Hello, I have been struggling with getting my almost 5 year old son to go pooh pooh on the toliet. I have tried everything from positive re-inforcement to negative consequences and I am at a loss. Just recently, Dylan has been put back on Miralax. He has been taking it for about 1 1/2 months. This is to help with his constipation. I took him to see his pediatrician hoping she could give me some new direction on his pooh pooh issue and she just told me to just relax and let him be. He will go on his own time.
During the doctors visit, I told her that I was sometimes putting him in underwear only or underwear with a pull up over at night hoping he would feel the poo poo / pee, wake up and realize that he needed to actually get up and go. I was also taking a toy away each morning he woke up with poo poo in his pull up. I told him he could earn them back when he went poo poo in the toliet. He understood the concept and actully did go poo poo in the toliet 1x and earned back a toy. She told me to stop what I was doing with the consequences. What I didn't know was that he hasn't yet developed something in his brain that sends a message to his body that tells him he needs to go. That makes sense for Dylan's case because he doesn't even wake up when he does go in his pull up. He will sleep all night in a wet/dirty pull up.
I also told her that I was putting him on the toliet in the morning and after dinner and have his teachers at pre-school putting him on 3 times during the day. She told me to only put him on 1-time a day and make it after dinner.
Since our visit, I have two charts in the bathroom. He gets a sticker every day for sitting on the potty and 'trying' to go poo poo. At the end of the month, he will get a little treat such as going to the ice-cream parlor something like that. He has another chart with 5 squares. He has 3 marked off with stickers already. When he get's a total of 5 stickers for going poo poo in the toliet, I will take him to Toys R Us for a toy.
Although he has made huge progress in going, it takes me to keep him on the toliet against his will for him to go. I don't hold him down but I make him sit there especially when I know he has to go and sometimes it back fires because he manages to 'hold' it in until bedtime. I'm just so tired.... I'm going to stick with the positive reinforcements and keep reminding him that he is in control of where he goes but he is also responsible for cleaning himself up. Any other suggestions?
My middle son had the same problem. He is now 9 & all is well. It did eventually work itself out on it's own. Sitting on the potty after dinner time was what did the trick. Hang in there, no one has ever gone off to college in pull-up!
A great book that will give you all the research on why positive reinforcement ie rewards (and also punishment)have negative consequences is "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. Your doctor is right, let him be and he will learn in his own time. The more you do positive reinforcement etc. the longer it takes. It also undermines a child's sense of peace and relationship with you as it gives him the sense that you value him more when he is doing something for you. Good Luck.
Have you tried eliminating foods from his diet? Dairy is a HUGE constipator along with too many grains, etc. Are the stools difficult to pass? If yes, you could get some testing done to see if there are any food sensitivities...
On a side note, Miralax isn't a drug which has EVER been tested on children and should not be used for more than 2 weeks (this is directly the drug's package insert).
I know this sounds crazy but we have raised our grandson and when he was about 3/4, he had a similar problem. I read an artical a psychologist wrote stating that sometimes kids are afraid of seeing the poop in the toilet because it is part of their body they are losing and do not understand why or if it is good or bad. We stopped ALL rewards, consequences, talking, etc. We knew "his time of day" and when that came, we went to the toilet and assured him it was okay and that we were just going to try. It took a few times, but eventually poop came and he had a look of fear on his face. I calmly wiped him, took him off of the seat and follow the psychologist's suggestion. As we flushed, we said: "bye bye poopy" and watched it flow down the drain. Crazy as it sounds, it worked. It took a few weeks and the fear was gone. Worth a try!
In the overall scheme of things, it's a complex process to learn our bodies elimination functions, and kids naturally want to do it, but when parents aren't very casual about it and worry, then it becomes a psychological issue between parent and child.
The important thing to understand is that toileting is NOT a "behavior". It's a body-function and a process that belongs primarily to the child. At 5 they are really just learning to listen to their bodies and understand how to respond.
Parents just get to do the clean up part of the work.
As I recall, both my kids wanted to be at home, and relaxed for "pooh pooh",
So if mom is worried about it, how relaxing is that?
My daughter always found dinner time was her time! My grandson waits and waits (at 5) and finally disrobes entirely. Its a grand production for him. My son, now 24 always ran home after school for his major event.
Dylan will find a way, believe me. If he needs help to clean up, he will ask, You should help without any upsetness. My advice is to quit the counting, the stickers, rewards, putting him on the potty and take the focus off this in your life and in his. Just let nature take it's course unless you want a kid who's constipated for life.
Another note, he's too young to be motivated by a reward that is a month away. the end of the week is about the furthest a 5 year old can really grasp in terms of motivating behavior.
