My (Almost) 5 Year Old Will Not Sleep in Her Room! Any Ideas?

i think it's great to listen to and be sympathetic to irrational and unheralded fears. who knows where the eye phobia came from?
but if you actually begin pandering to it, you don't help it, you reinforce it. removing the sheets, stuffed animals, dolls and photos helps her continue to believe that anything with flat eyes is watching her.
i would acknowledge her discomfort but i would also be brisk and no-nonsense and expect her to live in world where there are eyes.
it's been going on for a year? find a better counselor.
and stop doing the dance with her.
khairete
S.

I would ask her pediatrician if her paranoia is at a healthy level. I would ask him sbout seeing a pediatric specialist to know how to handle this.

I suggest that you may be paying too much attention to reducing her fears and not enough treating her in a way that shows you are sympathetic and yoy know she will be OK . I would expect her to stay in her room. Perhaps you can introduce this.expectation in a similar way sleep training helps.

First, talk about this situation in a calm way, asking her to give this a try. This may take more than one conversation. I would do the usual bedtime routine including reading happy books and playing soft music. Depending on her age, I would offer a mantra, such as I'm OK to say before and when she's scared.

The rule would be she stays in her room. Go into her room when she calls for you. Stay long enough to mostly calm her; then leave. Gradually lengthen the time before responding to her calls.

I have a friend who is a child psychiatrist. She said preschoolers go through a stage during which they have fears. She and her husband made a pallet on their bedroom floor. She could come in to sleep there when she was scared. This friend let her daughter started letting her daughter sleep their all the time. I don't know how that worked out. I've heard others suggest gradually moving the pallet closer to the door until the child was in her own room.

I don't know if this would work since she's afraid of eyes. Perhaps you could work up to her not waking you so she won't see your eyes.

I wonder why she's so afraid. Has she been hurt and not gotten over her fear?
I had a foster child frightened by eyes. She was anxious just seeing a reflection of eyes, even her own, in window glass. When we drove at night, I kept her busy so she was focused on something else. This girl was a foster child because she wasn't safe with her mother.

I'm not saying your daughter is not safe.
I'm suggested she may have been frightened and needs help getting over her fear. This same girl was upset when we watched Roger Rabbit. There were scenes in which the rabbit appeared as a cartoon character with large spinning eyes. Fear can start with something as simple as that. My foster child responded to my reassuring her she was safe. I did not give in to her fear. We finished watching Roger Rabbit. Each time she mentioned eyes in a fearful way, I briefly sympathized and changed the subject. She eventually didn't pay attention to reflected eyes.

Just an idea. Often fears grow because when we try to fix the fear the child feels that there is something wrong that needs to be fixed; thus there is good reason to be fearful.

I would try spending less time reassuring her while assuming she will get past this.

Just read your SWH - if this has been going on for a year, I do think you need to consult with the pediatrician and find a more suitable counselor, perhaps a child psychiatrist. You can't deal with an obsession or deep fear like this by just removing the toys and talking to her. I think you've made superhuman efforts but they haven't panned out. And you can't protect her from seeing eyes in the world - I can think of all kinds of posters that will be on the walls in her kindergarten classroom and school hallways. This is the time to really take bold action on her behalf.

Some of this might be BECAUSE you are expecting baby #2.
Some regression is to be expected - now and later.
Is she happy sleeping closer to you?
Then set up a sleeping bag next to your bed.
If she wakes up in the night then she can come tuck herself in next to you hopefully without waking you up.
Maybe you can give her a sleep mask to wear at night?
Call it a special shield that eyes can't watch her if she's wearing it?
(Sort of 'If I can't see them, then they can't see me' sort of logic?)
You'll get this figured out but it might take awhile.
Be patient with her.
Starting school and becoming a big sister can be a pretty stressful combination.

Is this new or has it been going on for a while?

If its new then I would think she saw a movie, TV show or something that scared her. Even the commercials they show for movies can be extreme. Have you seen the preview for "The Boy"?

I would not take away anything from her room since I don't think that will help. I would continue to work with your daughter and help her to face her fears. I also don't think this is unusual for a child her age.

I have been through a unique experience myself with my daughter, which I posted about here some time back. The difference is that my daughter claimed to see people in her room, esp the "lady in the darkness". One of the things we did was rearrange her room. We let her decide what furniture went where, and since that gave her the control over her room, I think that helped quite a bit. We got her a bed canopy (the kind that hangs from the ceiling), and she loved that it helped her feel shrouded. Anyway, just a suggestion on something to try if you haven't already.

Have you considered a bit of counseling? Contact your peds doctor and explain what is going on and ask for a referral. It might be that she feels the changes coming up of a new sibling and being in her own room away from mom and dad. Did she sleep in your room until recently? A little more info is in order.

the other S.

My son has the same problem, he calls them "big eyes." Anything with whites of eyes showing is really it.....so he does sleep in his room, but things with "big eyes" are put away in the closet and he is fine. I also do a "night night" spray of lavender oil before bed, it became routine for my 5 and 8 year old, its lavender essential oil mixed with water in a small spray bottle. I spray it on the foot of their beds, became a routine, placebo or not, it works :)

My kids have had the odd fear. It's generally been a phase. How long as this been going on?

We did the bed on the floor in our room. They started in their room and came in if bad dream. Don't make it too comfortable if you go this route! But they know they can and that eases their fears. That was around 4 years old.

One of mine is in a little anxiety/fear support group at school. It's interesting. They replace negative messages with positive ones they have to come up with. You can't just take away their fear. But they decide how they will deal with it. So my little one doesn't like the bus - so she now brings a stuffy with her. That was acceptable to her. No one says "Oh buses are fine you'll get over it". We acknowledge her worry but we let her come up with the solution. It teaches them to cope. We aren't trying to fix it for her. We just support.

So - you doing all these things may have been unnecessary. Ask her what she wants. You doing all these pictures, etc. is great (I probably would have too) but what does she need to feel comfortable in her room? Ask her.

I had one like this (not about eyes but just scary bedtime). We got a light that casts stars on the ceiling. That's all it took. She picked it out. I said "Ok so how do we deal with this?" and we went shopping and she found this big frog light. She felt in control. She felt she was taking charge of her fear. And then she felt like a big girl .. I think that's the thing. It's a fear so if they feel like they are dealing with it (not mommy) it's easier to get over.

If it's really bad though - a counsellor can help with their tools and practice at home. Good luck and please keep us posted :)

Does it help to leave the door open til you go to bed and/or leave the light on? I would try those.

Just one other idea to throw out there: Has she seen Toy Story (the original) yet? Seeing all of the toys come to life in happy and funny ways might help to ease her fears. I'm thinking that even if she starts to understand on a rational level that they're just stuffed animals and dolls, having happy images in the back of her mind if she regresses and envisions them watching her might help.

Totally agree with, and was thinking the same thing as Marda. You locking away all the sets of eyes, in order to protect her, makes her feel like she really does need protecting from all the eyes and validates her irrational fear and gives it more life.

When my son was a young baby and someone would come up to us and start talking to him he would A. look at me as if to say, "are they okay, mom? " and when he saw my smiles and calm reaction, he knew he was safe being talked to by them.

I think your little girl needs you to help her move THROUGH her fears and not detour AROUND them or keep them locked in a closet. You know her best. You know the best way to go about this. Do you teach her that they have pretend eyes? Or that they are her friends and are super cozy to sleep with? Do you let her draw a bunch of beautiful family drawings and hang them around her room? Maybe sleep on her floor for a while to get her past the fears. Make it fun, like camping.? You know what will work.......you are her rock.