33 answers

Reconnecting with Husband

My husband and I welcomed our little boy into this world almost 9 months ago. I love being a mother, but things have changed between me and my husband. We do not seem to connect as much as we did before. I know most of it has to do with our roles and obligations changing once we had our child. I feel that although we are wonderful parents, my husband has lost focus of our relationship and doing things as a couple. He feels that we should focus on our son, and although I agree with that, I feel that we need some time just for us. We need time to focus on our relationship and how much we mean to eachother. Everytime i mention this to my husband, he acts as though things are fine and that relationships change and we just need to deal with it. Any advice on how to reconnect with him and make him realize that our relationship needs focus too, I would greatly appreciate.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the ideas and advice! I talked to my husband and we are excited to get out and spend some time together even if it is at home. I know things will improve, we both just need to make the effort. Thanks everyone!

Featured Answers

Try telling him you miss him, you miss spending alone time / quality time, you feel distant. Tell him about the things you miss from him and how you used to feel. Tell him (even if he says he's not disconnected from you) that you want time with him.

Plan a special dinner, weekend getaway, or something you can do without baby.

Perhaps talking to a counselor about building communication and relationship building things could help.

United Way offers free and reduced priced counseling.

1 mom found this helpful

Date nights are definitely mandatory!

The one thing that my husband and I do that really works for us is to set aside about 10 minutes every night to talk about anything but kids, work and money - the things we talk about are weekend plans, someone we spoke to on the phone, a movie we heard about, politics, etc - just things that we spoke about when we were dating and when we were a couple without kids. It has helped us maintain that spark. We do this every night, and the rare night that we don't I really miss that connecting time.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hi A.!
My husband and I have a date night once a week. My mother-in-law comes over and watches the kids for 2 hours while we just get out of the house. Sometimes we go to dinner, a movie, run errands or just get coffee and go for a drive. I know that a lot of people don't have the luxury of having someone come once a week. The other thing that we do is bath night. After the kids are soundly sleeping, we run a candle lit bath and talk for over an hour. It's really romantic and we really connect. Sometimes it's not until 10p that we take the bath and somtimes we have to force ourselves to because we are so tired but in the end, it's all worth it. Just use your imagination and you'll be suprised as to what you come up woith. Don't forget that your family started with the two of you and it's so important to have that time together, no matter what time it is.
Good Luck,
K. :~)

2 moms found this helpful

I would suggest finding a sitter that you trust and making plans for just you and your husband for the evening. Just surprise him with that.

I think after doing a set date night once a month (or more often, if you can) will remind him how much he misses being able to be with you without interruption.

Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

I think that you should have a relative or friend pick up the baby and bring him to their house for the night. He doesnt have to sleep their but when your husband comes home from work it will just be you and him and he wont have the baby there to distact him. Then take it from there, if you guys want to go out to eat, order in and watch a movie ect. He will probably realize how nice it is just the 2 of you and you guys can do that like once or twice a month.

1 mom found this helpful

I think this is a very common issue that arises after becoming parents in one spouse & sometimes both agreed, but you're right--you shouldn't neglect your relationship just to focus on your new baby. However, be careful using the words "make him realize", b/c you'll never "make" him do anything. There's a site I go to a lot called www.marriagemissions.com
There's loads of advice that pertain to practically every marital issue I can think of. It's been very helpful to me & my relationship with my husband. You'll win his heart again to love you the way he once did...probably better, too:)

1 mom found this helpful

I have been married for 20 years and I always told my spouse "never stop surprising me, do things you will do like we first met".

The worst thing to do is "never blend into a routine that is always the same-Boring".

It is important that you and him "weekly" - go out on a date. Doll yourself up as you would have done if you were going out with him on a first date.

It is important to send him a card expressing "how you feel" and tell him you do not ever want to fall into a boring routine. You want "SPARKS" in your relationship.

Create candlelight dinners at home and play music and dance with him.

Communication is the key factor in all relationship - you may do it verbally or in writting.

1 mom found this helpful

Not only do you need time as a couple, but you need time to be alone as well! My boyfriend and I have a rule (one that I set of course) - we each get to have one night a week to go out on our own, whether it's out with friends or out shopping or whatever, and at least one night a month to go out as a couple. If you have a trusted family member to watch your little one, schedule a night for them to come to the house while you two go out. Don't even give him an option, but be sure to plan something he'll enjoy too. If you need help connecting with other moms in your area, try www.meetup.com - there are tons of moms groups that you can join, maybe one in your own town. I love the group I'm in, we have moms nights out, couples nights, playgroups, babysitter exchanges, workout buddies, anything you could need.

Don't worry about your husband if he resists you - even at 9 months, your son is still new to him. He's probably just worried that if he isn't there all the time, your son will lose out. But it's sooo important for us all to maintain some sort of adult life, even if it's just to escape to a movie together every once in a while. Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

As a mother of 2 boys I know how you feel...This is what you need to do. Plan a night with just you and your husband. Find a babysitter for overnight. Plan a dinner or a movie or whatever you guys like to do. Maybe just a night at home for the 2 of you. My husband and I have done this as well. Just be together, just the 2 of you. You will be suprised what happens...Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

A., it's important that you & your husband take time just for you. Explain to him that this is not just for your benefit as a couple but also for your son's benefit. Children grow up feeling most secure when they are aware that their parents love each other & have a bond that includes some private dimensions. At any given moment the child may want ALL his parents' attention focused on him, but, strangely, it's a relief to him to find that he doesn't have that power within the family structure.

When I was little, if I happened to look up & see my parents hugging each other, it made me feel really, really good. If you have any positive memories along those lines, it might help to tell your husband about them. Or if your parents DIDN'T cultivate their relationship, you can tell him how that affected you as a child.

A date once a week would be a great place to start. Best wishes with this!

1 mom found this helpful

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