Frustrated - Mulberry,AR

Oh honey I can so relate to your story! We only have one daughter who is 14 months, but it sounds like our days are pretty similar. My husband does the same thing. I too try to not ask much, but geez you would think a grown man would be a little more "trained". My mother's day was spent just like yours. I'm with ya sister. I have a certain place for his work clothes when he comes home, but for some reason he forgets ever now and then. I tell ya what I do...if he doesn't put them where they go, I just don't wash em. That sounds sick, but hey it works. I tell him I don't have time to hunt stuff down or pick up after a third person, so if it's not there, I don't do it! Hope things get better for you, just know you are not alone!!

He obviously takes you for granted. My husband used to tell me "you don't do anything but stay home and watch tv", so i showed him what would happen if i did nothing all day. He came home and freaked out from the mess. I told him i was just doing what he had accused me of. I don't ever get the i watch tv allday lecture anymore. By the way i have 3 boys, i completely understand where you are coming from. Or you can always leave his stuff were it is and the next time he says something about all of the junk everywhere you can tell him to look around and see who it belongs to.

Wow, it's like reading about my husband!! I have to agree with Kate on how to deal with the clothes. I did the same thing, because my mother-in-law told me that's how she got my father-in-law to pick up his clothes. It is disgusting, but when he ends up running out of clean underwear, he'll get the hint, that if he doesn't put them were they belong, they don't get washed. Also, try to get your husband to do simple tasks before he goes to work. I wrote a list for my husband, and put it up where he can see it every morning; two simple tasks, empty the dishwasher and check to see if the trash can is full and if it is take out the trash. And now every morning I have an empty dishwasher and an empty trashcan. Best of Luck!!!

Jennifer is right - it IS a big deal.
He works hard, gets a check for his work, and gets days off from work. You work just as hard, with no check, and no days off. The fact that he has a job outside the home does not absolve him of any responsibility at home.
Unless he's in a body cast, there is absolutely no good reason for a grown man to leave his clothes on the floor, hair in the sink, or his plate on the table.
I have zero patience with this sort of behavior. I don't accept it from my child, and I certainly would not accept it from an adult. If he doesn't pick his clothes up, leave them where he dropped them. If he runs out of clean clothes, too damn bad. If he doesn't clean out the sink after he shaves,, leave the hair there. When goes to shave the next morning, and the sink is nasty, he'll get the message. If he doesn't take his plate to the sink, leave it on the table. Come dinner time the next night, serve the kids and yourself, and hand him the dirty plate from the night before. Tell him he gets his dinner after he washes his nasty plate. If he's going to act like a spoiled child, treat him like one. You expect your daughters to bring their dirty laundry to the hamper, don't you? You expect them to rinse out the sink after they brush their teeth, right? They are responsible for bringing their dishes to the kitchen after meals, aren't they? If a child can do these things, then an adult certainly can. Besides, it's his responsibility as a parent to set a good example.
You are supposed to be his partner, not his servant. You have daughters watching you. Do you want them to grow up thinking that it's their job to clean up other people's messes?

I think you should find some time to sit down and talk with him about this. Tell him exactly how you feel. Try to find out from him why he does (or does not) do these things. Let him know he's just creating more work for you to do.

Maybe you should ask him for a "day off" from housework/kids, etc, so you can go out and enjoy yourself while he takes care of the house & kids, since he did blow-off your Mother's Day. Or even have either your parents or his parents watch the kids, and you two go off and do something together (that way you can talk).

Take a weekend vacation! Tell him that you're going to be gone for 2 days, and this is what you need him to do - and leave him a list. Make it simple, but let him know what's expected. After being gone for two days, you'll appreciate your family a little more and they'll appreciate you a LOT more. Also, why aren't your girls helping you? Your older two are old enough to take out the trash and pick up the dishes. Also, if the laundry isn't in the basket, you don't know it needs to be cleaned. When he doesn't have any clean laundry in a week (because you haven't washed or picked up anything that's on the floor), he'll realize that it's not that hard to put his laundry where it goes. I would leave his dirty plate on the table until the next meal as well. When he's ready to eat at the next meal, he'll have to put his dirty plate away before he can get his clean plate on the table. :o) Be a bit malicious about it and he'll get the drift that you aren't going to be taken for granted.

Always remember that a stay at home mom is a very hard job with lots of overtime and no paycheck. It sounds like you enjoy your position at home but would like more appreciation and respect for what you do. Your husband is like the majority and thinks that since you don't have to leave the house to go to work, etc that you have it easy. You are in this together.He will keep doing what he is doing if you allow it. You and your husband decided to have 4 children TOGETHER and you didn't sign up to be a maid meanwhile. He needs to understand how how hard your job is and help you out by at least picking up after himself. easier said than done i know. You control this situation and i know you still want to have him come home to a clean house and a hot meal but there are ways to get him to help out.(Put a basket where he takes his clothes/shoes off) Before you talk to him about it, figure out what you would like specifically to change. he cant and wont read your mind when you say"help me more" or "pick up after yourself" Be specific. For example, after dinner help load the dishwasher tell him you will make sure its empty first if he will load it. I know he works hard but so do you. I guarantee your house would fall apart if you left him alone with the kids for a week. Its not fair to you that he gets to come home and do nothing. mothers day would have been a big wake up call if that was me. My advice is to talk to him and inform him how you feel because keeping it in might make you explode about something small another day or worse affect your marriage. Having a family and a house and , etc has to be a team effort. You can't be a saint everyday you are only human. Ps look up on oprah.com a topic about stay at home moms and conveniently let your husband see it. The show super nanny also made the point very clear that even though husbands work outside the house that doesnt mean they dont help out with the kids, etc. Good luck! K.

no, it IS a big deal. I have 3, and my husband works all day and comes home and helps cook (we take turns) and cleans and plays with the kids while i get a shower, etc. we were just talking about it the other day. Staying home is so hard (much harder than going to work and NO PAY) and i was saying how everyday is the same routine and on the weekends i need a change in routine, so he gets up with the kids and starts breakfast while i sleep in a little or slowly get up. you need to make your husband aware of that. would he want to go to work doing the exact same thing even on his "days off" esp. with no pay. you need to make sure he appreciates all the work you do, and i bet if you stop doing it all for him, he'll realize it a little more. leave the hairs in the sink and the dishes out until there are no more to serve dinner on. sorry i sound so harsh, but its 2007, and i may be just really lucky, but my husband does so much including most of the laundry. it takes two, and ya'll should split everything 50/50. but i guess the most important thing is, talk to him and express exactly how you feel and see if it sinks in at all, and try getting out alone some while he's with all 4, even if it's just to run to walmart at 7:30pm while he feeds and baths and puts them to bed. i guarantee he'll appreciate you more! good luck.

You should NOT have to take care of your husband as though he were another child! His mother gave birth to him YOU DID NOT!! Yes, you stay home all day but does he actually realize that just because you're home doesn't mean that you don't sit around all day watching TV and eating bon bons??? As another mom said, this is 2007 NOT 1951! I suggest you have a heart-to-heart with your husband and if that doesn't work I suggest you take drastic measures. For a few days, even a week, DON'T DO A THING!! No laundry, no dishes, no cleaning the bathroom, the floors, etc. When he complains just simply tell him that you are taking some time off - he gets days off, why not you! Then maybe he will see what you actually do on a daily basis and be shamed into growing up a bit. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. He works very hard 7 days a week - he works maintenance on a barge and builds levees. When he comes home at night I leave him alone for about 30 minutes so he can wind down. But, while I am fixing dinner he plays with the kids. Usually he sets the table also. He is always asking me if I need help with anything. He puts his clothes in the hamper and takes his dishes to sink. On more than one occassion he has said to my oldest daughter, "Come back here and take your plate to the sink. Your mother is not here to be your servant." You need to STOP doing everything for your husband - you are his wife, not his servant or mother! Good luck and PLEASE let us know what happens.

Let me tell you something, A.: You work all day just as hard as he works...When my husband gets home from work, he usually plays with the kids while I put up laundry (which is hard to do with our kids around). Then HE cooks dinner and I give the little kids a bath. Then we ALL clean up around the table and the 13 year old does dishes which is her one and only chore besides keeping her room clean enough that she can have company. My husband doesn't do it begrudgingly, he does it because he loves to cook and because he knows how hard I work. He also cooks breakfast while I take a shower and iron everyone's clothing in the mornings. We all take out the trash. Our 13 year old gathers up bathroom trash on the night before trash night. Most of the housework falls on me, but I have a lot of help, so it makes me feel appreciated and valued. It has to be a give and take or you will resent him and it could cause serious problems. Good luck!