Need Advice - McKeesport,PA

Go to the support office and file. PA does not mess around with support. (Trust me, I've been to at least 25 contempt hearings...) PA favors the oldest children first. My twin's father's ex-wife gets over $300 (ordered ~ doesnt mean he's ever paid), and my order is for $20 for two kids. It stinks and isn't fair to the kids, but that's the way it is.
I also know that the military doesn't mess around either.
I have felt badly many times because my oldest's dad is a great guy, and has paid his support on time and in full for the last 12 years...He struggles financially with his other two kids, but I always remind myself that HE was the one that created this mess for himself. At one point, his financial situation got so bad that his other two kids were suffering, and I suspended his support for a few months so he could play "catch up", but this was only a temporary thing. My son wants to go to college someday, and this money is for HIM.!!!

My daughters father is also military. When you go for a child support hearing they will ask for a copy of his LES and then they will give you the amount of money based on a certain standard that they have. It is actually quite an easy process. The military will then break his payments up into 2 payments a month because of the way they are paid. Good Luck. I hoep this helps.

Your joking right? You need just as much help as his new girlfriend and son. My sons father didnt pay child support the whole time he was alive (he passed two years ago) but now my son recieves SSI. You should never feel that you dont deserve help with your sons and finances. You can apply for vouchers for childcare. I had three kids in daycare at one time and it costed me under $20 a week. My son is now in K and my girls go to daycare for free because we qualify for the Abbott program. Your ex is being a selfish jerk. DO NOT BACK DOWN FROM THIS!!!! Good luck!

My mom took my dad to court for child support. They're both military. He has a new girlfriend and a toddler. My bro and sis are almost grown. She took him for everything she could get. In the end she actully ended up getting more for one child then most people get for two.

I'm sure you're probably not going to do that but yes, go to court and request more support becuase you need it.

Hi C., I hate to say, but ther's nothing good to say about trying to get child support. Its fustrating and disappointing. I filed for it for my 2 kids, let me tell you, he still doesn't pay half of what I should get & now I'm dealing with anger and disappointment since he has taken himself out of the kids' lives. It's not fun, and most of the time not even worth it but in the long run, the extra money does help when the kids need it. Congragulations on your certification and good luck!

Get a good attorney. As soon as possible. He needs to be paying you child support AND help pay for child care. You amy also want to look into subsidised daycare from the state. You may use it for whoever you want, it is not a daycare that they pick.

Listen, I have been there with one baby and a relativly cooperative ex husband but still these programs are in place to help us out when we need them. Do not feel ashamed if you need to use social services. They are here for this purpose.

Good Luck!!!
p.s. get a good lawyer who will not settle for less than you deserve.

Hi C.!

You are doing the right thing! If you really need the money, then go through the proper channels (child support-family court). Especially, if you try to speak to him about it & he does not want to take responsibillity!
When I first went for support, they added child care expenses for my 2 boys. I had to bring up the subject & it was addressed... Bring your receipts & maybe a letter from the Daycare stating your children attend their facility, to the meeting.
I advise, do not bring up his girlfriend & child or anything irrelevent at this meeting. Remember why you are there & stick to it! If he gets petty (name calling), stay calm, do not take the bait & lash back. Remind him these are his children & you are there to do right by them!
You can do this! I have received Child support payments for the past 15 yrs. I have never taken the Ex to court for more money, because I did not have to. But if he did not work with me, I would take him in a heart beat!!!

Good Luck~!
E.

Hi C.,
Well, Domestic Relations is the best place to start. You'll be given a caseworker (if you dont' already have one since you have an existing child support order). If you already have one, then contact her/him and tell her/him that your circumstances have changed. You'll have to show proof of the increase in childcare. Everything will be divided by percent by weighing costs incurred (such as daycare fees) and income. So, the judge (if it can't be mediated between lawyers) will see how much you are spending and divide it into a percent that he should pay and a percent you should pay. On a different note, he made three children (two with you). When he decided to do that, he decided to make sure they're cared for. By him having a third child, that meant that he felt like he was financially able to care for three children. Even if he didn't think it through like that, there is absolutely no reason why women should bare the sole responsibility for children that they didn't have by themselves. You're right: he needs to help because they are his children also. Good luck.

he has a responsibility to help care for his child if you have already filed threw the court for custody and child support then they will determine how much he should be paying and trust me they wont care what he thinks he needs his money for he has an obligation to support his kids and you should never feel bad that you expect hime to support his kids he helped make them even though things didnt work out between the two of you he has a responsibility to take care of the kids or he should have never had them which sounds harsh but the truth if you havent filed for custody and support do so your prolonging your support relif by waiting also it would be a good idea to inform the court at that time that he has not been paying you support they may consider drafting his paychecks in order to make sure you get the support you need you may want a lawyer but they can be expensive and you can do it by yourself the court clerks will help you fill out the paper work you'll have go threw mediation before actually seeing a juge as long as he dosent have a restraning order on him it will go to mediation if both can agree on what the other wants then it will end there and you wont see a judge and you'll get the final official court documents on that ruleing in the mail a few days later if you cant agree they will then give you a court date to go before the judge and the judge will decide who gets custody and about visitation then you'll have to go back for the support which you'll need a copy of a check stub so they can deetermine how much you make also include a statment from your child care provider on how much you pay for that and all other bills such as electric and rent if you have that plus try and determine how much you spend on the kids for food clothing things like that the only things you wont need is things like phone cable car insurance those the courts feel are luxury things and dont have anything to do with careing for your kids they will determine how much you get based on your income and his income if you make more then him you wont get alot if he makes more then you then you will get more good luck

I sympathize with you, C.. My aunt was married to a man who had a child from a former relationship. In Pennsylvania, I know that the court's give preference to the first child(ren). It did not matter to the court's that her husband had three children with her. It did not make a difference in the amount he was required to pay to his first child's mother. Supposedly, the court's would look at your ex's income. They would allow a certain percentage to him to live on each month and then determine child support payments from what is left. The court's can determine he must pay up to 100% of the remaining amount (after they take out the percentage he is allotted to live off of). I'm not sure how they determine how much is actually appointed to the parent with custody. I don't know if it is determined by number of children or what after that. I do understand though that the biggest factor in determining the amount of support is his income.

Don't feel guilty about taking him to court for more money. He chose to have children with you. Additionally, he knew he had children with you when he chose to have a new son with his new girlfriend. His new girlfriend knew about his other children as well. You are not taking anything away from them. They knew about their responsibilities when they chose to have their son. You have to do what is best for your kids. Your kids need to have quality care while you are working at your job.

Also, while you are working on getting more support, you should look into different programs that might be able to help you meet your needs. I know in the Allegheny County area, there is a program called Childcare Partnerships. I don't know what your income is but it provides assistance with childcare and if you live in the area, you might be eligible. If you live in a different area, check the area you are in. I know that the Childcare Partnerships programs received part of its funding from the Federal Government so there are probably similar programs in other areas.

Good luck.

hello my name is M. and I am still going through it with my ex trying to finally get him to pay child support and it's been a year.

first, you must go up to court and file for full custody and child support. you will then first get a letter in the mail regaurding custody. the only problem with that is it may take several, several months because he is in the force. only because papers have to be delivered to him in person.
once cusody is done then you will get a letter in the mail for childsupport and then once again it is a long and fustarting battle with the court system.

2nd- although you may want to wait to file for child support until custody is established only because then you may have a chance to file with child support enforcement which is alot easier to get the help you need. Trust me I learned the hard way with that one.
My ex, I filed for child support once I got cusody and he never showed up and they put a warrent out and then went I to child support inforcement and they couldn't help because of the warrent.
Although my ex see's our children everyother weekend, I am left in the dust until he gets pulled over by a cop.

Point Blank, it does not matter if he has a new girlfriend and a new child. Your children were there before and he needs to support them. It's not all up to you. It's not your problem that he decided to have another child. From what I understand from my husband who is a marine, you have to talk to the military. Jag I believe he said. The military is no joke when it comes to supporting children. Once you talk to Jag (I think I have that right) and go through paperwork and what not they will give you what you should have irregarldless of what his situation is. They probably will take into consideration the other child to some degree but the girlfriend is of no imprtance in this matter. They are not married and as far as courts and military is concerned she is still responsible for half of her child at least. Best you should contact an attorney as well. Just to protect yoruself. There are free services and low cost services out there as well. As I said, go straight to the military. That is what a friend of my mother's did when she was going through a divorce and was not getting enough to take care of the three kids. Good luck and I hope however this works your children get what they deserve.

As far as I know, you can contact someone at his branch of the military directly, and they can give you info on how to go about this. My girlfriend had trouble with her soon to be ex, and he's in the air force, so she googled a few topics related to divorce and the air force and found someone to contact who got back to her within 24 hours. He does HAVE to help with the kids you had together, whether he feels he does or not. They are also partly his responsibility. Good Luck!

Hello C.,

Well I am kind of in the same spot you are in. My ex is what I call a dead beat dad; I have been though the ringer with him. He feels his little amount of child support is enough and doesn’t get involved with my son. He has said to me on more then one occasion that I don’t have to help this is your child. So I kind of feel your pain, this isn’t an easy thing for mothers to deal with (doing it a lone). We try to do the best for our children and want everyone to be happy, but then we also have to struggle to make ends meat. It is easy for some fathers to just walk away and act like nothing. Just stay strong and when you are feeling down or stressed out look at your children, it will help. Just to know that you are doing something for them, to make them smile it makes it all worth it.

Take Care
L.

First of all, as a single mom school for you will be free. I have to say I miss that. :) Second. If you're going to petition for more support go through the legal system, I cannot stress that enough I have two friends that made an agreement with their ex "off the record" and now they get NOTHING. Please take it up with child support, they will take into consideration your earnings vs your ex's and the costs of daycare. I actually got daycare paid for also. So check into that. Do not be too proud to take from the gov't. That is what it is there for ...for people like you and I who are/were single mom's working our butts off for our kids. :) Good luck everything will be fine.

Hi C.. I'm on the flipside of what you're going through. My husband pays child support for his two daughters to a preveious relationship, as he should. I'm a firm believer that if you make the children you take care of them. You should not feel bad about asking him to help take care of the children you share together. As far as him having a new girlfriend and a new child to take care of the only person in that relationship he needs to take care of is the child. His girlfriend is a adult and quite capable of taking care of herself. If he is making it difficult for you I would take him to court so they figure out what the payments should be and they will garnish his wages, that way you will be guaranteed payment (unless he quits his current job). There is absolutely no reason why he cannot take care of his children, my husband was off work for almost 6 months last year and sold his pick-up truck to get child support money to make sure his children were taken care of while he was not working. Like I said, there is NO reason why he cannot take care of his children. I'm sorry you're in such a hard situation. I hope things get better for you.

See if you qualify for subsidized daycare.

sorry to hear ur havin dso much trouble. but u should take him back to court and tell them u need to up his support. these are his kids just as well as the new one. take all ur info like ur bills and how much child care is and they should up his payment.

Good morning C.!!! My name is trish t and im a single mother of 2 myself a son 10 and a daughter 1. My son's father my ex husband is great he payes me every week with no problem, but my daughters father my ex fiance i had to take him to court to get anything from him. My suggestion would to file for custody of your children and file foe support. Ypu should be fine after you do that with him being in the military you will get what you need. But you first have to go file for custody of your children.. Thanks trish