Foster Child on the Way

It's hard not to feel attached to the little ones when they come to you. Perhaps you connect with the kid based on the circumstances of his removal or just because you've had so much contact with him that you feel like he's your own.

It's not unexpected that you would feel fear too. Afterall you don't know what the child has been exposed to and what habits he might bring to the house. You have your own children to think about you know? No matter how fast and how good the counseling is you can't always keep the circle of damage from widening.

I would be concerned about my own kids getting attached too. at 4 and 5 they will be concerned about the new kid and when the child moves on they will miss him. It's hard to keep contact with foster children depending on the type of family that he comes from.

I commend you on your ability to take in other children. I wish I hadn't screwed up my background and I could help out like you are.

Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way.
D.

M.,

I added to my family last year bringing in my great-niece and nephew from foster care. It's a whole different world dealing with the state. Keep in mind that the primary goal is reunification with the birth family. And, like it or not, your job is to do the best you can to help with that reunification. That can be very difficult - I think even more so when you are very familiar with the situation. Being attached - my theory is that if you don't open your heart, you're not doing your job as a foster parent or parent. It may get broken, but you have to love the little ones. Prepare yourself and your family. We were reported to the Child Abuse Hotline five times in the first few weeks they were in our home. We had to deal with investigators, etc. Didn't stop us from loving them and I am now preparing to adopt them. But it can be a bumpy road sometimes. I wish you the best. I'm not a seasoned foster parent as many are, but would be glad to try to answer anything I can.

Congratulations! Foster parents are so needed in Tulsa. The system is overwhelmed with kids needing good homes. I have an excellent resource for you. It is called Child SHARE. The coordinator for Tulsa is Candace Morton and you can reach her at ###-###-####. They are a support system for foster parents. Please contact them and I'm sure you'll get what you need.

Also, if you know anyone else who is interested in becoming a foster parent please refer them to Child SHARE. They can help them with the process, etc.

Hey M., I can totally connect with you! I have 3 kids, 2 of which are foster kids. I opened my home to foster care when one of my daycare kids (that I had practically been raising) was taken away from her parents and DHS came to my house to pick her up. I didn't get to foster her - she went to her grandma- but I got certified to take other kids. I've been a foster parent since Mar. 11, 2005 and I still have one of the kids I got that day, she's now 2. The other I got on June 23, 2005 (now 23 mos. old) and just found out, after going through the paperwork to adopt her, that she is moving to another state to be adopted by her aunt. It's going to be really hard when she leaves, but I have to think this is the best for her and remind myself, that this will open a spot for some other child needing a home.

I've had 8 kids come through my home ranging in age from 3 mos - 3 years. It's never easy to say goodbye, but that's what these kids need - someone who loves them so much, that it's hard to let them go.

Good luck with everything, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a private message.

B.

Well I have never been a foster parent however I was in the foster care system for 10 years. Unless you are completely heartless and you do not sound like you are there is not a very good way to "detach" yourself. These kids need love and lots of it. If this child moves on someday and is not with you just remember you have given this child something that wasn't given to him before: the gift of love. It will hurt to let them move on but you have made them a better person. I hope this helps. Good luck and congrats! L.

im not a foster parent but i am a daycare provider and i feel for these kids like my own. the fact that you are attached means you care about him and that is what he needs. even though you have that fear that he will be taken or moved from your home someday. i have had kids come and go and it breaks my heart when they have to go but i still get attached to the next group of kids because i care for them. i think because you are having these feelings shows how concerned you are for the well-being of this child. good for you, and God Bless!

Great for you,I would love to be a foster parent.I wish you the best of luck. It is great that you feel attached to him already that shows how much you care.Every child needs to feel loved no matter who they are. I am sure you will do great. Good Luck!