Funding Young Teen's Dates

This is why our kids aren't allowed to date until they are 16. It's old fashioned, I know, but it's about responsibility. Especially in the case of young gentlemen (also old fashioned). When our son takes a girl out, he is responsible for her safety. He has asked this girl's parents to trust him with their daughter. I want to know that he is mature enough and responsible enough to do that. Part of proving that is by getting a driver's license and earning his own money for the date. If he is responsible for making the date happen, he will be more responsible on the date. I want to see the maturity.

For our girls, same rule, different reason. I want them to be able to afford to buy their own dinner, if the guy expects "a return on his investment." I want them to be able to drive a car if he gets hurt or intoxicated (which he damn well better not if my daughter is with him). I want her to have the money to get a cab, take a bus, or do whatever else she needs to do to get home. If she can handle herself, and her money, she can handle a guy and whatever comes along with.

I am for the kids taking the responsibility for their date.

10 moms found this helpful

We don't allow dating at that age . . . but if we did it would not be funded by parents.

Old enough to date - old enough to pay for it.

JMO.

7 moms found this helpful

I pay for
school field trips but not gift shops (zoo, Williamsburg, etc)
sports and equipment but not if they go out after a meet (bowling after swim)
AP/SAT academic testing
Applications to colleges
Club fees for school, the FFA fee and Latin club, etc
any event that I am part of, (admission to Busch Gardens with me, museums with me)
necessities for school, clothes and books, etc

THey pay for anything else
going out with friends
going to the bowling alley or Steak and Shake after a swim meet
lost equipment the 2nd time, I will replace goggles, cap once
extra club costs not included in the dues
any clothes they think they need but don't in my book
any gift shop from any trip at any time, including with me

My kids babysit, walk dogs, mow, wash cars, one had a job. Grandma gives money for birthdays. I do not pay for chores. They have to budget their expenses if they know something is coming up they want to do.

And one on one dating is not allowed, group dates only.

6 moms found this helpful

My son is 16 and I'm not paying for him to go anywhere with any girls. Period. He's gone to a few dances, but not with "dates". He's a junior in high school, so far he doesn't have a romantic interest in any girls, but he does have lots of girls who are friends. I would hate to see him miss out on proms and things. I went to a prom with a boy who was like my brother. His mom and my mom had been best friends for years. We had a blast.

Anyway, at 15, I don't think parents should be paying for boys to take their girlfriends to the movie, or out for a burger, or bowling or whatever it is they do on their "dates".
I'm not saying your son isn't awesome, it sounds like he is. The girl may be awesome as well.
The fact is, if he's so busy with school, football and honor classes that he doesn't have time to earn more money than he does, it sounds likes he's not financially prepared to have a girlfriend and has little time for one.

We can't stop our kids from discovering the opposite sex, but I'm a single mom. I work to support my son and meet his basic needs and his police cadet programs he's involved with. I don't even go on dates, I'm certainly not paying for his.
The one exception would be, and his father and I have agreed, that we would help out if he wants to go to a prom, but he would still have to earn some of the money himself.
Dating at 15 or 16 or even 17 is not something I'm going to work overtime to provide money for.

That's just my opinion.

6 moms found this helpful

If he gets allowance and has the ability to earn extra money through more work, he should pay for his own dates. This is a character builder and important life lesson he should not miss out on...if you want to have fun, you have to work for it first.

5 moms found this helpful

Neither of my older kids would have had the audacity to ask me for money to date. One was the good student and the other the scholar athlete. Both have had jobs since they were 13 and still did well in school, very well actually. One played soccer year round, plus field hockey and softball. Still worked, still paid for things like going out with friends.

The thing I don't get is young kids actually dating. Dating is the process to find someone to spend your life with, to marry. You can't afford to date without getting money from mom and dad? Should you actually be dating?

My kids didn't date until they were in college, their choice not mine. I did think it was a good choice mind you.

5 moms found this helpful

I'm not really a supporter of children dating so young. I don't believe he's old enough to date. Therefore, he's not old enough to pay for his dates. :-)

When he can work a part time job AND attend school AND be responsible for home chores then he can pay for his own dates. Dating is a privilege, not a right. As such, parents should not be footing the bill for dating.

4 moms found this helpful

I do not think you should feel obligated to pay for your son's dates. Quite frankly, at 15 I would prefer my daughters pay their own way. Also, it is too easy to spend other peoples money. If your son wants to pay for his date he should earn the money himself IMO.

4 moms found this helpful

I am having that same problem.

15 year old boy w/ first girlfriend and homecoming approaching. He gets an allowance when he does chores without being reminded - so lately, not so much allowance. He also is supposed to mow the yard for $$ but since he let it grow to heights unseen before he actually paid someone to knock it back for him and that was the end of his cash.

I plan on talking to him this weekend about the dance and what money he will need - I will spring for a new pair of black dress pants/shoes since he will need those for concerts next year and they will do double duty - but corsages, "anniversary" gifts, etc, he has to figure out how to pay for himself.

He wants to date - he needs to fund it. I provide outlets for him to earn money from me and he could go pick up a few more bucks mowing other lawns - so it is completely his choice.

3 moms found this helpful

No reason for parents to ever fund dates for their kids. In fact, I wouldn't really want my kid dating at all if s/he didn't have a job. Dating is extra. If there is time for a GF/BF, there is time for a PT job.

ETA: I really loved how you worded your question so that we don't know which parent said which thing. :) Genuis!!

2 moms found this helpful

If he gets an allowance plus money for mowing, doesn't he have money for dates? A lot of us have had to find ways to go on inexpensive dates. Maybe revisit the amount of his allowance, but it sounds like he has money.

2 moms found this helpful

I think you can compromise! Give a set amount of allowance "just because" as a way to help him learn money management. We started this with our 5 year old. It can be a very small amount like $5 or $10 per week, and if he wants more for dates then he needs to work for it -chores, lawn mowing, etc. Does he have set chores around the house other than lawn mowing? If not, let him know he could earn $5 or $10 a week if he polished all the wood furniture or cleaned all the bathrooms. Maybe you have closets or an attic that need attention. Let him know you'll give him $20 to clean and organize something. My parents always handed me some cash whenever I went out as a teenager, but I also worked -although during the school year with extracurricular activities and academics I couldn't work much. It was a good balance!

2 moms found this helpful

Sounds to me that he should have enough money with allowance and mowing yards....more than enough to take a girl for a pizza once in a while. He shouldn't be spending a lot of money on girls anyways. He should be saving his money to purchase a car or something more important. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I think if he gets an allowance and gets extra for mowing the lawn he should mow a few more in the neighborhood and pay himself.

1 mom found this helpful

Earning the money is the best way to go. Girlfriends are VERY expensive, he needs to learn that the hard way.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not there yet...but I like parent #2's response. He sounds like a good kid! If he wants to have a girlfriend and go out and do stuff though he needs to work to be able to do that. Maybe he could even work around the house, weeding, cleaning, dishes, and get paid for that too.
Laura

1 mom found this helpful

I don't have teens yet but I would say if he gets an allowance then he should use that money to pay for dates. Never too soon to learn money management.

1 mom found this helpful

since you are allowing him to date, he should find a way to fund it.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter is 13 so she is a few years away from dating but honestly, I think I will probably encourage her to go "dutch" when she does date. Really, what's the chance that these little puppy love romances will turn into permanent matches so why should some poor kid have to constantly buy expensive meals and movie tickets for my daughter? I can understand a gift for birthdays or Christmas that comes out of his pocket but I would feel more comfortable with my daughter having her own funds. When she is older, much older, and she's dating with the mindset of finding her future mate, then I think it becomes more appropriate for the guy to pick up the tab. I guess I'm thinking about my two six year old boys who will one day be dating, I just can't imagine them having to always drop their hard earned money on girls that come and go. Just doesn't seem fair to these poor kids :-)

1 mom found this helpful

I wouild build on what Margie said...I will pay for dinner at our house, if they want to come over, or rent a movie/snacks at our house, gf comes along on a family outing, I woulld pay. Helps the kids out and limits the unsupervised dating!

BTW, no dating at our house yet. dd is 13 and gets very little allowance. I hope when she is motivated for clothes and dating she will also be motivated to get a job. Your son could walk dogs or cut lawns and shovel snow around football without being committed to a serious job. I would rather dd babysit or some such thing and keep her primary focus on school and sports, that is their job at this age- I agree with parent 1 there.

1 mom found this helpful

HI, P.:
Do I understand you correctly, "Dad and I don't agree."

There in is the problem.
Just a thought.
D.

My daughter is 16 and has had the same boyfriend since Dec.

He works his a$$ off, he is a senior and he pays for everything related to his personal expenses, etc. He is from a divorced family and his mom basically makes him foot all of his bills. ADD... a girlfriend and yes, girls are expensive and he spends TOO much of his money on our daughter.

It does not help that they go to rival schools... but that is how it is.

Our daughter is a Jr. great student in AP classes, cheerleader and very strict schedule which does not allow her to do much except babysit on occasion. Granted, she gets paid $12-$15 when she babysits and that is nice pay for 1 night!

I think it is ok to help them out on date nights as long as it is not too extravagant. Daughter and her bf don't go out every weekend, many times they are just hanging out at our house or his cooking, watching movies, etc.

As long as they are good respectful kids, I will be happy to help them out.

It depends on the price of the date, i don't have children old enough to date yet, but to me it seems as though it would make the most sense to give him maybe $30 dollars per date? If he would like more money, or to go on more that 2 dates a month, he must get that money himself.

I think dating in high school is the ultimate luxury. Absolutely the child should pay and learn to budget for it. I get it that it limits activities to "cheap activities", but hey, what, are we supposed to fund "fancy dates?" No. I bagged groceries in high school (and did other activities) and so did the guys I dated. We all paid for ourselves to do stuff. Granted we didn't have cell phones and all that, but hey. I would have found it a HUGE turn off to know the money in my "date's" pocket (or favorite guy in the group generously buying my movie ticket and snack) was handed over by a parent. And when I say date, I mean group event out at a movie usually. I had no serious dating life in high school. Too busy! Whatever the kids are doing socially by 15, they should be paying for, in my book

I have a son who is almost 14 (not dating anytime soon), but I am interested in these answers for future reference. I love the idea of providing opportunities to earn extra money. That's how we handle money issues now. If he needs (wants) money for something now, we provide opportunities for him to earn the money. My parents find projects for him, too. It's always nice to have a responsible, strong teenager around to help with extra chores! :) (Not the regular chores that he is responsible for doing anyway.)

If he's not able to earn enough money to pay for dates then I'd give him extra. Make it a part of his allowance. He's older now. When is the last time you increased his allowance to meet his needs? You could give him more chores. Isn't that what an allowance is? We share the responsibility of maintaining family life and we share the income.

Give him a set amount each week and then he can save and plan accordingly. That way it's not necessarily for dates.

I suggest that giving him date money is only fair since he's unable to work and he's using his time wisely while not working.

Aren't we past the lawn mowing season?

If you have a good kid, is in honors type classes and gets good grades, doesn't get into trouble, is in sports as well, too busy to get a job yet, all around good kid, why not give him a bit of extra money once in a while on top of his allowance? I'm not saying to spoil the kid but if he's doing well why not give him an extra $5 when he's heading out the door to go on a date? I think at 16 that first summer he needs to be working, and then work one or two nights a week after school starts. He needs that to learn how to hold a job and take on responsibility. You don't want him learning work ethics at 25 when he's out of college, lol. But sure, why not give him a little extra money. But, like I said, don't spoil him. If he wants expensive sneakers or something, have him earn all or part of them. What we do with our kids is tell them that we will pay up to a certain amount for shoes. If there's something he wants more than that he pays for the rest. Same with clothes. I will pay only so much for shirts and jeans. Anything more expensive he has to chip in for. I'll buy 5 pairs of jeans, over a couple pay checks, that are no more than $15 each. If he wants more, he chips in. Shirts are no more than $10 each. He chips in for anything more. If he doesn't want to wear clothes from Walmart, Kmart or Target then he needs to get a job or buy his own clothes. It's called incentive and compromise.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I agree with old enough to date= old enough to pay. Maybe with a couple exceptions, like Homecoming or Prom or something pretty expensive, but again, he should be earning for those. BUT, boys often have to bear the brunt of the expenses, so if you can help him out a little, I would. You don't want him sacrificing school work to earn more money, right?

Well I wish my son would GO on a date.

But, my son (17) has a job, so when he finally goes on a date, he will pay out of his own money.

Now, if he had no job, and I approved of the date, I would probably help him out a little... But if you have a yard to mow, then he should mow it, and he can pay out of that money. Maybe you can make the payment for mowing extra generous. :)

I think dating a nice girl is healthy, so I would support it. I have found that boys are immensely improved by nice girls...

Maybe meet in the middle - estimate the cost of the date and cover half. I'm not sure what his allowance is or how much he gets paid for mowing, but a simple date w/ dinner and a movie can easily be over 50 bucks. Just dinner can be 20-25. If it will wipe out a good portion of what he earns, then a I think contributing is the right the thing to do. I also agree he should start mowing more lawns to help offset the cost of dating going forward.

If he is working mowing lawns he can pay. Teach him how to save money, have them make supper for everyone then can watch a movie at one or the others house. I think too young to date and group dating would be a better idea.
Sounds like he is busy with other things as well.
Old enought at your house to date, old enough to pay.

Cheap dates, have him do some research walks, parks, bowling on nights that are less expensive, walking around the mall, going ice skating in the winter. If he wants to he will find a way to pay for it.
NOW prom, I wold help as that is just what happened at my house, I said I wanted to go, I was working at a retail store, I saved money.

OR they could say since we are both so busy we can go dutch I did that A LOT, and just make sure that you talk to the other parents as well. Keep in touch with them so you know what they are doing!
DOUBLE dates and family outings
I like what a lot of the other moms are saying, let us know what you decide to do!
Dave Ramsey teaches about saving... just another option.