How Do I Evenly Despence My Time with My Kids and Husband?

sounds pretty hectic....when i first started working again after being off for 3 years it was just the same as you describe. i work 6 day work weeks on afternoons and my husband works days so our schedules dont allow for time together as a family except on my days off. and usually during my 6 day work week i only see my kids for about 30 minutes a day in the morning before i send them off to school. that is very hard for me since i was there for 3 years of their lives and they are 5 and 4yo. but let me tell you it gets better and easier. you guys will find your own way of coping with the new situation just as soon as you get the swing of things. most of my time with my husband is spent when we are home alone at night and the kids are asleep, but it's hard because he has to get up at 5am and i don't even get home until about 1030pm. but at least we get to sleep together and when we are both too exhausted to be up we just lay in bed watching tv until we fall asleep. good luck and hang in there, it will get easier soon

Wow - that is one busy work schedule for the 2 of you! While our school and work schedules are not nearly as long and crazy, I will tell you what we do and maybe that will help. Every night, when the kids are in bed, my husband and I spend 20 minutes alone - usually in our hot tub - and we do not talk about work, money or kids. We figure it is too easy to talk about kids and usually too stressful to talk about money and work, things we didn't walk about much when we were dating. So we talk about plans, friends we have spoken to, politics, something funny that happened that day, etc. If you make just a little time, in some small way almost every day, that will help you stay connected and give you a small spark of time together until you have more time. We also schedule date nights, away from the kids. How often really depends on what you can manage and what you need. Since we do have a little bit of time together daily, once a month is good for us for now. We try to go out close to their bedtime so we still spend lots of time with them, but we need that adult/alone time.

I am lucky to have lots of time with the kids before/after school/work and weekends, but even with that, I try to make the most of it. When you do have time with the kids, be certain you are not distracted with other typical daily interruptions- telephone, tv, housecleaning/cooking (unless you are doing it with the kids), etc. Hope this helps!

A.,

I feel for you... you guys are busy people. you say in your 'a little about me' that your husband will be taking a pay cut in about 6 months. Is it possible for you to find something work wise that is a little bit less crazy/stable in your work hours? like office work? not sure what your work history is of course.

As far as your relationship suffering... I mean, it sure is possible that you guys will feel the strain of less time together, but I think it's jumping the gun to say your kids will notice and be affected by it, unless your time together is marked by arguing, and anger, etc. if they see you guys as a loving couple, even if it is less, they will take that positive and it won't even cross their minds that their is trouble among you two.

Take one day at a time... if nothing can be done to stabilize your work schedule so you are with him and the kids more, then make the most of your time... take one day at a time. definitely make a date with him and go out for a meal - heck, even if it's taco bell... it's still time together. i would do the same with the kids. spend a couple hours on sunday, go for a walk and hit a fun park... push them on the swings and play with them - forget the laundry and housework for a few hours (this is hard for me to do but i have to prioritize sometimes).

when my husband and i find ourselves in a place where we aren't making time for eachother, i will wake him up with sex - i know he's tired, but he never complains about being woken up that way :) and sometimes i know we will both benefit from even a few minutes of intimacy - he can go back to sleep (not hard for men to do that - HA!) and i can go about my schedule. :)

good luck - i hope you find balance and harmony at home...

~J.~

I do think you are worrying for no reason. Because you desire time with him and now that it is important is a good sign. I think you'll have to deal with a little less time together for the next few months, but definitely I would compare schedules and make an appointment with him. Make it easy date nothing elabarate(sp?) I knew a mom who when her husband came home they would go into their sunroom (now they had four kids and she didn't work so this was doable, but this is an inexpensive way that they were able to connect everyday). Anyway, the kids were not allowed to go into the sunroom for 15 minutes or something so that the two of them can just sit and chat together. It sounds like it will be hard, but I know that if you commit a time with one another you will be great.

My husband's job makes it hard to find time for us sometimes. Here are a few little things we do to keep in touch and connected.
We write each other quick little "love note" emails about our day or things we love about each other or are thankful for in our lives. Leaving things like post-it notes on mirrors or pillows if you are passing on shift work is another way to do this.
I also leave him cell messages about our day and the kids and I have written chalk messages on the walk way to the front door for nights when he gets in really late after they are asleep.
We try to have date night once a week. But I know you said that your shifts are different. This can mean we sit with a glass of wine and talk on the couch for 30min to an hour before going to bed if we can't get a sitter or don't have the time, energy or money to really go out.

Making a calendar with everyone's schedule on it (I color code it to save space) helps our family stay connected and look to the very important family time we do get. Helps keep us going.

Good Luck!