6 Year Old Terrified to Go Upstairs

My sister had a similiar problem with her daughter. I did some looking into several things we could try. The easiest thing to do worked. We placed a bible by her bed.
Hasn't has a problem since.
Good Luck.

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S. - you may want to try clearing the house of any negative energy. We had a weird experience lately that required cleansing out house. We are christians and did it in the name of Jesus but you can also burn sage to help clear the energy. This may sound weird but he may be picking up on some disturbing energy in the house.

Thanks,

L.

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Have you considered that there may be something in the room that is scaring him? Have you tried sleeping in that room- not with him, but by yourself, so that your focus can be on the sounds and sights he's experiencing, rather than on him? It could be something physical- like the groaning sound of a water heater, the hoot of an owl outside, or the sounds of branches scratching his window- but those sounds can be very terrifying, and you might not hear them if you only spend a little time in the room or if you're focused on him. The first thing I'd do is try to sleep a night in there, and see what sounds you hear. What was the initial nightmare about? Why does he say he's scared of the room? Six is old enough for him to vocalize what he thinks is scaring him, and that should give you the clues to help him out. Also, and I may sound like a flake- so I feel the need to issue a disclaimer- I'm a former attorney, I tutor people in logic, and I've literally won awards for my logic skills. Logically, if a kid is terrified in only one area, it makes sense that there is something unique about that area. If you can't find something physical, then it may be time for you to consider that there might be something "other" in his room. My understand is that children are much more receptive and open to that stuff, because they haven't convinced themself it is impossible.

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when my son had a nightmare and woke up I would let him sleep in our room too. In the morning with noone stressed I would ask him what made him scared and we would talk about it, I would show him all the locks on the windows and the doors leting him know that every night we lock the doors to keep bad people out. He would help with locking all the doors so he knew they were locked. If its scary noises that are scaring him I might suggest camping out one weekend in his room and talking all night about every noise he hears. That way when he starts sleeping in his room again he knows that the scary noises in the house are just the water pipes or washer. Or maybe having a sleep over with all his friends in his room. another idea is having your two kids switching rooms to see if that helps.

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I don't know what your beliefs are, but I would seriously be concerned about a spiritual presence in the house. My sister's little girl did this same thing (had terrible nightmares and cried to not sleep in her room) and they would actually let her fall asleep with them and then put her in her room and lock the door. She would wake up screaming. Then one evening they put her in her bed and went back down stairs and they heard a loud thud upstairs. They ran back up. She was ACCROSS the room against the wall, lying on the floor screaming. Apparently she had been THROWN. She got up and ran out of the room in to their room, into their bathroom, and slammed and locked the door. She refused to come out. Can you imagine how she felt? All this time she was being plagued by a spirit/demon and her parents didn't protect her. They finally agreed to leave the house and only then did she come out of the bathroom. They had the house 'cleansed' but had more problems later so they had to move. (my sister started hearing her own voice calling her daughter and her daughter responding to it, things were moving by an unseen hand, ect.)

I had a slightly similar problem. My daughter was terrified of a dragon in her room. At first I thought it was a dream or her imagination and then one day we were all in the living room and she started screaming and hid under her blanket. I calmed her down and asked her what was wrong and she said the dragon was in the living room. I had her come out from under her blanket to show me and apparently it was HUGE- like 15 feet tall. I told it to go away in Jesus name and gave her a play sword and told her that if it comes back to hit it with the sword and to tell it to leave in Jesus name. One evening I heard her do that and then she came into the living room excited saying "It worked! It worked!" And the dragon never came back. But I am CERTAIN it was there as there is no way she was that scared of an imaginary dragon.

Children are much more sensitive to the spirit realm then most adults. Also, what we might consider to be nightmares could be so real to a child that it's indistinguishable from reality.

I hope you can get some help, but please don't make him stay in his room!

S. (feel free to PM me.)

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does your 1o yr old sleep up stairs?? are there more bedrooms,maybe change his room small childern aer a port hole to the supernatunatural,what you may thi nk he is dreaming could really be happening in his small life i know i must sound like a nut job ,,but have done loys opf reseacn on the matter you could try smuging his room with a Sage smugger ,but a crystal in there leyyyyyyyt him be a part tell him you are taken thr bad dreams from his room .and demand that the spirt leave in thespirt leave in the of GOD .i dp promise you i'm not a nut casegive it a try you might even surprise yourself
L. TX

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My daughter used to be terrified of going to sleep alone because she has a very active, creative mind and would have extremely vivid dreams/nightmares. She would wake up several times a night (most nights) very frightened due to them. So, when she would wake up (sometimes screaming) we would talk about them so that I could explain them to her and ease her fears that what she was dreaming about was not real. Then I would talk about a happy memory for her to think about while she was falling back to sleep. Every morning I would sit on her bed and ask her in great detail things she had mentioned about her dreams from the night before. I would make her feel special for having such wild adventures while asleep and act really excited about hearing about them. I never acted scared or shocked by what she was telling me. Over time, she got more comfortable about what dreams/nightmares were and learned how to deal with all of the fear and excitement that sometimes came with them. It really does take a lot of patience and understanding, but when you know the fear is legitimate you have to take it seriously and be sympathetic. Just make sure that every day you're doing something to work toward your goal of getting your son to feel comfortable in his room and in his own bed. Of course, start with spending as much time as possible in his room with him during the day and night. Do anything managable in his room like reading the mail, folding the laundry, etc while he just spends time in there playing and reading. Good luck!

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S.,
I don't know if this will work for your son, but it sure worked for us. A really good friend of mine came over while our son was in school. She took some glitter dust and sprinkled it all over his room, left a note saying that the monster fairy was there and had cleaned out all the bad things in his room, he was now safe to sleep in his room.
He slept in his room that night and has slept there every night since. Now it took several weeks to convince him to let me vacuum :) but it was worth it all!
Good Luck!
G.

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Do you have a room downstairs that you could change out with his room upstairs (like an office or exercise or sewing)? That way you could make a big production of his NEW room being so close to yours.

We moved into a two story home with Our youngest' bedroom upstairs and ours down when she was in 5th grade. Until she was well into middle school, she often showed up on the floor in front of our bed in the mornings. I do think he will outgrow this phase when he becomes more interested in his "privacy" and alone time than being scared of being alone.

Also, I am sure you have already tried to find out why he is scared of his room/or wants to be with you all night. So, try changing his room dynamics (furniture, color, decor) into his vision of his perfect room.

Like a couple of your other responders, I have had the experience of scary "spirits" in a house and have had the experience of a child waking in the night screaming because of night mares/bad spirits. So, don't discount that possibility. (This was not the child I referred to who slept in our room.) In both cases a move to an "unhaunted" house worked wonders so we never got so far as to try some of the ideas your other reponders have given. My experience in Connecticut talking with Ed and Lorraine Warren helped me understand that sometimes unhappy spirits present themselves as a child's fear. In my case (as a woman who can remember her experience) it was dangerous circus animals. I like the suggestions for calling God into the picture, After all, He is awesome and has many angels to help protect us from evil. Good luck.

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I agree with you that he'll outgrow it. My son also slept in our room until he was about 7. He's now 19 and sleeps all by himself! Have you tried letting him sleep in your room alone and you sleep in his room?

First of all, Don't stress out over this too much. We had a family bed and my son (now 30 and vice president of marketing for a computer firm) slept in a sleeping bag at the foot of our bed until he was nine. We had a family bed and when my daughter was born, my son was five. He moved into his own room (supposedly) ,but he really came back into our room and slept on the floor ,in a sleeping bag, until he was nine and both kids officially moved into their own rooms. They grow up fast. You need to value the time you have. Sometimes ,I see a MOm and a five year old talking to each other in the store and I can't believe my son is 30 and I have two grandkids. Have your husband read some books about the family bed, or get some counseling from someone who supports this sort of thing. Your son appears to need some extra support. Just go ahead and follow your intuition and give it to him. J. K. :)

I was scared like this when I was a kied too and it truly is frightening. I don't remember what I was scared of, just rememeber my dad yelling at me that I was not to be scared in my own house. Didn't help. Just cried it out and got over it. I would suggest some things I have done to help my kids not to get that way. Preventitive medicine so to speak. Both my kids have a flashlight, so that if the power goes out they have light. Also, they have a walkie talkie monitor and they know that if they press the button and talk, I will hear it, but they also know it better be important, or I will take it away if they play with it. They use it when they are sick or have a nightmare, or if they have to go to the bathroom and need help. My kids are 2 & 3. I have since they were little locked their bedroom doors. It scared me that my daughter can go out the back door and I wouldn't hear it or go into my son's room when he was an infant and hurt him and again, I would hear her, but could I get to him in time if she threw a large book into his crib or a hard toy? So, I felt it better to lock them both in and then monitor them. My daughter has a little potty in her room she uses through the night, but if she poops, she needs help wiping and calls me. We have had no problems as of yet and they don't know anything else because that is how we have always done it. But my kids both seem to feel safe in their rooms knowing they can talk to me anytime and can hear me back instantly if need be and when they are sick and call I tell them I'm coming, so they know help is on the way. I figure if there is a fire, then the door shut is safer for them and them not being old enough to be able to check if it is safe to open or not is better to have it locked. I can tell them with the monitor what is happening and what to do as in go to your window or closet etc.. until I or someone can get them. The locks are strong enough to hinder firemen at all. Anyway, I recommend a flashlight and walkie talkie system and then still put him in his room to sleep, but if he wakes in the night and comes to your room then let him camp out on the floor by your bed. Don't let him be too comfy by getting in your bed or making a comfy pallet by your bed, because the goal is to make his bed better than your floor. Once he gets a bit tired from sleeping on hard floor then maybe he can make a night or two in his own bed. Once that happens make a big deal out of it. He may eventually see he can sleep in his bed and be okay. My mom is weird and I remember her telling me if I was scared monsters were going to come and eat me to just sleep with a foot or arm out of the covers, then when the monster comes at night he will jsut see parts and think all the good meaty parts had been eaten already and he will move on to the next house. I don't know why, but it gave me a plan to outsmart the monster and still to this day I sleep with my right foot and left arm out of the covers!! Very hard problem andI wish you all the best and know your son will not be sleeping on your floor at 16, so this too will pass. :)

Hi S.,

I know this may sound strange but I use an essential oil called Peace and Calming on the bottom of my sons feet. A few drops help’s him relax and ever since I've been using the oils he no longer has bad dreams. It smells so good and truly is very calming. I use the oil on myself and on my husband as well. We all sleep amazingly well since using the oils. My son used to wake up through out the night and now he sleeps the whole night through. An essential oil called Valor is said to help one get through difficult times.

I recommend you checking out a website called: http://www.oil-testimonials.com/7532

Simply go to this website, click on search and type in your question ( in this case you may want to type in, Fear). You will find numerous testimonials for the use of essential oils.

If you give your son a tool, along with prayer you can help him get through his fear. He is not alone in this. The fear he has is REAL to him. It will take patience and love to help him through it. I'm sure he must have a night light? Maybe you can make it a game to get him in his room. What about a baby monitor or walkie talkies? You put him to bed after checking out the room WITH him and allow him to talk to you as you walk out. He may just need to trust that you will come back when he needs you. I don't think this will end right away but as he feels secure with his surroundings he should be able to get through it.

Like with my daughter, when she was 4 and still wanted her pacifier I would tell my husband, "so what, I'm sure she wont take it on her first date". Guess what...she didn't.

They all grow up so fast. Enjoy his need for you and your husband now, before you know it he is all grown up and in college.

If you have any questions regarding the oils you find on the website, simply visit my website at www.youngliving.org/sherylhawkinson There you can get my contact information and I will be happy to help you!

Hi Stacey. You will probably think that I am a wacko but I watch and understand a lot about the paranormal. Something is happening in your childs room. Do not think it is nothing. Children can see and feel things that as adults we can not. I know I sound like a freak, but it is very true. My son is now 13 and when he was younger he would tell me about a man he would see in his room in a house we lived in in Florida. Once we were watching "A Haunting" on A&E and he say the "thing" on tv. Luckily it did not follow us when were came back to SA. I blessed our house with Sage and holy water before we moved back into it when our renters moved out. Again, I believe this is in our world. If you don't, I completely relate and understand. Just thought I share. You can go online and look at simple remedies under Feng Shui to do cleansing. I too have a very strong faith and know that my Lord always protects my family. Good luck, Blessings to you.

S.,
Talk to you son. Find out what is making him fearful to sleep in his room. Once he tells you, then you can assure him that there is nothing to fear.
Take him into his room and spend time with him there, showing him that it is a happy place and a good place to be. Continue to reinforce the positives of having his own room.
Don't force him, but encourage him to enjoy his room. Once he has talked his fears out and understands after spending time with you in his room, he will start to enjoy his own special place.

you need to bless that room n d rest of your house with the word of God...get some olive oil..bless it n pray over it ..23psalms...91 psalms...then with ur finger place a cross from the oil over all doors n windows..each time saying In Jesus Name...walk around your house especially his room quoting scripures...thanking God ahead of time for fixing the problem...

You need to address whatever the nightmare was and try your best to prove that it was not real. Maybe there is another adult or an older child that he trusts to show him that there isn't any harm in sleeping in his room or you could have a sleep over with some of his friends and cousins (if he has any) so he can sleep in the room with other kids his age who are not afraid, kind of a good form of peer pressure. Also if you have strong religious faith and he is involved maybe you could have a member of your clergy come by to bless his room and him. Maybe it would ease his fears. Hope this helps. My daughter feared sleeping in a room in an apartment we used to live in cuz she said there was a ghost in there. We would say prayers before bed and tell the 'ghost' he was not allowed to bother her when she slept. This seemed to help.

S., Please do not discount what some of the other posts have told you about spirits and such! As soon as I read your request I immediately felt that it was spirit related. and as I read the responses It was clear that maybe the majority felt the same way. Your son is old enough that he should not still be frightened of a dream that was a year or two ago. Making him stay in that room would be very tramatizing and could even prove to be physically dangerous or even fatal! I am not trying to sound extreme, what these people have told you are not stories or lies to scare you, these things really happen! I saw that you live in cypress, I don't know where that is but it sounds very old! older places and older homes and buildings are much more prone to spirits, however even new places can have them, because sometimes they are associated with the land and not the building. Sometimes we bring them into a home that did not have them previously, by bringing in an old item that has a spirit attached to it, or even by bringing in something that has an evil presence such as a piece of music or something with a symbol on it that is antichrist can open the door. For me it was that I went to see a bad movie (the exorcist)at age 16, if I told you my story it would terrify you as much as your son is terrified now! You have to cleanse the home and send out any evil spirits whether or not you believe in it. Sometimes a person is not successful in ridding the home and has to call in someone with experience. My suggestion is to start by going into each room start upstairs and move down, making a sweep if you will towards the front door which should be in the open position. tell the spirits to go away in the name of Jesus, tell them to head towards the light, that they don't belong here any more and that there are spirits waiting to guide them where they need to be. It is good to burn white candles in every room and carry one with you (make sure that the candles are contained so as not to start a fire as the spirits may not want to go, and can (blow for lack of a better word) a light curtain in to the candle if not supervised or in a safe container. Rid your house of any item that can be thought of as "non Christian" ...a movie of demons or evil, a piece of music that you suspect may have evil backwashing on it. An antique that you are not sure of it's origins (i knew a lady who brought home a church organ that was posessed by unfriendly spirits)anything questionable, get it out of your home and please do not sell or give it to someone else.! Ask your son if there is anything in your home that makes him feel uncomfortable? you don't have to explain it, just ask, maybe he will be able to point you to something that will be the culprit. Is there something in his room, that is old or second hand that you got just before that nightmare that he had? any antiques or yard sale items? People sell stuff in yard sales that makes them uncomfortable and they don't even know that they are passing that spirit on to you. It is quite true that children are much more open and keen to the spirit world than adults who have learned to block it, and refuse to believe that it is true. If you are not able to cleanse this way and yes the use of sage as well, then please go to a clergy who would be willing to come and say a prayer and bless the home, if that doesn't work try to find someone more qualified in the spirit realm, look for a pentacostal spirit filled (the good kind!) church and see if some of the more prominent members will come as a team. and as a last resort, you may have to move. I wish you the best, if you have any questions please fell free to write and I will answer what I can. Blessings to you, In Christ, S.

My daughter was the same way. She slept in our room until she was almost 8. The only way we could get her to sleep in her room was if her brother slept in there with her (He was only 5 but I guess it was better than nobody). For us, it was just a phase and improved over time. I never really pressured her to be upstairs if she didn't want to but she eventually grew out of her fear and now everything is fine. My advice is to just wait it out and it should improve over time. I don't know any 10 year-olds who are afraid to be upstairs. Eventually it will improve.

I did the same thing when I was younger. (I had an older brother and sisters who would torment me by trying to scare me!) I had to sleep with my sister and I had to have a night light. When my dad died I was age 7 and slept with my mother until my mom remarried. I was then 13. Sometimes my mother would force me to sleep in my own room, but I would sleepwalk and wake up in my sister's room. It was truly a horrible feeling to be so scared! These are the things that seemed to help me. I did not watch any scary movies on TV and I went to bed when everyone was still awake. (As long as I heard their voices, I wasn't scared.) I left the bathroom light on so I could see. I would also look in the closet and under the beds before going to sleep. (Not sure what I would have done if I found what I was looking for! ha) The pallate is probably a good solution. It's not forever and I'm sure problem will resolve when he gets married! Good Luck!

I just went and read alot of responses. Do Not start mentioning evil spirits, or ghosts, or fairy monsters....especially if the kid has not even mentioned this on his own. You are just giving him more ideas to be scared of. Also, be careful praying. We tried that and then I was scared that Jesus was watching me! I can't really pinpoint exactly what scared me.....mostly everything!!!!!!! However, now I'm just the opposite. I LOVE being by myself. He'll grow out of it!

S. , Have you tried praying with him , before he goes to sleep ? Maybe that might help him feel safe , sounds like something in his dream must have upset him so much , have you talked about what his dream was about . Maybe if he talks about it might make him feel better. I will surely say a prayer for him and rebuke all that makes him afraid. God will watch over him and your family .... God Bless

I have a 5 almost 6 year old going through the same thing. Refuses to go upstairs by himself. He used to start in his bed and end up in ours. Now he will sleep upstairs, but only on the futon in the game room where he can hear everything going on downstairs. I have a friend that went through the same thing and almost lost her mind trying to find ways to deal with it. She tried punishments, bribes, screaming and crying, it was awful! She finally gave in and let him sleep on a pallet in her room until he outgrew it after about a year. I just feel it's something you have to let them outgrow on their own. They truly are scared, so I don't think you can punish them for it. I say just try to live with it until he feels comfortable sleeping in his room, or maybe try to gradually move him closer to his room, like the living room couch to a pallet upstairs, to his actual bed. They have to outgrow it eventually! It's so frustrating though, cause you just can't reason with them. They are truly freaked out!

Hello S.,
My son has gone through a similar situation. I've read a few of the responses below about ghosts being fake but I'm a Christian and still know that they are real. My son has watched ghosts walk around the house and even played with them at times ever since he was just a few months old and I was pretty convinced he hadn't made up an imaginary friend. Children are more open to seeing ghosts because they don't distinguish the difference until they are much older. Most of the time my son doesn't have bad experiences but there was once when my son was terrified to sleep or even go in his room. I started by asking him for details as to why he was afraid. When I didn't get a lot of information I asked a Medium (no she wasn't looking for money, she's a friend of mine and gave me answers no charge) and she told me that there was a spirit that didn't mean to scare him just wanted to play with him but sometimes they don't know to hide how they died and she felt that there was something in his/her appearance that scared him. She said that we needed say "If you are not here for (person's name or My family)'s higher good then you are not welcome here and you need to leave." And you open the door. At that point any spirits this applies to will leave. It took my son a few more nights before he would try sleeping in there but he eventually did and has been fine every since.You by yourself, without your son so you don't scare him, also need to set restrictions on any future spirits that may come around and say them outloud. Whether it be certain hours of the day or the way your son may see them. We still have things happen in the house and my son still tells me about them but he's no longer afraid.
At first I wanted to tell him they aren't real so they would stop coming around but I have had experiences my self and new that would be a lie. I talked with my pastor about it and he suggested I don't discourage it because it was a gift that God gave him and God may use it later to serve him. I think everyone has had this ability at one point or another but were told it was evil or not real so we trained our minds to think that way. If you ignore it it won't go away. I hope this helps.

Can you move your bed room up stairs. We also have a 2 story house (I would never do that again), but we stayed up stairs until the kids were alot older. We flet is was no big deal. I do understead, because our kids slept on the floor alot, but they will out grown it on their own.
My son said he saw a ghost in his room. He looked over his shoulders and there it was. He came running down and we checked it out (he was a teenager at that time). I told him if it is a ghost it must be a friendly one because it has never done any harm to anyone in the house. The same at my mother in laws house she said they have ghost in their house, but they are friendly also.
I know this all sounds weird, but it is not that uncommon.

i would try to move him to new room maybe down stairs it sounds like he is very scared to sleep in that room and your husband needs to be more understanding about this problem. hope it gets better for you

Give me a call and I can talk you through what to do. PM me fopr my phone number.
S.

Take him to a therapist...they have ways of helping kids work out these things...and you work him back into his bed...My 3 yo daughter JUST moved out of her twin brothers bed and into the top bunk...but...at two and a half she made the move from a dark room to not sleeping through the night anymore without waking up with horrible nightmares unless the light was on...not a nightlight but the regular light. we even tried giving her a flashlight, but it only lasted for a little while then even that wasn't enough. As long as my kid sleeps and sleeps in her room, I am happy to leave the light on...and am willing to move her on into therapy the minute the light isn't even enough...

Good Luck...

My daughter also had a fear of going down the hallway and entering her room when it was dark outside. I searched everywhere for a dreamcatcher. Google the term. This did help with some anxiety but unfortunately did not alleviate her fear entirely. My daughter still has it over her bed and will not allow me to move it. I think the dreamcatcher provides some security for her. (She is now 10 yrs). Also, how would your daughter feel about having her younger brother making a pallet in her room. My older daughter takes her in still today when her fears return. I also think that the older one helps my younger one deal with it in a way that only kids can relate to. I also feel that these fears are real. As she matured they did begin to diminish. Good luck!!!

Hi, hope this helps. Byron Katie has a website, Loving what is, and she works with kids on fears and such, she also works with adults. It might be helpful or it might not,but it is worth a try.
My son slept with my husband and me for the longest time, now he's 11 and I wish he was still little and he could be there.
Thanks,
D.

Several ideas that may help you: Is it possible to temporarily move your master bedroom upstairs? We have three children and I am too tired to go up and down stairs in the middle of the night. We sleep in the guest room in case anyone wakes up, so we can respond quickly to a sick child, a wet diaper, nightmare, etc. I agree the Ferber - method of CIO is just too harsh. Also, no one will get any sleep. My oldest daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was six! The doctor suggested the token approach. I gave her a token before she went to bed and if she stayed in her bed all night, then she got to keep it. If she woke up, then she used it and had to give it back. If she accumulated _____ tokens(you decide what is reasonable) then she got a_____new toy, a special family outing, etc. The doctor also told me not to lay down with her because if she woke up, and I wasn't there, then there would be a void. I stuck with the token approach for two weeks and now she sleeps soundly through the night. You may have already thought of this, but is he on any medication at all? If so, that certainly could be a culprit. I had a friend, whose daughter had nighttime terror attacks as a reaction to some allergy medication (Sinuclair). Try some of these ideas, and if nothing helps, ask your pediatrician. Good Luck!

This may sound strange but can you change his room? If not can you do a make over? I dont' have a clue if this would help but maybe.

I would possibly talk to a professional. Maybe there is a reason to the dream.

Now here is the out there reponse...

Do you live in a old house? Maybe something other worldly is present. Normally I would think that is crazy but I lived in an old hotel in NYC in my twenties and I use to wake up and feel a presence in my place...everyone thought I was crazy until a friend needed a place to stay. One night in the iddle of the night she woke me up and told me somone was in the room, it was a one room apartment. There was no one there she just felt/saw what I had been talking about. I have rationalized the heck out of it over the years but...some people are more sensitve...

Good luck

You are not alone. My son is seven yrs. old with a twin sister. He will not sleep in his bed, only if my husband takes him after he has gone asleep.My son also claims to have had nightmares, so I told him to draw the nightmare on paper for me and explain it to me. He was alittle scared to have to repeat it but I assured him I wouldn't let anything happen to him.( with a bat in hand.)He drew it and we burned the nightmare. It didn't completely erase it from his mind, but it was easier for him to breathe knowing we had destroyed it. I don't know if you are religious, but a prayer asking God to protect him helps tremendously. When you know your child is truly scared, you have to protect him. Your husband might like the idea of taking him to his bed in the middle of the night. I feel my child NEEDS me and my hubby should understand. I am lucky, he does understand and truly sees the fear in his sons eyes. You might make a game for him to become a super hero and destroy the villian...try things. Good luck. I'm still there for my son.
T.

We've been going through a similar experience with our 2 year-old. Lately, we've been reading an old book called The Continuum Concept, which is similar to the attachment parenting style of doing things. It talks about children needing in-arms time as infants, and nighttime parenting (some more than others). We pushed our girls' bed up against our bed, so now she sleeps with us. It has made a miraculous difference...no tantrums, we ALL sleep through the night. It is something to consider.

Dear S., I pray you are found well, I am also a mother of a 10 year old. Although mine is a he. My six year old sometimes comes to our bed in the middle of the night to sleep with us. Even though sometimes uncomfortable we still take him in. Your situation is more different than mine though. Have you tried talking to him about his dream. Having him draw what he dreamed to you or your husband. What about praying with him about the dream? Praying has been the most powerful tool that has worked for us and our two boys. Talking about the dream more and more, makes them understand that it is only a dream and not reality. Helping him understand that we all have dreams and that most of them are wonderful and few are not so wonderful, but they are dreams not real like hugging daddy, kissing mommy, and even playing with the toys. I hope and pray this helps you. You have been a very understanding mom and your husband a very understanding dad, but since this has been going on for a year or more, it is time to help him overcome this fear. Blessings, Esmer F.

Hello S. B,
I emailed my mother who is very insightful & here is her response. If you would like to speak with her just email me back & I'll get you her info. I hope you can help your lil one soon. I have 2 boys of my own. Here is what my mom said.

I would recommend going to a hypnotist. The cause of the problem can be identified by the boy while in trance (hypnosis) and dealt with or eliminated so that he is not terrified any longer. There is no need with hypnosis for the boy to deal with it consciously unless he wants to and he doesn't have to relive or re-experience the cause of his fear. A good hypnotist will help him let go of his fear without any negative emotions. It may take a couple sessions, but consider that the child can take pride in the fact that he had the most active/important part in the solution to the problem and the Mom and Dad can have their bedroom to themselves and regain some privacy and intimacy.

Dear S.,

I have the same situation with my 8 year old boy. Only he has never slept through the night. I tried reading a book on sleep disorders, doing the "crying out" method. Finally, I took him in for an evaluation by a therapist. He has a general anxiety disorder. Although he is not sleeping through the night we have been able to get him in his room to sleep. Upon consulting with his pediatrician we also started to give him Melatonin (all natural over the counter you can get at Whole Foods)to help him fall asleep.

It's been a long road, but I think I can finally see the light!

C. B.

A little about me: 39 year old mother of two handsome energetic boys 4 and 8 years old. Married to my prince charming for 12 years

Hi I feel your pain. My boy is only 4 but We had a long talk about what was bothering him and he said that he missed us very much at night. I did continue to put him in bed even if he got up and eventually he stayed.Stand your ground-it's hard but he will eventually stay in bed, by letting him sleep downstairs your helping him appease his nightmare. My point is to talk to your son and find out his fear then talk about a way that he wcould get rid of them. Make it his choice so he'll feel better. Also a friend of mine tried a sleepover with friends. She said that worked for her son-it's an idea. Goodluck.

S.,

With the length of time that this problem has gone on, and the fact that you have already tried EVERYTHING that you have (taking him to his room, sitting with him to calm his fears, sleeping on the floor of his room, etc.), I believe that professional counseling is in order for your son. Some years ago I might not have suggested this, but I NOW have experience that makes me think that, for ANY ongoing issue, "the earlier resolved, the better."

I am married to a man who, in his late 40's/early 50's, had to deal with issues stemming back to his childhood. Thank God we discovered a marvelous Christian counselor who served as an inspired guide to help sort out how his adult behaviors related to childhood incidents and issues. My husband is 100% "A-OK fine!" now; but if certain of his beliefs and fears had been dispelled at a much earlier age, when they were occurring and fresh, he would have gained 30+ years for more successful and peaceful living. I'll be happy to provide you with contact information for this counselor. Just email me, if you want the info.

Not the least of the problem is the impact of fear on your son. I totally agree with your husband's feelings that the master bedroom is no place for your six-year old. Whether you are cognizant of it or not, having a child sleeping in the bed/room with you, or very possibly bursting through the door at any moment, WILL eventually have a negative impact on your sex life. Perhaps the situation already has a negative affect upon your intimacy, even if current affects are only the result of exhaustion and worry. A master bedroom should be a "haven" for couples, where both are free to be intimate and romantic at any time, without fears of intrusion.

As a Christian, I also believe it is important for your son to know that faith in Jesus, when totally actualized, removes all fear and produces perfect peace. If you are a Christian, you may already know this and simply need to discuss these things with your son. Using Bible verses and stories to help him know how to form and depend upon that relationship with Jesus will transform his life. If you and your husband are not believers, then seeking and developing a relationship with Jesus Christ is paramount for you, such that you both have a basis of peace to convey to your children. Perhaps the verses below will help:

1 John 4 (whole chapter, including...) - "...but perfect love casts out fear..."

John 14:27 - (Jesus words) "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

Romans 15: 5-6, 13 - "Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ...Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Luke 1:76-79 - (prophecy about John the Baptist as a forerunner of Jesus) "And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go on BEFORE THE LORD TO PREPARE HIS WAYS; To give to His people the knowledge of salvation by the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, with which the Sunrise from on high will visit us, TO SHINE UPON THOSE WHO SIT IN DARKNESS AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH, to guide our feet into the way of peace."

Matthew 19:14 - "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Blessings,
K.

S.,

#1 Try a baby monitor. Tell your son that if he needs anything to just call for you and you will come. You will need to respond to every call for a while and that will also frustrate you and your husband until your son can really know that you will always be there for him even if you aren't "there" for him.

If that doesn't work, it sounds like it may be time for some professional counseling. You can try to do some desensitization exercises at home if you think you can do it...what you do is talk about the nightmare. Have him go through all of the details one by one. Ask him to close his eyes and tell you about the dream. Once he re-lives it and you talk about it, rationalizing every point individually and showing him the difference between real and imagined, he may get over his fear of the dream and reduce his anxiety over the upstairs. This could be a long process and there may be other factors so if the monitor doesn't work, consider a counselor. Good luck.

I agree with seeking Christian counseling. I had a neighbor when I was a child who was cruel to me and it happened in an upstairs home. I kept having nightmares as a young adult related to going up stairs. I still don't like homes with stairs much. This may not have happened to your child, but he may have seen something(in real life or on tv) that is manifesting itself through nightmares. It is important you find out for sure.

Also, seek out all scripture on fear and you memorize the verses with him. Place a hedge of God's protection around your home. No matter what has happened to him, real or imaginary, only God can ease the mind. There are lots of sights online.

Maybe you should also place a blow up mattress in his room and sleep with him until he is over this. It may also give you a feel for his room. Maybe there is something moving in the attic. We had raccoons once, they make a lot of noise.

On nights you want to be intimate with your husband, wait until he is asleep. Maybe, this can ease your husbands mind.

No matter what become a praying mom. I will pray for you as well.

Without reading your replies.

When I was turning 7 we moved to a new house and new town. I can remember laying in bed terrified. My new room was down a long, narrow, dark hallway. I felt so cut off from my parents. I was the youngest child and only one left at home. I finally outgrew it with nightlights and my dad coming to check on me every single night no matter how many times I called him. He would lay in bed beside me (I had a double bed) until I fell asleep. He would tell me to think of happy things like Christmas morning and soon the sun would come out and it would be time to wake up. But I don't remember him ever leaving while I was awake or telling me I was silly.

I would say if you can figure out what is scaring him--a noise the house makes, a memory, a scary movie, great. But otherwise it may be because you are seemingly so FAR away from him. He suddenly realized it and now needs that extra assurance.

Before I had lived in a 2 story house and wandered around in the dark, bumping into doorways, falling down the stairs, whatever and it never phased me. But my siblings were upstairs with me!

Good luck