125 answers

My 2 Yr Old Daugther Is Not Talking

I am really concern about my two yr old daughter. She is not talking at all, there is nothing wrong with her hearing, we had her tested and she passed with flying colors. she bables here and there and she likes to "hhuumm" to herself and that's about it. She doesn't even know how to say "mama" or "papa". When she wants something she just grunts. She likes watching TV and when she wants us to change the channel, she'll go get the remote and put in our hands. When she wants her bottle, she'll pull her dad's hand towards the kitchen. For some reason, she doesn't understand that we want her to repeat what we are saying. She gets really frustrated when I tell her to say "mama" or "papa". The doctor has suggested that we get her evaluated for Autism and referred us to the East Bay Regional Center. I have not started on the Austism application yet. I know I should do this ASAP, but I don't believe that my daugther is autistic because she is really playful, she has great eye contact, she takes direction really well, like when we ask her to close the door or to throw something away. She responds to her name and likes playing with toys (I know I am probably in denial about the possibility of my daughter being austistic). But I have left two messages for the Regional center, and nobody has returned my calls.
I think the problem maybe that my daughter is confused because my in-laws watch her while my husband and I go to work. Since we speak two different languages, I believe my daughter is confused. When she's with my-inlaws, they speak in their native language to her, but when she's home with us, we speak English to her. Also, it be genetic because my husband's cousin, who is a little over 3 yr old,do not talk. I've only heard him say, "papa" and my in-laws told me that my husband's brother didnt know how to talk until he was 3-4 yrs old.
I am so stressed and concerned.. I am starting to blame myself, and starting to think what I did wrong when i was pregnant with her...Any moms out there who have similar experience with their little ones?

2 moms found this helpful

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It is true that a child that grows up bilingually develops their speech later. But, this is quite wonderful for her to know 2 languages. It is the best way to become bilingual. My daughter took quite some time to talk. I don't think you should worry if she seems normal in other areas. Just keep talking to her. If she has eye contact, likes to cuddle, and interacts with others I do not think that you have to worry about autism. Good luck!

My friend married a french man and he only speaks french to their kids. Their oldest didn't talk to much a two either. She finally realised that her son was talking but in "baby" french. It took them a little while to realise this. Also if there are two languages being learned it takes them awhile to "catch" on. Don't worry she will soon be putting the two together and you will have a whole new language!! hahaha I wouldn't worry...she is learning two languages...that would be hard on anyone!!

Hi Nancy,
I had the same problem with my oldest and now he talks all the time, lol. I put my son in preschool, and that worked like in a month, going three days a week. My family was all over me to get him tested, and I just did that, and it worked. They get them to talk, it's amazing. Plus she's around other kids that talk and she want to. It's a guarateed thing.

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First of all I would not panic about your daughter being autistic at this point. A couple of things stood out right away when I read about your concerns. First I would say that she seems to be getting her needs met without words. You and your family obviously know what she wants by her signals of "grunts" or pulling you where she wants you to go. Also at the age of two there is little to no need for her to be watching TV. Listening to music, books on tape, reading to her and just talking to her about what she sees around her is key. At this age they comprehend everything you say while their verbal skills are lacking. Don't worry about the multiple lanquages, that is a wonderful asset to her. In my experience, with a degree in child development and a mother of two with over 15 years of experience caring for infants and toddlers, I think your daughter just needs a push. Maybe start her in a toddler program two to three days a week so she can socialize with other children her age and be in an environment geared towards her age group. I'm sure your in - laws love caring for her, and I don't know the situation, but children this age thrive in a stimulating environmnet. Just remember not to give in to her needs without her working for it a bit harder. Say what everything is and model for her how to speak. If she seems to want you to pick up a book or toy repeat multiple times while giving it to her..."book please", "book please". I hope this helps!

1 mom found this helpful

I am so sorry you are going through all of this stress about your daughter. Having two languages does tend to complicate things and can prolong speech production. I am a mom and a bilingual special education teacher for elementary age students. She might also be speech delayed, but it is hard to tell. You could look into having a speech therapist evaluate her, trying to find a bilingual one would be helpful.

The one piece of advice I can give you is that it cannot hurt to have her evaluated for autism. I know it is a very scary concept, but the statistics show that the earlier it is detected and therapy begun the more possibility of helping lessen their characteristics (if that makes sense). I am definitely not saying that your daughter is autistic, but if she ends up being autistic and you waited too long you will never forgive yourself. I work with 3 autistic children (two are 6 and 1 is 5). One boy was diagnosed at 1 1/2 yrs old and has made unbelievable progress and is in a regular education classroom with minimal help. The others were diagnosed at 5 and need significant intervention and 1:1 help.

That is my two cents. DON'T blame yourself!!! Every child has gifts and challenges. Speech just appears to be your daughters challenge. She needs you to keep looking for ways to help her grow. You can try to have her communicate with pictures if she cannot with words. Search on the web for "picture schedules" or PECS or nonverbal communication.

Take care

1 mom found this helpful


I was in the same situation and my daughter is now 8.

She was not talking and flapped her hands and looked off to the side and didn't respond to her name.
We had her hearing checked and she was fine.
Sadly she carried toys around and played a little she said some words and stopped. One sign of autism is that kids do not point at things to share there experience with you.
Madison never ran to open the front door and didn't care about other kids, I remember she stood in a corner at a party and never ran with the other kids.
I was so much in denial and confused I didn't know what to do.
It is SO HARD.
When I called San Andreas Regional Center they would not see my daughter until she was 3 and I waited toooo long.
The best thing is to take her to Childrens Health Counsel in Palo Alto near Stanford.
They are the Experts!!!!
I have been doing this for many years now and know kids can get help early on so don't wait. Get an appointment ASAP!
If she is diagnosed as not autistic you can be relieved and move on with your life and know you went to the best professionals in the country.
My heart is with you and clearly you are a great mom or you wouldn't be concerned.


1 mom found this helpful

Virginia Woolf, likely one of the smartest women to walk this earth scarcely uttered a syllable until she was 3. Try and be patient with your daughter as your impatience will only cause mutual frustration. Attempt to make her ask for things - or at least vocalize for them. I know you are trying that already. Perhaps consider a speech coach before accepting a diagnosis of autism. Children come to things at their own time and in their own way. Autism is being mass diagnosed for many conditions that it does not apply to. If you do think autism is the culprit of your daughter's silence then get her to a specialist to diagnose appropriately. I know you are worried sick but truthfully only time can tell and your patience, love and acceptance are what both you and your daughter need. Good luck and god bless.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Nancy,

I am no certified expert and your best bet is definately to have her evaluated; my words are just as a mother of two autistic children. My son is almost 6 years old and my daughter just turned 3. I have been dealing with this since my son was 2 as well. I had him in a preschool at first thinking that because he had no one at home to mimick, it would do him good to be around other kids. They at the preschool were the first to agree with me and my gut feeling that something was wrong. Anyways, my advice like I said is to have her evaluated by your pediatrician, regional center ASAP. There is a lot of help out there for her and I can tell you first hand that everything you read about autism telling you that early intervention is crutial is 150% true!!!!

If I had known or been more persistant with my feelings that my son had some type of delay I could have gotten him the help I did my daughter once I noticed signs in her. He would now be in a much better place in his development. Just think it can't hurt any to have her evaluated, but it is a world of difference the sooner you get her help. I know first hand.

Good luck to you and remember to go with what you feel in your heart, even though it hurts to admit it to yourself, we are the number one advocates for our children and as their parents, it's our job to get the best help there is.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Nancy,

On the bright side, if you did get your child tested now and they were a problem, the regional center could start her in early preschool and solve the problem before kindergarden and your daughter would be all caught up with the other kids. I know this cause my sister works for the regional center so if there is a problem its best to find out sooner than later. They is no harm in getting her tested and if there isn't anything wrong then you would have your mind at ease.


mother of two boys, one 7 months and one 2 1/2 years old

That is a sign of AUTISM...I know I have 2 ASD boys!!!
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Hi Nancy,

I am an Alternative Health Practitioner and want to share with you that you cannot blame yourself for what is happening. Being a parent is a learning process and your daughter being 2 is in a learning phase. When I first read your note I, too, thought it could be autism. There are different stages of it. From almost functional to non-functional. What I hope you will look into is not giving the vaccines that the traditional medical model suggests. Read up on Autism. I have a goood resource for you if you are interested. I would be patient for a while longer. With the other family members who were late talkers, that may be what is happening. Rather than putting her through traumatic experiences which the tests can do for her, again, wait a while and see how she develops.

I have a good friend who has an autistic child and she is plugged into some really remarkable information. I can also send you her e-mail address if you would like.

I will wait to hear form you before proceding further. I don't want to overwhelm you.


J. Sanders

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