Neighbors Interfering in Harassment Order?

Hey, I knew the Hillside Strangler and he was a nice guy too!
You are her protector. It is your job to follow your instincts as a mother. When I was starting school, my mom told me that I shouldn't take ride from strangers. Then she told me a story of a little blonde girl with braids, (hmmm, she looked just like me) got in a car with a man and he took her into a field and cut her head off. I know sounds drastic, but I never forgot it or took a ride with anyone I didn't know.
What parents are ignoring your requests? Is he still living with his parents at age 29???

Document, document, document!!! Take cell phone pictures, digital pictures, any kind of pictures if you have encounters with these people in any way shape or form. If they try to have conversations with you -- sit down and write them out or save the content somehow. When it comes to enforcing these orders, the more information you have the better. Make sure that the police are informed any time they try to engage you in any kind of communication. Your daughter's reaction is enough to warrant your worry and protection. Kids typically don't make this kind of stuff up. Good for you -- taking prompt action to keep this person away from her. I've seen a lot -- I'm a retired school teacher of 30 years, and more parents should be so quick to act. And, if these people don't like it -- too damn bad!

E.,

Your top priority is your daughter. Go back to court regarding this interference, or, at the very least, talk to the police for your area. This is gross negligence on the part of your neighbors and perhaps a visit from the police will help them to get their priorities straight, namely an innocent six year old little girl! Do not hesitate to seek legal counsel. You only have one opportunity at raising your daughter and keeping her safe. Don't let your neighbors bully you.

Stand tall, chin up...do anything and everything necessary for your child...that includes moving!

Good luck and know that you, and your daughter, are in my prayers.

D. P.

P.S. I am a mother of four, ranging in age from 5-20. I have gone to bat for my children, and will continue to do so, hundreds of times...and until the day I die. Every child should be able to depend on their parents to stand up for them. I was widowed (the father of my four children), but am now remarried (yeah!).

Your daughter is to young to have to deal with this on her own. I'm not sure what you mean by "she's to scared to tell them to go away". But at this point YOU and your HUSBAND have to be your daughters voice. You have to do what you can in order to protect her, which it sounds like you are doing. Stand up for her no matter what. Who cares what others think when it comes to your child. You tell THEM to go away not her. Be her voice right now I don't blame her for being scared I would be too.
W.

It sounds like you have nosey neighbors, which can be bad and good... they just don't know the full story. What he has done is clearly predator-like behavior, and kudos to you for filing charges.
I would have a "sit down" with these neighbors, and explain to them that it is your job to protect your daughter from potential predators, and that he "went over the line," (tell them as much as you are able to or comfortable with). Then, perhaps you can tell them that this is between your family and this man (none of their business), that they are making your child uncomfortable, and tell them firmly to please stop harrassing your child.
You can also send them a "cease and desist" via certified mail, if this continues (for your records that you tried to stop this activity). Here is a link to advice on writing one http://fairusenetwork.org/reference/cd.php

Good Luck!

Okay...I had to respond to this. If you or your daughter ever feel unfomfortable with any persons behavior you have the right to report it and handle it the best way you can. I don't know what the specific situation was but please don't feel pressured to allow your daughter around people you don't feel comfortable with. I would just simply tell them...I am not comfortable with the attention you are giving to my child. As a parent you decide not your neighbors who is appropriate for your child to be around. I have learned to always go with my gut when it comes to my child.....and to listen to what she tells me. Why would this person be interested in paying attention to a six year old other than to wave as a neighbor etc...I don't know how to get the parents to listen other than to let them know that this your child and you will make the decisions for and with her! This makes me so uncomfortable I have to say! Why does a six year old have to go through this with a neighbor. He should act like an adult.

E.,
I think you're wonderful for listening to that little voice inside that tells you when something is not right even when all the neighbors are trying to drown it out. I think if it were me I would have a strongly-worded talk with the interfering neighbors reminding them that the world is full of kids that were abused by seemingly upstanding citizens--former Oregon Governor Neil Goldschmidt, for instance! Do they really *know* that he wouldn't hurt her? How could they? She's your responsibility and your *baby* and your issue with the other neighbor is not their business at all. I'm not surprised that she's scared to ask them to go away--are they talking to her when you or her dad are not around?? If it doesn't get better, I would look at moving to a less toxic environment. You're doing the right thing!

Trust your gut, God gave you that intuition for a reason.I can recall countless times where I trusted my instincts in regards to my children's wellbeing and was NEVER sorry. And there were times when if I hadn't paid attention to that "somethings not right feeling in my gut" I would have been sorry. Keep being a good mom who protects her baby. Good for you!

Move. Don't put your child in harms way. If you feel strongly enough to get a harassment order, your child is at risk. Move move move.

E., I don't know what your living situation is, but I would move. He has had access to your daughter, which means he knows your routines. AND since he has the neighbors on his side, what's to say they don't help him get to her. Please Please Please get out. Harrassment orders are only as good as the paper they are written on. He has to do something for the police to take him and at this point the axe has been thrown. Your daughter will be traumatized by all of this until you remove her and you from the situation. This will not go away. Get out to protect her. Nothing is too drastic to protect your daughter. If someone got that close to my daughter my husband would not stop to consider anything (not even a harrasment order), but getting her away from the situation. Good luck and "Get out" is my advice to you. (Bad feeling just listening to you talk about this. Please heed these warnings.)

if you have an harassment order aginst him, enforce it! yjat is why it is there, the longer you wait or delay he knows he is winning, if you are scared there is a reason, and I bet a Judge would add the girlfriend to the order, a judge will also add a cease & desist for talking about you to neighbors, like a gag order of sorts. I have a restraining order on my brother, he did the same thing, would go talk to neighbors & talk how selfish I was and would blow things out of proportion, well I started carrying around the pictures the police took of me at the hospital, beaten to a bloody pulp for no reason aside that he was not on my kids emergency contact list at schools...
amaizing what a picture will do.
but maybe you can carry around a copy of the harassment order, let people know, heavens if he turns his attention on a different girl......
take good care and I'll pray for you.

E.,

I agree with other posters here. You and your husband need to step up and tell these neighbors to butt out, that this man has not been nice to your daughter.

I never dealt with adult predators as a child, but I was harassed terribly as a child by my peers. They were cruel, mean, and once I had some older kids follow me home on the school bus to harass me on the way home. That day they only left me alone when I grabbed the phone to call the cops on them. Not once, that I remember, did my dad step up and protect me or try to make things better for me (this is from 4th grade until I graduated high school). Not a day goes by now that I'm grown and have my own kids that I don't wish that he had done more to protect me.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

To protect my child and to ensure she grow up in a more caring and nurturing atmosphere, I would move. Nothing is worth living in fear and hostility.

Hi E.
If you have a order against the neighbor INFORCE IT .....
It sounds like a Pedifile and the aggressive behaveyour when he is denyed axsess to your 6 year old tells me a lot. This type of person is very charming and wins adults over by being the nice guy helpful neighbor. Spend the money and do a back ground check on him and his girlfriend. You just may find a sexual preditor living next door. If your daughter is afraid of them they may have allready done something and or verbely threatened her to not tell or keep a secret or bad things might happen to her or her mom or dad. The Neighbors may be in denyal and or just do not want to know anything becouse they may have there one stuff to deal with and just do not want any Trubel. The signs are there get it checked out and take any and all actions to protect your Daughter.....
If you can get finger prints from the Man Neighbor ask the Poliece to run them or get an Atturney to do it for you.
What ever you do, do not do nothing, If you find out that all is really ok than just watch and keep the NO Contact order in place and go from there. Sexual preditors are smart and cunning, they are very good con men and sweet talkers in publick, but behind closed doors the dark side comes out.

You and yours are in my prayours

I hope the best for all in this matter.

E.,
Protect your daughter at all cost.
MOVE!

Find your local police phone number non emergency and give it a call and ask for their advide and for referals . They should be able to give you plenty of help and you could get a free 30 minute consult from any lawyer.

Hello E.,

It is your duty to speak with those nosey neighbors and tell them point blank "do not speak to my daughter!" They shouldn't be talking to her anyway. She is only 6. I am wondering how are these people getting near her in the first place. Sorry to sound a little harsh, but I was molested as a little girl and my heart really goes out to little innocent kids. Their innocense is extremely important.

My youngest is 11 and I am still extremely protective of her. This world is way too crazy with lunatics such as that young man born in 1979. He has certainly crossed his boundaries! If he is still trying to talk to your daughter, I would go back to court, first of all, call the cops to make a report and really get more and more documentation regarding this guy. Paper work says a lot.

As I was saying, I am overprotective of my daughter.....I also communicate sex offenders as well. I am very honest with her when it comes to life issues and what not. When she was little, like 4 or 5, I would never let her out of my sight. I would be on the playground with her, watching how other kids are, you know, the surroundings. So, when it comes to child predators. you really have to be on guard and on the look out for male AND female. I guess they don't care if they try to mess with a boy or a girl.

When it comes to people, even at daycares, you have to always stay on top of everything! I mean everything. I don't care what people think of me and how I am protecting my daughter. She's the future to adding normality in this world. I hope that things get better for you and your daughter and that he and others will leave you alone and that everything will get taken care of regarding your daughters safety.

The neighbors have no say in this matter. What they think does not override this mans unacceptable behavior toward your daughter. A mothers instinct is there for a reason. Disregard what they say and stand by your decision. You are doing the right thing by protecting your daughter and if others dont understand oh well. The only people you are accountable to are your family. Hang in there.

Are your neighbors aware that this is harrassment towards a minor child? Are they aware they can be breaking that order themselves and be punished for it? Sounds like you need orders against your other neighbors too.

First though i would try speaking to them with an officer so you can have it documented of them harrassing you about your order against someone else. Maybe that will work maybe not but keep putting your foot down and yeah they might call you the biggest bleep in the neighborhood. But you are this childs mother and you must protect her from this.

Im going through a hell neighbor too. 2 days ago he tried running my kid and her friend over and flipped her off..Cops (APD) didnt do nothing and It isnt fun. You get horrible looks from other neighbors cause the hell neighbors are liars. but stand up and say who cares this is my daughter im protecting HER from crazy people. If they cannot understand what you are going through then obviously they arent a good neighbor to begin with and someone you or your daughter shouldnt be associating with anyway

Good Luck

Your neighbors should be ashamed of themselves.
Remind these parents that what they are doing is in itself a form of harrassment and perpetuating the cycle. Also remind them that it would not be all that difficult to include them in the restraining order.
I mean - don't they have children?
I am blunt and not the most tactful person in the world. Everything I think of could potentially make it worse and I'm sure that's not what you are looking for...
Your daughter could just remind them that she doesn't have to explain/justify herself to them...
What a position for one so young to be in.
I'm not really sure what you could do....
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

MOVE! I know that might seem like an overreaction but you need to protect your little one! Call the local police department and go over the situation with and get their advice. There are lots of websites out there that can show you if registered sex offenders are living in your area as well. Good luck!!

Don't let these people talk to your child. And I would try to move. Good Luck!!

Well, it sucks if your eally love where you live or if you're stuck in a lease - but I say get the heck out of dodge. Home is supposed to be a safe retreat. Who wants to put up with this all day? Certainly not you and your daughter can't do it. Great job being aware.

I am not sure how helpful this is but after reading this, my sense is that you are on the right track to protect your daughter from this guy. Please trust your instincts. I am not sure how long you have lived where you live or if you are really attached to the location but if it were me, I might consider moving away if you are getting no support and your daughter feels scared. Child abusers will say whatever to get access to and undermine both the child's and the parent's natural (& common sense) barriers. The girlfriend could be in on it as well. You never know by looking at people and you always hear from the neighbors "He/she never looked like they would have done what they did"--because people who take advantage of kids cultivate the appearance of non-threatening and normalcy. I am kind of rambling but protecting kids is really important to me. Also, have you spoken to your daughter about her body (knowing all the correct names for parts) and what is appropriate/not appropriate for the people around her? Was this neighbor required to submit to a background check when he rented there? Did the police run any checks/find anything when they issued the harassment order? How involved/aware is the landlord on this situation? I hope you find a solution that works for you and your daughter.

I am a stay at home mother of three young girls myself. I think you are doing what is right, please don't let anyone influence you about your parenting. Your daughter comes first and if your gut is telling you to keep him away please do so. I bet no other neighbor's in your neighborood are single mothers of young girls. I wish more mother's had your wisdom and power. Good Luck

Yes, don't let your daughter talk to the women who are encouraging her to talk to the this man. You're doing the right thing to protect your daughter. It doesn't matter if people think you are crazy or she's a brat, or what have you. Keep her inside with you. Take her to the park and not your courtyard, just keep her safe.

I wish I had more info before posting my last statement...you should move if at all possible.

If the man makes you and your daughter uncomfortable and the police agreed with your concerns enough to place a non-harassment order against him, then your neighbors are certainly mistaken. Men that prey on children, often have the adults around them fooled, that is how the manage to become: preists, teachers, coaches, troop leaders, etc. Remind them of that if needed. There is a website that you can log onto to see if this guy is registered, in anyway as sex offender, although, I assume your management would have had to notify you. A Mother knows, stick with your instincts. Let you neighbors know that they need to mind their own business. If you could move, it might be for the best, but if that is not an option. Good Luck and keep your chin up.