Nephew's Lack of Focus

He seems exactly like my son at that age-NORMAL. When comparing him to my daughter, he was "behind" on everything. My little man didn't get a great vocab until 2 1/2, spoke his first word at 16 months. Boys are just crazier and slower at the same time. Kids learn in different ways-some by sitting nicely, others by listening as they do something else. It is rare to get 15 MO to sit for more than a few minutes. Yes, boys climb on everything. ADD should be the farthest thing from her mind. Tell her to enjoy the time because it will be over before she knows it.

These days, people are too quick to label kids as ADHD, or developmentally behind. Give the kid some time, he'll come into his own, as most have already said on this post, every child is different and we need to learn to embrace how unique they are. Fifteen months is still quite young...plus, the teachers at the gym, are they qualified in making such an assessment. I highly doubt it!!!!

I would be cautious of the "experts" who recommend psychiatric medication to infants and toddlers. Please don't let any "expert" recommend harmful and many times deadly psychiatric medication.

Hi Dawn:
You've received some excellent responses from the other mothers here,so I won't rattle on.I simply want to say,that it saddens me,to see young mothers so quick,to want to (Label) their children. Normal,is An active, hyper,screaming kid,who hasn't a care in the world.Whats the matter with people today? Years ago,when my boys were young,I'd be overly concerned,if they WERE'NT all these things!Mothers,be concerned,if your child doesn't jump on the bed,race through the house on his bike,pull the dogs tail from time to time,and empty a five pound bag of sugar on a wet floor at least once! Who told these mothers,that was abnormal behavior? Your nephew is acting his age.He's not suppose to be focused on anything,except what pleases him at any given moment.Children this age,can go from one toy or thought,to another in a matter of seconds.I've seen children go through an entire room of toys in less than an hour! Tell your sister,that she has set her expectations far to high for her son.That this will not only be disappointing and fretful for her,but her son will begin experiencing low self esteem,as a result.Allow him to grow at his own pace,and stop feeling you must be competitive,or up to speed with other children the same age,or older.He's an individual. I wish your nephew and his mother the best. J. M

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DIAGNOSE ADD, OR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING AT 15 MONTHS. In case I wasn't clear in caps, let me repeat - it is impossible to diagnose add, or just about anything at 15 months, and anyone who does is nuts.

OK, I got that off my chest. I have a now 8 year old son. Your description of your nephew is very similar to how I would have described my very typical, successful at school son was at that age. I have been told by all his teachers that he is very high IQ but he's too young to test and frankly I don't care. He is who he is and will no doubt be sucessful.

I had the MyGym people say the same thing and I just ignored them. Let me him explore and at a later time (like when he's 3 or so) start slowly asking him to join the group, a few moments at a time. He will need to be taught to function in a school setting but at 15 mo there is no rush.

Please don't let your sister become what I call a "parent in search of a diagnosis" to explain why kids are the way the are. I say this as the mother of a girl with learning disabilities, so I have a lot of experience in this area. Boys are active kinetic beings, and just because other babies sit and look at bubbles does not mean something's wrong with him if he does not. They, and all kids, should be celebrated for who they are, not what people think they should be.

I suggest you, and your sis read "Raising Cain", and the other books by this author. They're very insightful regarding the inner workings of boys.

Gosh, I didn't get a chance to read the other responses but I just wanted to chime in real quick. He sounds very "normal". I would be more concerned about the 15 mos olds who are sitting still and not exploring their environment. The fact that he can't sit still... normal, doesn't say much... normal, not walking yet.... nothing to be concerned with yet (my daughter started around14/15mos). It is way too early for your SIL to be concerned. I actually feel sorry for her - someone is pointing this stuff out like something is wrong with him. The employee's at The Little Gym have no business (at least at this young of age) pointing out that he is slower than the rest. How awful. Sure, if he was 2 and not walking/talking much, yea, she could visit her ped.

Please let her know she has nothing to worry about and to just keep on enjoying her little bean!
M.

My goodness, this sounds so perfectly normal to me!!

How can the teachers say he is "slower" than others?! He's only 15 months old!!!!!!! How much do hey EXPECT out of a 15 month old? Maybe he just doesn't care for bubbles like most kids do! LOL MAYBE, he's SO smart that this isn't "enough" for him - so he goes off to search for something better - his own little "adventure"!

Unless he is drastically behind on "milestones", I really wouldn't worry...

It's so sad to me, that babies aren't allowed to be "babies" anymore, by society's standards. No, nowadays we HAVE to put our 6 month olds in all kinds of classes or else they will "lack" in "this" and "that"... Personally, I think if you're going to put your kids in a class, do it for FUN, and so that the child can interact with other kids his/her age. It shouldn't be a struggle or a source of frustration just because the kid won't "sit nicely and listen".

Anyways, sorry to go off on a tangent, it just makes me mad/sad that the teachers would call him "slower" and give his poor mommy all kinds of insecurities and concerns. Shame on them. Maybe they need to study child development a little more....

PS- you can't "teach" a kid words. They will simply "pick it up". The best thing to do is to talk to them about EVERYTHING you see, touch, hear, etc. It may seem like they aren't "listening", but it DOES register. Oh and reading to them of course is great.... Some kids learn one new word at a time, others just "start talking like crazy one day". And it's all OK.

WOW!!! He's ONLY 15 months.... my son is coming up on 17 months and only has about 2-3 words under his belt. He's VERY active... into EVERYTHING! VERY excitable as well. My son is ALSO in My Gym and I think it's the best thing for him... tell her to keep him in it. I'm already seeing positive steps in his growth.
Focus? What the heck is focusing at this age? My son can focus on Elmo... but he can't even focus enough to eat... he has to eat on the fly. Not a great habit, but right now I'm more concerned with him getting food in his belly than to worry about table manners... I can tackle that later. He is getting much better, and i know that he is an intelligent boy.
Girls are VERY different than boys. They are SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWW... which is why we allow them to think that they are the head of the family while we're the neck that turns the head! he he he
I don't think that there needs to be any developmental classes or anything. However, please now that vaccines have a tendency to slow down development because they attack the myelin sheaths of the brain. If you don't believe me please check the PDR.
In the meantime if she wants to have someone help her son along and is open to alternative treatments then I would recommend her taking a look at www.richardsfamilyhealth.com I take my son there for treatments and I have seen a reduction in his hyperness!

Hello, I am surprised that the teachers would make such a statement. A 15 month old SHOULD be adventurous. The more he explores, the more he is able to take in. I have a13 year old grandson who was anything but interested in learning how to speak and any other thing I tried to work with him on. He is now in excelled classes and is on the Honor Roll. I would focus on helping him to explore and learn in his own time until he is older. He may end up being the brightest child in his class later.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Infant and toddler programs like this one are intended to stimulate growth through experiences. I would be surprised to find out that the "teachers" at these programs are certificated or have degrees in child development. It's hard to believe that an employee in such a program feels free to suggest a infant is behind because he isn't interested in sitting still for bubbles or songs.

It's hard to understand the reasons for putting this kind of pressure on parents and infants. He will talk when he is developmentally ready- in four or five years someone will probably be saying shhhhhhhh! :)

Okay, I'll make this short since you've gotten plenty of input already. He sounds very normal to me - curious and interested in the world around him and active. ADD is way too early and over diagnosed anyway, especially when boys don't sit still like girls.

My suggestion would be to encourage your sister in law to join a Mommy and Me class at a local community college. The class would be other babies the same age, and a perfect opportunity to ask about milestones and observe other babies the same age and see the range in development. Plus, it's a really fantastic way to make mom friends and baby friends.

I agree with the person suggesting an evaluation because of the speech delay.

While you cannot diagnose ADD or ADHD at 15 months, child development experts can diagnose speech delay, developmental delays and autism at 16 months. (There has been groundbreaking scientific research about diagnosing autism as early as 12 months, for instance.) Because the brain is most malleable at this early age, targeted therapies are the most effective the earlier they start. The longer you wait, the harder it is for the child to catch up. I met a mother of 3 sons with autism. One was diagnosed at 18 months. the others between 2 and 3. She said the progress her 18 month-old made compared to his brothers was really dramatic.

She can have her son diagnosed through C3 in San Diego, the local regional center or a Children's Hospital.

My son is autistic. I suspected something was off at 12 months, was really concerned at 18 months and kept hearing "let's just wait and see." He was diagnosed at 2 and made progress, but not as much as he would have if I had ignored the "wait and see" people and gone with my gut earlier on.

Here's another reason for her to do it now if she lives in California: the governor has proposed cutting the California Early Start program that serves kids with developmental delays under age 3. She should get in now before the program is gone.

To be clear, I am not saying your nephew is autistic. I am saying she should get him checked out by real experts (not just the My Gym folks) ASAP to give him the best possible chance if he does have some kind of delay. There would be no harm if they said he's fine, don't worry.

Okay, HE is ONLY 15 months old... and he is in a "Toddler" class... my thinking is, that the other kids are older than him???...there is thus a big difference in developmental ability. THUS, I would NOT compare him to the others in the class.

For me, I consider a 15 month old as "not" a full-blown "Toddler." It is actually "pre-toddler." Toddlers are into full Toddler-hood from 2 years old. A 15 month old will simply NOT be congruent with an "older" Toddler... nor as adept.

"Toddler" as a word, is to me, more accurately applied to 2 years old and above. Under 2 years old, they are still a baby, and simply not on par with a 2 year old. There is a BIG developmental difference between these ages, all around.

Now, IF they other kids are his SAME exact age...then you can observe any "differences" developmentally, between them. But, differences are normal to an extent, because each child develops differently, some being on par, some a bit later, some advance.... but all being "within" normal development.

"Delays" are usually when a child is more than 3-5 months behind. Or more.
Boys develop later, in speech and emotional maturity, and in attention ability. It is gender based.

Deeming his as "ADD" is, to me, MUCH to young to label him such. Assessments for ADD or attention disorders are usually more accurate at older ages.... at this age, a child is naturally less attentive... they simply DO NOT have lengthy "attention spans." They are not developed to that point yet.

Also, it may just be his social comfort level.. .maybe he does not like big crowds (hence crawling off to play by himself), is not necessarily a "problem." EACH CHILD, has their own personality/disposition/socialization preferences... its fine. You just have to know your child and their style of personality. My daughter, did not like big crowds either. My son doesn't mind. They are each just different personalities with their own interests.

ALSO, it may be that he is too young for these type of classes... some babies/kids are just different in their pacing and "wanting" to do it. No biggie. To me, to "expect" a 15 month old to be in a structured class AND sit still AND to follow direction for the entire length of the class.... is asking too much, per their age-stage. At this age, their attention spans, after about 10-15 minutes, just naturally wanders. AND it very much depends on whether a child is tired or not... or if this class is at his normal "nap time." MANY of these classes, are actually wrongly scheduled, because they make the classes at a child's normal nap times. THEN, to expect a 15 month old to SING songs and have bubble time... is to me, not appropriately gauged. This is more appropriate for OLDER toddlers. I know, I have taken my kids to these kinds of classes...and the younger toddlers are simply NOT adept at doing what the "older" toddlers are doing.

Some kids are also more introspective (a great skill) and observer types... versus some are more extroverted and social and verbal. No biggie. NO child has to be like the others... just nurture HIS strengths/interests/abilities/curiosity.

And yes, there IS a difference in development between girls and boys. I know, I have a boy and girl and have studied the development of both.

Sure, ask the Pediatrician... but if his overall development is on par and within range, IT IS FINE.
Do NOT compare him to others... a child can tell when they are being compared.... AND, just go according to HIS own personality.

Perhaps, have him attend these classes when he is older and more in tune with it. "Accelerating" a child or putting them in these classes, just to keep up with the pacing of kids nowadays and keeping up with other kids, is not always the best thing for them. But rather, let them play and interact normally at their own pace.

Here is a "speech, language,and hearing development checklist" from a well known Children's hospital in my city:
(For 12-18 months):
- identifies body parts, people, and toys on request.
-locates sounds in all direction
- indicates wants by naming items
-uses jargon (sounds like sentences, but few understandable words)
- Uses a few words (like "mama", "dada").

Bear in mind that a child this age, a boy, does not speak in perfectly enunciated articulated "words" yet... nor do they do complex soliloquies, unless they are Shakespeare.

And YES, boys are very adventurous and active.

All the best,
Susan

Hi Dawn,

I can imagine how worried your SIL must be and how upsetting it can be to hear something like that from a class instructor at this age. 15 months is still so young, and nothing you are saying seems so atypical to me. Boys do tend to develop language later than girls do, and if he is saying mama and dada consistently at 15 months, I wouldn't be concerned yet. I know so many moms with boys who are so concerned at this age, and by 20 months or 2 years of age, they forgot all about the fact that they were ever concerned. It's also typical for a 15 month old to be distracted and do their own thing. It's wonderful that she notices that he is engaged and relates to those around him -that's important to note, because if he didn't, that would be a red flag to me.

All of that being said, when there is something going on developmentally, the sooner you find support the better. There is so much help available and the window of greatest opportunity to make a difference is not THAT big - the earlier you intervene, the better.

If your sister has any concerns at all, I would highly recommend that she have her son evaluated by a speech therapist and by an OT. Even if it's only to rule out her concerns... it doesn't hurt to get more information. I am an OT and I've been working in pediatrics for over 10 years. I'd be happy to speak with her further if she is at all interested in an eval. I do only work privately though. She can also get an eval set up through the regional center which would be free of charge. The downside to using regional center is sometimes the quality of service and the amount of time it takes to get things done. But, it's free.
I also know of a wonderful speech therapist I could recommend to her.

As I said before, nothing you said here sounds like it's that atypical for a 15 month old body. But someone would have to observe him directly to really know if there is anything going on under the surface.

Take care!
D.
www.inspiredmotherhood.com
____@____.com

Hi! He is only 15 months old, so give it time, he will catch on. As for the hyperactivity, I suggest getting him fully tested for allergies. It is possible that he has a food allergy that is coming out in behavior. My friend has a son who was diagnosed ADHD and it turns out he has severe food allergies. Like yeast and wheat, and corn. His behavior and focus has improved tremendously. Another example is that my grandmother was allergic to dogs for most of her life. She then found out that she was allergic to yeast and once she cut it out, she was no longer allergic to dogs. Go figure, huh? Test out all possibilities before any kind of medication is given. Good luck.

I have a little girl, so I can't speak from complete experience. My little one never stayed with the group. It use to bother me a bit because I had to follow her when I wanted to stick around the other moms at the playground to talk.;) She was always investigating and feared nothing. I had my moments of worry too.

Anyway, she is now 5, can speak 3 languages including Chinese, is reading, and has a good concept of math. She still has trouble sitting with the "group" unless it is something that interest her.

She should still talk to her doctor if she is really concerned. Children can pick that up and she doesn't want a self-fulfilling prophecy.

N.

Dawn,

I have a 5 year old son who has autism and a 2 year old son who is "typically developing." If I were her, I'd set up an appointment with her local early intervention team (I'm in Las Vegas and here it is in the phone book under "Nevada Early Intervention") and have him evaluated. Regular pediatricians are a horrible source of information on abnormal development. You want a developmental specialist to do a comprehensive evaluation. An evaluation is a win-win situation. If he's developmentally okay, you know that and can quit worring. If he has an issue, you will identify it and then develop a plan to work on it. If he does have any sort of developmental issue, the sooner they start working on it, the better his long term prognosis. We started Early Intervention when my son was 2, transitioned to the school district program at 3 and we've done a variety of therapies and biomedical stuff. At 5.5 most folks would see that he's language delayed (fluent but still hard to understand but improving constantly) but very, very few would ever dream he has autism. With early, aggressive, good quality intervention, the possibilities are endless. At this stage DENIAL is the worst thing you can practice.

Good luck,
T.

hey dawn. he sounds JUST like my 3 year old tristan who was diagnosed at 2 with a speech and developmental delay. and was just diagnosed last week with autism. i talked to my doc who suggested we call our local Regional center. every county should have one. if they see a problem they will refer the child to get evaluated. they sent my son to the child development institute where he was diagnosed with the delay. Regional Centers are required by law to provide treatment to children under 3 with delays. i'm sure he's just being a typical boy and i don't mean to alarm you. but it's something to keep in mind. if she's still worried just tell her to talk to her doc. he could have early onset ADD or ADHD, but those can't be truly diagnosed until around age 5. there are some kids at my son's therapeutic preschool who appear to probably be ADD but since it can't be diagnosed yet they receive autism therapy, since the symptoms are so similar at this age. feel free to message me if you have any questions and good luck.

K.
PS.austism is not a death sentence

It's always wise to consult experts, but based on your description I wouldn't be too concerned. I happen to know several 13 and 14 month olds in my son's music class who aren't walking. 15 months is just a little bit older than that. I've heard of babies who learn to walk at 16 or 17 months old. As long as their muscles are fine, I think it's within normal range and not a concern.

In terms of the song and bubble time, the other babies are all listening and focused on the teacher? Seriously? I'm surprised to hear that. In our music class, the babies, my 14 month old son included, are constantly crawling or walking around, exploring. Most of the girls sit quietly, but I'd say most of the boys are wandering around at some point.

Hi Dawn,
I suggest asking the teacher for a letter stating that he seems slower than the other kids. She needs to ask her peditrician for a referral; if the ped. seems unmotivated to give her one, she needs to push for it. It is important for him to be looked at earlier; if he needs help and support it is cruchial that he ge its at an early age. From my experience as a mom and teacher, the earlier you intervene the better for the child's well being.
good luck,
ceci

There is a HUGE range of "normal," especially at this age. I wouldn't worry. If he senses that his mom is stressed out, he may be reacting to that. I have a son and 3 daughters, and things that just about undid my inlaws (like my son not walking until almost 19 months) turned out to be nothing. I didn't speak at all until I was 3. Every kid has their own pace.

Our son was very similar at that age. He was placed in special ed for 3 years and this year mainstreamed into general ed kindergarten but continued to exhibit speech and social delays. I finally started doing more research about ADHD, and what we discovered was the root of our son's problem. First, our son had a mild conductive hearing loss, probably due to multiple ear infections. He was basically not hearing from about 14 months to 2-1/2 years, and after that his hearing was impaired. As a result of the reduced hearing, he now has an auditory processing disorder due to an immature auditory system. He will get better with therapy, but we might never have given him the right therapy had we not discovered the auditory processing issues.

I would encourage your friend to do as much research as possible. It is not normal for a 2 year old to only say 2 words. Developmentally that is behind. If she finds he engages with people, tell her to notice if he engages when it is only visually stimulating, and if auditory-only stimulation he ignores. The fact that he is social is a strong indicator it is not autism. The fact that he is distractable is probably more about being 2 than ADD. That's typical for a 2-year-old. Although if he seems distracted mostly during auditory stimulation, that could indicate hearing issues.

Our pediatrician never caught on with the hearing problems despite being called the best pediatrician in the South Bay. Our son always passed the regular hearing tests because his issue was not hearing sound, but hearing clarity of sound. Our son's life thus far would have been very different had he had a full hearing test 3 years ago. We were able to put him in AIT therapy which corrected his conductive hearing loss, so now he has normal hearing, but his auditory system is still immature.

If your friend feels her son has any developmental delays, she should get the book The Mislabeled Child by Eide. It's an excellent resource that describes all the types of possible delays, which ones look almost identical, and how to assess and remediate for each.

My son didn't walk or say his first real word (beyond mamma, dadda and bubba, the dog) until he was 18 mo (16 mo adjusted because he was 2 months early). He was late on every benchmark, but eventually caught up. I would go crazy if I tried to compare his development with my nieces. Now at two he is finally developing his vocabulary beyond a few dozen words. He is also very social and tries to make friends with everyone he sees. The only difference from your nephew is that he has a great attention span. He will sit on the floor with me and read several books in a row. If you think he needs an evaluation, I don't think you need a referral for the regional center. We had our son evaluated at 12mo just because he was a preemie which could cause delays. Its free and well worth the time if you think there is even a chance of a problem.

It would not hurt to get a free developmental evaluation from Inland Regional Center (if you are in the Inland valley, there are other regional centers in other counties.) ###-###-####. and ask for Intake. If he is delayed he will qualify for free Early Intervention, a teacher will come to your home once or twice a week to work on language and motor skills, attention, any area where there is a deficit. Or they might recommend Speech, Occupational Therapy or Physical Therapy. The earlier you get this intervention the better, it can do a lot to significantly close the gap and avoid the need for Special Education in later years (starting at age 3. The Early Start program (State Funded Early Intervention) is a bit more family friendly than the Special Education system (which kicks in at 3), so it is well worth looking into. If they say his delays are within normal limits, that will be reassuring, too. But since more than one person, familiar with the development of young children has noticed it, I'd say it is a good bet that he needs help. B.. Write to me if you want more info. I am an Early Intervention teacher and the parent of a special needs child.

Hi there Dawn,
I can speak from experience that not only are boys and girls different but every child is indeed unique and develops at there own pace. I really wouldn't worry too. I had a darling little girl first and wow was she amazing! Verbally, physically, emotionally- advanced in every area! She walked at 10 months, knew all her colors at 18 months, was speaking sentences around 18 months too! We would get comments and compliments all the time from everyone! I had a nephew 3 months younger than this who just wasn't on the same page, so to speak. Anyhow, when my darling daughter was 2 1/2 we welcomed a beautiful baby boy... He kept missing ALL the milestones according to ''average''- from rolling over, to walking (over a year), to talking... that one really took awhile! Well, my husband and I just enjoyed his silliness and sometimes joked he would have to be the handsome jock and she'd be the scholar. Fast forward 4 years (he just had a birthday) and he's an amazing little guy, VERY sharp, I noticed about a year ago he was remembering these incredible details, coming up with problem solving all on his own and catching on in the phonetic area a lot quicker than my daughter even did (with NO coaching from me). A lot of my friends who had babies even 2 years after my daughter were comparing their kids to her and how much she did at their age... I've had to tell them you just can't use her as an example, she wasn't the average baby, I can't use her to even my own children. She is a wonderful little girl and is very comparable to other kids her age now. My point is every child is different! We all develop at different stages, he's probably fine, boys do not usually enjoy sitting still, bubbles or not, and they are a lot of times adventure seekers, physically geared. In my opinion they are far too often labeled ADD for being a natural kid! I applaud you for your encouragement to your SIL, every mother benefits from support, we're all a litte self conscious and h*** o* ourselves!
May God Bless you and your family!
Smiles, M. A.

I noticed the gal under my comment referring to your nephew as 2, I see he's only 15 months, not even 1 1/2 and it is COMPLETELY normal to only say Mama and Dadda at that age!! I'm of course in agreement to stay aware of any childs development, with in reason, he will soon catch onto the way his parents and others feel about him and we don't want to set any child up to fail because of negativity.

Your nephew is only 15 months old and says only 3 or 4 words plus doesn't walk? Has she taken him to the pediatrician yet regarding walking. How is he with eye contact and smiling when he sees a familiar face? Does your sister read to him every night? One of the best ways to help your child increase his or her attention span, increase their vocabulary, increase their ability to listen, and prepare your child for school and for life is to read to your child every day. Especially before going to bed. I started reading to my children from the day they were born and they were both readers by the time kindergarten was over and even before. MY son has a much shorter attention span than my daughter but if given a project he really likes he can stick with it for hours.
S.

I would have her have him evaluated from the Regional Center or local Early Start program. Yes, boys are different and it seems 15 months is a bit on the later side to walk, but maybe that means nothing. It doesn't hurt to have him evaluated though and the state programs from birth to three are usually fabulous. Does he eat well? I would add a bit of cod liver oil to his juice or applesauce or something. It is a great EFA and really helps with focus and attention and brain development. If he does seem behind on his development, I would definitely stop or postpone all vaccinations from this point on.

This sounds all normal and if she is concerned about her son and his development then it would be very beneficial to have her put some focus on the 36 or more vaccinations that her son could receive before he enters kindergarten. What would be beneficial is to see if he has had multiple ear infections, skin conditions like eczema or hives, developing food allergies to corn, eggs, dairy, wheat, soy, yeast, gets extremely fussy/high pitched screams/ high fevers within days of receiving vaccinations as these are all symptoms of vaccine reactions.

Please make sure YOU have done the research on vaccinations for YOUR child. The AAP recommended schedule of shots for children is too many, too soon. Here are sites and books that I always recommend for people to start their research:

www.909shot.com
www.tacanow.org

Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders, by Dr. Kenneth Bock

The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Robert Sears

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Childhood Vaccinations, by Dr. Stephanie Cave

Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby

NAET.com, also Say Goodbye to Illness by Dr. Devi Nambudripad.

Be well.

N.

Depending on where your SIL lives, she could call Regional Center (that is what it is called here in Orange County, California), they will come to her home and do an evaluation of the child. This is free. If the child is developmentally delayed then he could qualify for free services, up to the age of 3. They will not and should not diagnosis the child medically. The pediatrician should be aware of this agency and be able to provide the phone number for your SIL. The pediatrician should also be able to suggest if the child needs further medical evaluation. All I can say is that if the mother suspects there is something not right then she should definitely trust her instinct.

The earlier a child is identified as needing special help the better the results will be for that child. Definitely very important to trust that mother's instinct and if she does not get the answers that she is looking for from her pediatrician then to take the next step and find out what else she can do.

Hello Dawn. I wanted to offer my own experience with this. My son had delayed development also. He didn't walk until he was about 15 or 16 months, and was put back into the infant room at day care because of this - he was too heavy to carry. Secondly, he didn't talk until he was 3 years old. I mean he said mama, but that was it. Anytime he wanted to communicate, he grunted and pointed. Developmentally, he is fine today. He is in the 7th grade, talks non stop, walks fine (lol) and is at a 10th grade reading level and 9th grade math level. He does have impulse control issues and anger management issues though.

I have 2 little boys, ages 4 and 3, and your nephew sounds a lot like both of mine. They both only said about 2 or 3 words at that age, and not very reliably (I think they were a bit slow talking), yet they are now great talkers. My 4 year old is quite an advanced talker. He speaks very clearly and sounds much older than he is. My 3 year old is a bit hard to understand, but he has a limitless vocabulary and his enunciation improves daily.

I could never imagine either of my boys at 15 months sitting and listening to someone, even if they were singing and blowing bubbles. If there are bubbles, they want to chase after them. They always want to do something that is moving. I don't think that "sitting still" is in their DNA :). They are too young for anyone to throw ADD/ADHD at them, but I think they are just normal little boys, and at every well-child visit with their doctor, she affirms that. As they have grown a little older, they can handle longer periods of sitting, if it is a sitting "activity" like puzzles, or coloring, or playdoh, or reading a book (that is in their hands or reading on my lap). I think my 4 year old will sit for story time at church where the teacher uses a flannelgraph, but I would be surprised if my 3 year old did.

And just in case she is concerned that he is not walking just yet, I think 15 mos is the new average, which means many will walk earlier and later than that. Both of mine walked at around 15 mos and now they are both very agile, coordinated, and active (they run fast, too!). No difference between them and their friends who walked at 9 mos or 12 mos.

It never hurts to talk to the doctor, but from the things you mentioned, he sounds exactly like my boys, who are very "normal" in every way.

And a fun little note on the differences of girls and boys, I only have 2 boys so I don't know what it is like to have a baby girl. But I was watching a friend recently with her baby girl. My friend was holding her daughter and the baby was fussy and tired. As my friend was trying to console the baby, she (the baby) kept locking eyes with her mommy. Another friend (also a mom of 2 boys, no girls) was with me and we both noticed this with awe. My boys NEVER gave me eye contact like that when they were babies. And my friend said the same with her 2 boys. I have heard that baby boys look at things rather than people, and the opposite with girls, but we were both in awe watching this little baby girl lock in to her mom's eyes. To quote the marriage counselor and author of "Love and Respect," - "not wrong, just different."

Your nephew sounds pretty normal to me. That being said, if he's still behaving the same way at 18 months or things have gotten worse, he may have to be evaluated by your sister's local Regional Center. She can get this information from her son's pediatrician. Although I do know that your nephew has to be at least 18 months old to successfully be evaluated to see if he needs early intervention. We had our youngest son evaluated at 18 months because he wasn't talking..lots of jibber jabber but no real words. After evaluation, they concluded he needed Speech Therapy and Occupational Therapy. Now he's 3 1/2 and talking up a storm. We're so thankful that we had the early intervention so that at his age now, he's a normal 3 1/2 year old. We were worried about everything from Autism to ADD to Asperberger's Syndrome..come to find that none of those labels can be used until kids are much older than 15 months.
Good luck to your sister in law and nephew and thank you for being such a caring sister in law yourself.

Hi, Dawn,

I have not heard anything about your nephew that sounds abnormal. He sounds like my younger son and sounds better adjusted than some of the students I've had. One reason he might not say much other than mama and dada is that he does not need to say anything else.

Lynne E

I agree that at 15 months it may be too soon.

Still, if his continue with a lack of focus, unaware of world around him, sensitive to some things, impervious to others, won't make sustained eye contact, has difficulty communicating, etc. I would have him tested for autism spectrum disorders.

Sure, he is ONLY 15 months, but early intervention in some cases is best. I would wait until the 2nd birthday before I panicked though.

Best,
F.