Unplanned Pregnancy...Everyone Is Unhappy

Think about giving the baby up for adoption. Many families could and would love to raise and provide for a child.

angi C said everything i could have said. so i'll just second hers and send a big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you.
khairete
S.

Have not been in this situation but my daughter is adopted and we are in the process of adopting again. Please know that adoption is such a blessing to others who can't get pregnant. Good luck with your decision.

Surely you can understand why they are unhappy.

Mom has daughter and 15 month old living with her, I'm assuming she's doing at least some of the child care and bill paying (probably more than some on the last one) since you are working and in school, and now daughter is pregnant again.

Boyfriend has been with girlfriend LESS than 6 months AND doubled up on protection and there's a baby on the way anyway. He's now "stuck" with you and a kid (if you two decide to continue the pregnancy and raise the kid yourselves) for the rest of his life. He probably wasn't even sure that YOU TWO were a long term thing and now there's a baby to decide what to do about.

So yeah I can see why they wouldn't be happy about this situation. HOWEVER, the situation does exist now so decisions have to be made. Sooner rather than later.

Your options as they stand right now and NONE of them are easy choices, and the boyfriend has JUST AS MUCH SAY AS YOU DO, it's his kid (and wallet) too:

1. Abortion - yes it's an option. It's not the "easy way out" (and anyone who says it is is a LIAR) it's a viable option for an unplanned pregnancy. IF you go with this option BE SURE it's what you want to do.

2. Adoption - another option that's on the table and also not an "easy way out". Plenty of people who have given kids up for adoption have regretted it for the rest of their lives, and while agencies do their best to ferret out unfit parents there are PLENTY of stories of adoptive parents who were abusive and just flat out horrible (a friends daughter is a GREAT example. that poor girl is so messed up it's not funny). If you go with this option BE SURE it's what you want to do, and be aware that you will have the same questions as if you had terminated. Except when you see a kid on the street you may wonder if he/she is yours, unless you get lucky enough to have an open adoption (but these tend to be rare).

3. Keep the kid - This option is no easier than the others and has just as many downsides as the others. You're clearly not in a financial situation for one kid let alone two, so not only are you getting help from your mom at this point but I'm guessing that public assistance will be needed in the future also. At least until you finish school and get a job (IF you can get a job depending on your degree .... some degrees are basically useless right now). Not only that but IF you keep the kid against BF's wishes you'll have to deal with him and an unhappy him at that. Because if you are getting public assistance they WILL go after him for child support, you won't have the option of letting him walk away.

So what you have in front of you is a VERY complicated decision to make. And as I said you need to make it sooner rather than later. You and the BF, and a neutral party wouldn't be a bad idea either, need to sit down have a VERY LONG very heartfelt discussion about the options you have available to you. And decide TOGETHER what the best option for ALL involved is going to be.

You are going to get a lot of "it's your body and your baby and YOU alone get to decide" ... well that's flat out WRONG. It's YOUR baby and HIS baby and you need to decide TOGETHER.

Good luck with your decision.

Wow--you used two forms of birth control and still got pregnant? This baby was meant to be. Adoption? And if BF isn't ready for kids, maybe you and your daughter should move on!

First off, a big hug to you. An unexpected pregnancy is a lot to deal with without having to worry about how you'll support yourself, and how it will affect your relationship with your boyfriend and mom. I'm guessing that your mom is worried about how you'll support yourself and two children, and your boyfriend is not sure he's ready to be a dad, right?

Just remember, you always have options. You've just found out that you're pregnant and your emotions are probably running super high. Take a few days and think about the future and what you want, what you're willing to give up, and how you could make it work if you do have a second child.

You could have an abortion (please - anti-abortion people, don't jump all over me for saying it... because it *is* an option for many people). In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you aren't ready, emotionally and financially, to have a second child. You could give this child up for adoption. There are thousands of people out there desperate to have a child. You could help make someone's dream come true, and provide a wonderful life for your unborn child all at the same time. And, of course, you could go forward and raise the child yourself. But you do need to think about how it will affect your relationship with your boyfriend and mom. Will you still be able to live with her? Will your boyfriend provide any support at all? Be honest with yourself as you look at the options. Only you can determine what will be the best choice for you and for your 15 month old, since you already have a responsibility to him/her.

Hey sweetie!
Im with everley on this one. If you really can't handle this, you are in control of your body and as a woman you have every right to make the abortion decision. No, its not for everyone but you have to think of Bethany too. I also believe god gives us situations for a reason and who knows?? Maybe it is just 6 months but I knew my husband was the one when we were 19 yrs old! Text me if you need to talk.
H.

First, congratulations to you. I'm glad you're happy about the baby. You just need to get a game plan going for how you're going to manage everything ahead.

The fact that you're in school sounds good. That can lead to better job opportunities. Also, if you're at a university, they may have low-cost childcare. Check into it. Many schools have early childhood education centers that allow students to watch and evaluate the kids in daycare there.

I would start looking for a better job now, before you're showing. The job market is improving and you may be able find something that's going to be a better fit when you're managing two children.

You can do this. A lot of women out there have been single parents and done it well. Best of luck to you!

ETA: I'm very pro-choice and pro-adoption, but if you are happy about this baby, I'm not sure those choices are the right path for you.

It sounds like possibly your bf of 6 months may end up walking out on you. I hope you have the courage to consider adoption. Feeling alone and terrified when you already have a little one is not conducive to bringing another life into your life. However, there is a mom out there who cannot have a baby and could offer a good life to him or her. It would be a kindness to everyone involved if you can share this child with a deserving couple.

Good luck,
Dawn

If you ask me its to late for lectuers. but I was 16 when I had my first child and its not hard. that's for sure your best bet is to try to show as much independence as possible. But don't be afraid to ask for help.get help with human services. They even have programs were they'll help you pay for child care. Above all STAY IN SCHOOL!!!!! let them know its hard enough being pregnant. You need there support not criticism Hang in there....

Since "the pill and condoms" don't seem to be working for you and you are now expecting baby # 2 and plan to keep your child...tell your boyfriend to get on board or hit the road.

So you needed to "get away" from your EX and jumped right back in to a sexual relationship with another man "before" you knew how he felt about children and a long term relationship...even though you already had a small child in the picture? No lectures needed here, you already know that no one is happy. What do you do?

You talk with your mother and see if she is willing to let you remain in her home.

You talk to the father of the child and let him know that he WILL be expected to assist in the support of HIS child. (You should do the same with your first child if you have NOT already done so).

You make an appointment with family services in your area and apply for assistance.

You continue with your education so you will not be on dole forever.

You STOP having casual and uncomitted sex because birth control isn't working for you and concentrate on taking good care of yourself, your child, your unborn child and appreciating your mother if she decides to let you stay.

Don't be terrified (unless you decide to continue the same path)...just get real and appreciate the support you have received during the birth and life of your first child. Get real about the part you have played in making some of the decisions you have been making and don't do it again.

Blessings...

If you can't raise two young ones on your own, you may have no choice but to terminate. I assume your mom is already helping you out more than most grandmothers do so it's fair she's not happy about this. Your boyfriend was using protection bc he didn't want to be a father yet and it's fair for him to be unhappy now too. I'm not anti-abortion so see that as a very viable option for you. You have to think about what's best for you, your 15 month old and then potentially another child if you're doing all this on your own. What kind of life would that be?... Sorry. I'm sure this is very hard.

You've got a big decision on your plate--nothing that I take lightly here. You know what your options are, and none of them is WRONG. I think that if he wants NOT to be a parent to this eventual baby, you should consider that and respect it; don't force parental responsibility onto someone who is adamantly against it. If you choose to add to your family at this time, you should expect to proceed without him or his assistance. Adoption is for people who won't be interested in raising a baby. You actually want to have a baby, so it might not be realistic to expect you to go through with a pregnancy and then give birth only to let someone else take the baby. You've got to be honest with yourself before moving in this direction. Honestly, I think that you should probably terminate and move on being more careful not to have to be in this position again. It sounds like even you think that you'd be digging yourself into a deeper hole by adding a baby to your plate. I get it. If you ae convinced that it would be a bad move at this time, don't do it.

Well, if I were in your position I may consider an open adoption. I am pro-choice and have no issues with abortion, and quite honestly if it were me, I would have already headed to the nearest clinic to have one, BUT you say YOU are happy about it. If you're happy about it, then an abortion will not sit well with you (and I know plenty of people who have had them with absolutely NO regrets, but no one wanted a baby or was happy to be pregnant). Do you know why you're happy when no one else is? Have you really examined your feelings about it?

I don't know-you're not in a good place, you have a very young child and live with your mom -and the father isn't happy. With an open adoption you could keep in touch and know what was going on with the child -you just wouldn't raise it. After this, no matter what you decide, I would look into an IUD just to be extra careful. Some of us are more fertile than others (I know -I am).

I would seek out a counselor/therapist to help you decide what to do. The other posters have set out your options. If you can't afford or don't qualify for private therapy, there are religious organizations, family planning organizations (Planned Parenthood), etc. who can probably refer you to low cost or free counseling. Your doctor might know of available counselors also.

I am biased, but I do have to put in a plug for adoption if you decide you are unable to raise this baby. My brother and his wife have been waiting for a baby to adopt for almost three years and that's after five years of infertility treatments. It is heartbreaking to watch their pain and struggle. There are many people like them. It's not an easy decision, but you could make someone's dream come true if you conclude now is not the right time to add to your own family. In most adoption situations currently the birth mother is able to choose the amount of contact, if any, she wants to have with the child. Contrary to what another poster said, the majority of adoptions are "open" and the birth mother chooses.

Best wishes to you whatever you decide.

I absolutely agree with everything Megan C. said. You really have three options here. Keeping the baby and seeking out financial help. It is out there for young single moms like you.Check with your church, Planned Parenthood or even a local hospital for guidance and resources available to you. Please definitely consider adoption. There are adoptive parents that would be more than happy to care for your needs while you carry the child. It is such a selfless act on the part of the birth mother. You may feel that you just can't provide for this child, but ONLY you can decide to give it life and make a couple that cannot conceive so very grateful for your sacrifice.
I am pro-life. I used to be pro-choice until I became a parent. I have never been in your position, but know of others that did have an abortion and ALL of them regret that decision. Every.single.one.of.them. Even some twenty years later, some of them still struggle with that decision made so long ago.
If you were on two forms of birth control and still managed to conceive, I would take that as a blessing even if it doesn't seem like one at this moment in time. God works in mysterious and wonderful ways for our greater good. Good luck with your decision and God Bless!
HTH,
A.

My heart goes out to you......I have never had to experience this before..... but please do not give abortion an option.....God has a special plan for this lil baby your caring....I have just got started with thirty one gifts.... this is something u can do from home and make money .... make ur own schedule.... if ur interested message me.... hugs;)!!!!!

This is a decision only you can make. You have three choices.
1. You keep the pregnancy. Apply for aid through your state, WIC, etc. You decide how much the father will be involved in your lives.

2. You keep the pregnancy and give the baby over to adoptive parents. You can decided how much contact you will/won't have with the child.

3. You end the pregnancy.

I am pro-life, so for me option 3 would not be an option. For me its not just 'it's a life, etc'. I experienced a miscarriage 6 years ago, and the feelings of that time are still very raw.

For you, you have to decide what is best for you emotionally, and financially as a single mother.

Okay, I think that the one that needs to be happy with this more than anyone else is you. If you want this baby, then take a deep breath, pray and take one day at a time.
I could understand why your mother is not happy, you've only been with this person for 6mths, and you are staying at her house. As a mother myself, I don't understand her but must respect her feelings; and so should you.
If she is worried about you and the babies being too much for her, then you need to try to find yourself a place of your own; even if is a small place just to get you started. Please do not stop your schooling, it is so important and it will help you so much later on.
Stay possitive, take care of yourself and try to do what you can. Don't let others get you down. If your boyfriend doesn't want this child, there is nothing you can do about it; he is the one that is going to miss out on the blessing.
Think about the possibilities of adoption, if your conditions do not improve; it might be something to think about. That would be a blessing to those that can't have babies and even others that would like to make a difference in a child's life and give him/her a home.
I'll tell you this, if adoption wasn't so expensive, I would be adopting a child myself. I have three children, two boys and a girl; and they even ask me about adopting a fourth child. :)
So, hang in there and don't give up, don't give in and don't let go of your dreams and family.
Much love and blessings!

I am pro-choice and believe you have the right to do whatever is BEST for you!

With that being said, I believe everything happens for a reason...and believing that I would think long and hard and search your heart for whats the best thing for you to do.

Good Luck Lady!

~I do understand the reasoning behind your Mom and your BF's unhappiness but do not let their unhappiness get in the way of your happiness...it's your life and you need to do what is best for you! LOTS and LOTS of single Mom's have made similar situations work and if you want it bad enough I have faith that you can do it too, should you so choose?! As women we are STRONG and VERY CAPABLE..don't you ever forget that!

I have not been in that situation but I would have an abortion. If that is not an option for you, I would look into adoption. If I were your mom - I would NOT be happy. She has done her job raising you. It is not fair to ask her to do more. Your boyfriend - well since you were using birth control - he was clearly not interested in being a dad at this point. IMO his moral obligation is half the cost of an abortion - financially and supporting you emotionally. It would be asking a lot to expect this new a relationship to survive if you choose to continue the pregnancy and keep the child.

I personally do not know anyone who has had an abortion that has long term regrets about it. The statistics show women generally do NOT have long term emotional problems with abortion. The most frequent emotion described is relief.

I personally have not been in this situation. I have a very close friend with a daughter in a similar situation. I've been there and watched a happy family being torn apart.

Don't expect mom to be happy about this. You're already taking advantage of her by having her take care of your current child (physically, emotionally, and financially). She's raised her child, she should not be expected to raise your children.

Have you considered adoption? There are thousands of couples who are in position (stable home and relationship, financially secure) to raise your baby.

You can also consider abortion.

You should contact professionals who can help you make this decission. Call Planned Parenthood. Talk with your mother and see if she will continue to offer you support and to what extent. Keep in mind, it's not her responsibilty to care for your children.

You already know how difficult it is with one child, it only gets more difficult with 2.

No, you cannot do it alone. Things to consider.... Who will watch your child when your at school or working? Who will care for your kids when you're sick or want to go out? You can't afford a babysitter. The taxpayers will help pay for food, most medical expenses, some daycare and shelter. Can you afford the rest? What type of financial support will daddy be able to provide - yes, you'll need to take him to court for child support?

Good luck with your decission.

Congratulations to you! I have been in your situation and I know this is not a easy place for you to be in. When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest I struggled for two weeks about what to do. I knew if I was to tell my parents I was expecting they would go balistic, so I contemplated abortion for two weeks. I'm so thankful I did not go thru with that! I could not imagine my life without my daughter! My parents came around and they love my daughter so very much. As for the guy, well he turned out to be a loser, he left me 7 days after finding out I was pregnant. He paid for a DNA test to be done because he is that type of person. I took him to court and he paid for his daughter until my husband adopted her. Best thing to happen to her in my opinion! It sounds to me that this baby has a purpose since it was conceived even with double protection. I think you should not make any decisions based on others feelings. You need to do what is right for YOU and your baby! All I can say is that you never know what blessings this little miracle can bring you! I know my unplanned pregnancy turned into one of my biggest blessings!!! Good Luck to you!

If you consider adoption an option, talk with an adoption agency counselor. Contrary to what other posters have said, most American adoptions are open and you choose the family and amount of contact desired before placement is decided. As an adoptive parent and a social worker, I want to say that this is a loving decision with many positive outcomes. We have an open adoption and have visits,emails and pictures shared because we know this is important for our son and the birth mom.

Please seek out a local pregnancy resource center. Call 1-800-712-HELP to reach OptionLine. They'll connect you with a local center that will help you to find the support that you need. They will help you to explore your options and will provide you with the social support that you're seeking.

Well, to be frank - you will put on your big girl panties, step up to the plate, and make it work! Please don't take that as me trying to be harsh, but reality is your a mom - you have to make it work. You will do what you have to do to make it work.

My 2 oldest kids are just shy of 14 mos apart - My son was only 5 mos old when I found out I was pregnant again. It was scary, I didn't know what to do, or how to handle it. But, we did, we survived and now we have 3 kids and couldn't imagine life any other way.

I wish you the best of luck and please just know that YES you will figure out a way to make it and you will make it. All your love for your children will help make you the best mom for them.

Good luck and Congrats!

Can you spend the next few months searching for a better job? While the downside is that you probably won't qualify for maternity leave benefits, it might be worth it if you make more money, have a more flexible schedule, and/or have better health benefits as a result.
Can you take more classes in the spring and summer sessions to finish school faster?
Hopefully your boyfriend will come around and realize that this is his responsibility, too. If not, you can go to court for child support from him and that may help your situation.
Adoption is also an option. I can't begin to imagine how difficult that would actually be, but give it some thought, as it might truly be the best option for you and your 15 month old.

There is alot of help out there for women like you. There are alot of groups (most of them christian or antiabortion groups) who will provide you with alot of assistance just for keeping the baby. Also there is WIC for food and child care vouchers. I agree with Gina M. when she says to stay in school. You can take advanage of these programs now while you are struggling and once you graduate you should be able to get a better paying job and take care of yourself and babies much better. I know that most states provide a phone number (I believe ours is 211 but I dont know about FL) where they will give you a list of programs and phone numbers for struggling families.

you will be alright, women have had alot mor kds with alot less than this and somehow made it, if your happy, then just be happy, he dont have to be happy, he can be put on child support, theres one problem solved. I wouldnt be happy if I was your mother either, but I wouldnt not love the baby. SO where there is a will there is a way, stay in school, and look for better work, they have day care assistance, and all kinds of things to help you at first.

btw.. I dont belive in abortion, so I dnt suggest that, and I am not one of those people who just are ready to jump on the adoption band wagon. Im not going to tell you to hurry and give up your baby.. you can make this work.

I am so sorry you aren't finding support in the people who should be supporting you the most right now. Millions of women are raising their babies on their own and you can do it too. Babies are blessing. Always. Hang in there mama!

One day at a time...you are not the first to go through this and will not be the last, as others have said, you have WIC, foodstamps, housing help, childcare coverage, medical assistance.

I would stay in school, and like I said before if the support isn't their you need to move out and find others that will support you, find a local group of women who have been in your situation, go to church, call social services and get help.

Hugs to you...and remember one day at a time!

My friend broke up with her boyfriend and found out 2 weeks later that their daughter was en route. She had doubled up on the contraceptives, too, and says, "Well, I guess the kid wanted to be here." Kiddo is 2 and the parents have worked out child support, custody and visitation.

First off, breathe. You were being responsible.

Second, start looking at your resources. Can you do this if you have WIC or other assistance? Can you get medical care for you and the children? Do you qualify for daycare assistance? Does your school have any scholarships you might qualify for?

You can also consider adoption if abortion is not right for you. My cousin was the son of 2 college students who got over their heads and felt it was better to offer him a life with other parents. We are forever grateful for them. Another friend placed her son for adoption when she was in college. It wasn't that she didn't love him. It was that she wanted to give him a life she couldn't offer.

And my own mom was in her early 20s raised me by herself at first (with her parents' help). My grandparents were NOT happy but they came around.

Hang in there, think things through, and make the best choice for you and your children. (And I agree with someone else that that may include not being with the BF if he's not ready for kids because you already have one. I'm a stepmom and the kids were part of the deal.)

Give it some time to sink in. Good luck.

I just wanted to say don't let anyone make that decision for you! I have a friend that had an abortion years ago because her parents were furious with her and told her they would kick her out of their house if she had a baby out of wedlock. She had the abortion and had such a hard time emotionally. Here it is almost 20 years later and she will still tell you that was her BIGGEST regret in life. YOU have to want to want to terminate the baby. That is not something you can live with if it isn't a choice you made on your own. Every year when that childs "would be" birthdate passes, you will be reminded of that lose. Make sure if you do it, you are doing it because you want to.......not because anyone else wants you to.
If you decide to have the baby, you need to be prepared to do it on your own. There are so many places/people that can help you. It can be done though! Take your time and make sure you are making the right choices for you!!!!!!!

I know there are miracles but I don't get how two forms of bc didn't work?anyway i'm not going to lecture because i don't claim to be prone from that happening...i'm J. suprised.
I wish you tons of luck and your bf should step up and offer support in any decision if he loves you. you're 27...how old is he? if hes arnd that age or older he needs to grow up and learn to be happy over the unexpected

You are at the stage where you are not able to think too clearly about this with shock, morning sickness maybe and you can't see the way to make this work right now. You have the choice for adoption and also you can do this with help. Some places have been suggested to help you out and I would contact some of them now and see what there is out there to help you with child care and providing for yourself and your 15 mo. old. Having children close together is good in many ways so that isn't a big problem. You said your boyfriend and mother weren't happy about it and I can see that as your mother is probably concerned as to how you will do it but you can show her you can do it and if the boyfriend isn't interested in raising the baby maybe you should wait and find someone who values you and the children and marries you.

You need tons of help from your mom until the children can stay in a daycare full time and you can work. In time, as they become more independent, you'll be able to have a career (choose wisely now what path to take on) and support yourself and the, In the meantime someone fit for you and the kids may come along (I take your bf is walking away?) and that will make it so much easier for you. But you have to choose very wisely the man who'll be by your side: no losers! You can do it, just go ahead and get as much support as you can get now from friends and family.

You need to do whats best for you! Yes some decisions effect others in your life but as I tell my kids.... if your not prepared to become a parent dont have sex. Unfortunately most protection is not 100%, my husband had a vasectomy and I still freak out sometimes cause you never know. In the end its your choice dont let anyone tell you otherwise.