Ok, so I was proposed to on Saturday. Oh happy day, right? Well, I completely ruined it. We were at a local state park, my son was playfully gathering sticks while my future fiance and I were sitting on a rock, when I turned around to see that he was holding a ring, a mighty beautiful one, at that.
Immediately, out of pure nervousness, in spite of the fact that I had imagined this moment in my mind a million and a half times, and totally had it planned what I'd say, and how I'd react, I said, yeah, get this, I said, "No, not now! You're not doing this now?"
Grand, huh?
And in his bravery, he still asked, and I, in my state of complete panic, took too long to answer, ultimately saying, "I think so, yes."
I hate myself. I completely ruined his and my proposal memory, one that I waited 37 years for at that.
Now, in my own defense, I honsetly think that by saying "Not now?" what I actually meant was something like "Are you really doing this?" I was in disbelief and total and utter shock. I SOOOO wish I would have given myself a minute to calm down before I opened my stupid mouth, but unfortunately, I didn't, and now I am feeling really sad about it. Not just because I single-handedly ruined what could have been one of the most romantic and happiest memories (that doesn't involve my son), but also because I have left my now fiance feeling rejected (even though I said yes - our egos are very fragile, especially in such a big moment) like I didn't really want it, and that I really did mean the "Not now" thing. He was heartbroken that I didn't show more happiness and excitement, and he's still reeling about my response, and not in a good way. I know because we've talked about it. He is really disappointed in my reaction, and frankly, so am I.
I know life isn't a fairy tale and things don't always go as they do in romantic movies. And I don't want to hear that I'll look back on this fondly someday, maybe even laugh about it. Maybe that's true, but right now, I feel like a total heel. And I can't do it over.
What do I do now? How can I make this right?
Well, I've re-read all your thoughtful responses, and I know you are right. I do want to marry this man, and I know he wants to marry me. This event, however I managed to screw it up, is one of many memories we'll make together, and I do know that we will 'eventually' be able to look back and laugh about it. I am toying with ideas for doing something special for him, as many of you suggested, to help him to be reassured that I really did mean YES. Oh, and I particularly loved the suggestion to shove my BEAUTIFUL ring into the face of everyone I see while shouting "I'm getting married!" and doing the Snoopy dance. That was great for a chuckle, and not a bad idea!! Thank you all again for helping me see the lighter side of this.
I agree with everything Shaun C. said. I was going to suggest exactly the same thing, so I won't type it again. Hope you have a great story to tell when it's all said and done. :-)
Don't feel bad. I almost blew my proposal too. When my now husband got down on one knee I said "What do you thing you're doing?" LOL! I can laugh about it now, but I dont' think he was very amused at the time.
What about making a very romantic night, just for the two of you. Hire a babysitter or ship your son to a family member or friend for the entire night. Cook your fiancee dinner, candles, romantic music, the whole nine yards. Then tell him "i'm sorry I ruined your proposal. This is what I wanted to say, but I was just so surprised and tongue tied at the time." Then tell him all the reasons why you love him and why you want to spend forever with him. It probably won't totally wipe the memory clean, but it will give you a FANTASTIC follow up story :D Good luck and big CONGRATS!
Find a romantic way to ask HIM to marry you. (if indeed that's what you want......) By asking him you turn the whole thing around - clearly you wouldn't be asking if you didn't want to be with him. Good luck.
Show him your letter to us!
I think you should propose back to him. Set up a romantic date. Get down on one knee. Know what you're going to say.. something like..
You love me, even when I don't always say the right things at the right time -- I wanted to say the right things THIS time. I want you to know I've waited my whole life for someone like you, and for a long time I thought that person didn't exist. The thought of marrying you, being your wife, fills me with so much happiness I can't think straight. I don't think I could possibly be that lucky. But, if I am that lucky, and you've asked me to marry you, would you do me the honor of being my husband? My partner and best friend for the rest of our days -- will you marry me?
Something from the heart. Think of personal qualities. Times you've shared. Have your romantic proposal... and tell him how much you love and appreciate him. Then you have your great story - and hopefully everything will be well.
I agree with both Robin and Shaun. Do something very romantic for him, apologize for your slip up and explain that it was just because you were so happy it caused you to become a little tongue tied, tell him all the reasons you love him and want to be with him (Maybe write him a poem), and at the end ask him to marry you. Maybe think of something you can give him instead of a ring that he can always keep and cherish.
He might be mad or upset now, but eventually he'll understand. :)
I was just going to post what Robin said ... ask HIM to marry you, pronto! Go pick out a ring, plan a special evening or event or whatever, and get down on your knee and propose! Tell him you were so taken aback, you couldn't think clearly, but now you can and you would love to marry him!
Propose to him. Set everything up, find a sitter for your son, and make it really romantic, so he knows that you really meant "yes" and that you're really sorry and want to make it up to him.
BTW, it's the marriage that counts, not the proposal or the wedding, but I understand how you feel.
good luck and best wishes for a long, happy marriage!
Kris
L. I got proposed to at 37 as well so I know how you feel as far as that was a moment you have been waiting for but as a mom I think you might have been distracted because your boy was playing with sticks and we all know at the drop of a hat anything can happen with a stick right? All you can do id apologize from the heart and as an adult and a new stepdad he should understand. Maybe get a sitter and make him his favorite dinner and you propose to him, the point is you love each other and reassure him of that, and don't beat yourself up just be happy girl you're getting married yehh! Best of luck to you and yours. M. C
Hi, L.:
It is okay! Take some deep breaths! Give yourself some time to
recover from the shock from both your reaction and his action.
Don't blame yourself.
Let him come back on his own time and he will make it right.
Good luck.
D.
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and as a result our brains don't get the proper signals to our mouths.
I would just tell him you were overwhelmed with happiness and you couldn't spit out what you wanted to say the right way.
I agree planning a special surprise for him would be great...
propose right back. Let him know how you feel.
I know you don't want to hear how you will look back on this fondly someday, but you will. When you've been married 25 years and have an anniversary party, you can remember it in a happy way.
You were so happy and so surprised that nothing you said came out right.
Don't be too h*** o* yourself.
You're engaged!
Just let him know how very happy you are and pleased that he chose you.
I hope you get some great responses!
Communication makes life easier and it is a very important part of any relationship. You should talk to him, explain what happened and he will most likely be flattered by it.
Wow, my thoughts are regarding him. If he's still feeling this way even after you talked to him about how bad you feel, then he has major problems! Do you really want to be married to a "man" who sulkes and pouts when his little feelers get hurt, or a real man who is understanding and would feel worse for you, because of how bad you are feeling for what you did to him. I think he probably needs to grow up a bit and perhaps isn't ready to handle a family.
