Im Lost and Scarred and Need Some Help!!!!!

I think we're all a bit confused about what you're trying to ask. Punctuation would help.

2 moms found this helpful

Go back to School, and get yourself refined, the more you know, the more powerful and self confident you will become. The way you are living your life right now, is a disaster, (you know this in your heart) Otherwise you would not be here, asking (confirming) the truth. A weak man will gravitate to a vonurable woman, and play on her low-self esteem. The deeper you get into this messed up relationship with this (kid) the more your kids will suffer. Take a stand for yourself. Get out of this mess, and become a strong, resilliant woman, and a mother your kids deserve. You are no longer just for yourself, every thing you do, sets the foundation for your childrens life, you have to be for them. It's time for you to grow up. Focus on you, and the kids, and cut men out of the picture, until you are mature enough to attract a Strong, like minded man.

That's my no nonsense advise. You need to hear the truth.
Have Faith, and First Rely on God! Always

1 mom found this helpful

call me on Wed or thursay ###-###-####
i may be able to help

J. C

It sounds like you are really confused and scared. What do you really want to get out of your relationship with your husband? Then you need to ask your self what about your children. There are plenty of programs that can help you if you want to leave him and be a single parent. But that is a decision that only you can make yourself. Maybe the two of you can get into counseling and get things sorted out with someone who is not so close to the situation..
If you are really having trouble as a single parent and want to work they have an excellent program that works called
Interfaith Housing. If you are seriously interested email me and I can give you the particulars. They help you get a job, free childcare, and free housing. The apartments they have are awesome. I speak from personal experience. I was there and am now finishing my Masters Degree in Psychology. They have an excellent program. pat

Find a good local church and go as often as possible. Jesus is the only answer. Start to read a Bible to relieve your fear and fright. Let not your heart be troubled, one cannot rely on another person, turn to God. Also, do not have anymore children... I know it is difficult for you to take care of them.
Blessings and more blessings are there for you as you begin to have faith.

You are in a tough spot. I think you should get a job. You are responsible for your children. You wanted them to see a healthy marriage that is why you left your husband, but look at what they have learned from it all! Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore. Mommy had a baby with a man and then forced us to live with him. Mommy fights with this man too. I think you should also find family to live with until you get back on your feet. This man is not willing to make a commitment yet. My husband and I got married at 19 yrs old and had our first baby at 22 yrs old. So, age is not the issue. Its really that he isnt ready to commit. Think of those 3 precious children and do what is best for them. I hope something I have said helps!

You're coming to the realization, somewhat late in the game, that the world does not revolve around you...and that our actions have consequences--life-altering consequences. You can choose to stop being a "victim" and start living your life victoriously, and with the power and peace that only God gives. I've seen several other Mommas give you advice to go to church. I don't know where you live, but I'll be willing to bet there's a church in your area with a large singles ministry, ready to help you through this and help your kids, too. If nothing else, seek the help of the Salvation Army. They can provide for your needs, and lead you to the one truth...that while we (yes, everyone, not just you, dear!) were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He gave his life so that we may live forever in heaven with the Father, and also that we may live abundant, victorious, and peaceful lives here on Earth. All you have to do is acknowledge you are a sinner (we all are...)and that you need a Savior, and that you trust in Christ alone to save you. Then, get a Bible and read the book of John, which will help you start on your life toward real freedom, real joy, and real strength, and real peace. Who doesn't need that? You are so worth it, J.. God loves you so much, just as you are, no matter what you have done in the past. Accept his free gift of Jesus Christ today, then grow in your faith by attending church & reading his Word. I'll be praying for you and your children, and don't ever think again that a man can fulfill your needs or be the answer to your dreams. It just doesn't work that way in the real world.

My first response is not a nice one - in my opinion you are both being selfish putting "wanting to hang with my friends" ahead of your children. Obviously, you didn't realize what kind of sacrifices you would have to make before you had them! But hind sight is always 20-20! On the plus side, he does want to stick around and try to make things work, although marriage was not mentioned at all. There's a lady called Dr Laura Schlessinger who has a radio show (I recommend finding a station and listening) and several books out and she gives some great advice, unfortunately I'm not her! But I can guess at what she would say and recommend one of her books to you: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I recommend this one because I believe if you made it more pleasant for him to stick around, he would probably do so. Give him the 2 weekends/month but also practice the advice in this book and hopefully, in time, he'll become the man and father he needs to be. You are the one who can help mold him but it's not going to be through nagging, fighting or pressuring but through sacrifice. You're children will be greatly rewarded and, believe it or not, so will you! Another place you can seek help/counseling would be the church. If you are Christian/believer you're life as you described it has not reflected it. But, thankfully there is always forgiveness! I will be praying for you!

Personally, I would find a nice christian church to help give your kids some stability and guidance. And maybe get some counseling.

You already know if this man is able to be a decent husband and father. What is it that you want him to do ? I wouldnt blame him for not wanting to watch all the other kids you had with your ex while you go out with friends.

Ok so you will get tons of advice on this and every other thing a mother wants to check off her list. Walking? check. Eating solids? check.... Anyway, don't let everyone tell you what to do or when. Watch for the signs and when you are BOTH ready go for it. I have 4 boys and just finished training my twins. I like to take a couple days off(even mostly ignore the chores while they are awake) and I put the potty chair in front of the TV on a towel and we play games or watch TV all while drinking lots. Then I set the timer starting at every 10 minutes and gradually increase the time. I say "Lets see if we can go potty" and then put them on the potty for just a minute and then get off and reset timer. I use underwear or naked at this point so it is obvious when they go. I have them sit every time initially so they always have the opportunity to poop. When they sit I also ask them to try to push. You will have to train boys to hold down their part but at first I do that. With my oldest boys they trained quickly and we could go on the road within a week but I also waited until they were just three. My twins took longer due to a busier life, two story house and there were more boys to assist. Once they have it in their head that they potty in the toilet, you could use a pull up in order to not make yourself nuts but make sure you take them to the potty often so they don't get out of the habit. I personally think quite often they are capable of using the toilet but are easily distracted and so they mess occasionally. Who wants to stop playing to go pee? So for a while(weeks) I make sure I ask them to "try" every hour or two to keep them consistently using the toilet. So technically I am trained for a while but then they get it and start telling you.

I can tell you from experience that if a man can't really leave...that is leave his family and friends, without having to talk and see them so often...he is NOT ready to have a family. Make him move out with NO excuses on your part. Make the break clean and if he comes back he is there because he "chooses" to be there because he loves you. If he wants to participate in the baby's life...keep it plutonic. A marriage or relationship cannot work if you two "need" one another. Take this time to find yourself. Don't date or take on more than you can handle. Build on your self esteem and concentrate on your children...they need your full attention. Good luck. Stay true to you first...love will fallow when the time is right.

First of all....what does your heart tell you to do? Do you love this guy? My mom always told me that your gut feelings never lie to you. That is your inner voice telling you what is right and what is wrong. Your heart and head tell you what you want not what is right. You need to do the best thing for you and your kids. Only you can determine what that is b/c you know this guy and you know what your true relationship is with him. I think to help you get unconfused start focusing your energy on you and your kids. I am not sure if you are working right now but maybe by getting a job bringing in some of your money and giving your self some independence would be good for you. When you are relying on someone else it gets scary and very lonely. If you learn to take care of you and your kids on your own you will feel like you have more options and choices. That way you will stay b/c you want to and not feel obligated. No matter what you do....listen to your gut feelings. Be true to yourself and your kids. You will be okay. Have faith that everything will work out b/c truly it always does. Goodluck.

J.:
First off, I want to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through. It can't be easy. Can I offer a bit of advice? Take it one step at a time - that way it won't all be so overwhelming. Step One: Have you considered getting a job where you can bring the baby with you (such as the YMCA, any gym or pre-school/daycare facility). Most places (I know the YMCA definately does) let you bring your child to their daycare while you work and it doesn't cost a thing. Step two: Save that money. Get some money put away, then you can make a decision as to what to do with your relationship - free of the pressure of trying to make it work just because he is your baby's father. I'm hoping that between help from the State, child support and a job (even part time), you might just be able to do it! Depend on yourself. Be strong. And remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. Think positively and that will help you put one foot in front of the other.

This problem is too big for you alone. Get some help. Find a big church they will have lots of people and programs to help. See if they have a Stephens minitry or a mentoring program. You need someone to walk with you every step of the way. Go to a crisis pregnancy center lots of times they will have mentoring programs or other resources to help.

J., so sorry you are so confused, to tell you the truth so am I? Not sure I understand what you mean or what your question is? If he wants to see his family why cant all of you come along and maybe it should only be once a month, seems to me like both of you dont really know what you want? Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry for your situation and the pain and confusion you're going through.I'm a direct person, so please forgive me for not beating around the bush.

Firstly, so many times we are looking to just be happy and are not willing to endure hardship to get to the happy. It sounds like you've been really quick to jump ship when things get difficult. The problem with that, is that you have three children who you're dragging through the mud so you can find happiness. If you think they won't suffer for it, you're wrong. They will learn to quit as soon as something is too hard for them.

You can do this! You are more valueable than you know. Don't give yourself to someone who is not willing to commit to you. Moving in together never produces solid, secure relationships. I'm not sure if your divorce is final or not, but honestly, you should not be dating ANYONE while you have young children-by young I mean under 18. You have enough on your plate trying to be friendly with your ex and provide the best possible situation for your children as they have to adapt to their family being ripped apart and any security they had being torn away. Your children come first.

J., I don't know if you have a relationship with Jesus and I'm not here to preach to you, but did you know that your name comes from the Hebrew language and means "One whom God sees" ? He sees you and loves you and wants you to come to Him. He's not going to make your life easy-many people who serve Him have tremendous trials, but He will give you a peace and joy that you can't even begin to comprehend in the middle of the trials. And He will show you how to be a good mom and make choices for your children that will make them strong and secure.

You have made some mistakes, but it's not hopeless. I pray the very best for you and your children and that you will find your way and not be afraid any more. God bless you.

Listen, you have made mistakes based on fear responces. You have to start making decisions based on facts and survival. You cannot control what he chooses to do. You are wasted your time and emotion trying to. Take care of yourself and your kids. Find the best job you can to support yourselves, get help from the government, and become finanically independant from him. That way, if you decide to stay together it is because you want to - not because you HAVE to.
Are you recieving child support from your ex?

I'm not sure where you're at but you need to get in touch with a local women's shelter. They can help you go after child support for the first two, and they can help you with some training and a place to stay so that the four of you can get on your feet without relying on a man.

No, going 'home' every other weekend so he can have some time and space to figure things out wouldn't fly with me.

I think that if you take to heart that finding a church will really help you that is a start. I think that your kids will love it and that your man will see a few things change in you. Do not just go get a job, like some ladies here have said. I think you seem to have some pain that needs to be worked out. It sounds a bit like you have not let go of your first man and you need some closer. So, just getting a job alone, will not help you stand on your own. You need to work on changing your outlook on life and how you see yourself first. Then go out and get a job or school. Read the Bible. That is how God speaks to you. He has a plan for you and if you do not know what it is then there is no reason just to go out and get a job. Because that will just take time away from your kids that is not needed. So, find out what God has planned for you, because his plan will never change and he will never live you. then some things in your life will fall into place. Also, sometimes we have to fight in order to keep what we love. Good luck to you.

J., I can see why you are so confused. My question would be, do you have any support system here (family, close friends)? You have three children and yourself you need to focus on. The one thing you haven't said about the father of your third child is that you love him. And, if you are already contemplating letting him go...you already have, you just haven't told yourself or him. I don't know if you know this or not, but it is okay to be without a man in your life. I thought I always had to have a boyfriend, but when I started raising my daughter as a single mom, I put more focus on myself and her. I was so much happier because I only had to take care of two people. You have four people to take care of now, and if the 21 year old (which is very young), is helping out and truly contributing and you truly love him, great. If, however, he is causing you more strife, then, perhaps you should go it alone. From what your request sounds like, you are definitely putting more emphasis on the men in your life. You need to step back and see how it is affecting you, your children and your relationship with your children. Take care of yourself and family first, making sure you are strong in who you are and what you need, want, believe...

Dear J.:

You have broken my heart after reading your story. God never intended for you to have the life you have for you and your children. I'm going to ask you to stop where you are and seek what God has for you. You seem to be seeking in all the wrong places and with the wrong kind of men. I would say definitely no more personal relationships until you get some things figured out for you and your three precious innocent children. Remember, it's not ALL about you; there are four of you. Do not continue to add more confusion but seek ye first the kingdom of God. Only then will all things be added unto you. I had to learn the hard way also. You are lost, little sheep. Let the Shepherd take care of you. You are scarred. Let the peace of God capture you. You need help. Turn to the Lord Jesus Christ and those others who believe in Him and let them guide you. Do like I did. Begin with the book of John in the New Testament and see what real love is all about. There is hope for you. Please do not give up.

It really sounds like you guys are together for all the wrong reasons. Having a child together is not enough of a reason to be living together and making him your older children's "step-dad". You need to find a way to get your own place and let him go back to his friends and family. This sounds like another divorce waiting to happen.

I recommend that you find a church where you, your husband and children will be comfortable and get involved immediately, so you can make friends with some other young women. For your sake and your children's, you need to try to make this marriage work. Your children do not need to see you with a succession of men. They need constancy in their lives. Stay strong.

I am praying for you.

Grandma in Keller
Joshua 1:9

J.,

So sorry to hear your dilemna. Do you attend church? That would be a start for you and the kids. Would be great if he would get involved with you. There you would be able to build a strong christian bond with other people who could be your support system. You would have the Lord to guide you through matters such as these.

Also, you could get some counselling. Probably something that both of you need to make your relationship work.

Can't tell you how to proceed in your relationship at this time. It is always good to try until you can't try anymore.

What happened to the other children's dad? Is he still in the picture for them? Does he pay you child support? If not, he needs to. That would be money to help you. I can guide you with some help on that subject as I am an attorney.

I will keep you in my prayers that you will become strong and the answers that you seek will be given to you.

Take care,

J.

I am a self employed mom of a 6 year old daughter.

J.,
There's a lot of great advice on here. But, I want to stress that regardless of how young your boyfriend is, he is a father. He has responsibilities to his child. Don't make excuses for him because of his age. You may need to approach him differently than you would someone in their 30sm bu we are all accountable for our decisions and actions. Take control of your life and your kids. You will be much happier if you are controlling your destiny instead of reacting to it. No one here can tell you what to do in this specific situation. You need to find your own way. You need to find a good sounding board and support group. I wish you the best!

A.

First of all dont count on any man to take care of you or your children. Those children are watching you, and observing all you do and molding themselves into your example. Where is your strength? Who cares about this man or the first man. All your focus should be on these kids. You need to think about how you as their mother are affecting them. You have no security for them, and a huge lack of importance in how they feel about this whole situation you have selfishly put them in. Where is your pride, and self worth. You cant have an excuse for not being able to find a job. You could work anywhere, even if it was just fast food, waitressing, or even getting out there slinging garbage. Are they the best jobs, no but what do your children mean to you, would you sacrifice your life to save theirs? I hope the answer is yes, and if it is then this is the same thing. Work doing anything that you can find and go to school at night, while your boyfriend is still around. I know that this is harsh but you need to get your priorities in line first, which are those precious children. Find your inner strentgh and pride in yourself, and say so what you want to leave, then leave but we will be fine. You strive everyday with all you have to be a great mother that cares, and a great example of inner strentgh and pride that they see and feel. Now if your boyfriend wants to leave then let him as hard as that is, you cant stop him. Maybe because i know as women we invest a lot of ourselves into who we love. However it does sound like he loves you but it is very confussed, because he is so young, but both of you need to seek counseling even if it is with your pastor. Again your main worry needs to be on your children not on this man. You said you wanted to show your kids a loving relationship and you still can but it needs to be your relationship with them first and fore most without men. These children are your future but they are also everyone's as well. There are so many services out there that will help you help yourself, just research on the net. As a mother to a mother rememeber god gave you these three kids because he believes in you and knew you were the very best one for them and they believe the exact same thing. So you should too. You've been handed three precious lives so remember to take good care of them, love them to peices, and rememeber to focus on them and their future. You will do well. Just have faith in yourself, and remember pray when it gets to hard. Best wishes, A.

Ok this is gonna sound a bit harsh but first of all you need to get on some sort of birth control. You need to put your children first and do what you have to do to be able to feed and clothe and put a roof over their head. As far as your relationship advise you seek, you didnt give enough information for me anyway, to give you advise. Are you still currently married to the first guy you mentioned? Does he support the kids you have with him? Too many missing pieces to your puzzle. Im sorry you feel lost, i hope you have learned something from all of this and I do hope you get the help you so desperately need. God Bless

J.,

I can sense your confusion and fear. If you are scared, think about what your precious children must be feeling. They are your first priority right now. You need to think about them first and protect them and give them the childhood they deserve.

I think you may need to speak with a professional counselor. The Pastor of Care and Counseling at my church is available to speak with you and offer you assistance and guidance as you steer through this uncertain time in your life. He also has connections within the community and may possibly be able to help you locate a job. I encourage you to contact him or at least another counselor to help you.

You can reach Pastor Mike Stewart, at McKinney Fellowship Bible Church. ____@____.com, ###-###-####.

A. Henderson

I am a firm believer that unless you have lost your love for someone that you should try and make things work. That being said, I really feel like you should try and find a part time job and get back on your feet. It seems like you are a little dependent (just like me). You said in a sentence that you wanted to find someone to show you affection that way you wanted. To me , you need to focus on yourself and your children without a guy in the picture. I would try and find a part time job, save some money, take care of your children and really focus the rest of your energy on yourself and what YOU want. As far as this mans age goes, do not use that against him. My partner is 27 and I am 23. And honestly, I am the glue that holds us together. However, he cannot try and figure things out by going away to see his family, that is not right. He is a man and needs to act like one. It's always hard when you are at a crossroads in a relationship and in life and don't know where to go. I know you are scared. And as much as I want to tell you exactly what to do,what I would do might not make you happy and I don't want you to go on my judgment . Just take my words as an opinion and maybe a small guide to help you think deeper into yourself. God bless you and your children. Be strong. This too shall pass.

Hi J.,

First thing....Find a job, any job...You need to be able to stand on your own 2 feet. There is plenty of help available to you. Search the internet and find some assistance.

Second thing....LEAVE HIM!!! It will never work between you two. Staying in a bad relationship is rougher on your children than splitting up with him will be.

Thirdly.....Enlist your family and friends to help you. You are not alone and you do not have to go through this alone.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Blessings,
J.

Not really sure what you are asking here, but you said so yourself he is young. What's wrong with him wanting to see his family? I see nothing wrong with that; they are still his family.
And you said your "ex left you with no job and no house" but you said it was you that decided to end the relationship because he didn't pay enough attention to you.
Again, not really sure what you are asking here, all I can tell you is that your life is what you've made it
What I think is you need to think about your kids instead of what you want all the time. Children need to feel stable.
Also, maybe you are just expecting too much out of people.

You are not in high school anymore, so you need to quickly come to the conclusion that life doesn't just happen to us. We all get what we want out of life by hard work and consistency. Most things that are truly wonderful are unplanned... true. So embrace it and nurture it. More than anything your children deserve a mother they can trust and count on. It doesn't sound like that has been your roll in their lives. Get it together because they will lead their own lives now and in the very near future by your examples. Also consider "spell check" before sending out more emails. It's very hard to understand what you are trying to convey.

J.,

What a situation. I don't have any advice regarding this relationship. There isn't one of us on this earth that hasn't done something out of our character. However, I will present you with an option. I work for Primerica parttime. It is a Christian based company. They focus on helping working class families. For someone like you, If you like helping people, enjoy meeting people, this company will train you and prepare you for an exciting position. Call Jennifer or Brady Mann ###-###-#### Great peopole and great support!
C. RN

I am recently divorced mother of two, here is my advice to you...

I think the best thing is to seek counseling, not only for you and your new boyfriend, but for your children as well. There are many help lines that can assist with some of your problems. Plano's Practical Parenting Education has some great resources like their Kid's Sake Classes which are $40, but does give some valuable information on the well being of your children and how to introduce significant others into their lives and how to address their emotional well being.

For you and your boyfriend, research this site, www.couplecommunication.com sounds like you two really need to open the lines of communication to see what each of you really wants before you proceed forward. Maybe a man in your life isn't the answer. Sometimes you have to be confident and secure with yourself first, without relying on a man for emotional support. Focus on your children and providing for your own family and learn from your mistakes so you don't make them again. Be confident and learn to love yourself first, believe in God. He will always help you find the way to happiness.

Another great resource is David Nicholson, Ph.D He is a counselor that can also help you find peace within yourself, your partner and your children as well. His office is in Richardson. ###-###-####. If he can't help you, he can refer you to other resources that might be a better financial fit for your needs. There is help out there, you just need a good starting place to guide you through the answers to all your questions.

Most importantly focus on what your children need and what they are asking for, first. They look at you for strength and protection.

Whoa! "Warning, Warning Will Robnison!" Sounds to me that there is something or Someone that he does not want you to know about in Waco. When two people make a commitment to each other they make a WHOLE commitment.

First of all you need to take responsibility for yourself and your kids. STOP depending or trying to depend on some man/boy to take care of you and your kids, I do not believe that you can not find a job. What you are really saying is that you can not find a job you like. Well guess what, that is part of being an adult. You have to do stuff you don’t like. Do whatever it takes to get YOURSELF on your feet. Let this little boy go back home to his family and friends and grow up. Get some legal help as far as child support from your ex-husband and this new guy. Show your 11 year old how to be responsible; what do you think you have taught this child so far? Get on birth control! Go back to school and get an education that is key to getting to a point where you CAN take care of yourself with no help. It is not going to be easy, but YOU CAN DO IT! Stop being a victim, God gives you only what you can handle. J., you need to stop dating and get your life together. You will find true happiness when the time is right; right now you need to concentrate on getting your life together and raising good, strong, independent kids. Everything else will fall into place when it’s time.

Dear J.,
Hello! Thank you for sharing your story! I certainly understand! I have been married for 26 years and have 3 children. Marriage is hard, however, when you have children, you should try to stay with the father of your children.
It is more loving to the children to stay in the relationship than to keep going from 1 husband to another.
Marriage is hard because it forces us to be confronted with our selfishness. If you have children, you need to think of their needs first. Adults need to act like adults. Your children need you to be there for them.
It is easier to do things as a family with other families. That way, you are always together taking care of
one another. Children need to be be in a stable environment.
Going to a church helps sometimes. They offer services for families, like child care, counseling, etc. Going to a church that emphasizes allowing the love of Christ to live in us to love our families first and then others, is a good way to live.
All marriages and relationships have problems. Changing partners just changes the problems from one to another.
Call out to Jesus to help you. He loves you and died for you. He wants you to love yourself, Him and your family.
Would you leave your children or put them in another family so that they could be loved more?No! You should not!
You should not dump your husband .Counseling helps to live through problems. Going from one husband to another only causes more problems. The relationship will always led to feelings of unwantedness etc. However, those loving feelings that you feel in the first of your relationship can come back. You have to both work at it.
Going out with friends is not what you need. Your family needs to go to church and have family activities and be together with families.
A Christian pastor can help in counseling a lot. Leaving one husband for another will not solve your problems. Marriages always have problems. You will be happier by learning to love the husband that you have instead of moving from one to another. That is much more harmful to children and you. That leads to nonstablility and is confusing.
Trying to stay with the husband of your children works better and is better for your children . THey need their father. A man loves his children more than other children.
Don't let feelings destroy you. You can get back loving feelings from one another.
I have had many unhappy moments in my married life.
However, I would have been unhappier without marriage.
My children have brought the greatest happiness to my .
Living my life by serving my children and teaching them to be kind, loving, serving others , being in church, has helped.
Life is hard being single or married. If you are married, stay married. It is worth it. You wouldn't dump your children, don't dump your husband. You can get back a loving relationship. It takes time. Men listen to men. Your husband needs a loving man in his life to show him how to be a loving man. Find a good church. They will help you. If they don't, go to another church.
After 26 years of marriage, I would say it is worth it to stay with the same husband. It causes so many problems going from one husband to another. Having a loving relationship or showing a loving relationship will not be acheived by going from one to another. All loving relationships have unloving moments. You have to have counseling to help the couple to realize that they need to become a loving family with the husband and wife serving one another and their family. Husbands usually don't like to listen to their wives or help out at home so you have to have counseling. Forming a family business can help the family to work together.
I wish you well. Don't live by your feelings. They will destroy you. You are not a yo yo of feelings. Try to stay with the same husband and you will have a foundation to build upon. Many men are the same. Changing the man will not always help and makes life confusing and hard for the children.
If you are being beaten up , that is different. Otherwise,
go to a loving Christian church and get help. A marriage can work, but it takes hard work. Most men do want a loving relationship . They need help. If a wife keeps herself physically attractive and speaks lovingly to her husband, it helps, but you do need addition help of a loving pastor etc.
Men need men.
I hope this helps. You seem to be a nice young lady.
I like reading the book of John in the Bible in the New Testament. It is so loving and comforting. I Corinthians is the Bible, New Testament tells about true love. Stay with one husband and try to make it work. You will be happier in the long run. All relationships have a "bump" in the road. Changing partners will not help you to have a loving relationship.
I pray the blessings of God on you! I pray that you will
know how much Jesus loves you! Talk to Jesus! He will help!
He will love you! GO to a loving church and talk to an older married woman. She will help. We all need good support and help!
Blessings to you!!!!
Sincerely,
C. N

J.! You are 31 with 4 kids - wake-up! Those kids come first. You are living with another kid that needs to grow-up as well.

Get your tubes tied & don't have anymore kids. There is no excuse for "finding" yourself pregnant!
Get some help in finding a job and take care of yourself and your family.
You cannot go "hang-out" with your friends anymore. You are a mom and those days are gone. Make new friends, maybe your kids friends moms. Maybe people at this job you HAVE to find.

I know this is harsh but you need hear this. The world does not revolve around you! Your world needs to revolve around your kids!