I Tried Meet ups.com......

Updated on July 01, 2010
M.S. asks from Chicago, IL
11 answers

so i was looking to get together with a few moms this summer. my neighbor moved away and not a lot of my local friends are sahm....so i tried meetup.com and didnt like it...granted i only went once ...but that is kinda all it takes to get the first impression of people.....they werent mean or rude ..but not welcoming. Yes, i am a younger mom(not by much anymore...lol...28yrs old) and well these moms were a bit older and i dont have a problem with that, but i got the feeling they did....like i didnt belong. I carry myself very well and feel very mature for being this age and having 3kids. So why cant some moms just get passed it??
So i guess im looking for a new way to meet up with other moms (of any age) to socialize, have activities with the kids..etc with out the awkwardness if there happen to be a gap in age........hope you moms are out there........

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So What Happened?

thank you all.....i will try and look for a different group....keep your fingers crossed.....

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L.C.

answers from Raleigh on

I would try again. I do not think age has anything to do with it. It just takes couple times to click with people. I have a friend who had 3 kids by the time she was 20 :) ...28 with 3 kids is not a huge deal......keep trying

More Answers

T.J.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

I just want to write that I was in the same and exact boat you were in while we lived in Vegas. I got out of the military to be with my kids as a SAHM. I did the whole meetup.com thing and went to a meeting for SAHM in the local area of where I lived (different parts of Vegas). I was 27 and the moms were around my age, but I still felt like I didn't belong... like they already had their own clique. I went to a few meetings and it just didn't seem to work out. I don't know what it is. It's like that at my church that I am now going to. Maybe it's me. I really don't know. I feel that I am friendly and that I try to talk to people, but then it's almost like they run away from me to go to their friends that they are comfortable to talk to. I never had this problem while in the military, so I don't know what has changed about me. I don't smell, LOL!

I say keep going and maybe they will be a little more open to you. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Good luck :D

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

have you tried a different group from meetups.com? i'm sure different groups have different age ranges and different "vibes". if there isn't another one, maybe you can create one for young moms in your area...

1 mom found this helpful
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C.L.

answers from Chicago on

Like some of the others suggested, sometimes it takes more than one try with a group - especially if the rest already know each other. Or, maybe it's just not the right group (even if age was not the issue).

That being said, you mentioned that you have 3 kids, what were the ages of the rest of the kids? I wouldn't assume it was your age that was the issue. When I have my older kids with me, I do get a feeling that the other moms are annoyed by the "rambunctiousness" of my older ones - especially if there are little ones.

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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

You are probably totally right about the age thing a little bit. But almost any group is going to feel a little cold when you just come into a group as a new person. I'd try to go to a couple more meetups. I was so nervous when I first went, but I kept going because I felt like I at least had my son as a distraction. Even if no one was talking to me, I could use him to keep me occupied and not feel like I was just sitting there.

In the meantime, I would start my own meetup group maybe. You can appeal to whatever demographic you want to. So make it for younger moms.

Good luck, I know it is hard. I am so lucky I didn't have to do multiple groups to find a good fit. I don't think I would have that in me, honestly.

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K.M.

answers from Miami on

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Sometimes it is hard to break into an established group. I would say not to give up though. I tried a couple different meetup groups. Groups for different cities near me, attachment parenting groups, moms night out groups, toddler groups, etc. There's a lot of different groups near me. You hopefully have more than one meetup group near you. Also, you could always start your own group.

I've met moms at parks and doing other kid friendly activities so you might want to keep an eye out cause you never know when and where you might find someone you click with.

Sometimes being a mom, especially one who SAH can be lonely. I can so relate. Good luck!

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

I felt very left out the first few times I went to meetups; I just assume they were snobby and clicky, but I was wrong. It's just hard to join a group when there are already established friendships.

I wouldn't assume it's an age thing though since it was your first time and truthfully, age is hard to determine - I know that for years people thought I was much younger than I am .

Also, there are many meetups, so if you don't like one, try another. I know some specify age in their title like 20 something moms or mature moms.

Personally, I've found that meetup is the best way to meet others. It's hard to get to know other parents of your kids classmates, teammates, etc....

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T.F.

answers from San Diego on

I say give it a try again. There are lots of groups on meetup.com just because the first one didn't work out doesnt mean the next will not. I went to 3 mom playgroups before I found one that I felt confortable with.

Its hard to walk into a group of people that have already known each other for 6months to a year. It takes time to make friends and have conversations with strangers.

I think it took about 2 or 3 months for me to really feel comfortable with the group I am in now. I love the group I am in now. We usually meet at least 2 or 3 times a week. And I was just ask to be an assistant orginizer.

Don't give up so easily!!!

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

any time there is an established group, it's hard to break into it. i know at our little spirituality circle i try to be welcoming to new folks but my comfort level is mostly with those i already have a relationship with. the awkwardness is just part of the process, and it's on their end too, not just yours. i'm sure it's not a judgement on your age or how you carry yourself.
i belonged to a LOT of different homeschool groups so that i could fulfill a variety of needs and interests for my kids. some i adored, with some i never did hit a comfort level but kept going because it was right for a kid at some point in their development. so you also have to decide what level of awkwardness you can live with in order to develop a social group for your kids. if you can't stand them, obviously that won't work. if it's just a bit hinky....well, that could smooth out over time. but you can certainly be checking out other groups in the meantime.
and if that doesn't work....start your own!
good luck.
:) khairete
S.

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P.W.

answers from Lexington on

Is there a MOMs Club in your area? I've met some great ladies through our local one. Here's the main website where you can look for individual chapters-- http://www.momsclub.org/

G.P.

answers from Modesto on

I meet women on websites like facebook,myspace, etc. I tell them about myself and they respond back. I'm not a judgemental person. Age doesn't matter, its more of them understanding me. I have communication issues also. Most of the time I am a loner, but atleast I have my online friends. Meeting new people is what I like to do. I don't go far from home, my youngest worries too much. Theres nothing wrong with being young with 3 kids. I have 3 teenage sons. You will find the right people to talk to.

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