57 answers

How Often Does Your Mother in Law (Who Lives in Town) Come to Visit

Hi, my husband's mom came to see our son (whom she adores) before she left for a 4 week trip. I guess our son clung to my husband and did not want to really interact or play with her. Last time she saw him was about three weeks ago, during which time he was under the weather and also clingy to his dad.

Now, she is upset that our son doesn't remember her, she said that after she comes back from the trip, she is going to see him every week, either by coming to our house or having us come over to hers.

I appreciate that she loves him so much, and sometimes it actually helps when she's there (so we can do things other than watching our son) but I'm annoyed that she thinks that she can control how often she can see her grandson (and our schedule). We are very busy during the week and just want to relax and hangout during the weekends, without having guests or needing to go somewhere every single weekend.

Just wondered if this mother in law's was common and accepted behavior. What do you think of this?

This is a mother in law, who, right after I gave birth and came back to the hospital, wanted to come visit (had already seen our newborn son at the hospital); we said we needed to rest and declined, but she came anyway. So if she's determined she's going to come, she'll do it.

Thank you for your input!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I see my MIL about once a week, though it can be more if it's going on and I need help with childcare or if my children are asking for her (like this week). She is always welcome and could come as often as she wanted. IT's a huge help having her here.

1 mom found this helpful

nevah. my kids' grandma never visits. they don't remember her, she doesn't ask about them. all she cares about is her son, who, in recent years, has distanced himself from her too. if my MIL were to change her mind and want to start seeing my kids she would be faced with: no way no how. too late for you to wanna get to know my kids.

My MIL lives in town, she even lived with us for awhile and she hated my kids being around then. Now she never comes to see them, never even calls to talk to them. My mom on the other hand she has to see the atleast every 3-4 weeks.

More Answers

She's not company she's family. She won't be around forever so let her spend time with your family.

6 moms found this helpful

Well I would love if my in laws were able and when did had the desire to get together. She might not do things the way you do things. That's ok except your differences. Just be happy that you have another grandparent that loves your child so much.

6 moms found this helpful

Since when is it a crime for a grandparent to want to spend more time with their grandchildren? Who cares if she comes over to your house weekly? Really?? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think it needs to be said. Are you really going to be put out by visiting your husbands PARENTS for a few hours on one weekend afternoon? Can you not "relax and hang out" at their house, or while they're at yours? My in-laws live less than 2 miles from us and I love it! My parents are in two different neigboring towns, both at least a 20 minute drive. We don't see them but a couple of times per month. We see my in-laws sometimes 2 and 3 times per week. I just don't get why you want to limit how and when your son sees his grandmother. As for the hospital comment...it really annoyed you that she came to visit more than once when the child of her own child was born? Wow! Really, put yourself in her shoes for just a minute. You are now the most important person in her son's life...you've replaced her in that role. Now you want to control and limit her time with her son and grandson? Grow up.

6 moms found this helpful

I think it is great that she wants to have a good relationship with her grandchild and take extra steps to make it happen. I would encourage it and make the time so your son can have that relationship.

4 moms found this helpful

My MIL went from being pretty close to my kids, to now that her own daughter has a baby, my kids fell off the planet to her. Trust me, its more hurtful when they dont make an effort.
I think the reason it bothers me so much is because growing up, I had a set of grandparents that I only saw at Christmas and they lived 10 minutes from us. They never cared to make the effort and to this day it bothers me that I didnt have a relationship with them.
I think your child will appreciate the memories and the effort.

2 moms found this helpful

My MIL doesn't live in town (she lives 4 hours away) but typically visits 1 weekend a month. You have several previous posts that are obviously written from a grandparents point of view, telling you to grow up, and let your MIL do what she wants in an effort to bond with her grandchild. I disagree with that completely. This is YOUR CHILD. You and your husband have total control over how often your child sees their grandparents. My in-laws are very overbearing and intrusive. I identify with you with the need to rest after giving birth. You should not be told that this is selfish behavior. What's selfish is the common grandparent thought that they can visit whenever and for how long that they please. "Jamie J" obviously has never had to deal with intrusive in-laws before...

Let your MIL visit your child on your terms. If you have a young child, and you don't set boundaries early, this could affect you for the rest of your life. Regardless if this is your husband's mother or not, it doesn't mean she's an easy person to deal with. I have become very firm with my in-laws about when they can/cannot visit. The most important family unit is the immediate family. I wouldn't compromise your needs in favor of hers. This is your time to be a mother to your child, she's already had that opportunity in raising your husband. She needs to be reminded of her role (as a grandparent) and respect it accordingly.

2 moms found this helpful

Maybe she'd like to babysit once a week ? :)

2 moms found this helpful

You don't mention how old your son is. Before they're 3 or so, they are really only going "remember" and be comfortable with people they do see regularly (like, every week.)

On some level, I think it's fantastic that your son's grandma wants to have a real relationship with him, one where they are comfortable with each other and enjoy spending time together - not a distant, formal, occasional-visit relationship.

It sounds like you feel like having your MIL over is a chore, like having a guest over. Is this your expectation of the situation, or does your MIL expect your bathroom to be clean and to be served a snack while you all sit around and visit? It doesn't have to be like that. It could be a relationship where she babysits your son, takes him on outings, and helps around your house when she's there (unloads the dishwasher, folds laundry, whatever.) Where you all go outside to do yard work while your son naps and when he wakes up, she goes in to give him a snack. Whether you really connect with her or not - you don't have to be best friends for her to be a good influence on your son. It's wonderful for kids to have a whole group of grownups they feel close to and who care for them.

It sounds a little like you feel like you can't say "no" to her when she calls and asks for a visit. You are allowed to say "that's not a good time for us, how about this time?" Perhaps a conversation with her is in order - asking if she would be interested in babysitting occasionally, or making a (short) regular date to get together. It needn't change your plans for the weekend - just find a way to fold her into your existing plans. (Going to the park? Ask her along.)

I think a close grandparent relationship can be valuable to the kid and useful to a parent - but you do need to define boundaries and terms so that it's a relationship that works for everyone.

2 moms found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.