My 5 Year Old Seems to Hate His Dad.

S. - I have a five year old too. The snottiness and attitude is definatley on the rise since she was about 4 and a half. We pretty much do not permit nastiness or snarkiness and deal with it through restricting prvledges or sending her to her room for quiet time.

However, I found your description really troubling. As nasty as my daughter gets, and as large as her preference is for Mommy sometimes, she clearly loves her father and seeks his attention and approval. There is no jealously or true anger, just the occasional temper tantrum. I think that you need ot speak to your pediatrician in person (and probaly not with your son OR husband present).

I think that it is really important that we have faith in our children and trust them. Not every behavior is a discipline issue. Our kids can't always speak for themselves, and as Moms, I think you need to read between the lines to protect your child. Trust that his behavior is a way of asking you for something.

It sounds like your son is having some major anxiety and that there may be a major stressor in his life. You don't say if you are a SAHM, if he is in kindergarten, if he goes to day care, is in some activity away from the house, etc. But I would be very worried that there is something serious going on outside of your presnce to make him act out, perhaps with an adult male in his life?? Or perhaps even just bullying from other kids??

I certainly hope it is not serious, but the degree of anger you describe AND especially his jealousy over you are very troubling, and I hope you get a professional opinion about how to investigate further and deal with it. Good luck.

My children's father and I have been separated/divorced since 2003 and NONE of them have ever been that resentful. Something else is going on there, I think. I would talk to your pediatrician and get a referral for a psychologist/ psychiatrsit. Your son seems to have some serious anger issues. Is he this angry with other people, friends, family, or is it just with your husband? Can anyone else give you a hug? You didn't mention your work or his, do you or Dad bring work home with you? I would try a family counselor. I hope that this has helped, let us know what happens.

Well in our house hate words are not allowed. I tell my daughter all the time what it is my husband does for us. He works all day for us to eat. If he didn't work all day 5 days a week we would live in a box. How would it feel if we lived in a box with no heating or A/C we would live on the ground with the bugs. I tell her all the time that each of us has a part in the family.
But hate words are not allowed in our house. The word Hate, stupid, shut up, and all similar words. I got this lesson from my sister she has THREE boys. With boys its a little more difficult to enforce but it has to happen otherwise you get what you have going on. Have you watched the two of them when your not around. Is it still like that he maybe fighting for your attention by doing that. He may also be imitating you. Are you loving toward your husband when he is around. I would watch these things very closely. Good luck

I was going to add my 2 cents, and still will, but I agree w/the other thoughtful replies... have a heart to heart in a quiet moment with your son to find out what's going on w/dad, or get him some help (school counselor?). My 3 yr.old had an ugly demanding mouth for a while and here's what I did: I explained new polite rules (including me)and everytime there was a raised voice or a demand or name calling, they get a finger-flick on the back of the hand or arm (it stings) and a QUIET reminder of the rules (I had to be polite too). If it happened a second time within a short time frame, everything would stop and they get a time out.
As for the jealousy, practice holding hands w/hubby on the couch while watching a kids show every evening for at least 15 minutes. Same rules and consequenses for being polite. Good luck. :)

hi S.,
this really does seem extreme. something else has got to be going on.
my prayers go out to all of you that you figure this out and resolve it.
khairete
S.

When my son was about 3 (he's an only child), he had a jealousy fit over me and Daddy hugging. My son pushed himself between us, pushed Daddy away and said "My Mommy! Get your own Mommy!". He and Daddy get along fine, but sometimes my son got a little jealous that he was not the only man that got my attention. It's not a problem anymore.
As for the teenage responses, my son also went through a stage like this when he started school. He saw how some other kids treated their parents when they came to pick them up and thought it was a cool thing to do. One or two comments and I sat him down and told him we don't talk like that. We treat each other with respect, and just because others have a potty mouth doesn't mean we have to be that way. He lapsed a few times, but we were firm in not allowing it, and after a few time outs, he was over it.