Mom of 1Yr Old Unexpectedly Pregnant Again, What to Do?

Financial constraint is not a reason not to have the baby. There are organizations that may be able to help you financially. As for the insurance, I believe medicare covers pregnant women no matter what their income. I suggest calling them to get coverage. One more baby is not going to make such a huge financial change. I can see if you didn't have any, but you already do and can you imagine your life without him? It would be the same with the second one. God has other plans for you regardless of your financial problems. I strongly suggest contacting the local assistance/ welfare departments, maybe you can qualify for some aid, and that may provide some relief for your husband as well. It's not good to only sleep 4 hours, he must be exhusted. Maybe you can help by working at a local daycare, that way you can bring your son there (hopefully for free or significant discount). I'm really sorry you're having financial difficulties, but don't let that be the driver of your decision. Kids don't really care how much money you have, and they add so much joy. If you terminate, you may never forgive yourself.

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Dear E., to say that you are both in a hard place would be an understatement. As a Father of seven children who has worked upwards of 120 hours in a week I can understand your husbands feelings. I not only am going through a similiar situation now, but back in the eighties was married when I was in the military and had two sons. After ten years of hell she left. So what's the difference between that marriage and this one that after 14 years and seven children is so different even though the hard times have only increased? Honestly, God. It is my understanding and belief in something far greater than I, who I know if I lean on, will make sure that my life belongs to Him and not myself. However, quite frankly not only is this the wrong venue to speak abot suh an important thing and would not give you both the proper understanding of what it is I am trying to say. But to your husband I say this: I am a disabled vet who last Sept was permanantly injured and can no longer work. We lost our home, and our Suburban that was the only vehicle capable of carrying us. I struggled for months in how, Lord, was I going to provide for my family, how am I to be able to stand up as a man and call myself provider. Well Mr. S sometimes we find ourselves having to reinvent who we are and and let go of the past. My wife, who after 14 years as a stay-at-home Mom, whom homeschooled all our children went to work. My job, to continue to make sure my children get the education and love, and making sure our home continues to function. Because you see, it isn't the building that you live in that you call home but the heart of the family in where they are at that makes a home. I had my children all gathered around me yesterday morning during our Bible study about Jacob and his 12 sons and I told them quit frankly your Dad will never be a success in the eyes of the world and what they view as a man who is one. However, I see my success as those who are standing before me, my children. They are the legacy that I will leave behind that will define what kind of man I truly was. Who they are within themselves and the effect they have on those around them that will determine how successful I truly was, not how much money I made or the things I owned. Why am I saying this; please my brother understand you have the decision of life or death over your son or daughter. Perhaps one of these days our President, or the Doctor who finds a cure, or simply that child who looks you in the eye and says, "Dad, I don't care about wheher I wear the lastest fashions, or have a computer and Tv in my room or even if I go to the best schools, all that matters in life is that you loved me to the best of your ability and believed in me. Life, Mr. S will happen, sometimes it sucks, but no matter how bad life has gotten I look at my children and I could not, COULD NOT, imagine life without them. Your child sir is hoping that you give him/her that same chance to feel the same way. I pray God's strength over you, His wisdom and financial blessing. His courage and boldness so that you both are able to stand as one against the tides knowing that no matter what happens to you in life, your family in the end is all that mattered. Be blessed!

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I was in your situation 9 Years ago. I was 19 years old and gave birth to my first child in December and then in April found out I was pregnant with my second child..financially we were in a difficult place just out of school living in a house we couldn't afford and no insurance.My mother-in-law and sister-in-law and niece moved in with us because they had no where to go so now we even more bodies to worry about and we had no space in our 3 bedroom house. Just when we thought things could not get any worse they did financially our houseguest could not afford to pay much to help out so our money problems became worse. Luckly in New York State if your pregnant they will insure you with medicaid. Long story short..we came through a very rocky road and lots and lots of tears we made and overcame every obstacle there was. I know that this was more about me than advice but sometimes a story of success can make you feel like there is a rainbow and it's there so stay strong E.!

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Hi. I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now. Do you have someone to talk to? Perhaps a local church/temple could steer you in some direction. I would suggest a social work/therapist, but I don't think you want to spend the money at this time. The church/temples usually provide free counseling/support. You could also look into services at your library. My library has a ton of groups or resources for mothers and families. I hope that you find the support that you will need in the coming months. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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Congratulations!! :) I know it's hard to be excited under the circumstances, but I can empathise... my husband and I found out we were expecting Baby #2 a week after our son's 1st birthday. My husband's father (also his boss) had just suffered a stroke and we had NO income at the time, plus my husband was working 90 hrs/week to try to keep the business afloat. The thought of another baby was overwhelming to say the least. I don't want to preach at you, by any means- just want to share some of the most encouraging words I recieved at the time... In the book of Acts, God says "I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live" Even though it was hard to wrap my mind around having this baby, I really believed that she was meant to be. Now she's almost 3, big brother is 4.5 and even though we're still not making millions we have a very happy family with two wonderful children who are best friends. (State insurance is WONDERFUL- you can get the best possible care for both of your children and for yourself through the pregnancy- we had to swallow our pride to fill out the apprication, but the reason it's there is for people who have hit a rough spot. It's not forever and we are back on our own insurance now because we no longer qualify for HUSKY.)

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I'm coming to you as someone who is 100% pro-life. I do not believe in terminating pregnancies.
With that said...

You have a beautiful son. And you and your husband have created another innocent child. Who has a heartbeat, and who is living inside of you. He or She did not ask to be conceived. Choosing to end your pregnancy may haunt for you the rest of your life.

Sure, your financials may not be in the best shape right NOW. But think 5 years down the road. If you are in a better spot, you may hate yourself for not carrying your baby to term.

You and your husband are adults, and have created another life. The easy thing to do would be to have an abortion. But, in life the easy way, isnt always the right way.

If you really truly feel you cannot financially support this child, doesnt your child at least deserve a chance? There are so many families who cannot have children and would love nothing other than to adopt a baby.

Have you checked with the State of NY about medicaid? My husband makes a terrific income, but we still qualify for medical insurance assistance for our kids through the state.

I dont know if you have any other type of state assistance, or not. But check with a case worker to see what you qualify for.

Check out all your options before you terminate your baby.
When I was pregnant with number 2, I never thought I could love her like I love my son. But, I was wrong. Its never a question. You always have enough love for your all of your children. Sure it may be a struggle, and it may not always be easy or fun. But, your a mom. And you just make it work.
Best of luck to you.

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E., I don't think I can say anything better than what the women here have already said. I'm sure you can't imagine life without Jacob. The same will be true of your new baby. If you love each other deeply, you're already way ahead of a lot of families out there. Just remember to turn to each other for support and not away. You live in New York so a lack of insurance really won't stop you from having a healthy baby. I'm sure your husband pays his taxes at both jobs. Don't be afraid to use the benefits you're helping to support. Call the Prenatal Care Assistance Program at (800) 522-5006. Their Web site is at http://www.health.state.ny.us/nysdoh/pcap/index.htm
Good luck E.. And remember, the best way for you to help your family is to be a loving and supportive wife to an obviously great guy who's working hard to support you all. You'll be in my prayers.

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Hi E.,
When I read your story, I felt your stress. I can tell you many things, but you are ultimatly the only one who can decide what you want to do. I believe God doesn't give us more than we can take. The fact that you had an expected pregnancy, may be a sign he has a plan for you. I don't know! Whatever decision you make, make sure it will be something you will not live to regret. You may think not having this child will be the best solution, however are you prepared to live with the guilt you may experience for the rest of your life? I don't mean to sound like a preacher, but I have seen women, beautifull happy women, turn into depressed and measirable people, because they couldn't forgive themselves for aborting their child. This is a personal decision and only you can make it (not even your husband can). If you do decide to have this child, ask for help. Speak to your family, your friends, your local church. Heck, I will even send you baby clothes from my son, if you needed. Also check out websites like craigslist.com (for free stuff), coolsavings.com (for grocery and baby coupons), freecycle.org (free stuff), babiesonline.com (free baby stuff), about.com/familyfreebies, bonnybabymall.com, and some many more websites. Also, send an email to miraclediapers.org for free diapers and http://www.cafsnj.org for free stuff and help. I hope this helps! Pray! God will help you get though it!
Best wishes!
J.

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I am so sorry that you are feeling so confused and do not know what you should do. The first thing that I thought of was adoption. Several years ago we adopted our daughter through an agency which is very pro open adoption. We met our birthmother 5 weeks before our daughter was born and started forming a relationship with her. Prior to her birth, both families sat down together to discuss all of the things that would be important, leading up to her birth and afterwards(such as who would choose her name, who would be in the delivery room, who would choose the outfit she would go home in, whether or not there would be visits afterwards etc...) At that time we agreed that we would be open in the relationship and that her birthmother could visit several times a year and we would provide pictures, letters and be open to phone calls at any time. Though we were nervous at first because we did not know anyone who had done this before, I can truly say that we have a wonderful relationship with her birthmom and her family. We are so blessed that she did such a brave thing by placing her daughter in our arms and we love sharing time with her and her family. It has been so wonderful for our daughter-she has 2 families that love her very much and she will always know her "first" family. She will never have to wonder about anything because she has access to information all of the time. I guess what I am trying to say through this story is that if you feel that taking care of another child is not right for you and your family at this time, you have the option of adoption and that you could still have a relationship with your child. If this is what you are interested in, I would advise you to call different agencies to see which ones might foster an open relationship. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you ponder this difficult decision. Many blessings to you and your family.

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Dear E., I've heard that each baby comes with a loaf of bread under his/her armpit. So don't worry (it's not good for both babies) because things will work out. I have five kids of my own and during those times, just when we thought that the doors have closed, another door opens. Be optimistic. New life is always a gift. You can do it. Besides, the home is the first school of virtues. And what better way for your first born than to share his home and grow in virtue with his sibling. There are many ways that even you can help with the family income working from home. One way could be to cook for other families, have them come and pick it up on their way home from work and charge a fair price. As far as medical assistance, don't underestimate what the state's assistance can give. Many people are just too stuck up and proud to avail of any assistance from anywhere. Be humble. If you need it, take it. Then as time goes by you'll see how your family's financial situation will improve because you have followed through with your good intentions and actions. Good begets good. Just look at the financial situation of St. Joseph and the Blessed Mother when Jesus was born. God takes care of our things when we take care of His. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, E..

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God never gives us more then we can handle, even though it feels like he does sometimes. This new baby is a gift from him. It's going to be a struggle, but you can do it. My littlest ones are 10.5 months apart. They are so awesome, and I am glad they are close together. I know it's the not the age thing, but the financial difficulties you are worried about. I'm sure your family would rather you ask for more help then end the pregnancy. Sit down with them, and ask for their advice. Most of our parents have been through hard times before, and should have something useful to offer you. Good luck! It will all work out.

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E.,
I feel for you. Everyone is struggling right now. I will say that your husband is a very good husband to be willing to work so hard. I am in the process of looking into a job on the internet that can be done at whatever time you have. Is it possible that you could do something like that to help take some of the pressure off of him? I know someone who is doing rebate processing on line and we are waiting for him to call us back, we just got a message to him today. Another Mom was asking about it too and I didn't forget about her either. There are a lot of scams out there, that is why I am going to go through a company that I know someone else has been sucessful with. If any one is interested send me a message and I will let you know what I find out.

I am worried he will get burned out and lose his health. Have you applied for aid of any kind? I would, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. That is what those things are available for. I personally would rather see some of that money going to someone who is doing whatever they can to pick themselves back up. God bless you all for sticking together and helping each other out. Would they still help if you do deside to have this child? He/she would be born to loving parents that care deeply for each other as they do their child. To a family with great values in my opinion!!!! If everyone waited to be able to AFFORD children, they would all be to old to have them. You are young, it is your body and your decision. Having an abortion is NOT an easy thing to live with, no matter what the reason. You have to do what YOU feel is right for you! Hear what the ladies here have to say. Think about the internet job I was speaking of. Talk about it even more with your husband and see what happens. Were you planning to have another child anyway? Maybe this happened for a reason. This might be something that you have to live through to learn something important about yourself. I will pray everything works out for you. I will help in anyway I can.

I wish we could all send flowers to your husband. Would you give him a pat on the back for us and tell him we think he is a very special man and you are blessed to have him in your life.
(IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A GOOD COMPANY TO WORK FOR< WOULD YPU PLEASE LET US KNOW?)

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E., I only became a Mom through adoption so I am very biased:). I am so incredibly thankful to the woman who chose to give my daughter life I can never express how much- Im starting to cry as I write. I also have 9 adopted cousins in my large family. Other peoples diificult circumstances have led to incredible joy for so many people in my family. Please Please choose to give this baby a chance to be born- adoption could be the perfect solution if you decide your family cannot raise this child -it doesnt make you bad people- there are thousands of families desperate to adopt a child who cannot have children. If you cannot raise this child you would be giving this child and another family the ulitimate gifts of life. An adoption would also likely involve having your medical AND living expenses covered- you can pick the family you want your child to go to. Try talking with some adoption agencies- you will find them very supportive and respectful of you and your family. You could choose to never have contact or you could dictate that they were to send pictures and updates and such - you and your husband call the shots in this scenario. Im hoping you find peace and clarity about what to do.
Best,
M.

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E., I am a strong believer of things happening for a reason. Financially, I sympathize with you at this time. I too am having finacial difficulty....I am not pregnant but I'm out of work, my husband is presently looking for a 2nd job to no avail, so I can stay home with our youngest who needs me and we have an 18 year old getting ready for college, which I do not even know how we are going to pull off. It is a very personal decision to terminate a pregnancy or not, do not let any of the responses sway you from doing what YOU decide to do. Only YOU, know what is best for you.
Only you know the pulse of your life at this time and what is right for your family. With that said E., my daughter was a surprise. My son was 7 and I thought that was going to be it for me.....I struggled with the same decision you have and ultimately, had my daughter. I can't picture my life without her. As I said before, we are suffering financially...AGAIN...yet you have to find your faith and trust that all will be as it should. Believe that you are where you are supposed to be. Try at every possibility to work it out and it will all fall into place. Talk to your husband, be honest no matter how much it hurts and come to a conclusion TOGETHER.I wish you the best of everything, good luck!

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This is a completely personnal choice. And no one has the right to tell you not to kill your baby. And to use that terminology is totally inappropriate. That is pushy and inconsiderate. They don't have to live your life. But like I saw someone else say, we are all (or at least most of us) are struggling. My hubby and I both work full-time and it isn't easy making ends meat. I'm not saying that you should keep this baby, this is a very personnal choice that none of us have the right to punish you for. You have the right to choose what is right for your family.

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