My Marriage Is at the End of Failing, I Need Advice

C.,

I am sorry to hear that your marriage is not working. All I can tell you is that my mom is 47 and after 25 years with my dad who is 8 years older then her she finally left and has never been happier. I am not saying you should leave and I know it is hard with kids, but you deserve to be happy and he sound like he is pulling away. What about a separation (move out) and maybe that will give you both the time to think about what you need and want or maybe he won't but you don't need to be divorced to take some time to think. I believe in Love and that relationships are a lot of work but I also believe that we only have so much time on earth, so don't waste 25 years like my mom did if you don't think it will work or your not putting everything into trying. Good Luck

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I agree with Sally. You do not need him to agree but you will need a lawyer. My mother eventually got her divorce even though her ex decided to stall as long as he could. I do reccomend counceling for you (and possibly the kids), since this will be a trying time in which you could use the support.

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Ouch. I turned 51 today, and when I was 43 my soon to be ex-husband (in June) decided to withdraw physically from our marriage. It wasn't until 2 1/2 years later, while he was captive in the counselor's office, that he gave me a why: I had apparently complained about his bony knees and elbows one morning. I stuck it out, stayed hopeful, stayed faithful, didn't file for divorce until it went from verbally abusive to physical. I shouldn't have waited. It is so hard to believe it will be better if you divorce, you start to buy the story that it's all your fault, you get afraid thinking about how you'll manage alone with the kids. Been there. Your husband is being abusive. See a counselor if you can't give up without feeling like you've done everything possible, but from the other side of this issue my advice would be see an attorney. He can't stop you from getting a divorce; you may come away with nothing but child support for the kids, but it's worth it to get out from under a man who is only looking to break you. If he won't go to counseling, there's your answer, isn't it?

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He is obviously making up reasons not to be with you. It sounds like to me that he is already getting it elsewhere. The only reason he would not want a divorce is he has a lot to lose. You do not need his permission to get a divorce. But you will need a good lawyer. Do not, as he put it, "go find it somewhere else." Don't give him grounds. It may be what he wants you to do so he won't lose as much as he could.

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You don't need permission to divorce his sorry a**. Sounds like he needs a wakeup call. Maybe he's getting it elsewhere. If you can make it on your own I would get the he** out of there of kick him out. Get a lawyer. Ask around for a reference or check the internet for one that will give you a free first consultation. I am sorry he being is so hurtful. If you feel the tension the kids are feeling it as well. I hope I am not being to forward with you but you did ask for guidance. I speak from experience.

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Please find a good marrige counselor, and if he will not go, go your self.

PRAY! Do you love your husband? Is it worth fighting for? Will you destroy yourself in the process? Does you husband really love you? Just Pray and ask for wisdom.

Hi C.

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I am sure this can help

Hey C.,

I feel your pain. But if you love your husband that much, I would move back into his bed and fight for my marriage. But don't be no fool. If he hasn't touched you for 1.5 years, there's a problem. I hate to say it but he's probably sleeping with someone else. He not only told you to find someone else to sleep with and he made up that lame excuse about you moving around the bed to much. Excuse me but thats BS! If you want a divorce do what you have to do but don't continue to be this mans fool. I'm sure the ladies out there would agree with me.

C., I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My suggestion is for you to decide if you really want a divorce. If your answer is yes, then it is not up to your husband to decide, you have the right to file for one.

You may have to separate from him, but he doesn't have to "give" you one or agree, and you may have to be separated from him for several years to be granted one when there is no consent from both parties. You will have to find out your rights.

I recommend that you find a good attorney who handles divorces and who can tell you what your rights are and how to proceed. Most attorneys will give you a consultation for free, and then you can decide if this is what you want.

Hey C.! Thanks for sharing your story. The best advice I know how to only give is to seek God girl. This subject is so touchy and so important b/c God created the marriage covenant which is a blood covenant. Firt ask yourself do you still love him and do you still want to make this marriage work. If yes to these, turn it over to the Lord girl. And ask your husband does he still love you and does he still want this marriage. Because both of you have to want it in order to make it work. If he says yes, then I would seek couselling at a spirit filled church with a spirit filled Pastor. And I know of one girl. Pastor Randy Gilbert with Faith Landmarks Ministries. But pray on this marriage girl and allow God to direct you on what to do okay. I've been married for almost 9 years and me and my husband went thru it all. But God is faithful and God and ONLY GOD COULD CHANGE MY HUSBAND AND ONLY HIM ALONE HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE YOURS. We cannot do it, it just draws them further away from us. I pray right now in the mighty name of Jesus to come into your home and into your marriage, holy spirit, take over every situation right now in the name of Jesus, satan, we bind you and cast every plan down and it is failed right now in the name of Jesus!! Amen!! Take care and hold your head up, continue to walk in love towards him, so those good seeds and God will honor that and you will reap a good harvest. Be strong and things will work out girl okay! Keep smiling! :)

Are you saved? if yes then, Pray!... go on a fast for 3 days and just listen to God. Don't do a lot of talking just listen. After the third day wash your face and do what you know in your heart. it will do two things, 1) it will clean your side of the street and 2) it will show you his. If you are not saved the best advice I can give is to give your life to Jesus and then your husband and marriage will become His problem and not yours... In the meantime try the suggestions for bettering yourself physically and mentally.. but the bottom line is that God will fill that void and give you the strength to deal with whatever....If you need any help email me and I am there for you.....

Hey C., funny you should bring up this subject. I've been married 13 yrs with 9 years of resentment under my belt towards my hubby. Sex? what's that? I sleep with the kids often due to his snoring. If you truly want this to survive (which in my case, I do) I did counseling for and by my self and prayed alot. It wasn't till 2 weeks ago did I switch up to couple counseling and he agreed to come. If he wants to keep the marriage together, maybe he'll give it a try. It has helped us to speak to a mediator rather than to each other. And pray like there was no tomorrow. It surely will keep you sane! Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers as well. I know this is hurting you

Hi C.,

Please get counseling immediately. You have waited a very long time. It is time to buckle up and move forward. Youare a yougn woman with a full fun life ahead. Do not let anyone hold you back---EVER.

Ask him if he wants to join you. If he doesn't, then you tried. Hopefully things might be better, but if not, there are plenty of men out there who would love you and love being with you.

Wouldn't hurt to find out where he is in the day. Sorry, but I am sure it has crossed your mind.

I wish you good luck. Don't wait- go make the call. If nothing else, the counselor will hopefully give you some very good ideas.

Hello C.,
I am so sorry you are going through this bad situation,but *Everyone,please cut the bull *C. I am tired of people saying to every bad situations in a ralation ship to seek some sort of help.Honey the only way seeking help is going to work if you both agree to it. It sounds like your husband already has other things going on,so he use an exscuse to justify what the real deal is.C. those things that you mention are so minor,I my self get up in the middle of the night and my man snores and hates that I get up in the middle of the night , but we are very strong together, but it took a Divorce of 20 years and a minute to find someone who I was *compat* with. I still care about my x , we are the best of friends, we were not comp. I belive when it smell like it( it is it.) This sounds to petty . Being Sexy Is all I know.
Don't waste you time on Follishness , You will realize you let time by past you ,and you could have been happy.

Have you talked about seeing a marraige counselor?

The Ann Landers answer would be to talk to a counselor. Sometimes pastors are good to talk to. Have you ever been tested for sleep apnea? Or restless leg syndrome? I know lately my husband has even been hitting me in his sleep. So now he is scheduled for a sleep study.

Communication, I've found is the secret to a good marriage. I went through 30 years of hell and finally ran away. Now I have a really good marriage, with the key to it being our nightly devotion and prayer time.

If you would like someone to talk to and confide in, I would be happy to be that person because I believe I went through what I did to help others.

N.

Have you tried putting on more flattering sleepwear? What about doing something special for him? Such as cooking his favorite meal, complimenting him on a tasks or job he's done recently, or maybe ask him to consider counseling? Have you communicated to him of how he makes you feel and where you think the marriage is going? We all can get complacent and be simply okay with the status quo, so openly speaking to him about this situation might help. Hope this is of some help. Take care and God bless.

A marriage is a partnership not a one way street. Love grows stronger as the years go by. When you first married there was a different kind of love that you felt, the goose bumps, the stars and the like. This love later turns into something more valuable and stronger than before. It is the kind of love that only a handful can experience. Thinking the same thoughts,a touch, an understanding. As the marriage progresses and we get more comfortable with one another, those things you mentioned are no longer kept in the dark, the love will be there wheather or not he "burps", passes gas etc.
If things cannot be worked out with counseling,then you have to love yourself enough to say - I am better than that, I am worth having and move on "girl friend"

He can't not let you get divorced. He may not agree with it but he can't stop it. That said I would definitely try counseling first. If he doesn't want to go with you then go by yourself. I've been in counseling a few times for myself for different reasons and it worked tremendously for me. In the end you need to do what's right for you. God bless you, you will be in my prayers.

Consider going to counseling by yourself so that you can get a better understanding of yourself and be able to make a wise decision about your marriage. Ask if he'd be interested in counseling after you've gotten good results for yourself. I hope this helps.

I too struggle with this problem and I am not sure what causes it. I do think any hurt that we have caused them is harder for them (Men) to deal with than the way we deal with issues. Example would be mistrust in the finance area, etc. I decided to ask God to take the feeling away from me until my husband has allowed God to enter into his life again and be open and honest with me about what the problem really is. I realized now that it is not me. I feel better having that confidence and still want the comfort of knowing that he cares, but it makes it a little easier. It's been about six months now for us and we still sleep in the same bed. Divorce is not an option for us because we said "For better or For Worse" and made a vow in front of so many people and to the Lord that we serve. I pray for you to get confidence about who you are and what you are doing to help in taking care of you family - For Better or Worse. Love and a hug to you.

I think you need to go to couple counseling. I willpray for you. AF

C.,

Like the others, I agree that counseling is the best thing for you and - if he agrees, your husband. I encourage you to go alone if he won't. You could also try consulting a pastor or pastoral counselor. I'm so sorry to hear what your husband is putting you through. Please consider that perhaps your husband has his own issues, perhaps ones that make him afraid of intimacy - the reasons he cites aren't things that truly have anything to do with you. With regard to the divorce question - you may want to try consulting with a marriage mediation lawyer. If you end up going in the direction of divorce, they can help keep the whole thing as amicable as possible, which will be of benefit to your kids.

Good luck, and hang in there!
-M.

C., seek god in prayer, because he will not put more on us then we can bare. I will keep your problems in prayer.god bless.