Husband Doesnt Want to Keep Baby

Dear S.,
"Bad things" sometimes happen to make us change direction or to get us on track. Like the rumble strips along the highway, when you're swerving too far to one side and might crash your car if it wasn't for that sound that makes you change something. I am really sorry to say that your problem sounds a bit more complicated than what to do with this unexpected pregnancy.
You accept the fact that your husband gets fired from a job, and that you have to work yourself sick trying to support him and the babies it was his pleasure to make!!!! The lioness protects her cubs from the male lion!
You are stronger than you know. Although this is a huge shock right now, every child is a blessing. Listen to your heart, put your prayer out there and doors will open for you that you never imagined were there. Maybe through this challenging situation, you and your husband will grow closer, or maybe you will grow and he won't. Whatever the case may be, this is an opportunity for change... and I would not wish to keep the status quo if I were in your shoes. I wore much the same shoes for much too long.
God bless you and your family.
N

5 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry. You must need a lot of support. Only you can make this choice; but I cannot imagine carrying to full term and giving up baby for adoption. Also your children are going to see you pregnant and giving up their brother or sister. Will that affect them negatively? Your husband should be supporting his partner; that is your child- keep it!
Keep in mind- breast feeding is free. Seek out help fro
a church. New. Jersey has a new disability program.
Good luck. I'm praying for you!
Ps my husband lost his job, my 2 oldest and closest girlfriends were killed and I just had a baby girl. I have felt helpless and isolated for awhile; but I know that my baby is a blessing and so is yours.

4 moms found this helpful

My heart goes out to you and your family. I don't ever want to be put in your situation. I do know a bit of what you're going through though. We had tried and tried for a 2nd child and after 4 years of trying, we found out we were pregnant again--yay! However, when I went for my initial ultrasound, we found out there was not just one--there were 2 babies. Things were difficult for us trying to take care of the 3 of us, however we had done some figuring and were fairly certain we could take care of a 4th. We never planned on 5. I was a very high risk pregnancy with the twins and was unable to work from 4 months along on. I'm not sure how we did it, but we made it and we're still making it. I haven't worked at all since Aug. 05 and have stayed home since to raise my children myself while my husband was/is the sole provider. Please remember that the current situation is a temporary one. The decision you are about to make will affect you for the rest of your life. My personal suggestion would be to allow God to take over the situation and ask Him what you should do. It's funny how God works into a plan, though. If you have enough faith and allow Him to guide you in your life, things will work out. We did take a step and applied for and were eligible for WIC, then we found out we were able to get $120/mo food stamps. I also found out about CHIP health insurance that I could get for my kids for free since we met the income guidelines. There are programs out there to help you keep your baby. Best of luck in whatever decision you make. I will be praying for you.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S., Wow, it really sounds like your whole family is having a hard time right now! Your best bet is to deal with each problem one at a time instead of looking at the whole thing in one big bite. First you didn't mention if your husband had found another job yet. Getting him back to work (or at least on a job with health benefits) should be his #1 proirty....even if it's a place like Walmart, Target, or Giant Eagle. Second, talk to your morgage company...ask if there is anything they can do to work with you through your financial problems, you may also want to call a consumer credit agency to see if they can help you keep your home. If you don't have health benefits call CHIP and get your kids covered! Also you should apply for WIC...and they should be able to help you with your health needs as well. Also look into welfare if you haven't already...they are there to help you through the tough times. I'm sure your husband is totally scared and the thought of another child dependant on him right now just frightens him more than ever...and guys handle their fears much differently than we do...but the best way to get over your fears is to face them and deal with them. The longer things hang over your head (or his) the worse they will seem and become. As things get better financially for you I'm sure his thoughts of giving up your baby will go away and you have a long time before that decision even needs to be considered. Putting the baby up for adoption won't help your circimstances right now anyway...so why even think about it? Take a step back, work out your other issues and then go from there. I wish you good health and I hope your problems melt away soon.

1 mom found this helpful

S.,
I understand this must be a very scary time for both you and your husband. However unexpected and overwhelming, you have been blessed with a precious life. I think the very best resource for you is a pregnancy resource center. They can support both you and your husband. This is their expertise. There are several around Pittsburgh. You can find the closest one to you at:
http://www.pregnancyresourcenetwork.com/home1/
Blessings
A.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear S.:

first let me congratulated you. Bless is the fruit of your womb!!!!!!! God has choosen you to carry a gift from him to you. Things do look difficult for you because your husband does not want to keep the baby. Trust the lord and lean not in your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will derect your path" where do you live. There is places for you to go for help in difficult pregnacies. I volunteer for a place call birthright, there is also a place call options were here to help you. God is blessing you. In all thing thank him. 1 thessalonians 5:18 if i can be of any help or direct you some where to help you please let me know.. Thanks i am praying for you sister. In his presence, C.

1 mom found this helpful

I have not had a chance to read all of the posts so i am sorry if i repeat. My first thought is that your husband needs to be looking for a job immediatly. There is no reason to have to give up your baby if you do not want to. There are so many programs out there that can help you. I would start with WIC if you havent already. You and your younger daughter can get checks (the cut off is 5 years old). I think that amnion crisis pregnancy helps with items that you cannot afford. I have heard of them giving people baby items that were most likely donated. A helpful thing that i did when i was pregnant was buy diapers right away. (just one pack every shopping trip so i had tons when the baby was born) On the really bad grocery shopping trips i could sometimes only afford a baby shampoo.

You can do this. If i told you our income with a family of 6, you would be shocked. It takes some sacrafice but it is well worth it. Please don't give the baby up if you don't want to. It will not only be hard on you but it will be hard on your daughters. They are old enough to be saddened by it. I am praying that your husband has "cold feet" and will kick in soon enough. You should be able to enjoy your pregnancy without worries. I am sending you positive thoughts!

1 mom found this helpful

My third was a complete suprise too. My husband was making $8 an hour and was going to school. I felt awful the whole pregnancy knowing I didn't want this baby. We had no money and I saw my husband for about an hour every day when he came home at 10p.m. at night.

It sounds that you have both hit rock bottom and he may just be feeling so low right now his attitude is very pessimistic. My advice would be to love him as much as possible and comfort each other.

For us, we felt that God would not give us a child if wasn't going to provide a way. It was hard and we had to make many sacrifices. We did get through it and we love all our children. Infact I would say that the timing of my third couldn't have been better because with his personality he helped us get through so many difficult things and was a great comfort to my husband especially.

Stick together through this and try to work with one another not against each other. You can be each others greatest source of strength if you focus on the essentials.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know if you are on WIC, but you can see if you are eligible. It would help out on groceries.
http://www.pawic.com/

Shortly after I had baby 3 my husband had lost his job and I am a stay at home mom. The week befor he lost his job I found out I was pregnant with baby 4. Yes, they are only 10 months apart. I also had high risk pregnancies. I was accually a week away from my consultation for getting my tubes tide. I was very surprised. With the help of medical assisents and a lot of prayers we made it through. In another week we are actually adopting baby 5. Just believe in God and anything is possible.

My heart goes out to you. First thing is to get to the doctor. We are lucky in PA to have health insurance for pregnant mothers at no cost. You can also get yourself onto WIC. This should help with the cost of food and also when the baby comes, if you choose to keep it, it will cover the cost of formula which can be a very big expense. You can reach out to other people in the community to help with the things that you are going to need for the baby when it arrives.

I hope that you and your husband will give yourselves time to digest the pregnancy before you start making ultimatums. You just found out and anything could happen at this point. You seem to understand how scared he is and that is good. You and he should give yourselves some time to figure things out before making any big or life changing decisions. I am sorry that you have to go through this.

Lastly, if your husband doesn't want any more kids he should maybe look into a permanant solution to his fertility. My husband and I decided not to have anymore kids so he had a vasectomy. Now we don't ever have to worry about accidents. I think with a little research (through Planned Parenthood) he can find a low cost surgery.

I hope this helps you and I hope you find peace to this issue.

I think he's very scared and very afraid. Men tend to think about the material things with a baby rather than the emotional as most women do. But a baby isn't like getting rid of a car you can't afford. He can detach himself easier than you can since he's not carrying the baby inside of him and caring for the baby. You're already a mother and adoption won't change that. You have to do what's best for you, the baby and your other children. If Dad is not on board with this then yes, he can get out, and he'll have a fun time paying child support for three children. Yes, you were on birth control, but everyone knows that's not 100% so having sex is taking a chance on having a child and a couple who still has sex still has to be prepared for the possibility of a child. If he really did not want another child he should have abstained from sex or had a vasectomy. He could have raised the odds as well to prevent pregnancy by also wearing a condom and using spermicide. But that is neither here nor there now. The baby is here and now he's scared, understandably. I think he needs some time. As he sees your belly grow he will come around because the reality will sink in about giving away his own child. There are other avenues of getting government support like welfare, food stamps, WIC, and doing what you can to lower your bills. Do some research and don't forget about Freecycle(tm) that is in your area for help with some tangibles. Just give him time.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.comm/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

Oh, sweetie. What a stressful time. I have a couple of suggestions. First, Planned Parenthood (which is downtown) offers counseling for these kinds of situations. They can walk you through all your options (especially where to get help if you decide to keep the baby.) They are great, and have been there, done that. Secondly (and I don't know you or your husband) but you need to carefully evaluate the situation for domestic violence. It is not uncommon for a first (or not so first) outburst) to happen in exactly this situation. Contact a clergy or your doctor for some counseling, and know that you can all ways call the RESOLVE Crisis Network at 1.888.7.YOU CAN.

If you do decide to go the termination route, know you are not alone. 60% of abortions in this country are performed on women who have one or more kids at home already, for reasons you know all too well. It is YOUR decision, ultimately, but there is help out there either way you decide. Take care of yourself, take a moment to get your breath. You'll figure it out!

S.
1st give him some time.men usually want to fix things and there is no easy "fix".He says he doesn't want to go and you already have 2 other children.It's obvious he loves you and the children.
There is help out there.Wic,food stamps,energy assistance,chip.community outreach programs and numerous churches.God never gives you more than you can handle.Keep the faith.Prayers for you.

S.,

What does your husband do for work? Maybe someone here has a lead on a job.

In the meantime, there are many good suggestions here. Try to relax and if you have a church family that would be a good place to reach out. If you don't have a church family I would love for you and your children to come to my church. I go to Crossroads United Methodist and there are a number of campuses to attend so there is probably one near you. My family attends the East Liberty Campus but you can find the other campus locations on their website. Please send me a message if you decide to go so that I can make sure you have some contact people to talk to when you get there. http://www.crossroadsumc.org/ I will pray for you and for your situation.

Just know that God loves you and the people here on this site care too. God Bless.

Jess

There are alot of place that maybe able to help. You could try united way or churches. If they can not help they maybe able to point you in the right direction. They have a program that cover kids. I am not sure if it is still Blue chip.
I wish you the best of luck at whatever you decide to do. I believe that whatever good or bad happens to us in life it is for a reason. Things always work themselves out.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

Keep the baby and do whatever you have to clinics, wic assistance. Keep trying aand dont give up and pray for god to help you afford it. Ask people if they have any baby clothes, toys, anything you may need. I have a stroller my daughter grew out of if you need it and some baby blankets ect.

Dear S.,
You've already received a lot of good advice already, so I'll try to be brief. You have a church family, use them as a resource. Specifically, try to speak with the pastor or someone in leadership for guidance. Secondly, since it sounds like you want to keep this baby, you should probably seek help from a crisis pregnancy center rather than Planned Parenthood. My mom is an ultrasound nurse for a center in my area & they offer, free ultrasounds, clothing, food, etc. Also, the counselors will help you explore the options you're comfortable with. If you'd like to know more, feel free to send me a message privately. I'd be happy to give you more info if you're interested. In the meantime, I'm praying for you as you make such a difficult and life-impacting decision for both you & your unborn baby.

Take is easy there is time to figure this out. Your local public assistance office will help you and you want to keep the baby so do it. And the good LORD will provide. I will keep you in my prayers.
T.

S.,

Wow, my heart goes out to you and your family. It can and will only be your and your husbands decision either path you choose.

I believe you will love a new baby, it will bring happiness and joy to your family. Maybe you should send a mamasource question about where to get free health care, assistance on formula, clothes childcare, etc. I imagine there has to be help available if you choose to bring a new baby into your lives.

Your husband is scared too. You might want to search for free couseling also to help you both through this.

Good luck in your decisions.

Hi S..
I'm so sorry to read your post. I'm not sorry that your prego, just sorry that your in such a difficult situation. What you need right now is support from your husband. What your husband needs right now is a job. He most likely feels very overwhelmed and inadequate as a provider a little depressed, and he is also very scared to bring the responsibility of another child into this crazy uncertain world. As hard as it might be for you (as a ball of hormones right now), you need to encourage him as your partner to get a job, something, anything and let him know you love him and are proud of him for getting something.
I don't think you or he after 9 months of pregnancy and getting used to the idea of another and figuring out how to make it work will regret keeping this child. A child who was created out of a loving marriage. God Bless you and your baby! You can do it! Communicate with him and encourage him, I think you'll be able to "turn him around".

Don't know how much you make, but call the county assistance office and see what you may qualify for, this is what they are here for to help in these situations. Your hormones all over the place and both of you need time to adjust. Get some counseling asap.

Do you belong to a church? ask for help

S.,

I'm so sorry for your situation.
There are places that will help you with a new baby. St. Josephs Center is one. They will give you clothes, formula, etc. Catholic Social Services, too. You really need more time to think this over, maybe see a therapist. You still have time, don't make any rush decisions. Keep us posted.

T.

Hi S.,

I am so sorry about your situation, but keep in mind decisions don't have to be made today. Both you and your husband are reacting to the shock of it all and it is going to take time for your emotions to settle and for both of you to be able to make final decisions. Since you both agree that abortion is not for you, you have nine months to turn things around. Your husband has an opportunity to find work and for both of you to work together to improve things for your family. Take time to cool down and approach this subject again when both of you have had a chance to consider all the options. I understand where you are coming from and I would not want to give up my baby either, but before you throw out your family as it is right now, give your husband the benefit of the doubt and speak to him about the fears you have and how you can both work together so that you both reach your goals...which seem to be stability and a bit more financial security for your family. Those goals do not need to exclude a baby he or she can be your motivation to make things better. Good luck!

Oh, honey, I'm SO sorry that you've got a LOT on your plate right now, which only ADDS to the difficulty of a high-risk pregnancy. The first thing that I would suggest you guys do is talk to a therapist together as a couple. If you do NOT get your issues worked out as early as possible in your pregnancy, they can mount and get worse. Right now, you both need to figure out what to do for YOUR health and your baby's health. Secondly, there are SO many resources out there that can provide you with support for your baby based on what you need (diapers, wipes, formula, etc.). Since you already have 2 other kids, and if you still have your baby stuff (crib, changing table, stroller, etc.), then you don't have to go out and spend money on new things, which is a HUGE plus. However, if you HAVE to get all the baby things all over again, look into consignment shops, friends, neighbors, your church/community outreach to find out if you can take hand-me-downs for free. Closer to your due date, you'll start receiving free samples of formula in the mail along with coupons, but if you decide to nurse, you can pump and store your milk in the freezer for up to 6 months. Your older girls are big enough to help out, I'm sure, and they'd be SO excited about having a new brother or sister.

My guess is that you and Matt are having knee-jerk reactions to your unplanned pregnancy, and at least you're both being honest about how you both feel. I don't think that you'd really WANT him to leave, you're just upset, maybe even confused, and stressed out. I'm sorry that Matt isn't working right now, but depending on your situation by the time the baby's due, maybe he can stay home with the baby to cut down on childcare costs? Depending on his line of work, maybe he can look into doing work from home, even a few days a week? I'm sure he has friends who might do hands-on work (painting, plumbing, landscaping, etc.), so maybe he can help them out under the table, just so he's doing SOMETHING (usually, men like to just be busy to feel like they're contributing to their own families somehow, it's just how they are, don't try to change it)?

You obviously seem to be in love with your new baby already, and I can only imagine how much of an awesome child he/she will be. I know a few families who have 5 kids, 7 kids, and 9 kids...facing the same, if not similar issues that YOU are dealing with, and yet THEY somehow make it work. Their children are healthy, thriving, and wonderful. From what I can tell, they seemed to not let their financial stresses get in the way of their being loving parents to another child who needs love to grow and flourish in this world.

Your situation is something that only you and Matt can work out, but for the sake of both of you and your family, you should do it together. If anything, it'll only make your relationship and your marriage stronger because you love each other. However, know that there are PLENTY of resources to help you with whatever you need, you just have to ask for help.

Good luck, God bless!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this horrible decision. Although I don't I don't have an answer for you I do think you need to do what you feel is right for you so you don't regret your decision later in life. Maybe you can find a local moms support group to help you through this difficult time such as the moms club. Please take the time to do what is right in your heart. I am sending many good thoughts your way and hope you get through this tough time in your life.

Well, you have to do what you are comfortable with. You said you want to keep the baby, so I think you should. I'm not sure what to say about your husband - he has to decide what he is going to do. Check out information at your local assistance office - they have programs out to help you - because you said you have no benefits at your job. There are also places that can help you get back on your feet somewhat financially - did you buy your home FHA? they also have programs to help.

S.,
I am so sorry for you financial situation. These are, indeed, tough times.
As for your husband's reaction, I wanted to suggest the possibility that it was his first, initial, knee-jerk reaction. Maybe, for him , accepting the pregnancy will be like getting into a cold swimming pool....he'll slowly get used to the idea.
I, too, would recommend counseling for you both to talk this through. Sometimes a third party giving an impartial ear, facts and suggestions helps. If you belong to a church, perhaps you could discuss things with a pastor.
Also, your hubby needs to step up the job hunt and you both need to get on board with a financial plan that will work for you all. I recommend Dava Ramsay's Total Money Makeover or Financial Peace. Please look into getting from your library.
Best of wishes to you and your family. God bless.

I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do in this situation. You really have to figure it out for yourself. You can either have enough faith to say that your husband will find a job and you will get benefits or you will have to look at the financial aspect as well as what it is going to do to your marriage to have this baby. You can't really take away from the other two to take care of the third and you can't afford to lose your job either, correct? Weigh all your options out but always remember, this is what works for me, you have to live in the here and now and what you can do in that here and now, not in the future. Good luck and God Bless!

If you don't want to give your baby up for adoption, then don't! God bless you and your family. Be patient with yourselves, and do try to seek the help of a counselor if this is straining your marriage so much. Go to this website. You can fill out an online application, here you will find it is an all purpose application for WIC, state provided health insurance (medical access), food stamps, among other benefits. After you fill out and submit the application, someone from the assistance office will call you - or if you're uncomfortable with the online application, then just go to your local county assistance office and do the application in person. My guess is you'll certainly be eligible for health insurance (which does cover certain counseling and therapy), Wic, etc. I hope this helps! Just take your time, and take care of yourself!

https://www.humanservices.state.pa.us/compass/CMHOM.aspx

Hello, Sorry you are going through such a difficult situation, and with little support. I would suggest looking into a pregnancy center in your area to find out if they can help you get free or low cost insurance first. Then you can have help for the pregnancy, and you and your husband could get some counseling for free or little cost. You could also look into counseling with a sliding scale. The cost depends on your income. Some agencies only charge $5-$10. This way someone neutral could help with what to do, and you would get some emotional support. Good luck!

Hi S.,

Honey, Take a deep breath, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Things will work out. Life unfolds on its own. You can not control things.

Find a Co-Dependence Anonymous support group as fast as you can near you. www.coda.org

Bind your husband and children close to you, don't push them away.

A baby takes 9 months to get here. In that time, life will turn around for you.

Good luck. D.