My 5 Year Old Is Out of Control

First - try The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears. you can find it online or at almost any bookstore (even the public library). He also has a website www.askdrsears.com with great medical and parenting advice. He uses more positive reinforcement then negative and I really think he is tuned in to children. Personally, I don't think anyone - children or adults, should have TVs/computers in their bedrooms. The TV/computer distracts you from doing what you should be doing - for children, it is play, reading time or sleep. For adults, it is talking and intimate time. And sleep, too! Best wishes! J.

In my opinion, this is a testing phase. She's testing to see what she can get away with. Don't let her! Don't ignore the behavior, address it. Be very clear about your rules. Repeat them often. If they are broken, have her come up with the ways she could've acted differently. Spanking is not the answer in my opinion and experience. It only teaches that bigger people can hurt littler people to force them to do something. You can't force anyone to do anything. Your goal is to teach her appropriate social skills. She needs to know how to act appropriately by given examples of proper behavior. I don't think punishment works either, like taking things away. A little time alone on her bed or out of the social situation may give you and her some time to cool off. Doubtful that she'll think about what she did or how it was wrong. At this age, they are very self absorbed and will only be mad at you for punishing them. Maybe considering how not to get caught the next time. Just be clear that she is not allowed to speak to you in a disrespectful manner and tell her what to say instead. Give her lots of positive attention and affection when she acts appropriately and don't get overly angry or give too much attention to negative behavior.

Look forward to age 6! So far, it has been wonderful for us when age 5 was a little more difficult.

I also want to add that I don't think a child psychologist is your answer. My fear is that she may get labeled as a problem child or ADD, or worse, be prescribed medication she doesn't need. The label will then become the excuse. Maybe some family counseling would help though if you're interested in learning some new approaches to parenting.

Best advice is just get ehr to a doctor my 5 year old step daughter is the same way and there are times when I just want to scream. If nothing else a counselor can give you some pointers on how to deal with how the stress affects you and your husband and that alone can do wonders. Good luck I'm sorry I can' say more than what I have but if it helps at all just know you're not alone, how many times should you have to tell a 5 year old to wash up in the shower while she stands tehre and washes the same spot on her arm for 10 minutes? take care.

I have a 4 year old who can be rather stubborn as well. I have been using a super nanny technique for rewards. If my daughter does what I ask or helps with chores, she gets a sticker on her chart. After 10 stickers she gets a prize. Her behavior has changed radically for the better since I started the reward system and showed her how it worked. Before I was constantly giving negative feedback by yelling and/or spanking. I have found that chart to have much more impact. Anyway, you might want to give it a try...

When my son was born, my daughter tried to give me the blues and she was 6 years old then. I tried to figure out what could I do to change her ways just little. I also worked full time then. I started letting my son go visit his grandmother and asked her to keep him for at least 2 days. I called off work and spent the whole time with her. We went shopping and out to lunch and I tried to find out what is it that she likes and what does she really want. Talking to her and telling her how she hurts your feelings sometimes when she does'nt do the right things and that being disrespectful only makes enemies. We as parents have to stop and think of the little ones even when we know the bills have to be paid. My suggestion is spend maybe a couple of days with her alone or even a weekend. Make it fun and try to do this at least once a month or so. This will help if the Father does something with her as well. The baby always takes away attention from the first borns and we just have to work in a different mind set when it comes to keeping out children close. Sharing helps out a lot.

Hello,,I read your story and I had to respond,,yes she should talk to someone, I have 3 children,,my youngest two are 8 camry thats my daughter, and John is 7 they are both speakin to child psychologist because of several issues,,,one being behavorial especially with John,,,I found out he's suffering from depression and anxiety,,he's been suspended from school twice this year and hes only in the second grade,,he was facing expulsion because of his behavior, he's a football player and is already big,,can you imagine how huge he will be next year if he was to get left back? haha,,i dont mean to laugh but damn. You daughter is going through some things related towards sharing mommy and daddy with this new person,,known to her as her baby sister,,of course she requires more attention considering she's a baby,,,and your oldest has had you guys all to herself for 4 years and now look,,,what i've learned by taking my kids to talk to a psych, is that,,even tho they are our children,,sometimes its easier for them to talk to a complete stranger. They can say the exact same things that you say,,and take it different because its not mommy or daddy saying it. I take them to St. Elizabeth hospital here in Datyon,,its called Good Samaritan Behavorial health,, I work at good sam,,,,they are good with kids to,,,and by the way,,my son is really improving,,my daughter started acting out,,because she wanted to talk to someone to,,and she didnt like the fact that John had his own person to talk to. Your daughter might enjoy having her own person to talk to,,so that way she doesnt have to share,, it will get better,, she just needs help understanding that,and i found that the child psych can put things in a kids perspective and get them to understand,,where as I couldnt. My daughter talks to a girl,and my son talks to a man,,I just thought it would work out better that way,,,but if you have any questions just let me know

I am going throught the same exact problem with my 5 yr. Old daughter. Reading this article is like me describing my child. We are also expecting a baby and i don't know what to do anymore. What i was thinking is taking her to be admitted in a psychiatric hospital for a bit, or having her put on meds. I'm not really sure what to do anymore i've had enough.

My daughter is now 6, just turned at the end of last month. She went through this "phase"as i like to call it a few years ago. yelling and screaming dont help that matter, as i found through trial and error.She did the same things that ur daughter is doing, throwing herself on the florr, kicking and screaming, and just acting like a complete nutt. It fianlly hit a point where I had to laugh to keep from crying. I knew that it was an attention grabber with her, in order to try to make me give im and give her what she wants. When it finaly hit a point where I couldnt take it anymore, I would laugh at her and say " come on Abbie, I know you can scream louder then that! Yell louder, I dont think I heard you right! you can kick you feet harder then that" on the times that she would not throw herself to the floor, I would say" wait Abbie, you didnt throw yourself to floor, come on pumpkin, You cant forget that part, that is the best part of the whole tantrum". it finally hit a point where she noticed it wasnt getting me frazzled anymore, and she stopped doing it. i know each child is different, and this may work on some, but not all. hopefully, this works on your child. tr having anyone who watches her do the same thing, daycare, aunts uncles etc. it does take awhile, this isnt a 24 hour cure, but in time, she will notice. hopefully it works for you

I agree with the advice of giving her time with "just you two" for a day now and then. Beyond that, do you let her help take care of Makayla? Giving her some small responsibility might help her realize why her sister takes up so much of your time, while explaining to her that her sister "can't do" many things. But let her try feeding her sister, throw out the folded diaper when you change the baby, let her pick out what the baby wears that day. Explain to her that she is the Big Girl and your Helper. It will let her feel that she has some control over what goes on in her world. I have a 3-count rule with my children (and they are only 1 and 2 years old - the oldest already corrects her behavior when I reach 2)...In a very stern voice, tell her "You have until I count to 3" after you have requested something of her twice with no response...(ie, "Maddy, put your shoes on." "Maddy, please put your shoes on now - we have to leave." "Maddy, you have until I count to 3. ONE." (say ONE in a VERY stern voice, give about a 15 second pause) "TWO...you need to put your shoes on now or (give the consequence)." "THREE" and apply the consequence). If this is done consistently, (and make sure the consequence is something you can apply right then and there - if you're out and she won't listen, threatening to take tv away at home defeats the purpose...odds are that by the time you get home, she'll have forgotten the incident), she will correct her behavior. My 2 year old only has be reach TWO every so often. More than not, by the time I say ONE, she has already realized I mean business and corrects her behavior.

OMD....My daughter(4) acts exactly like that. Her name iw Madyson and we call her Maddy as well. We take her TV and things away too. I read your blog and I felt like I wrote it. This tells me this must be a phase. Hopefullt over soon!!

Good Luck!!