Inappropriate Comment from a Stranger

Updated on May 24, 2007
C.C. asks from Hinsdale, IL
12 answers

I need to get other mom's opinions on how to handle a situation that happened last night. My daugher who is 14 months and I were outside on the sidewalk playing with a playground ball. There were several other kids and parents out on the sidewalk at the same time. A man walked by on the sidewalk and looked down at my daughter and said 'Hi, I have balls that big too.' I was completely dumbfounded and really creaped out by this. I think one or two of the other dads may have heard what this man said or at least realized that he said something really inappropriate. Should I have said something? Or should I have called the cops and reported the incident? We have never seen this man before, but I will be keeping my eye out for him in the future. Any advise on how to handle something like this is appreciated. Or, if I am totally overreacting, please let me know.

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S.R.

answers from Chicago on

You are not over reacting at all. If you see him again, go stand by other peple you know or go inside. If he makes another comment, call the police.

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C.P.

answers from Chicago on

C.,
What an inappropriate comment. As far as I'm concerned, you can never "overreact" when it comes to the safety of your child. The guy may have just have a really bad/sick sense of humor, or he could be a pervert. In any event, if you haven't already, you might want to check out the registered sex offenders in your neighborhood. Go to www.isp.state.il.us/sor/. (All of Illinois, including Chicago) They give addresses and photos. Also, http://12.17.79.4/ is another site for Chicago sex offenders. I was surprised when I checked out my area. There are a lot more registered sex offenders than I had imagined (and they are only the ones who got caught.) You might want to find your local CAPS meeting and get involved. ( Go to www.cityofchicago.org and search CAPS).

4 moms found this helpful
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L.

answers from Chicago on

I would have been creaped out too. I think you did the right thing by not saying anything, because he was most likely trying to get a reaction from you.

I would call the police to report the behavior, that way they can up the patrols in your area, especially as you were at the playground.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Chicago on

In the workplace, adult to adult, this would be called sexual harrassment. Said by the husband of your best friend,to another adult friend,in some circles would be considered in poor taste. In others it would be considered humerous. Sexual comments of ANY sort, said to strangers, adult OR children, is sexual harrassment. Said within earshot of children is especially troublesome and authorities are now taking this very seriously. "Inappropriate" is a huge understatement. Granted the Chicago police do not have the best record with regard to responding responsibly in some cases, but you have a responsibility to your own child, and to others, to report this. Definetely look at a picture line up. If you see him again, take a picture without him knowing it, if you possibly can, even from the side or behind. Another problem here is that some people either cannot or will not recognize this for what it is and don't report it, leaving this man to continue his behavior. One response here indicated the preditor website. Go on that first, before you call the police, and see if he is there. There are pictures to help with identification. If he is not there, I actually hope you DO see him again so you can get that picture.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

WOW! That was totally inappropriate. More than likely the guy has a "different" sense of humor and really didn't mean anything by it. He probably thought he was funny, didn't think his comment all the way through and just said whatever popped into his head. If I were alone with my daughter I don't think I would have said anything. I would have just walked away and tried to stay clear of him in the future.

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C.,

Oh my God, he is a prev....... please be very careful and if you see him again you should call the police. He may be a register sex offender. It's so hard to tell whether a person is a prev... or not. This is why I keep my kids inside we rarely go outside by my neighborhood. Even when we are at the Mall or at any other public place I try to hold on to my kids. No a days anything is possible. Take care of your self and your daughter.

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A.R.

answers from Chicago on

Do NOT react directly to him. If he is truly a predator, then he did it because he's looking to get a reaction from someone (that's how people like this 'get off' - by using offensive language to shock others...kinda like if you're ever confronted by a flasher - point and laugh, then report it to police instead of other 'shock related' responses). Instead, call 911 and firmly and assertively explain what happened. Unfortunately there might not be a lot that they can do about it (free speech issues, unfortunate as it may be in this case), but if the perpetrator hears you call 911 or the police then they may be less likely to pull the stunt again.

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K.

answers from Chicago on

If I were you I would definitely report it to the police just to be on the safe side. I teach self defense classes, and stranger danger classes to kids and I always tell them to listen to their instincts. If you get that funny feeling that something is just not right, it probably isn't. There are too many wackos out there in the world and especially if it involves the safety of yourself and your daughter it is better to be safe than sorry. I would definitely report it to the police and let them check it out. It can't hurt and you never know it could save someone! Always listen to your gut!!! It's usually right 99% of the time.

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R.

answers from Chicago on

Totally sick! I would feel the same way as you.

Sadly, my experience with Chicago Police has been so-so. I'd call them anyhow--though I don't think you'll get much of a response. They just have "bigger fish to fry" so to speak. It's definitely worth a shot though.

In the meantime, I'd get everyone in the neighborhood on board with keeping an eye out for this creep. If anyone can remember what he looked like or what he was wearing that would be a plus.

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L.W.

answers from Chicago on

It's hard to judge the comment withouth knowing the tone he said it in or seeing his appearance/facial expression when he was talking....we've had friends make silly jokes like that UNDER THEIR BREATH at my son's birthday party (since my son is a year old, and they were saying it to make the other adults laugh, it wasn't offensive to me--I can't remember the jokes exactly but yeah, some comment about "balls" or something)--so you know, it may jsut be someone with an oddball sense of humor and a case of not knowing when you should just think it to yourself instead of saying it out loud. I don't blame you for getting freaked out, and I think it's odd that he said ti driectly to your daughter, but I woudln;t assume that he was necessarily a sex offender jsut from that comment--he was making an adult joke, you know? It can be safely assumed that he was pretty sure your daughter wouldn't "get" the joke--he probably was trying to share a joke with YOU! Anyway: inappropriate, sure, but dangerous? I doubt it...? All the more reason, though, to stay near your children when they're in public--I'm always amazed by people who sit on a park bench with their back to their children while they're playing at the park--if you hadn't been near her, you wouldn't even have heard the comment at all, so good for you! :-)

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K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi,
I live in the Andersonville/Ravenswood neigborhood and had something very similiar happen to me and daughter. The cops are great in that neigborhood, and it turns out the creep is a resident in the nursing home in that neighborgood. The cops went over to the nursing home and made it clear that he should not be allowed out without supervision.
It's scary how many creeps are out there!!!
K.

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J.R.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C.,

I would feel the exact same way! I would call the police & make an incident report on the man giving as best a description you can of him. Also, I would alert the parents around as well as the park district personnel of this man & his description. The comment was completely inappropriate and if it were me, I'd be horrified. I have a 4yr. old son - regardless of how old your child is or even if you have a child - this is totally off the wall & you're radar is spot on about this. He may be a predator in the area & advising the other parents in the area could be the best way to stop him from coming around. This guy may be a known offender in the area as well - you can go on a website to locate offenders in your area (don't know what it is offhand, but a google search should turn it up) & perhaps even pick him out of one of the photo's online. Not to frighten you, but to agree its better safe than sorry.

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