediculous! ...plus at this point, putting him down awake will guarantee screaming his brains out for hours, and i dont see the point. thats my story. i hope it helps, you arent as far along as we are at this time, and i guess i want you to see that what you do or dont do now really is setting the stage. neither of my 1st 2 slept well in the crib ever. they both slept great as soon as we put them in beds, thank G-d. i probably confused you more, im sorry. i seem to have failed miserably in the sleep department, i dont think i have ever responded to a sleep question here because i clearly dont know what i am doing, but i saw your post and i could have written it, so here is the (waaaay too long) saga from someone who has been there, over and over. i dont know if there is a right answer, people all over the world sleep with their babies and always have. i just cant deal with the "what if..." i guess my point is that you will probably be better off if you decide asap and go with it. if you want her to sleep in the crib, try it asap, hopefully some of the things others have done will work and you wont have to let her cry. and if you are going to co-sleep and feel confident that it will be safe, then dont fight it and focus on truly making it a safe place, put your mattress on the floor against the wall (she will be mobile soon, if she isnt already) and clear all the bedding on one side and put her there, between you and the wall. hopefully you have a king and she can have plenty of room. best of luck to you, i feel for you. take care, D.

It's funny, a couple of people had questions about letting their kids "cry it out", but they only got a few responses. You asked a question about sleeping with your baby and you got over 20 responses condoning cosleeping. I am a big fan of sleeping with your baby/cosleeping. I slept with my baby for about a year, then I put her in a cocleeper for another year, then I converted her crib into a cocleeper, and now she sleeps in a toddler bed in our room. She is now 3.5 years old and fall asleep together in my bed and then we transfer her into her bed for the night. We have the best bonding time at night and when she comes into our bed in the morning, we snuggle and sleep together for another hour or so. It's the best thing ever and I'm sure the bonding will last a lifetime. I have never let my child 'cry ot out' even during the day and I feel she will be that much more secure because of it. My husband even feels good about it. When I have my 2nd, I plan to have them both in my room. keep sleeping with your child, it's the best feeling ever! To make it more comfy, I put a memory foam topper on top of her toddler mattress with a sheet over it and she loves it. You may try getting some flat memory foam pillows, putting them together, putting a sheet over it and viola, she may just love it!

I sleep with my 14 week old and my 4 year old. I put my daughter to sleep in the cosleeper but sometimes after the takes a bottle in the middle of the night I just put her in my arm and we go into bed. Since the beginning of time people have been sleeping with their kids. Just remember they will not be sleeping with you forever - who ever heard of a highschool kid crawling into bed with his mom and dad.. LOL. Enjoy it and do what is comfortable for you. With my first one I was nervous too and felt guilty since many Long Island friends and family frowned on it.. but after a lot of research it seems we are one of the only countries who put their kid in another room in a big crib and expect them to sleep. Most countries sleep with their babies and carry them in a sling 24/7 for at least the first year..Hope that helps!

My daughter is 13 months old and has been sleeping in our bed since she was a few days old. After she was born she nursed every 45 minutes and no one was getting any sleep so it just kind of happened that way and now she has no interest in her crib. We have a queen and it is mommy, daddy, and baby in there and we have not had any problems (well now she is becoming a bed hog) so I don't see why you cant have daddy in bed too. Just make sure that she is between you and the wall or a rail and not between you two when she is this young. It makes nursing much easier and frankly since she sleeps more with us than alone we get more ZZZZ Good luck :)

Have you tried giving her one of your t-shirts. Sometimes just the smell of you is enough for them to sleep alone. Once she's asleep move her to the co-sleeper. Take off your night shirt or whatever and place it in the "crib" by her head. Cover her with a blanket so she doesn't get cold (she's also use to your body heat) and go to sleep. If she wakes move her back. The try again the next time you nurse her. Eventually she'll stay there. Both my kids were like this the first few months of their lives. She is looking to you for comfort. It's almost like their afraid of the world. But everynight once she's asleep move her to the co-sleeper. Eventually she'll stay there and sleep. Then once she's comfortable there you can do the same process about moving her to her own room and crib (if this is what your looking for). My son was 6 wks before he stayed in the pack and play all night and then he was 2 mos old before he'd sleep in his own room alone. My daughter was older and it took much longer. She was 4 mos before she slept in her own room. The t-shirt worked for her. I'd wear a night shirt all day and when she went to bed take it off and place it by her head. Just keep trying to move her. She will stay there eventually.

hey there, I always feel so compelled to answer the sleep postings because my daughter was such a bad sleeper. I read 6 books on baby sleep theories, quizzed all my friends, got on every website I could, I was desperate. My daughter was sleeping for 20-40 minute clips during the day, and 1-1.5 hours a clip at night. I was actually starting to hallucinate from the sleep deprivation. For me, The Baby Whisperer method worked like a charm. It is a philosophy that struck a immediate chord with me, and made sense for our life. As for sleep, she doesn't encourage or discourage cosleeping, rather that it be something that works for your family. My husband and I decided that our bedroom was for us, we needed that couple/parental space. Also that her bedroom should be a great and happy wonderful comforting place for HER. Everyone needs a room to their own, I think. So, sleeping on her own was important to us. After the first 4-6 weeks is when we started crib napping and night crib sleep. The Baby Whisperer idea is that you teach your little one to soothe themselves and to learn to fall alseep on their own, and fall back asleep when they wake at night just like we all do. I started with naps. If you want to cosleep, I'd say start with naps in the cosleeper. Get yourself a good nap time routine, meaning do the same sequence of things to help queue nap time for her. For us it was, diaper change, curtains down, rocking and singing, then down in the crib. At first I did the rocking and singing until she was almost, but not entirely alseep. I'd lay her down awake, but sleepy, and keep humming, keep my hand on her belly and stroke her forehead. Then after she fell asleep, I'd leave. After a bit, I'd leave after I put her in her crib and she's roll to her side and fall asleep. After we had her happy for nap, we did the same for bedtime. We established the routine: bath, diaper, massage, jammies, book, rock and song then then to crib. She was comforted for the regularity, and it made for happy, sleepy thoughts in her bedroom. I'd really recommend checking out the book. I personally thought Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems (silly title!!) was better than the original book.

Hi R.,
I have three boys, 12, 9 and 6. With my first baby I swore I would never take him into bed for fear that I would roll over on him, or the pillow would cover his face. I breast feed only and this made night time horrible after many months. By the 5th month with, no sleep (he was up all night)I was like a zombie and I knew if I did not get sleep I couod not take care of anyone. I took him into our bed and the very first night, he slept and so did I (husband too) It was wonderful! To make a long story short, I took all three of my babies into our bed, newborns as well an my husband did not have to leave to another bed, he stayed on one side. I did buy a co-sleeper and that was great too. All three slept with us, family bed, it was great! They are not ruined from this expierence at all and they all sleep in thier own beds, have no night time issues and are all very happy boys. It worked for my family. I am now pregnant with baby #4 and I already know this baby will join us in our bed as well. It seemed so natural to do. Good luck! Don't feel quilty. You will do what is right for your family. Everyone is different.
Barbara :)

I hope I'm allowed to post a recommendation for a book on this forum.. http://www.lulu.com/content/6460 ... I was actually interviewed for this book! It's awesome.

To me personally co-sleeping is in the same room.. my new baby and my 3 yr old are in bed with me (on opposite sides, siblings can roll over onto babies without realizing it) and my 5 yr old in her own bed in the same room. Dad sleeps in another room with the dog. LOL (He doesn't mind, believe me, he gets out of night duty!!)

Hi Rachel,
Speaking from experience DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR CHILD!!! I slept with mine and my second husband slept with his. I finally got my son to sleep on his own when he was four, and my husband's eight year-old daughter still throws a fit when he doesn't lay down with her (we're putting a stop to that this week). For your peace of mind in the very near future, for the health of your marriage, and for sanity's sake let your child learn to sleep on her own. There's mobile's, soft music, you can rock her to sleep, you can stay in the room with her for a bit, give her a bottle or pacifier, or let her cry it out for a few nights. Trust me when I say you'll be thankful for doing it now then a year from now when she starts getting a personality and thinks that sleeping with parents is normal.

Good Luck to you
K.

Hi R.,
I am a 42 year old mother of 3 - all 3 of my kids slept in our bed till they were at least 3. It was a decision i always felt bad about until i had my 3rd child. I had a wonderful doctor who believed in co-sleeping with your child. My husband worked 3rd shift and she was breastfeeding all night long. What i did find was at baby r us a sleep cozy - it is rounded on both side and you put the baby in the middle of it -at first i used it to keep her on her side (she would never sleep on your back) - but then it was wonderful for keeping her in her place on the bed. I still used pillows for the other side of her - but it was the greatest - don't let people make you feel bad for doing it- i have a 20 and 18 year old boys and to this day they love to come in at night and watch a tv show with me - in the "big" bed it is a safe place- and we enjoy each others company -my boys are very close to me and openly talk about their problems.

Dear Rachel,

I know from experience that getting a child to sleep can be frustrating, to say the least. I have to be emphatic here is telling you it is life-threatening to sleep with your infant. PLEASE heed this advice, as I'm sure you'll hear it from other moms. Children die on a daily basis from a parent rolling on the child, the child being smothered by the pillow or a blanket. I know you love your baby and you absolutely cannot risk having something terrible happen. Things need to change TODAY. Your baby needs his own bed, and you may be surprised how quickly he will be okay with it. Ask your pediatrician for advice. Get your baby into a routine...a nice tubby time, read him a story, walk around the house saying "Goodnight" to everything (I used to do this- goodnight fish, etc), talk to your baby and say "It's time for you to go sleepy in your own beddie"- you get it? Put the baby down, if you have some calming music to play very softly, and let the baby sleep in this own room/bed, and you go into yours and stay there. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's for your baby's safety- this is serious- and you and your husband need to maintain your own relationship- not with a little one in the bed.

I pray you will see the seriousness in this, Rachel, and as an adult and now a parent, make the right decision for the sake of your baby's welfare....possibly his life.

D.

R.,

Although we have never had our babies sleep in bed with us, I always sleep in our lounge chair with them. My 16 month old nurses and I put her to bed around 8pm, then she is up around midnight or so and I nurse her again, then she usually stays in my arms until morning. I haven't slept in a bed for 16 months. I actually am more comfortable in the lounger anyway. You have to do what is right for you. There is no shame in sleeping with your baby. Many cultures do this always, and for a lot longer too.

D.

I have been co-sleeping with my son since birth! He is now 13 monthe sold! It is the only way we get sleep!!! He nurses through out the night. There is a section in the breastfeeding book by Dr. Sears about the Family bed and how side line nursing is really benificail for the baby and the mom!! The baby will sleep well b/c it is next to the person it loves the most and next to it's favorite food! Mommy milk!! Do not feel guilty! Just be carful no to drink alcohol or take any medication if you co-sleep ( thats when you here about the accidents happening ( most women who nurse already know this) Any how do not feel guilty, embrass this closeness remember they are only little for so long. And do not listen to negative comments from people who do not truly no what you are going through. I have found most of the women who are opposed to co-sleeping are also feeding there babies formula!! Keep your head up and give your baby what you feel is best!!

I am a mother of 3 girls ages 8, 5, and 3. I slept with all three of my babies until I was waking them up more than they woke me up. I had a deal with my husband for the first couple of months....I would nurse and he would get up and change their diaper. You're passed that time of frequent diaper changes, but the point is, your husband can safely return to bed with both of you. My first daughter slept in bed for a year, the second for 3 months, and the third for 3 months, then 5 more months in a carseat in a co-sleeper next to me b/c she had reflux. All now sleep through the night and are very happy. Follow your gut and go for a restful night's sleep! You are loving your baby and that's all you need to do!

I have a five month old girl as well and she sleeps nestled in bed against me also. My husband sleeps in the bed too, though..we have a king size. I did the same thing with my older girl, she's now 26 months, but I started putting her in the crib at about six months because she would move around too much for my liking...I would wake up and she would not be next to me, but across the bed. Thankfully, she didn't fall off or worse.
To me, it's always about what you feel comfortable doing. There's nothing wrong with it.

I am the mommy to a 6 1/2 month old baby boy. It is my first. When I came home from the hospital I was suffering from post partumm and there was no way I would have been able to hear the baby cry. I would even sleep in the bed sitting up if he fell asleep nursing on the boppy, so I wouldn't disturb him. We would look at his lovely cradle next to the bed all the time, sad that he wasn't using it. Even if he fell asleep on you and was put in the cradle, the most he would stay was an hour or so. This was before he was 6 months old though. A few times he slept 2 or 3 hours at night, but was up and then back in bed with me and my husband. My husband is a big guy, so I understand your hesitation about the baby being in the bed. When we moved recently, we bought a bigger house, because baby was still sleeping with us, but because I am now back to work and the bathroom is in the mater bedroom, I had to go into the guest room, so we wouldn't wake baby while getting ready and I wake up praying that he doesn't wake up when I need to get ready. Baby nurses at night, but mostly for comfort I think, not because he is hungry. There have been a few times when he has been close to a pillow too and I've looked over and been like "oh my god!". Baby constantly wiggles over to be next to me. I am in a queen bed with him, but I am on a little patch of mattress all the time. I think that people will tell you that baby shouldn't be in the bed. You will always hear people's opinions when you tell stories or if you ask. And you will always get people who tell you what they think you should be doing. Ultimately, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I'm not ready to let my baby cry it out yet, so he is sleeping with me until we are ready. And we all sleep together on weekends. I like the closeness of it too. Guilty pleasure in a way I guess. I swore I wouldn't let baby in the bed and being a first time mommy, I have done many things I said I wouldn't do if I ever became a mom. We bought a co sleeper also, and baby hated it. Wouldn't stay in it at all. So we got rid of that. I guess knowing he is next to me, I have become somewhat of a light sleeper and I am up all the time, which isn't good either, but focusing on seeing his sweet face when I roll over at night, is the best. Although last night I cried a little because I hurt my back from being on my side so long. I guess babies come with ups and downs. Just focus on what you are comfortable with and listen to peoples stories and do what you can live with. That's all. But know, there are many others out there who are going thru what you are. Someone even told me today that anyone who says that everything they do is working and is amazing...is lying to you.

Hi R.,
I am a co-sleeping mom. My 3 year old is still in bed with me. They just want to be close to you. Please just follow your instincts, keep your baby close. I don't know why Americans are so hell bent on stashing our children away in a crib all night long and let them cry it out so they just give up, but I digress.
It is moer pfectly natural to co sleep with your baby than not to. Go to Dr. Sears .com, and or attachment parenting.com.....you are doing the right thing.
God Bless....Jen

I have co-slept with both my children and still share a bed with my 2 year old. When my oldest daughter was small we had two queen-sized foutons on a platform next to each other, making one gigantic sleeping area, although in practice I slept on one bed with my daughter and my husband slept on the other. It seems kind of cruel to me to make your children sleep alone, especially if they are having a difficult time with it. No other primates do that and lots of other cultures seem to feel the same way about it I do.
It's only dangerous if you are a heavy sleeper, on medications or use drugs/alcohol.
There are lots of books on "the family bed." Do an internet search on that and see what you find. Good Luck! You know what's right for your family. Trust your intuition.

Hi R.,
My husband and I slept with our babies their first year or so. They were between us so couldn't fall out. I too was nursing. We never had any problems.
L.

HI there - right now I have a 4 1/2 month old girl who sleeps in a cradle next to my bed - the next step is either having her sleep with me or a cosleeper - I have been reading Dr. Sears Baby Book and they recommend cosleeping for baby as it has so many benefits - I recommend you get the book and also look up attachment parenting on the internet - there is a website that may have some suggestions for you - regarding the pillow thing, etc. I am interested as well because that is one of my concerns. And I would suggest you get a king size bed so your hubby can fit in bed too! That way he won't have any resentments . .sorry no answers for the pillow concern but I do encourage the cosleeping - I think your baby will so much better for it - I put my oldest in his own crib when he was 3 mos old and he is an anxious child today. The other one I had sleep next to my bed longer and then in a crib next to my bed and he is better. This one I have decided will sleep with me.

Hey. I want to share some of my experiences... it sounds like your baby needs to sleep with you right now. pushing her away or trying to train her will not make her like sleeping by herself, it will (as you have seen) make her inconsolable. Why do you want her out of your bed? It seems like you get more sleep right now when she is there. It is important to remember that babies do not stay one way for more than a few weeks, in any behavior, because it is all about learning, mastering, and moving on. You baby seems to need to be near you at night and when she has worked through whatever it is that makes this necessary, it may be easy to put her down in another crib or bed. Try again in two weeks, and if not, two weeks after that.

Some important information, too: It is documented - NY state even has this in the small print of their "dont sleep with your baby" adds - that it is only dangerous for babies to co-sleep if adults in the bed are either obese or intoxicated. I have slept almost every night of my 3 year old sons life with him between my husband and I (in our queen size bed). He has slept next to us since he was born, and I have slept very well this way because I just nursed him down during the night when he woke, and this way I never really woke up. because he never had to cry, and I never had to get out of bed, we have both always been well-rested. Recently he asked for a toddler bed, after seeing characters in books in their very own beds. he goes to sleep in it most nights now and wakes up in it half the time, and he was never made to cry anything out. I am convinced beyond any doubt from my experience and that of other moms I know, plus lots of reading, plus the traditions of most non-western cultures, that co-sleeping is the only normal way for a baby and young child to sleep. Remember: it is NOT dangerous for your husband to be in the bed with you and your baby unless he is obese or intoxicated. Check out Dr. Sears' The Baby Book or googlehis website, or just google "attachment parenting"

It sounds like you are definitely on the right track. trust your baby and your instinctual self!

A.

the only advice i can offer you is that my daughter was the same way, try your hardest to separate and get her into her own sleep area. the co-sleeper her bassinet or crib. It will be very difficult to ever get her out of your bed. my daughter finally got out of my bed at 2 and half, I kept giving in and it causes unnecessary stress on yours and your husbands relationship eventually..

My son is 13 months old now. He has definitley had his share of time in our bed. Personally I think its fine and I actually enjoyed being close to him and felt it was comforting for him. It allowed me to get a little sleep too which was good for both of us. He also slept in his crib, slept in his swing, slept on my lap, slept in his chairs and with other people holding him, so I didn't feel as if I was setting a standard that he HAD to have. They are so little and so dependent I say give them whatever nurturing they need early on and you will know what is best for YOU and YOUR family.

If this is working for you then I say stick with it. All children are different and there will come a time when she will probably outgrow sleeping with you. If you are worried about the safety issue, they do sell pads that are flat with wedges on either side which helps prevent the baby from rolling over and should help so she doesn't bury her face in your pillow. Hope this helps.

I do let my babies sleep with me only after they get up at night for a feeding. I really think you should try to put her in her own bed so that she can learn to fall asleep on her own. If she wakes up to nurse, I don't see a problem nursing her in bed.

Gradually though, you really need to put her back in her bed, especially as she gets older. There is no reason why a child should be "ruling" the bed and making your husband exit!!! I'm soooo not in favor of that!!!...I have a friend whose 10 year old daughter STILL sleeps with them because she never said NO to her and never established rules about beds, bedtime, sleep patterns, etc. How are you supposed to have that time as husband and wife with a child in between?...you do need to have your own time together!

I would say definitely by a year old, your baby should be able to sleep in her own bed. It won't be easy, but it will be better in the long run, especially when you can say: "It's 8pm, it's time for bed!" You do the routine with her, tuck her in and you've got a few hours to yourself or with your husband!!! Let me tell ya....that's worth it!!!

Hi Rachel,

We co-slept with both our children. OUr first for 6 months and our second for 2 years (he has never slept ina crib). I woulod intentionally bring them close and let them sleep on my arm. This way I could feel them all night. My husband was always with us as well and it was never a problem. Not only did the boys gravitate toward me (probably because I was nursing), but my husband very quickly got used to having them there and adjusted his sleep pattern.

Always listen to your gut. If it says that your baby should be with you for waht ever the reason, then that is the right place for her. Cuddle her with you and you will learn how to sleep with her there.

Good luck!
J.