Need Advice on Wheening Pacifier on 18 Mth. Old Toddler Boy

Okay, my 21 month old still uses a pacifier. I had tried around 18 months to have it only when he slept, but unfortunately with two older sisters and a husband who couldn't stand the crying it didn't work out quite as well as I had planned. So I gave in. But now we are really forcing the issues that it's only to be used when he sleeps. Everyone is cooperating. When my son gets up I tell him to give me "Bob" (his nickname for his pacifier). He usually shakes his head no, but then will hand it to me. I remind him it's only for sleeping. He will ask for it a few times throughout the day, but usually I can distract him. Then when it's naptime or bedtime I ask him to go get Bob and he'll walk right to his room and is so ready to get in bed for his Bob time. It's been a few weeks now and it's going well. I'm not ready for him to be without it to sleep yet. And I think it's fine if they only have it to sleep. I think at this age the pacifier impedes them from talking. So I think it's fine to make it only a bedtime thing for now and see how it goes. But if you feel he's totally ready to give it up for sleeping and all then I would either just "lose" it or put a hole in it so he wants to get rid of it. Have him pick out something to replace it with if you want and tell him it's time to give the paci to the new babies. Honestly though for now I don't see any harm in letting him have it just to sleep. He might even lose interest all on his own if it's limited to just bedtime. Especially since he has a twin who isn't using one at all.

As far as the ruining the teeth goes I heard a dentist say that if they are 5 and still using it that's a problem, but at this age it's fine. It's really more a matter of them learning how to form words at this age where there's a concern. They can't say words properly if they've got something in their mouth all of the time. So that's why having it only to sleep makes it not such a bad thing.

Let him know that his pacifier is for bedtime. "Tell him that it stays in his crib." You can even have "him" put it back in there if it is out. He should do that for you. If he wants it badly, then he can go in there and lay down. Be firm. He will get used to having it "only" in his bed and should be fine with it after a while. Everyone has to follow the same rule (like your mom) or it won't work. It is not a bad thing for him to have it to sleep either and can be very calming. As for daycare, just leave it at home if you want. Or tell the daycare that he "only" has it in the crib.
At night when he falls asleep....make sure you go and take it out of his mouth if he has not spit it out. Just lay it beside him, in case he wakes. This is also good for him getting used to not having it in his mouth so long.
As for his teeth...if he only has it in his mouth for short periods of time to fall asleep, he'll be fine.
Good Luck!
S. (mother of 4 children)

I did the binky fairy method. We started to discuss how much of a big boy he is and then for three days we told him about the binky fairy and how she helps out little babies (he loves babies) and then one night I snuck in and took it and gave him a stuffed animal in its place. Then my hubby and I acted surprised the next morning over the new toy etc. Next night no issues at all. I think it depends on the kid and how you approach it. He seems ready to be without it. Just make sure you get them all and everyone is on the same page. Good Luck, Nat

It is true about it not being good for teeth - their alignment, as well as the shape of the palate (roof of the mouth). It promotes an immature suck pattern - tongue thrust, which can lead to further immature swallow patterns, ruining tooth alignment and causing speech production issues that are very difficult to remediate. With that being said, I personally use pacifiers, and they also provide soothing, etc and aren't all bad! The most important thing is to ween as early as you can once they get their teeth in and are attempting to talk, etc. It's definitely not too late for you, but it's wonderful that you are seeking this advice now. We reduced use to just sleep times, then just night & not naps, then cold turkey within a couple weeks. I found I was more worried about it than I should have been, & my daughter was fine!

We also had success with the Binky Fairy method. We told our daughter that when you're old enough, when you're a "big girl," the Binky Fairy comes to get the binkies and then delivers them to babies who need them, so she had the feeling that she was a "big girl" and was helping out. She did fine but when she wanted it at bedtime, we made up the Binky Fairy song, which goes a little something like this:

The Binky Fairy came today
and took all of the binks away
to give to little babies
who don't have binkies.

Mommy and Daddy
are so proud of Maddy
because she is
such a big girl now
and doesn't need her bink anymore
and because she is
such a nice girl and
gave her binks to the babies.
She gave her binks to the babies.

Even now, 4.5 years later, when she is feeling particularly vulnerable or overtired, she'll ask us to sing it to her.

Good luck!

Hi A.,
My daughter was 3 when we had the binky fairy come. I can remember stressing over when I should get rid of it and asking on here as well. I asked the dentist and they told me I had nothing to worry about at that young age. If it is his security, let him have it. They are only little for such a short time. We got to the point where we told my daughter it was only for sleep times and she understood that. She didn't want to get rid of it and now at 3.4 she would love to probably still have it today. We talked about the binky fairy for a while and giving her binkies to other babies that need them. We kept asking her if she was ready and then one day, she colored some paper to wrap up the package of them and we put them in the mailbox and they were gone the next morning. Then binky fairy left her a note and some $ to go buy a new bed buddy and she picked out a pink dog and is happy as can be. She has asked for it a couple of times, but that is it. So just do what you are comfortable with. I think each child is different and you can't listen to too much on the outside opinions. Just do what is right for you and your family. He won't go to school with it. Good luck! :) L.

when i wanted my son to give up the pacifier around the same age, i simply threw them away...all of them! He cried a few times, but got over it within a few days. I was amazed how quickly he adapted and the fact that he never saw one laying around after i took them away was really key.

It sounds like it is going to be easier to get rid of it now than later when he is older. I say just toss it if it isn't such a big deal. Pacifiers can get kind of gross and if he doesn't really need it, then get rid of it now. Get him a new stuffed animal or something to take to bed.

He is only 18 months old. Let him have his binky. There is a lot of comfort to be gained from sucking.
As you can see with your daughter , when he doesnt need it any longer he will give it up on his own.
Until then , let him have it and be the baby he is.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

It is true that using the pacifier too long can hurt their teeth later on. My youngest just turned two and we finally bit the bullet and got rid of the pacifier. She was VERY attached to it!! We told her that the "binky fairy" was coming to take it so a little baby could use it who needed it. She repeated this over and over for a few days and we also repeated it every time she asked for the pacifier. It has been a month and she still asks sometimes, but she sleeps fine now! Be prepared for a rough couple of days more than likely, but stick with it, your son will get it and be fine. Some people replace the pacifier with a toy, which we didn't do, but you might also try that. Good luck and hang in there!

Maybe you can find something new to take it's place like a special stuffed animal. Take him to the store and let him pick out something and let him know that this will be his special lovey just for bedtime and naps.
Toss the pacifier and if he asks about it, say you lost it.

My 10 mos old doesn't really like pacifiers and my almost 2 1/2 year old "needs" his for naps and bedtime. I asked the dentist, and he said his daughter had one until she was 4!, and he had NO concerns about the teeth. I don't mind if he has one. It's mostly how much does it bother you? If it gives him comfort in this big, bad world...he can use it. I talk about a time when he won't need it anymore, and he says...I think when I am three :) It's not something that I am willing to draw a line in the sand over. Good luck!