MIL Advice - Garland,TX

Ohhh, this is such a touchy subject. Just reading it makes me fired up about my own mil. lol Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of advice for you because my husband and I still go back and forth about the same sort of things as well. Recently though, he finally got the picture and said he will mention to his mother than she needs to be more careful with her words etc. It has taken us many arguments and discussions to get to this point. Just about every time she would say, or do something, I would make sure to mention it to him later or give him a look if he was there so he'd know I was upset. I don't know if my tactics are right or wrong but it's finally worked for us. I think that after mentioning so many things so many times, he was able to see that I was truly upset by her.

I had to remind him that our daughter's health, happiness, and well being is more important than anyone else's feelings. Hang in there and know you are definitely not the first one with these complaints!! :)

I think that would be very hard to let go. My husband just ends up helping out his family when they call ( all the time) and that drives me nuts.
If I were you, I'd just sit down with your husband and decide ahead of time what help " limits" you have for his mom. How much money you're willing to give her, etc. Then all you have to do is stick to it.
With the not giving you anything, it sounds like she is used to having her kids take care of her not the other way around. I'd just try and view it as her problem. She's not likely to ever buy gifts or do nice things for you. Just venting to friends might help, but if it still bothers you I don't know that saying anything will help. It won't change her selfish behavior and it probably already makes your husband uncomfortable that his mother is like this ( also he's likely very used to her being selfish since she probably was for his whole childhood)
As for her asking what you are buying, the next time she asks , turn the tables and say " why do you need to know? then just stay quiet and wait for her answer. If she gives a reason just say oh good to know and then continue on. Don't tell her what you buy. She has no right to the info and if she keeps at you just tell her you don't feel the need to share tiny details.
Hang in there and good luck with your baby and MIL

J.,
Both you and your mother-in-law are in stressful times in your lives. You are adjusting to the busy life of a baby and your mother-in-law is struggling with taking care of herself. She is trying to maintain her place with her son, and you are trying to establish yours. Neither is an easy task. Try to keep that in mind.

I admit I wasn't always understanding of my in-laws, but as time marched on we all grew to love each other. We often didn't agree on many things but we helped each other in tough times and celebrated together in good times. That's what families do best......... if you are lucky.

So my advice to you is to do your best to do exactly what we are told as parent......pick your battles. Although the way your mother-in-law does things may be annoying, it sounds like she loves your son, her son and whatever the relationship is between the two of you.........if you accept her, it will get better, and vise a versa. Try not to judge her and if she judges you it is okay to politely let her know you don't appreciate it. Consider her, and over time you will forge a loving relationship and come to understand each other.

All that said, sit down with our husband and talk. Maybe he can help you to understand his mother AND maybe you can help him to understand your feelings. But don't put him in the middle. Don't criticize the way she does things unless safety is an issue. Try to imagine your little baby all grown up and married. There are two sides to every story.

A mother-in-law can be a blessing. Sounds like you trust her to be a babysitter and that's a biggy. Treasure her for that.

I hope this didn't sound like I was on your case. I'm not. As I said I had similar issues early in my marriage and it took years to work out. I wish I had been more accepting and patient so that we could have come to a loving relationship sooner. That's what I would want for you.
Best of Luck J.,
P.

She sounds like she is competing for the Most Annoying Grandparent Award. I have yet talk to a parent who didn't have a nominee. : )