28 answers

Adoption While Married

I'm in a bit of a bind. I am married with two beautiful little boys. However, I've been unemployed for over a year. My husband works but doesn't make that much. But that's not my problem. I believe I'm pregnant again. I got pregnant by accident a little over a year ago and I had an abortion. I won't do that again. I want to give this one up for adoption. My problem is that my husband didn't take the abortion well, and if I'm pregnant again, will contest an adoption. There is no way we can afford another child. We're scraping by with the children we have. Since we're married, I will have to live with his stubbornness along with another baby we can't afford. There will be no reasoning with him. The only option I can come up with is to leave and go to a shelter. I don't want to leave my boys, but the good thing, and this is the only time I'll say it's good, is my parents have physical custody of them so he can't take them away while I'm doing this. Can anyone give me some contact info of who could help me? This is a really off the wall situation I know, but I don't know what else to do.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Would he even want take you back after the baby is born if you do this? Maybe the best thing to do would be to get a divorce and give him the baby when it's born, since he would want it.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

This post and all your other ones, sound really bogus.
This was one of your posts "I just recently got diagnosed with Grave's Disease. For those who don't know, it's an autoimmune disorder where my body creates hormones that attack my thyroid making it work double time. Due to my medication and my ultimate future treatment (radioactive iodine) I will be unable to add to my family for about five years or so. I wanted to have a baby girl so badly, but after the bitter truth, I know that I cannot be greedy and I will be happy with the beautiful babies I've got. However, I can only imagine if I cry because I'm not finished, that other women who cannot have any must be in agony. If anyone knows the protocol for donations or which ones pay, I'm all ears. I'm wanting to put the money towards my sons' college accounts."
So... what happened to your graves disease? and what happened to you desperately wanting another baby?
You cant just arbitrarily put your child up for adoption without your husbands consent, he is not being "stubborn"
I really think that either you have a mental health issue, or you are a really bad to the bone person.
And LOL to your post about wanting someone to watch your baby 12 hours a day every day for $80 a week!

9 moms found this helpful

I agree with Melissa K--this sounds like a bogus post (like all of your other posts). First, you need to inquire how to get free birth control--there has got to be a place for low income people to get birth control. Second, no job for a year? Surely there is a Walmart in/near Madison, TN where you can work. Third, why in the world do your parents have custody---actually, don't answer that--I'm afraid to know. Fourth, if you have Internet access--which you might because you're on this site--cancel that and use the money to pay for diapers.

I'll stop there--I've wasted enough of my own precious, hard-working, child-raising, birth control using time.

8 moms found this helpful

I am confused...I don't understand why you don't have custody of your two children...

6 moms found this helpful

WHAT??? You're married (I assume to a man you love?) and you want to get rid of the child that you two created in love? Is it his baby? I'm not sure why you would call him stubborn when you're the one who's made the choice to sleep with him (unprotected) and have already killed the life of another child and now insist on getting rid of this child.
If your other children are already at your mom's maybe you shouldn't be having more because you might not be fit to handle them. WHY OH WHY would you put yourself in a situation like this? I'm hoping that hubby will change his mind and you two can put the baby up for adoption. Remember though that adoption and abortion are not forms of birth control, condoms are or getting tubes tied or vasectomy, the pill or IUD. There are so many other options out there to fix this "problem" of getting pregnant over and over again if you don't want to be. Be smart!

5 moms found this helpful

You can't put the baby up for adoption not matter what. If he says no he gets custody. It is his child and he MUST consent for it to be adopted, whether you are together, seperated, or divorced. He has to legally sign off on the adoption for it to be valid. All he has to do if you go ahead is file a paper with the court house and he stops the adoption and it is void. It can happen years in the future too if it is hidden from him and he doesn't have the option of signing off.

I think that you are going to have to sit down and discuss this with him. But from what you he said...it's going to be you or the baby and I bet he chooses the baby.

3 moms found this helpful

Check your yellow pages. Contact an adoption agency. They can set you up with some counseling and they will know what options you can LEGALLY have.

PS> In a previous post last year, you said you wouldn't be able to add to your family for 5 years because of some treatment you were having...... If that's the case, will this even be a viable pregnancy???

If you are indeed pregnant and do proceed with adoption instead of another abortion, I just want to say THANK YOU! You will be choosing a hard road BUT your baby will be benefiting greatly! I know quite a few people who have adopted and they give the children great homes!

2 moms found this helpful

The problem I believe is NOT that you are pregnant and can't afford another child.

It is a problem that you did not mention in the question here.

My husband and I have no money to spare, but we somehow make ends meet while having four kids. ...he had a vasectomy after our fourth. You guys should look into that.

2 moms found this helpful

I just don't understand if this is such an issue why one of you didn't get permanent birth control done at the time of the abortion. You should at least get an IUD. First you need to make sure you ARE pregnant and go from there. If you and your husband don't actually have custody of the children you have now, then I don't know why this is any sort of issue. It doesn't sound like you love your husband if you're so willing to leave and go to a shelter. If that's the case, then I suggest you do leave, file for divorce and tell him you intend to give this baby up for adoption. If he doesn't want to give up the child, then he needs to have a plan to be the parent. It doesn't sound like he can do that, so what he needs to do is respect your wishes, think about what's best for the baby and get a vasectomy so this type of thing doesn't keep happening.

2 moms found this helpful

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