19 answers

Adoption Through Foster Care

Just wondering if anyone has experience with adopting through the foster care system. Dh and I have 1 beautiful daughter who is 6 years old. We have not been able to have more children since then. We have spent almost the last 2 years trying to adopt a baby from the U.S. Things are obviously going very slow. We are starting to worry about our age and our daughters age as being factors in being chosen by a birthmother. Recently, we have started to consider adopting through the foster system, maybe even a toddler age child or a sibling group. My biggest fear is that they (the children) will be taken away and returned to there home. We have already suffered too much loss and I don't think I could take it. Has anyone had success with this process or know anyone who has. I feel like I just need to talk to someone who it has worked for.

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From one adoptive mom to almost another, yeah! Don't know about the foster system, we adopted internationally. But I still wanted to give a shout out!

Good luck!

S.

Call DA Blogett in Grand Rapids. You can become foster parents for any situation. You can go into this specially to adopt or to just help kids while their partents are getting their issues worked out.

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R.,

We just finalized the adoption of 3 children who moved in with us in December last year. We worked with Bethany Christian Services and made it VERY clear we did not want to foster anyone that even had a remote chance of being returned home (ALL parental rights needed to be terminated before we would even meet the kids). Also, working with an agency - they have kids who are not officially into the system yet as they have a certian amount of time to place them before the state steps in.

We were introduced to these kids in November and knew from the start they were coming to live with us for adoption purposes.

The good thing about them moving in under the foster system with you is that the time spent with you will count towards the time reqired between placement and finalization(6 months).

If you would like any more info - please feel free to contact me, or go to:

http://www.bethany.org

and they are good about getting the ball rolling for you also.

I have been a foster parent for more than 2 years. I have had 3 children come and go through my home. One that I have had since 16 months old and is now 3 and a half and there is still no termination and we may loose this child. I tell everyone if you go into foster care with the thought of adoption first on your mind you are setting yourself up for huge heart ache. I know several foster homes that have done this to themselves and it hurts. So be leary for sure!!!! The ultimate goal is always reunification if at all possible and DHS and our ideas of good families are totally different for sure. They look for mininal safety and I mean minimal. Not to bum you out but it is easier now than later. HOwever there are a lot of kido's that could use the help of a family part time and who knows sometimes it does turn into forever.

Blessings!!!!!!!!!

Hi!
I have a brother and a sister who were adopted from foster care. My parents did foster care even before I was born, and throughout my childhood. It was just a way of life for me. We did go through DHS, and you never knew who would be there when you got home, or who would be gone. My brother was just 3 days old when we got him, but it took 3 years before the families rights were terminated, and we adopted him. He never saw his biological parents. My sister was 9, and severly abused. We adopted her a year or so later. It was very hard when you get attached, and it is impossible not to, at least for me. It has crossed my mind to get into foster care, (I have 4 of my own now) but I dont' think I could stand the heartbreak, either. There are many kids availible who's parents' rights have already been terminated. It sounds like you have a lot of people who can help with that. I think that being a foster sister helped make me the person that I am. I am very open and tolerant. People who have disabilities are just special people to me. I think I am a much better mom because of all the babies and toddlers I helped care for.

Blessings to you and your family. Your daughter will be blessed no matter where her sibling comes from. I can't tell you how many times I think things like my brother has XX allergy, maybe that is where my son got his from, and have to remind myself that he isnt a blood brother, but he could not be more of a brother in my heart then he is right now. BTW, he is 12 years younger then me, and we were very close at home. Love goes a long way.

H.

Call DA Blogett in Grand Rapids. You can become foster parents for any situation. You can go into this specially to adopt or to just help kids while their partents are getting their issues worked out.

well...what do you want to know! We have a now 8yr old and her brother who is 13. They will not let you adopt unless they are released into the adoption system and the parents have lost their rights. If you want to foster to adopt, yes...they may not stay. There is so much to this I can't write in one paragraph. Please write back and I will respond according to your specifics concerns and questions from my personal experience.

I have a good friend who has adopted one through foster care and is in the process of adopting another. If you'd like to talk further or see if she'd like to talk with you mail me privately.

R., How much have you researched? There are thousands of children in "childrens homes" ready to be adopted, already given up or taken from their parents. There is a place in Aroura, just outside of Chicago, Mooseheart, and so many more in the US. Look up "Childrens Homes in Northern America. Places you can visit!A friend of mine adopted adoreable twin toddlers, took 6 months, because the children were already given up. Good Luck. Your Daughter will be Great, to have a sibling you chose and made a home for. K.

Hi R.,

Adopting through foster care is simpler than it may seem. I am a foster mom and I grew up with my parents doing foster care. ALSO 4 of my siblings are adopted from the foster care system. First things first, you contact an agency- do your homework. Don't just call ONE agency. Call several and find out their practices and proceedures for foster to adopt. I go through Catholic Charities of West Michigan. I trained with PRIDE training. I don't plan on adopting, but you never know what children will enter your life. You can let the agency know that you are wanting to adopt and to only place children with you that are in the process of having parental rights terminated or who already have had their PR terninated. You would be more likely to get a placement if you took a sibling group than to ask for one child. To get your fostercare license you are looking at anywhere from 3-5 months. Depended on the agency and how fast they work. There are SO many children and you CAN get a baby in fostercare but it takes longer and it's a longer process to terminate rights from the parents. I'd be glad to answer any questions you may have... I also have 2 children of my own 5yrs and 2yrs. Good luck !!!!

Hello R.. I have not adopted any children but I do sit on the Board of an organization called Adoption Option Inc in Midland, MI and our director would love to talk to you concerning adopting from foster care. Please view our website at www.adoptionoptioninc.org for more information.

Hi R.
I personally have not adopted through the foster care system, but me aunt has adopted 5 kids total. First was a 13 yr old who she had in her care for about a year, then she adopted a family of 4, 7 yr old twin boys, 5 yr old girl and 3 yr old girl, she also had them in her care for about a year before the adoption. They have been wonderful additions to our family and it feels like they just have always been there. She has had children that have come into our family that got returned to their birth parent or placed with a sibling instead of staying with us. I do know in helping her through the process that when foster kids get placed with you sometimes their parents rights have already been removed so there really is not a huge threat in them being removed. She only had one birth child that was 17 when she started the foster care system and she did set restrictions on the age of a child she was willing to take into the family. The foster care system is a wonderful way of adding to your family, but be ready to have your heart riped out with the anger you feel over the things that these children have went through before they came to you, it is really heart breaking. Good luck and if you like I could ask my aunt if she would be willing to talk to you to ask any questions you want to her directly.
T.

A friend of mine is currently going thru the adoption process thru foster care. She has two children thru the system and it seems they are always looking to place young children with someone. She has always requested that it be a long term care and that the parents rights have been terminated or are going to be terminated. Sometimes they wont tell you but will drop hints that it will be a long time placement. good luck

I have several friends who've done this successfully. One had two kids taken back by the mom at the last minute and refuse to allow her to see them again, and it was very painful but she went on to adopt another one, and it's been great for all of them.

God bless you for wanting to do this!

Hi R.!
My husband and I become foster parents back in Nov. 2006. We had 2 siblings placed with us in Jan. 2007 (when we were unable to conceive). We are just now in the process of being able to adopt them. In the meantime, however, we've had 3 other placements...1 whom we've already adopted and 2 more in the process (and one of our own due in 6 weeks or so). Needless to say there is a great need for foster parents. We are fortunate that none of them have been returned to their previous situations, but at the same time, it's been a huge emotional roller coaster--never knowing what to expect and if they will be leaving our home or not. Like one mom already mentioned, there are a lot of "extra" responsibilities with transportation to visitations, etc. when being a foster parent. However, it is very rewarding. Feel free to email me if you have any other questions. ____@____.com

Best wishes and be blessed!
K.

From one adoptive mom to almost another, yeah! Don't know about the foster system, we adopted internationally. But I still wanted to give a shout out!

Good luck!

S.

My parents adopted through foster care. When they first started the process they stated they only wanted long term placings of children and hoped to adopted. The agency placed a little girl with my family and we all fell in love immediatley. She was removed about a month later because they felt she would be returned to her family soon and didn't want her/us becoming too attcahed. She was 18 months.

Then my sister and her brother were placed with us. She was 15 mo and her brother was 4. They spent about a year with us and then their maternal grandparents came forward and asked for them. Why after a year I don't know. They had lived a mile from the agency the whole year and we never saw them. They removed the kids and placed them with the grandparents. Again we were heartbroken. About a week later the grandparetns dropped them at the agency with all their stuff and said they didn't want them. They returned to our home.Shortly after that the mother signed off her rights and we were able to adopt my sister. Her brother was moved to a different foster home because his dad was rehabilitating and would eventually be going back to him.

It was a long hard road. There were a lot of ups and downs. Keep in mind that this was 14 years ago.... but still, I hear many stories of kids being moved around quite a bit still.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a little one to love soon.

Hi R.
WE adopted but not through foster care. We got a newborn who was 2 days old. We used a very good agency in Kansas. Email me if you would like to know more.
____@____.com

My parents had many foster children when I was growing (45 through a great number of years), by the time they decided they wanted to adopt one they were to old (but they were in thier 50's and that was so long ago). Anyways, when I was working I worked with a man whose wife was one of the fundraisers for The Orchard's, it seems to be a very reputible company. Give them a call and ask to talk to someone about your dreams, and concerns of this. I am sure they would be excited to hear from you and be more than willing to talk to you about it.

Good Luck.

Sounds like we have a lot in common. My husband and I adopted our first daughter (internationally). And now we are in the process of getting our foster care license to do the exact same thing as you. We just have one or two paperwork things to complete in order to finish our homestudy. We've been told we could have a placement by Spring. When you get licensed, your agency will ask you if you are interested in adoption, but make no mistake - the idea behind foster care - and the preferred situation by case workers - is to reunify the child with their birthparent. They tell you this from day one in your training. As a foster parent you will be asked to bring the child to weekly visits with their parents, and there are a strict set of rules you must follow (i.e. no haricuts or even travel without caseworker are birthparent permission- yes even if the parents are abusive an on drugs!) Be prepared to have your heart broken. Be prepared for the system to make no sense.

You may want to consider only taking chilren into your home whose parents' rights have already been terminated, especially if you are worried about the child/ren being taken away. You can avoid the whole mess I just described. These children are typically older, but there is no chance they would go back to their birthparents.

Despite the headaches, my husband and I have decided to foster for a couple years and see what comes of it... we want an infant or toddler (younger than our 3 yr old) and most chilren in that age range are usually adopted by their foster parents after a year or two. We're just going to wait it out.

I have found international adoption to be the most reliable as far as family stability is concerned. It is more expensive, but probably about the same as a domestic adoption, I've been told. Write me privately if you'd like to know more about any of this.

Hello! I havent personally had experience through the foster system, However a good friend of mine has. It is always a very real possibility that the child(ren) may be returned to there home. So long as the parent follows the orders of the courts that is always the "plan". Also It takes time for the termination of rights to take place if it does indded happen. Not to say that adoptions dont happen because the definatley do but again its not even always to the home in which they are fostered.
As far as the age difference goes....
My son and daughter are almost 7 years apart and believe me, I was very concerned about it. It has turned out to be the best experience that you could imagine! He is wonderful and just adores his sister and she gets so excited when he comes home from school. I looked at it as the ultimate oppertunity.... I was able to spend almost 7 years of qualitity time with my son and focus only on him and now I am getting the same oppurtunity with my daughter. While hes in school I get the day to bond and play with her without having to turn my attention to another child. Anyway, I hope you find this helpful and maybe a little comforting, Good luck and I hope you get everything you want!!!!!
E.

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