Interfaith Relationships...Can They Really Work?

It seems to me that your child will grow up knowing that different people believe different things. He will be more open to others opinions and beliefs. There is nothing better than that. If you love this man, regardless of his religion then you should pray about it and see what God says. I have a feeling that God brought this man to you and your son to you so you can both teach him and each other that people are different and they should be loved regardless. Your son will grow up to be respectful and open minded. We need more people like that in the world. I say if you love this man and have prayed about it and God keeps this man in your life, you guys can make it work.
Best of luck to you.
Prayers,
K

Hi. I hope what I have to say helps to put your mind at ease. Spirituality is a very touchy subject for those who have a hard time opening their mind to the many differences there are due to culture, upbringing, religion, etc. I truly believe that organized religion has made it hard for humanity to see that the basis of ALL religion is PEACE, TRUTH, LOVE and HAPPINESS which in yurn equals GOD. No matter how you get there, we're all trying to achieve the same thing. I don't think that God (using the term God very loosely) cares how we relate to his/her divinity...I think it's a matter of faith. I agree with Katy when saying that it would be a good thing for your son to be exposed to both religions. I was brought up in a house where I was allowed to walk my own path...to find God in my own way. I have embraced all walks of life, all religions...seeing through the barrier that the differences portrayed. Do you know a lot about the Muslim religion? Do you strongly disagree with anything they believe in? Does it go against your moral fiber? The reason i ask this is b/c it may not be so much a difficulty for your son, but you... If you're very firmly planted in your faith and he is in his, you may want to share the same faith as time goes on...unless both of you are able to remain very open minded about the similarity between the two (the basis of all religion I was referring to). As far as others are concerned...it doesn't matter. As long as the two of you are comfortable with each others opinion of the situation...IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER! People will judge the situation no matter what...that's just the way a vast majority of the world thinks. Don't let that bother you. Be proud of your boyfriends faith in God as well as yours. That's all that really matters...not the difference between the two. Good Luck!

Hi,
I was just going over spiritual messages and noticed your post. I wondered how it worked out?

Don't do it. If you are having doubts now, not put yourself through the agony of having children and then having to argue about which religion to raise the child. But on the other hand, if you aren't active in your church, them maybe religion isn't too much of a concern. I would suggest against it.

I dated a Muslin for 4-1/2 years then I read the book NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER. That book changed my view. I was about to marry him and move overseas with him, but changed my mind. I dont know what would have happened but I now have 3 beautiful children with a christian. And I have my freedom.

You cannot help who you fall in love with and I firmly believe God has a plan. If he is not a practicing Muslim, then maybe he will convert. But before you have children (in the future) with him, I would discuss what religion the children will be raised, way ahead of time if he does not convert. You both just have to respect each others beliefs and yes,I believe, it can work. Good luck!

If you are not 100% sure that you can do that, then don't. You don't need to make that decision. You will feel a resentment for not being able to have a Christmas tree in your house or the bible. Becasue if you say that your children will be raised Muslim, then how will you explain the bible that you are reading?
I think that maybe you need to find out if that is really the case, becasue he sounds like he is accepting of your faith, but only for you.
I know that he must be a wonderful man, but you can't allow yourself not to be you because of this man. YOu have to be the person you have always been.Unless you decide that you want to become a Muslim, I don't see this as something you should persue. Think of your son and ask yourself, do I really need to raise him to be Muslim or for him to be raised as Christian? You are the one who gets to decide not anyone else.

Being a Christian myself, I understand the issues here. However, it is also not our place to judge. I really think he is correct....that if you have respect for eachother's belifs, things will be fine. As for your children growing up one way or another....there is a chance that even growing up in a Christian home, they could gravatate towards another religion anyway when they are old enough to choose. I have seen it happen MANY times.

When I was married, my husband was going to a Lutheran church, and I was not going to any church...I had no church home. God works in ways we can not imagine. We were brought together even though we were not on the same page, spiritually speaking. He never pushed me...he just made it available...and in time, I came to Jesus. I think that perhaps, you are in eachother's lives for a reason. It is not your paretns place to judge him...it is their place to welcome him and respect him as a human being. Maybe the relationship will NOT work out...but relationships fail for all sorts of reasons, not just religious ones.

And I have to say,,using words like "perfect"and "happily ever after" are dangerous things, luv :-) None of us are perfect...and no one lives happily ever after. Marriage is a constant dance of give and take...and learning from eachothers imperfectness....and discovering new things about eachother as you grow and change and age. Said growing and changing never stops...and how you deal with said changes, defines your relationship,,and you both as the people you are. I really belieave that each person in our lives is there for a reason. Look up "A reason, a season or a Lifetime" If you type that phrase into a google bar, I am sure it will come up. I love my husband, my life, and my daughter. The right man does not make it easier...it makes it all more pleasant...but happily ever after is only in story books. I know he will be with me forever...I thank God for my husband every day...how much he loves me and works so hard for our family....but there are days I want to ring his neck for one thing or another...but then we talk, or that feeling fades away...and I love him more and more every day. Marriage is work. A job like to other in the world. At the same time...to find a man who repspects, and honors the bonds of marriage is a gift like no other. That is why I am so grateful for my husband. I saw in him a man who would be an amazing hushband, and a wonderful Father. You have too look with open eyes at the full picture...including faults...because there ARE some in ALL of us. They are part of what makes us who we are. I will be thinking of you both, and you and your family will be in my prayers.

May God Bless you and your family,
Jenny

They say love conquers all...but...reality doesn't always work that way. My husband and I were both raised as christians. I had a rebirth in my faith 2 months before our wedding. Ever since, I have been growing in my faith. I would go to church by myself, and he would go for Christmas and holidays. It was even a stuggle then, whether to go to "his" church or mine. Then we had our first child. Everything changes when you have children together. Sudenly, religion became a major issue for my husband. Even though we discussed it before we got married and he knew how stongly then that I wanted our children raised in faith. It's quite amazing how children will make a huge diffrence. Even though you already have a child, if you decide to have a child together, his faith may become a bigger issue for HIS child. In the beginning it always feels like love can get you through anything, but really it's God that gets you through. When you're dealing with two diferent views of God, it makes it harder to get through. Remember most holidays have a religious aspect... Christmas, Easter, even Thanksgiving, family get togethers will intensify the diffrences between not only your religious beliefs, but also your cultural diffrences. I would recommend some per-marital counseling, so you both understand what challenges you will be facing in your relationship if you decide to marry.
God bless!

My husband and I are christians, but he's greek orthodox and I was baptist at the time that we met. He's also greek and I'm black. My sister in law has been with her boyfriend who is east indian for 12 years now. It's not the same thing, but I do have insight to your situation. It does not matter what anyone says. Follow your heart. Love comes in all sizes, shapes, colors and well religion. I've known people who are in interfaith relationships and they do just fine. Just remember that at the end of it all, we are all the same people. Everone is raised in different ways and raised to believe different things. At the end of it all like I said, we are all the same. It's going to take time to understand each others cultures and religion. You will find what works for you over time. Good luck to you.

My advice is going to be very short..in the beginning god created love. You can not help who you fall in love with go with your heart just as god would of. I hope this brought some help to you.
Good Luck
M.

I am a Chrisitian and Satan is always there to confuse us and bring us down. I would not feel comfortable raising my children in a faith that I did not agree with. If you are a Chrisitian and do not raise your children as such, you will be held accountable for that. It's a really hard decision so PLEASE pray about it!

WOW...when I first read your request...a flood of memories opened for me. I was raised strict Catholic, having gone to a private Catholic school for 12 yrs. When I was 18, I met a great guy in college. On our first few 'dates', our religious differences weren't brought up. He is from Saudi Arabia, so very strict in his beliefs. As we realized that we were getting closer and more serious, we started to discuss our dreams for our future. Our desires and dreams seemed to be really close, so we decided to take our relationship to the next step. For us, that meant meeting each other's families. Our family and friends acceptance was important to both of us. We both had close family ties. Much to our surprise, that went very well.

So..on to the next step... By this point we had talked about what we wanted for ourselves and each other in the future. We had also already discussed loving each other for who we were, not what we have or how we were brought up. I wanted to learn all about his culture, language, customs and religion. I wanted to understand what made him him. I found a wonderful local program where I learned everything that I could.

When we decided to get married and start a family, we discussed our differences and our similarities in every aspect of our lives. We decided to teach our girls about both family legacies, both heritages, both religions, both cultures, both countries, etc...and allow them to follow what they wanted as they grew up. As a family, we celebrated Christmas and Ramadan (which starts on Sept 24 this yr)...Eid al-Fitr (celebrates the end of Ramadan) and Easter...New Year for both of us...Halloween for the kids...Eid al-Adha...birthdays (which they don't celebrate) and anniversaries, etc. We believe that allowing this helped our daughters (who are now 25 and 20) to grow in to the beautiful, intelligent, healthy, well-rounded, bubbly young women that they now are! They are grateful that they know about and can appreciate both of their parents and families.

All thru our relationship/marriage..he prayed 5 times a day, fasted and followed his beliefs, he went to church with me and I/we went to the mosque with him (altho not on a weeekly basis). Not to say that we were denying our own beliefs and/or converting religions...but in support of each other and our family.

I will tell you tho...that after 10 yrs of what I thought was a blissful fairytale marriage...he cheated on me and we divorced. THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION! This was him being him! We have been divorced for many yrs. We still talk often because we both want to be an important part of our daughters lives.

SO, do I think that a mixture of religions, especially Christian and Muslim, can make for a happy, successful relationship/marriage? YES I do!

A.

Hi,

I was reading the message board and saw your message. I have been exactly where you are twice. I dated a Jewish guy for 2 years and then married a Catholic who is not a born-again Christian. My advice is right now really seek the Lord through prayer and scripture. It is very hard to be married to someone who is not a believer, once you start really seeking and knowing the Lord. Jesus said he was the truth, the way, and the light of the world and that he was God. So Jesus was either a nut or he is God. If that is so, then every other way is wrong. I am 28 now and I spent my early twenties trying to give my opinion to God and others about God, but really in the end, it doesn't matter... The only thing that matters is his Word!

I like to say My son that is now 17 months old, brought be closer to the Son who saved me. You realize that you are responsible for this life and your number one job is to raise him lovingly that he will know and accept Christ.

I had a lot of guilt a few months ago about marrying someone who is not equally yoke, but I finally came to realize that this is not from God. God loves me more than anything I can imagine. He wants to have a personal relationship with me. I believe God makes all things work for the good, for those who love him. I believe this is happening in my life. I just have to let him be the leader. I believe that my husband will come to know the Lord, I just need to Love him as God would and not be judgement and push it down his throat. I need to be an example. My husband and I are going to Christian counseling right now and that is really helping. I usually go to a pretty full gospel church and when he goes it usually makes him feel uncomfortable, so with prayer and consideration I am going to start going to a church that really teaches the simple foundations of Jesus's salvation and his word that my husband feels more comfortable at. I hope that this information is helpful for you and remember God loves you more than anything and wants to have a growing personal relationship with you.

Jen

I think you should trust your heart and not end a relationship with a man who could be perfect for you and your son in every way except for a label. Your family loves you and will in time accept that they need to be more open minded and welcome him as part of the family. It is natural for them to have doubts and questions...if this alone is enough to end your relationship with this man then that is probably more a statement about you than them, but if you give it a chance you may find it only deepens and strengthens your relationship. I agree with him that a mutual repect of each other's beliefs is essential, but don't see why, if you were to have children together, that they could not be brought up to know both religions. Best of luck to you.

i, personally, do not practice any religion-yet. however, i am unlike my family in the way that i always have interracial relationships. i say go for it. how could you not follow your heart and if it doesn't work, then it's not God's plan anyway. my feeling is you must marry for you, not your entire family (except for your son who already adores him anyway). everyone comes into your life for a reason and everything happens for a reason. don't put this off for fear that it is not right. he is in your life to serve a purpose.

I can say that interfaith marriage can definitely work. I have been married to Jewish man for five years now. We were friends for 2 1/2 years prior to ever dating. During our time of being friends we always talked that we would never be good for each other because of our religious differences. My family all adored him and I always told my family that it would never work. One day I was talking to my mom and asked how you know when the one is the one. She said you just know, is it your friend. I then went to a wedding with some friends one weekend and he was there. I told him then that I wanted more than friendship and he was unsure. Three days later he sent me roses and we have been together ever since. We have two children 2 1/2 and 17 months. They are being raised Catholic, but that was something that we discussed prior to getting married. Andy does attend mass with us on holidays. He does not practice his religion but his family is religious. I think they had a hard time in the beginning excepting me but as Andy stated you can't help who you fall in love with.

Why do you have to raise your children in the his religion? You can always do both and let your children decide what religion they prefer when they are older.

I believe in love and if you truly love someone you will overcome all the obsticles.

Hope this helps.

DANGER, DANGER, Stay away from this relationship. The notion that you don't choose who you fall in love with is just that . . . a romantic notion. While you may feel an initial reaction, YOU HAVE A CHOICE AS TO WHETHER YOU WILL NURTURE THIS RELATIONSHIP OR NOT so take extreme caution and stay away.

My VERY STRONG reaction comes from living in a devoutly Muslim country during my childhood where my parents chose to live and work with a charitable organization. We saw many interracial marriages and the women were treated as possessions and often imprisioned in their own homes. They were often denied contact with their family and expected to wait on their husbands hand and foot - not much more than a slave. While he may seem wealthy and promise a life of ease, in most cases the women we knew lived in abject poverty. Their marriage relationships began just as you describe yours -- with this man tellin you that all will be well. It will NOT.

Yes, I am a Christian and I could quote scripture all over the place but I think you've already heard it. If not you would not be afraid to bring him home to your parents. Being a nice guy . . . you need more than that for a committment to a marriage and family.

I take my hat off to those single moms. You have so many responsibilities and yet no one to share them with. Please don't rush into a relationship but take the time to look forward to bringing a better future to yourself and your young son.

PS: Someone else has mentioned the movie, "Not Without My Daughter" with Sally Fields. I watched it and wept. Too many women are living the nightmare of this movie. I know. I saw it first hand.

Dear LS,
If the man you are dating doesn't really think that the Muslim faith dictates his lifestyle or effects his life, perhaps he would be open to becoming a Christian or at least looking harder at the life of Christ, for the Koran teaches Jesus as a prophet. Perhaps God has led you to him to help him learn the real Truth about Jesus. I would not compromise the truth of Christianity to raise my child to bow his knee to a false god. Since you know this truth and your family has so many preachers and Christians in it, please don't compromise your faith.
I feel you might be desperate for a father figure and helpmate to raise your little boy, but don't settle for someone who does not love Jesus as you do. He is the only way. God, who created this world gets to call the shots and He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that all of us who call upon His name and believe in His sacrificial death for our sins will have eternal life with HIm. John 14:1-6
God Bless you as you seek His will above your own.
M. J

NO! I suspect that you are young and that your boyfriend is also a young man. As you age, it is very likely that both you and your now boyfriend will grow stronger in your respective faiths, not weaker, which will make the chasm that much larger - or force you into a religious lifestyle that you did not want. (Keep in mind a man in love is like a hunter and will say anything to get what he's after. Once you are married, all bets are off). I also gather from your message that you do not yet know that what the Bible says is true. I myself have tested some Scriptures out (thinking they did not apply to me or my particular circumstances) and found that they were indeed true (and I suffered the consequences). I fear for you that if you go down that road, you will learn the hard way, and sadly, your children will suffer. Please rent the movie "Not Without My Daughter" (or better yet, read the book) before you make a permanent decision. All these others that are encouraging you to go forward with it will not have to suffer the consequences of it - only you will (and your offspring - and probably your family in having to watch you go through it and help you through it).

If I can be totally honest.. I would say don't do it. I have been married for 8 years for a man who said he was a Christian only to find out recently he has turned his back on everything he said he believed. He is now considering becoming a Jehovah's witness. What this means to my family is that he no longer will participate in ANY holiday, birthday or other celebration that he considers unbiblical. My daughters 3rd birthday (he didn't show) is an example. If you weren't going to raise children together it would be easier because you could just go your separate ways on holy days. Trying to explain my husband's changing beliefs to a 3 year old is impossible. The biggest factor is whether or not they believe Jesus was the Messiah and that you have to accept him to get eternal life. Do you want to spend eternity wondering where he is going to be? It is a very hard road to walk. Given the choice to start over I would not have married my husband under current conditions. Putting up the Christmas tree (that we have put up every year) suddenly became a mine field. Everything has become a battle.
Weigh your options very carefully and thoroughly understand his religious beliefs before you get in any deeper.
I will pray that you will make the decision that God wants for you.

First, let me say that this message may sound, to the non-believer, like a harsh and radical sermon. I do not intend it that way, but if you are truly a Christian and you truly want advice from a Christian perspective, you need to hear this. I am a Christian by faith, not by religion. I do not believe in religion, as Jesus did not. I believe in God and the power of Him alone to save me. I say this not to preach to you, but to remind you that your faith, which you should be passing down to your children, is of eternal consequence. I have nothing whatsoever against Muslims in general, and I am a very tolerant person. I do believe that everyone has a right to their own beliefs. I am sure that your life with this man could be wonderful, and he could be an incredible father for your child and future children. But as a parent and a Christian, you have to be concerned about more than just this life. If your children are raised as Muslims, then they will never be introduced to the one true way to heaven, Jesus Christ. As much of a right as Muslims have to their faith, it will not get them to heaven. If I were in your shoes, I think I would have to have a really serious heart-to-heart with this man to at least establish that your children will be raised to know Jesus, and better yet to bring him to Jesus as well. If this is not something you are comfortable with, maybe your pastor could help. But as a mother, I could never knowingly choose a path for my children that would guarantee their place hell just for my personal happiness for the few years we have on earth. I hope you consider this carefully, because the consequences can be very serious for your children one day. But at the same time, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to bring a soul to Jesus. My best advice to you is to pray, pray and pray some more. God will tell you what His will is for you. I hope this helps. God bless you.

Yes this can work as long as you both work at it and have open communication regarding this subject. I am married to a wonderful man who is from Iran and comes from a Muslim background. He is also an average man and doesn't religiously practice his Muslim upbringing. He may fast at certain times and we celebrate the New Year but besides this his religion is not an issue. I'm Christian but again I don't go to church every single day but do celebrate Christmas and go to church, Easter etc. He goes to church with me and the kids if we go and recognizes our holidays with us, just like I do with his. WE do have two children together and again this has never been an issue. He was fine with have both children baptized in my Methodist Church and fine with having them grow being exposed to both religions and if they choose to go one way or the other,they can. We both respect each other and our religious views.

As far as family and what they may think. Let them see for themselves. You can tell them what a great man he is but they also need to see it for themselves. Once they get to know him as a person and not just someone you are dating they will like and accept him more and not judge him on his religion. Go with your instincts and your heart. Sounds like he is a good catch.

Sweet woman, my prayer for you is that you will have the strength to walk away from this relationship... only because it will bring you pain and many trials.

My prayer for you is also that you will come to know Jesus in a personal way, as Friend, Savior, Lord, and not see Christianity as a religion. It is not about how often you go to church, or what holiday traditions you follow, but rather about a life-giving intimate REAL relationship with the Almighty God through Jesus who alone made it possible.

Every other religion in the world focuses on things we do in order to get closer to God. There is nothing we can do, dear one. It is a gift, purchased and given to us freely by Jesus Christ.

Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts of God. Let me ask you this, "Are you a 'Christian' because that is how you were raised, or because you truly believe what it claims (that God sent His Son to die for us so that we can live in freedom and have eternal life)?"

My hope more than anything is that you would truly know Him.

i'm a muslim who married a christian man. if u need 2 talk, Email me.

First of all, if you have a family full of ministers/preachers and they call themselves christian then there should be no problem. Those who claim to be christian usually are the ones that have strong feellings against those who are of a different religion. Your boyfriend is right, it is his religion and believe it or not raising your children in the muslim faith isn't going to hurt them, do the research find out what his religion is all about. Real christians follow their heart, they trust that God would not send someone into their lives for any wrong doing. Relationships of all kinds can and do work, if you love him and believe he is the one for you then you have to do what is right for you and your son. Your family will have to accept it or they aren't the true christians they claim to be. He is a man that treats their daughter,sister, cousin, friend with respect and love, he adores your son and cares for him. What more could you ask for, follow your own gut feeling on this one. If you are a true christian you will be able to know that God is there with you everyday and guides you through have a little faith.
And yes you could share your christian ideas with your children, it is allowed, then they could choose at an older age which religion they would like to follow.