Thinking About Adoption

First, I'd like to say I'm sorry you are in a tough spot. I definitely can empathize with your situation.

Second, I would like to try to give you some encouragement. I was 22-years-old, 16 or so weeks pregnant, unemployed, and had no father for my unborn child. I considered abortion-- which would have been selfish on my part, plus I was too far along to have done. I considered adoption. I even considered giving my child to my sister/mother until I was ready to take care of her. Of all those things, I decided I was going to tempt Fate and keep my baby. Her father pretended to want in on her life for nearly a year, which allowed me time to stay at home with my child. Eventually he got bored with us, lost his job, and we had no income. Now, almost 3 years later, I'm back on my feet with an incredible 2 and a half year old little girl who brightens every waking hour of my life.

While things may seem impossible now, change does tend to happen when you least expect it. Just remember there are people who care deeply for you and your family and who want what is best for you. Talk with your parents and in-laws, your doctor, DCF/WIC. You may qualify for food stamps, WIC, Medicaid-- all sorts of programs exist to help woman.

The choice is ultimately yours, and while I don't know you, I would be hardpressed to think badly of you-or anyone- for trying to do what is best in their eyes. I wish you the best of luck. Keep your chin up for your 3-year-old and your unborn baby. They are both counting on you, whatever you decide.

2 moms found this helpful

My heart truly goes out to you J.. It is hard to raise a family in this economy. As the other women have said, there is a lot of public assistance that Florida offers. But, I am thinking that if you are contemplating placing your baby for adoption, you have probably already looked at a lot of options. I applaud you for choosing life for your baby.

I am an adoption counselor for a local (Sarasota) adoption agency and a foster mother. I have seen the heartache of birthmothers and the amazing, sacrificial love they have for their children. I have also seen the families that are created through adoption. It is a beautiful thing. I would love to talk to you or answer any questions. We provide a lot of counseling and let you pick the adoptive family from our approved families. There are also many options for adoptions. You can get pictures and update letters throughout the child's life if you want.

I am just here to offer information if you want it. You will know in your heart what is right for this child and for your family. I will be praying for you.

1 mom found this helpful

J., the decision you are trying to make is probably the toughest decision you will ever have to make in your entire life. But no matter what you decide, that baby will be a blessing.

We adopted our daughter 10 months ago and I am eternally grateful for the amazing birthmother who had the courage to decide that adoption was the best option for her baby's well-being. Without her, I would have never had the opportunity to experience the J. of motherhood. And we have her picture hanging in our daughter's room so that she will grow up knowing about the amazing woman who gave her life.

We went through Catholic Charities (you don't have to be Catholic, we're not) and the birthmother selected our profile from several couples. We met her about 2 weeks before our daughter was born and had a great connection. We were at the birth and spent two days talking with with birthmother while she was in the hospital before she and the baby were released. She has opted for a semi-open adoption and we send her updates and photos a couple times a year through Catholic Charities. Other birthmothers opt for open adoptions where they have more regular contact with the adoptive family. Catholic Charities will also provide you with financial assistance and resources. And I know several wonderful couples who are still waiting for the call to say that a birthmother has selected them to parent her child.

No matter what you decide, that baby is a blessing. The fact that you are even considering adoption shows just how much you love that child and want the very best for him or her. Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,
My heart goes out to you. Your situation must be so tough right now, but as the others have said money comes and goes. Don't base your decision soley on money.
I gave a baby up for adoption 21 years ago. Fortunately to a family member. The baby knew me as her Aunt and now knows the whole truth. For me it was a decision I made because I was a kid in high school and knew I could not be a parent. If not for seeing that baby grow up, I would have died. It is the most excruciating pain you will feel, wandering what they are doing, how they are, what they look like... My family moved away when my little one was 6, I had to follow 6 months later bacause I couldn't function.
Please think it through, if it is not for you for sure then you have made the right decision. We are here for you.
J.

1 mom found this helpful

I know things seem bad now, but you have at least 10 more weeks before the baby comes. You probably qualify for food stamps, WIC, etc. I grew up really poor, but we had fun doing simple things as a family that cost nothing. contact healthy families... they help with all sorts of stuff, even getting you in touch with food pantries. http://www.pinellashealth.com/HealthyStartFamilies.asp

worknet pinellas helps you find a job at no charge and helps with childcare expenses, etc -- www.worknetpinellas.org

call 2-1-1 for other social services help....

If you still are thinking about adoption, let me tell you... I'd LOVE to have another child!! email me anytime!

M.

1 mom found this helpful

J.,
I know exactly what you are going through!! My testimony is long so i"ll just cut to the chase... Don't do it??? God is the suppler of all of your needs and If he said it then it shall be so. You need to remember to rely on your faith during this time and when you look to God he'll give you everything else. I'm telling you what I know to be TRUE!!! My husband and I have three kids now and it seems as if we're always going through this Financial Roller coster... We have great years and then not so great years... My husband was laid off from his job Nov. 07 and Just Got a job July 08 We have scaled down to a two bedroom apartment. I just started working part-time for a month.. We stop using our cell phones, we cut off of cable...Anything we deemed a luxury done away with because we'd rather see our family together than apart. We got free internet service... On and on ( look at the bright side atleast your husband still has his job). Right now you need people to uplift. Please keep your family of four in tact. All things work out in the end and you'll look back on this time and laugh about how you could have ever ponder such a thought.

Many blessings,
L.

I know I write this all the time but

www.daveramsey.com

His show is on am 1040 from 2pm - 4pm. People call all the time in situations like yours. I think he would tell you that you are scared and that's normal. You're human. But you will get through this time. He would say you are in an income crisis right now and that you just need to bring up your income.

Maybe check out SDP https://www.sdpcareers.com/sdpcareers/index.html They have opportunities to work from home. HSN also has work from home opportunities, but it's harder to get into theirs. Dave Ramsey would ask if there are some houses you could clean. Obviously that would be hard right now being so pregnant. Do you have any friends who are pregnant that need child care? Maybe you could take care of a couple children in your home. Maybe you can find some stay at home moms that need care every once in a while. That way you wouldn't have to make any big commitments, but if you can find a bunch of people to give part time here and there care to that would help. I pay my teenage babysitter $10 an hour. If you don't want to watch children in your home, then offer to do this in their home. If you did want to take care of children in your home for a job after the baby is born I would read up on regulations so that you know the state requirements. http://daycare.com/florida/

When does your husband work? Could he work a second job until the baby is born? My brother worked for a warehouse, then went to delivering pizza and made much more delivering pizza. My brother could work any hours because they basically deliver 11 - 11 and delivery places has job openings almost weekly. My brother just moved to Milwaukee to help my other brother and was hired by 2 delivery places within 1 week. So delivery driving is an easy job to get that pays well and you can do for a couple of months then leave easily.

Sign up for every baby formula and diaper website so you can get as many coupons as you can. www.similac.com www.verybestbaby.com www.enfamil.com. Hopefully you can breastfeed which will help a lot. But you can save the free formula for when you need it. The coupons also sell really well on Ebay. I also signed my Mom up for all the coupons too so I would get double the coupons. So if you have family or a friend who will let you sign them up so they can receive coupons for you. Sign up for huggies and pampers coupons too. Huggies are expensive, but watch Target. They clearance boxes of diapers all the time. I found a box at Target a week ago for $13.98 and I had $1.50 huggies coupon and there was a $1.50 Target coupon for huggies at the store that I found.

Sorry, this is long. www.refundcents.com is a couponing website. I have seen on there other ways to work from home and make money at home. It is not free, but it costs $4 to use the online community for 3 months. I promise you will learn how to make your $4 back. There was recently a big deal on Walgreens diapers and they had all the details there.

Of course I also have to promote resale shopping. I work at Ollie's Treehouse (80th Ave. and 4th street in the pink house in St. Pete). We have $15 exersaucers, $10 bouncy seats, cheap pack n plays, tons of baby clothes at great prices. We just started a half off rack too so those items are a great deal. We try hard to only put out like new or very gently loved items. If you are not close to us, whichever resale/consignment shop you are close to will be a great place to save money!!

I know you are scared, especially with a baby on the way. But I think you can make it. It's a lot of hard work but I KNOW you can make it!! PLEASE email me if you have any questions or need more encouragement. Take care!

J., You are an incredible woman and I can't imagine having to make the decision that you are considering. I can tell you that if you decide to give your baby up for adoption that it is a huge gift to the baby and to parents desperately wanting a child but unable to have one. I was adopted as an infant many many years ago. All I know about my mother is that she found herself pregnant in her 20's and her "fiancee" really didn't want to be a father or husband. She knew she couldn't raise me on her own and made the ultimate sacrifice.

There are agencies out there that can give advice on this matter and I would recommend counseling so you and your husband know you are making the right decision - whatever that is in the end. No matter the decision, it is a life-long one that you will live with for the rest of your life. Either way, I feel in my heart it will be what is best for all of you. Many blessings on you and your family.

What ever you do you have to follow your heart. If you give this child up and really don't want to and are only doing it because of the money you will never be able to live with yourself. There are ways to make it work if you really want to keep the baby. I raised both of my girls without their fathers help and worked my butt off. Sometimes working 80 hours a week. Sometimes I had three jobs at once but we made it. I would not have changed it for anything in the world. They are my pride and J.. I couldn't imagine life without them. But if you do decide to give the baby up do it with an agency where you get to meet the prospective parents and make the choice on who gets the baby. But as for me I wouldn't give my child up for anything here on Earth. Look at the child you have now and imagine this child being taken away. Take time, talk to friends and family. Take everything into consideration and make a wise choice. But make sure it is your choice and what you really want because you are the one that has to live with what ever choice you make. Good Luck.

God does not give you anything that you cannot handle. Pray thru the storm. Adoption is great but you may regret it because when that child grows up and ask why did you keep my sister and not me what will you say? I am from a family of 4 kids and my parents struggled but there were good times and we always knew we were loved. Hang in there and giving up a life is not as easy as you think. Keep God first and the answer will be given to you.

I can relate. I am 14 weeks pregnant with #2 and I have a 21 month old. I lost my job a week after I found out I was pregnant (because I was pregnant, which Im fighting her now) So no health insurance, money is VERY tight. I am constantly trying to find out how we are going to pay rent month to month, including food and utilities.
I too contimplated adoption and even abortion. However, the abortion, after reading into it, could never live with myself for something like that and the adoption thing, I just dont know after a bond of 40 weeks, if I could let go..I know I would have a hard time.

I did however suck it up, and file for unemployment, medicaid and food stamps. This is something I really didnt want to do, but If my family has any chance of TRYING to make it, then this is what we needed to do. My husband is looking for a 2nd job to help make ends meet. We did let go of one of our cars (so that also freed up insurance), and sold some extra furniture and tv's that we dont use. Its a "downgrade" from what we're used too, but it needed to be done.

I do commend you for looking after the needs of your child. Dis-regaurd what some people think is wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and to just put you down is just rude and immiture. Like you said, everyone is in a different boat and some just dont understand. You sound like a strong person and Im sure you will make the right choice, whatever that might be for this child. Good luck in your decision and just keep weighing your options and talking!!

I totally understand what you are going through; I had a little surprise two years ago. I had to tell my husband I have some bad news and maybe some more bad news. First my contract for work is ending in a month and two I am pregnant. I know right now things are tough but it will get better. I found a job within a couple of months and my job knew I was pregnant. I took my three months off and return back to work with no problem. There are some companies out there that understand that things happen. It will get better, trust me. If you are really thinking of adopting I understand that too. I will say for me it would be hard to carry my child for 9 months and then never see him/her again. That is something you have to consider, can you handle not ever seeing your child again. Things at the moment are not going well but what happens when things start to look up and you think you can handle having this child. You will you be regretting that you gave he/she up?

You will also be helping a couple that can not have a baby receive the J. of having a child. So there are always two sides of the story. I would go to Plan Parenthood and take to a counselor there and find out what your option can be. You don’t have to make up your mind right now; you have 10 more weeks to make the decision. You could find a job or a part-time job until you deliver and things will get better.

I wish you all the luck in the world; you have a really tough decision ahead of you.

You will be in my prayers.

K.

I here you, sweetheart. Losing a job and being emotional and hormonal while pregnant doesn't help the situation. It can cloud your judgement. What does your husband think? Sometimes life throws surprises our way, major curve balls and yet somehow we stick together and make it through. Ask yourself why you possibly would not want this child. Is it just financial or other issues are bothering you? What is triggering your unhappiness with your family right now? Clearly study your thoughts and emotions. Conisder a counseling session before any drastic decisions. If indeed you come to the conclusion of financial problems are the main source of your worries, try not to outweigh the value of money over life. There is a way to make it through, but only you know how far you can go. Keep the faith, look for support, involve family if possible. But look within yourself and pray. I believe God (life) makes things happen for a reason. Perhaps that child will shower you with great love and J.. Also picture yourself in a few years. Can you handle the situation better then. In other words, don't judge this moment by your present situation. Tomorrow may be a new time of your life with more opportunity and financial gain. If indeed the burden is too harsh on a child (many other factors can be at play here), know that many wonderful families are praying for a family of their own. Perhaps a family member as well and you can stay close to your child. Good luck. May you and your family find your path.

This is a wonderful message board community that can help you with all the facts and what will and won't happen, etc.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=...

I can't not even imagine so it is hard for me to comprehend, but things must be really hard if you are considering that. I think it is wonderful that women do that because their are so many people out there yearning for a baby. This may be really hard for you since you are married and already have a child. Keep in mind that your child is fully aware that you are pregnant and will want to know what happened. I definitely think you should seek professional help and speak to an adoption agency thoroughly. I would assume that an adoption agency would know/have contacts for you. Be careful of the agency that you use. Like everything in the world there are good and bad, some just looking to make money off of you. Also, keep in mind that if you decided to do this another family will emotionally get involved so make sure this is what you and your family need/want. I am so saddened to hear that things are so tough. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Good luck.

I think you will regret it. Being a mother of 4 and living through some very hard times myself I truly understand your problem. I never considered this but did consider abortion which is worse in my eyes. I ended up getting alot of help from medicaid, food stamps wic and other resources. Everything worked out great for me and we made it through. Life is a roller coaster ride (lots of ups and downs)Think how you'll feel in 5 years if you can live with the decision you made. Good luck to you and your family and remember your not alone in your finanial mess most of America is.

Hello J.,
To adopt a child is a beautiful thing, You can do this at any time in your life. However, I do believe you have to give the child and the unborn all of your attention right now if your financial times are tough. Adoptions are very expensive and can finaical situations have been known to tear a family apart. Take your time and wait until your situation become more feasable. Then see if it's time to add more to your clan. Good luck.

J.,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you right now. I hope that things change for you and you are able to keep your baby.

I will say that my husband and I am forever grateful to the young woman who chose us to receive the greatest blessing of our lives. I was 43 when I got married and we immediately started trying to have a baby. After two years, we were told that everything was fine but that my eggs were old. I finally said yes to my husband and submitted the application for adoption (Family Creations in Bradenton was wonderful). We applied in April, we were chosen in May, and Cody came home with us on July 30 at 2 days old. The answer to all of our dreams and prayers is 5 years old now and I can't imagine life without him.

Again, I hope that you do not have to make this choice, but I wanted you to know that there are many loving couples out there that would be forever grateful.

Sincerely, C.

First thing, my heart goes out to you. You have gotten some wonderful responses already, but I felt the need to tell you my story. I was 17 when I was dx with leukemia. At that time I was under the impression when I was ready to have my own family it wouldnt have been possible for me due to all the treatments. With that being said, there are wonderful couples who would do anything to have a child of their own. Now that I have defied the impossible odds, and gave birth to my own healthy son who was #23 of healthy babies born to mother with my condition. I now know anything is possible. Before him I had only hoped on an answer from god to bring me a child, and he blessed me with my son. If I hadnt not have been able to, I wouldnt have quailfied for adoption due to my medical and financial situation. Not to drag on, but you choice is a very, very difficult one to make and like other mom's have said, money comes and goes like the wind. The biggest thing to think about is whats best for you and this unborn baby. THANK you for choosing life and thinking about adoption instead of abortion. There are so so many good families who would love to be complete with a new baby. You truely have to decide whats the right choice for you and your family. Keeping you in my prayers tonight and I hope whatever you choose make sure you are certain its the right one for you. My blessings and love, T.

J.,

My name is N. and we have a child that we adopted that was taken from a family member. She has major issues that have to do with many different things. I know that at times like these it is easier to listen to someone that is not in the situation. But what you need to do is you and your husband need to sit and talk to each other without prejudice. Maybe if you need to do this you can do an open adoption where someone else raises him/her but you can still be there to watch him/her grow. That might be something you can look into. Do not go into this lightly or with no information. Be informed, grow with you husband through communication and remember it is no ones fault. TALK, TALK, TALK to your husband. Good luck and you are not alone. God bless you and your situation.

N.

J.,
I've saved your question for awhile because when you first posted it I too was wondering what to do. I recentley found out I was pregnant. It seemed like there were more reasons to not have it than to have it. No health ins., paycheck to paycheck, not wanting to take anything away from the child I already have, credit card debt, being a little older...the list goes on. I even thought about abortion. My husband said that it was my decision. He'd go along with me either way- IF I thought I could live with myself. He knows me pretty well because I did some serious soul searching and realized that No, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I feel guilty for even thinking about abortion. I even got a price. $420.00...it seems so cheap in comparison to what a child costs over a lifetime. But isn't that child, MY child, worth so much more than that? I think so.
The day before I took my pregnancy test my neighbor had died (too young) from cancer. I thought, how can I give up a life when his was taken away too soon? God takes one life and gives another. I've decided to forge on come what may. I think you should too.
These financial hard times won't last. If I have to go the welfare route for awhile I will, and I won't feel guilty. My husband and I have paid into this system for too many years. Everyone needs a little help sometimes.
For me, it's tough to think about starting over with a baby after 9 years, but there's something to be said for the laws of possitive attraction. Once we decided to move forward with the pregnancy, things started looking up. Life is more important than money will ever be. And people,friends, are more generous than you can ever imagine.
My son is super excited about a baby. I'm sure your child is too. Don't take that awy. Just go with the flow- you can do this! You got alot of great responses from alot of smart women. Use their advice. Stay possitive, work hard, and things will get better. Give us an update because we're all on your side.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. In my personal opinion, adoption should be the last resort. There are many programs out there that can help you with food and fianance. Go to WIC, apply for food stamps and financial relief. The government even provides health care for all children. Not sure if you have ever waited tables before, but you can always get a jod doing that. It may not be your profession but any money helps and restaurants are always hiring. Even if you were to work at McDonalds for minimuim wage. Sometimes we have to suck up our pride to provide for the ones we love. You still have time before the baby is born. If you have exhausted all other options and adoption is the best for the baby then you know what to do. But, if I were you I would fight tooth and nail to find away. Good luck and God Bless.

Finances change and tough times go away. I can't imagine giving a child up that would otherwise have a family just because of finances. Obviously, no one can make the decision but you and your husband and I really wish you the best of luck. I know in times like you are going through, it can be very hard to be happy. If you are worried about your marriage surviving, try counciling instead. If you are that shaky right now, giving up a child is NOT going to make anything stronger because there will always be resentment there. We always live paycheck to paycheck and I am due with our second in two weeks. We have NO money saved and both of our cars are almost dead. We have an insane amount of credit card debt and sometimes it really is hard to poke your head out and breath! This is now, things won't be like this two years from now and you won't be able to get your child back when things are better. I spend some time each day reading the news and make myself realize we really don't have it that bad. None of us have cancer, my son is safe and hasn't been abducted or abused, no one has come into our home and hurt us and we are not in the middle of a war zone. I try to put my situation in perspective with the horrible things other people are living through everyday. My stance is not to let the temporary situation make a permanent decision for you you. I wish you the best and I know that if you do adopt, the baby will also be very happy. My sister has 3 adopted children and I know many people who are adopted, so I am not one of those people that thinks the love is different. I just don't think a family should be broken up unless far worse circumstances dictate that. Good luck and your gut instict will help you make this decision. Never ignore your gut instinct, it is right.

I can't believe you are asking this question. A child is a miracle and nothing short of that. You should take this time to reflect on your attitude. So times are tuff. Too bad. So what will happen if times get too tough again...will you put your 3 yr old out on the curb and drive away??? I am sure you can cut back on alot of things like haircuts/colors,nails,spa days,movies,starbucks,clothes,steaks,magazines,etc.
I am so worried that this baby will not be raised in a happy family but a very distraut one. You will resent this child in the future because "you" had to "cut back" on things.
Adoption should never be a question in your type of situation. It can't be that bad. You need to talk to someone-church,counselor,someone. If you do keep this miracle child then i pray he/she is raised in a loving family. Then think how you will explain to your 3 yr old that you gave up his bro/sister because times were a "little" tough. He does deserve to know that he has a sibling out there somewhere!!!!!
It took me 10 years to conceive-then my miracle daughter was born.!!! Times are tough!! I made that child. I would never never never give her up. She is 15 months old now. My husband and i have been talking about adopting a child since my health sucks-i choose not to conceive. So because of people like you...i may end up adopting your child!!!!
A child is a gift and one not to take lightly. You should keep this child and love this child as the miracle he/she is. There is sooooooooo much help out there for people that really need it. Get government assistance then get back on your feet. Do not give this child up unless you know that you will not treat him/her will all the love you can.
C.

Hi:

I have 3 kids on my own and 2 stepchildren. When I got pregnant with the youngest one, my husband and I didn't have any money, we were living paycheck by paycheck. He worked a full time job as a temp but it didn't provide health insurance, Medicaid has a program that helps you and your baby have insurance. There is help out there.

I also started buying stuff second hand, and since you already have a baby I am guessing you may have some leftovers (clothes, etc.) from your oldest baby. God touched people's hearts and they were giving me loaned clothes for my baby. I found that help when I joined a mommies group in a local church; the group is called MOPS (www.mops.com). You can go to this website and find your nearest group and ask for help. There is a lot of compasion and understanding in these groups. Lots of pregnant mommies that know how you feel.

If you live in Lakeland (and I am guessing many counties have these services) there is an office that has free clothing and baby supplies, you go and pick up several items a certain day of the week, you can do that every
week.

God bless, C.

P.S. My mom always said that were 3 people eat there is always room for another mouth.

Hi J.,
My name is J. and I am a mother of 3 and married...I also happened to be adopted. Speaking as a person who was given up for adoption at birth and as a mother, my advice is DO NOT GIVE YOUR PRECIOUS BABY UP....you will regret it and it will haunt you. My birth mother found me when I was 28 yrs old and she still is haunted by guilt. When she gave me up she was unmarried and in the late 60's there weren't many single women with babies.

I know it's seems hard right now, but if you put your mind to it, you will get through it. Be happy that you do have a husband....there are many single moms out there who don't give away their babies.

Because I was given away, I have had abandonment issues my entire life. I do not wish that on anyone. Please don't take this the wrong way...I have been in your shoes also, pregnant and my husband and I barely making ends meet. At one point we even were on food stamps and WIC, which may also be available to you. But, we never gave up...we came close to it a lot, but never gave up. Now my oldest is 11 yrs old and I am living the life of my dreams. We went me having to file for bankruptcy to now living in my $600,000 dream house!

I am so blessed and now can stay home with my children...my husband has a great job. Some recommendations are www.hayhouseradio.com and www.hayhouse.com. There are many wonderful coaches/authors on this website. Wayne Dyer is one of these amazing authors who has books about The Power of Intention and positive thinking and the law of attractiion...I am living proof that you can have the life you desire.

Try to focus on the blessing that your unborn baby is and try to stay positive....try not to have "victim mentality" poor me...etc, or that is the situation you will have. If you look at this positively that there is no better gift to give your 3 year old than a brother or sister, and that you will be ok...it's hard at the beginning, but it gets easier. I got through it and I cherish my kids and could not even think of having them ever go through what I had to because I was given up for adoption.

Have you thought about maybe being a nanny/babysitter for someone who has kids? Then you can make some money and still be with your kids.

I know it seems like there is no hope and you are stressed and scared, but please for your unborn baby's sake and your family's....please try to hang in there and keep your baby.

My heart goes out to your and your unborn baby and family. Please really take into consideration....like you put it it's "really hard for you to even ask or think about this"...your heart is already telling you the answer.

Take Care,
J.

If the only reason you are considering it is finances, then rethink it....Finances always change....If you truly don't want another child for other reasons than I'd say go through with it. If you want the baby otherwise, then keep him/her...Many people have kids that are poor as "chuck"....Get on welfare for a while, it's worth it...:)

My Mother gave my younger brother up for adoption 30 years ago. She got pregnant with her fourth child and we were in a bad finacial situation. My father could not take the stress and pretty much told her it was the baby or him. After several months alone with a newborn, she choose adoption. I have had contact with my brother since he went to see his adoption files and his life turned out amazing! He is so thankful for the wonderful life he was blessed with. He was raised with a brother who was also adopted and they have a wonderful family.My parents ended up divorcing a few years later and I am glad he got out. Life was rough....he had so many more opportunities that my family could NOT provide. Adoption is an amazing gift. I think in my Moms situation she made the right choice, although I don't think she ever got over it. My brother was shocked to find out he was the last born though and to find out that he had full blood siblings. I have always wondered what it would have been like with him, but again in our situation I know that he had a better life than the rest of us. Only you will know the right decision in your heart. I wish you and your husband the best.

Dear J.,

Something can always be done about it - whatever the situation. I would like to recommend you contact a Church of Scientology mission, and explain your current troubles. There are great courses you and your husband can do that may enable you to sort your finances or family difficulties, so that you don't have to worry about adopting out your child. Whatever the difficulty, there is some wonderful information that can help.

J., I wasn't sure and still am not sure how to respond to this request however, I can't direct you on what to do with your pregnancy verses adoption, but I wanted to let you know that I'm putting you and your family in my prayers. I am a firm believer in prayers. I'm also a firm believer in asking God to guide me in the right direction.I don't know your beliefs but I would strongly encourage you to pray hard and ask God for His guidance.I know that adoption can be a good thing. There are a lot of good couples out there looking to have children and can't. I also know that for me personally it would be difficult to go through the process. Good luck in whatever your decision is. I hope that I didn't overstep in telling you my beliefs but I will be praying for you and your family. Good Luck.

You need to do what is best for you, your child and your family. You also have to be strong enough to live with this decision for the rest of your life without beating yourself up and that is whatever decision you decide to make.

J.,

I know this is an extremely difficult decision...as it should be, and I know you are already thinking about the gravity making such a huge decision would make on you & your marriage, and your family in general, should you decide to go that route. I just wanted to offer some encouragement & suggest that you first look into maybe receiving some public assistance to help you get on your feet, if you have not already. The state has many programs available that folks don't realize are out there. Many churches also offer assistance in the form of food & clothing. Times are tough for everyone right now, but times change, and things could improve for you & your family in a matter of time. Giving up your child would be a life long decision. I think it's wonderful that you are thinking about what's best for your baby, but as bad as things seem, it truly doesn't have to come down to you making that drastic a decision. Hang in there & see what services there are out there that you may qualify for. I know this is very difficult, and I'm sorry if I didn't offer any real sound advice. My heart goes out to you..

Hi J.!
Now does not sound like a time when you should be considering adding another to the growing family. I would think that it would be best for you & your Husband to let bith financial and family(new child) situations settle out.

S.

J.,

I understand the difficult decision and the heart break it involves. What you are not being credit for is that giving up a child so they may have a better life is very unselfish. It is truely doing what is best for the child and not keeping it knowing you can't give it what it needs and not caring about what "people" may think. You do what your heart tells you is best. Pray and ask Jesus what is best. Then you make your choice but don't be berated into keeping a child in a situation it does not deserve. There are lots of loving, caring people that would love to adopt a baby that they have not been blessed with on their own. There is nothing wrong with trying to make the right choice. Anybody that wasn't able to have a child would not judge you, they would be grateful. I would have thought that anybody that had problems conceiving would also be grateful to people who realize they can not give the baby what it needs and lets those who can but that can not have a baby be given the chance. God bless you and yours.