Ex Claims He Claimed Our Son as Dependant Who Lives with Me but So Did I

Updated on August 07, 2012
M.W. asks from Marrero, LA
18 answers

My ex and I have a 3 year old son. We were never married. Since his birth, my son has lived with me so I file my taxes and claim him as a dependant and receive the tax credits. I file electronically and each year have gotten my refund each year, no problem.

Yet in Jan., 2010, my ex called me and asked for the baby's SSN so he could put him on insurance as the court had ordered him to do in 2009. He never put the baby on insurance, yet later he told me he had claimed our son as his dependant on his taxes because he pays $100 a week in child support (which he never has ever paid the entire 3 years. He pays at random $100 here and there but nothing ever consistently, and as of yet, no support is court ordered beside the getting insurance for the child, which has not happened yet). He called again in Jan, 2011 asking for SSN ostensibly for insurance purposes and then again in Jan, 2012. Still no health insurance.

Since the IRS has never contacted me or flagged my return in 3 years, is it safe to assume my ex is lying? SHould I contact the IRS or just let it be?

And secondly, since he has never gotten the court ordered insurance for our son and our son is still on Medicaid that I got him at birth, should I take him back to court over that and also try for court ordered child support? Especially since he just told me that he has another baby with another woman and that baby is 8 days younger than my son who was conceived when we were engaged and she is taking him to court for child support already.

TIA for any help!

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So What Happened?

To clear up the confusion, because I applied for Medicaid while I was pregnant to ensure my son would be covered at birth, a few months after my son's birth in 2009, the Child Suppprt Enforcement through the local DA's office filed on behalf of my son for child support and insurance. As soon as he was served the papers, my ex was intimidating me and making threats to take my son away from me full time if I insisted on a child support order and he promised to give me $100/week. When we met with the court officer, I agreed to not pursue court ordered child support at that time and he agreed to purchase insurance. The court officer told me I did not have to pursue court ordered support but could agree that we would work it out among ourselves.

*Now* I know that was bad advice. At that time, I was only 19 and my hormones were still in a mess and all I could do was stress over someone taking that tiny little bundle away from me. I now know that because I am not an unfit mother, do not do drugs, and provide for the care of my son while finishing my college degree that he was all talk and had little chance of taking my baby away from me permanently as he constantly threatens.

So 3 years down the road, he has not honored his agreement with me to pay me $100 a week and now tells me it will be even less because the other mama is taking him to court. Nor has he ever purchased health insurance. He is a self employed commercial fisherman and has no insurance of his own. The court has sent him letters asking the status of the insurance but I have no clue what he tells them.

Each of the last 3 years I have filed an income tax return and claimed my son because he lives with me and only sees his daddy every other weekend when his daddy is not too busy to get him, and that has only been over the last year. The first year and a half of our son's life, he had no driver's license because of unpaid tickets so he would talk me into driving 2 hours away to bring our son to him so he could see him. Now he has his license but no car of his own since he blew through his BP settlement last year. He used his mom's car the past year to pick our son up every other weekend when he was not too busy or sent his mom to pick him up. Now he uses his new GF's car but is telling me I have to start delivering him and picking him up 2 hours away because she is over the mileage on her lease. Although, I saved and paid cash for my own used car a couple months ago, and I pay my own car insurance and gas, college starts up for me again in a couple weeks and I really cannot afford the gas to transport our son to him and pick him up. Especially since he does not give me consistent child support. I make barely enough to get by from my part time jobs.

I have gotten my refund each time without a problem and still have my records.

However, my ex claims that his accountant told him he could claim his son since he pays child support. He lied to the accountant to say he paid $100/week. I wonder if he is just lying to me saying he claimed him.

I met with an attorney last year to get a parenting agreement in place and to go through mediation. My ex has been very hostile and refused to go through mediation and keeps threatening me that he and his top rate lawyer have had me followed by a PI and have enough on me to win full custody. I have tried to keep the peace for the sake of my son but I cannot do it any more. I am meeting with my attorney next week and gave my ex an ultimatum today: mediation or court but we will get a parenting plan in place with the court. The stress of his manipulative games are killing me and certainly cannot be good for our son.

More Answers

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

YES, check with the IRS.

YES, go back to court!

Your child is entitled to that money, and as tax-payers, we are entitled not to have to pay for your child if your ex can afford to do so!

Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I am confused. You took him to court at some point (you said he was ordered to obtain medical insurance for him)... did they order him to also pay child support? You said , "...he told me he had claimed our son as his dependant on his taxes because he pays $100 a week in child support (which he never has ever paid the entire 3 years..." Is that court ordered $100/week?

What you need to do first, is look at your court order. Usually, there is language addressing claiming the child as a dependent for tax purposes. If the child is claimed twice, the IRS will file fraud charges on one of you. ONE of you will have documentation to back up that you legally have the right to claim the child for tax purposes, and one of you won't.

Now, back to the confusing stuff... you are wondering if you should take him back to court to "try for court ordered child support". What is the $100/week? Is he NOT ordered to pay child support at all? I am thoroughly confused. Because I am not familiar with a court that will require the absent parent to provide medical insurance and NOT also require child support.
If he WAS ordered, and just isn't paying it, then YES, take him back for contempt of the court Order.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

You could play the wait and see anxiety game or check with the IRS. I did that myself in the past and there is no guarantee what the outcome is but you will not be experiencing this anxiety that creeps up. So, you can call them, but keep your own issues in the discussion. If you are really worried call a lawyer and get your paper work ready. Do you have any doctor bills or receipts that you have had to use the Medicaid for? How did you pay for shots, visits, etc? It is several years later, but Medicaid should know this, they may be able to pressure him into fulfilling his responsibility. If you didn't have insurance you probably have receipts, copies of checks or debits? any emergency room visits? Daycare? You need to protect yourself all the time. The other baby is his problem, not yours, just take care of yourselves. I can't promise what results will come from any of this, but you will have started the paperwork to stop this almost dead beat dad.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Stop giving him the social security #, take him back to court and keep claiming your son. It is the right of the custodial parent whom the child lives with full-time to claim that child. My ex tried to pull this sh*t many years ago when my older daughter was younger. I asked the lady that was doing my taxes at the time and she said the IRS will go after him and make him repay once they realize the same social has been claimed twice.
Please take him back to court for a child support order. It isn't fair to you if the other woman is filing and will get more since you don't have an order in place.

2 moms found this helpful

J.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think you need to go to court and get an enforcible order in place.

I'm not sure on the IRS part, but I know my accountant told me to file asap this year in case my ex tried to claim the children. If you don't have an existing order, I believe that legally you have the right to claim because your child lived with you more (law only requires 1 more day).
With the insurance, since you are on Medicaid, they may require him to repay going back to birth.
At least with an order in place, you will have something enforcible, he'll (likely) be paying for the insurance and you will get regular child support. The order will also state who will get to claim for taxes.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

It may be different by state, but in AZ, we were told that whoever filed first got the kid credit. Assuming both parents did that. However, in our paperwork, my ex can claim one kid and I can claim one kid. BUT...for him to do so, he cannot be behind in child support...so lucky me, I have claimed both kids for the last 5+ years and will continue to do so. He owes me 13k in back child support and will likely never be caught up.

I would go back to court and endorse the child support and also show that he is in violation by not having insurance. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Do you have any court papers saying who gets to claim him as a dependent? My divorce decree states who gets which kids. Most parenting plans do the same.

According to tax law to claim a dependent you must pay at least 50% of their expenses if he didn't do that he can't claim him, contact the IRS.

I kind of think it is funny that a few people are complaining that we are supporting your son through Medicaid yet they are blind to the fact that you are fighting over the earned income tax credit. For those reading this that are unaware she gets all her withholding back plus a mess of our tax money just for reproducing with a poor man.

I would go on the IRS website or contact the IRS! After reading some of the answers here they are dead wrong! I have a masters in accounting, I am CPA eligible, I can do taxes, I took a law class in our law school called taxation, sans a practicing CPA I know more about tax law than the people answering here! Your ex had no right to claim your son, it doesn't go by where you sleep it goes by who supports you!

1 mom found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Even if he is paying full child support the child is in your custody which gives you full rights to filing with him as your dependent.

Go to your local child support enforcement office and get those papers redone. They will start garnishing his wages as soon as they get a ruling. You don't even have to be there as far as I know. I have receive an email a couple of times from my granddaughters dad that he had court for child support adjustments and that it would be going up a few dollars. I didn't even know they did that to him, I told him too.

If she is on any kind of state assistance they should be already doing child support for you. That is sort of the rule.

My grand kids both get state insurance and we had no choice in the matter of child support. To get the card we had to sign papers that gave them permission to pursue child support for these kids.

Just tell him the required it, you tried to not let them but they have laws to uphold. That takes it off you and onto the state and his lack.

You should also get back child support ordered and even if he files on his child you'll still get every penny of all his tax refunds for a lot of years in the future.

1 mom found this helpful
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D..

answers from Charlotte on

Your ex doesn't meet the IRS's rules for claiming your son. They will not allow both of you to get the deduction - if they gave you the money for 3 years, then he's blowing smoke. What happened this year? Did you get the money?

I would call the IRS, if I were you, and talk to them about the rule as it pertains to you. Ask them if your state makes a difference.

I would then take him back to court about the medical insurance. If the IRS has mentioned a court order regarding the deduction, visit that issue with the court at the same time you work on the medical insurance.

Good luck,
Dawn

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

The IRS will figure it out. If you have an order about support, it should also address who gets to claim the child's dependency (You always or alternating years). Double check the papers to be sure you get to claim the dependency every yera. Also, IRS requires a certain amount of money to have actually been paid in order to claim the dependency (if it is allowed that year for a non-custodial parent). However, don't worry about it, eventually the IRS will catch up with him.

If you are not receiving the child support ordered by the court and/or the health insurance has not been obtained as ordered, you should file contempt of court to recoup back child support and to address the health insurance issue. Legally, you can have your child's father's income tax refund attached for up to the amount of back child support owed to you. So, you should definmitely pursue it.

M.B.

answers from Tampa on

My brother had a court order to claim his son for X amount of years then his x would for X amount and so forth. However her new husband decided he didn't like that and claimed my nephew because he lived with them. Long story short his taxes got denied the first year and had to report it to the IRS. Well they did it another year and ended up having to pay back the child credit and fines. I would definialy contact the IRS and tell them your situation because the last thing you would want is an audit and them finding he claimed him first.

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

Who claimed him first? My ex had my two oldest until they were 18. Then I started to claim them once they went to college and he was sooooo mad. I made sure I filed as early as possible so I got them.

You should take his butt to court and get your child support and insurance.

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm surprised they are letting you have Medicaid for him without attaching the father's wages for the child support, and going after him for health insurance. Normally that's something the child support state agency takes care of automatically. Maybe you should check with them on this - and also, they can garnish his wages to get your back child support back from him, as well. In California, they will take up to 50% of the parent's wages to pay back child support (I only know this because I have employees who pay child support via their weekly paychecks, and back child support, if any, comes out in BIG chunks as mandated by the state agency).

I have heard from friends who are divorced that the first parent who uses the child's SSN to file, each year, gets to claim them as the dependent. After that, the IRS rejects the return (assuming that you and he both are e-filing). My advice would be to always file your returns quickly. Of course, you can go to court over it if he files first, but that seems like a big hassle when you can just avoid the whole issue by filing quickly each year and beating him to the punch. If he is mailing in his returns and has been claiming your son, it could be that the IRS will audit both of you. Keep all your records!

In light of the fact that your ex just had another baby, I'd certainly jump on going back to court about this. Good luck!

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes, you need to take him to court for the child support. The other mother filed first so her case will probably be heard first. When your case is heard, the court will take into consideration the fact that he's paying (or ordered to pay) child support for the other child and that may affect how much is left for your child.

The father of my two oldest grandsons doesn't have to pay support for those two because he has 3 other children that he lives with. According to the child support office, they have to leave him enough money to support the three he lives with so there is no money left for my grandsons! And they are the oldest! I think they should have to support them in the order they had them!

As for the income tax, that happened to me the first year I had guardianship of my granddaughter. Apparently someone else tried to claim her and they filed electronically. When my preparer tried to file my returns electronically, the IRS wouldn't accept them because someone had already claimed my dependent. The preparer asked me if I wanted to take the dependent off! I said no way, she is my legitimate dependent. So I filed on paper the old fashioned way. I got my return, no problem. About a year later, I got a notice from IRS saying that me and someone else had claimed the same dependent. The notice gave me 30 days to amend my returns if in fact I had made an "error." If I thought I was entitled to claim the dependent, do nothing. I did nothing. I assume whoever else claimed her filed an amended return because I have never heard anything more.

So you go ahead and claim him. If you can't file electronically, then file on paper and when push comes to shove, if your ex doesn't amend, then they will investigate and since you have had the child, he will get into trouble. If he wants to claim the child support he alleges to have paid, I believe there is a place for that on the tax return form.

Since he said he's done it for years but you haven't heard from the IRS, I doubt he's claimed her.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

Yes I would take his sorry butt to court. If he's not doing what they say he needs to be held accountable! And if he asks for the social again tell him you will give it to the ins company at their request. Not his. If he is filing him on his taxes he's lying on the forms if you have full custody. You might let the court know that's he's trying to clam him.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

If the court ordered him to provide health insurance in 2009 then didn't they establish child support? How does one happen without the other? When the child of a single mother is on medicaid they try to locate that father to get him to pay so I'm surprised that this hasn't caught up with you yet.

Yes you need to get to court ASAP to file for wage garnishment and to get your child off of the insurance that tax payers provide and on to his birth father's insurance.

If he really did claim him as a dependent and IRS audit will catch it and he'll be the one in trouble, not you. They usually catch that in the same year you both file so I doubt he's actually done it.

BTW if that other woman has already gotten court ordered support and you haven't, your child will get less. They don't divide the non-custodial parent's support evenly among different mothers - the first one gets roughly 25% (whatever the state guideline is) and the next one gets less than that (usually 25% of what's left over after the first child's obligation is paid). So you'd better get to court ASAP.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

My son is going through a nightmare like this right now. Here it is in a nutshell:
Since my son and ex have 50/50 custody and my son pays child support his court order says he gets to claim his daughter on his taxes. His ex took her a few years back for more than one year. Nightmare begins because she filed first so my son has had entire refund for 4 yrs withheld and fines imposed. So he calls IRS -- person at IRS tells him what paperwork to fax in --he does --it's not correct or enough (according to them) 3 months later he gets a letter telling him claim is denied --so another 2 hour phone call to IRS -- now getting a different office --- send more + the same paperwork (remember different office) case closed in first office ---- now second office rejects paperwork as not enough information case closed 3 months later son gets letter ^^^^^^^^^ this has been going on for 4 yrs and my son has yet to get case resolved. The IRS is holding $15,000 + refund.
I called Senator Herbert Kohl's office about 18 months ago, he has an IRS liason in his office to help constituants deal with IRS issues. And even with this lady's help it is not resolved and Kohl is retiring at next election.

Long and short version of law ----- the IRS does not care what your court order says. In order to determine who gets to claim child it is where the child SLEEPS the most. That parent gets to claim the child.

In my son's case his daughter sleeps more nights at his house than at her Mom's. Of course her mom won't help because Mom filed a fraudulent tax return and she will have to repay the IRS her refund + penalties.

I would say take him to court for child support and ask that it be taken from his pay before he gets it and direct deposit into your account. And ask that he comply with order for insurance.

Also contact your Senator in Washington DC to see if they have an IRS liason in their office and then explain your situation to that person. Calling the IRS and trying to deal with them on your own is an almost impossible task. When you call the 800 number it routes to a phone in one of many offices. In my son's case he has cases in 3 or 4 different offices and no one can give him any information or answers because none of them have a complete file -- and they don't fax between offices so one agent has the complete file.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I know from experience (not mine, luckily, but I worked for a CPA firm through 2 tax seasons) that if you filed online and someone else had already claimed your child, it would not go through. So if yours went through, you filed first and he shouldn't have gotten the credit.

I think you should absolutely be taking him to court for child support and insurance! Why should he not be helping pay for his child? Especially if part of it is already court ordered!

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