Does Your Husband EVER Tell You What Your Great At

My husband always compliments me and likes to buy me expensive things.

I like to buy him little gifts (his favorite candy, a magazine) and I like to cuddle with him or give him little sweet touches.

I have learned that my husbands 'love language' is that he would love for me to compliment him often. And he is trying to remember I just want little touches & that I don't care for expensive stuff.

Maybe you can play off of the 'nice' things he does for you and do those things for him. Maybe you can just ask him questions outright like; do you like dinner, how does the house look, do you think I am a good wife, etc. Don't be upset if you have to be forthright in getting what you want, sometimes men have to be taught. lol.

Another great book & quick read is Mars & Venus In Touch by John Gray. It helps reconnect & reminds couples what is important to the opposite sex.

One of the most common sense things I have EVER come across is "The 5 Love Languages". And yet, I'd never before heard it broken down that way / thought of it that way before.

Sounds like yours is 'Words of Affirmation' & possible 'Acts of Service'.

If your husband's are different (quality time, receiving gifts, or physical touch) you could BOTH just be aiming at the wrong target. I highly recommend checking it out.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-fiv...

One of the hardest things in my marriage is that the way *I* feel love is Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation. Which he showered me with when we were new together, but that's NOT how he feels/expresses love. Major disconnect.

Yes he does. In the last week I've received compliments on my parenting, my cooking, the cleanliness of the house, how wonderful it is that I like to work with special needs kids, and that I'm sexy/beautiful/lovely to hold. He's always been attentive like that, it's one of the reasons I married him.

You said "He detest talking about different aspects of our relationship." wow. just wow. That is an awful way to live, I'm so sorry. I don't know how you can change the way he talks to you if he won't even talk to you about it. You deserve to be treated with respect, your thoughts and views on the relationship should be heard and discussed. It's hard to fix a marriage problem when you are the only one who sees it as a problem and are the only one willing to talk about it.

yeah, sometimes i think hes overdoing it a bit. Hard to live up to pedestool standards, lol. Maybe there are ways you can learn a different style of communication. Some men feel like they are being 'fished" for praise. Ive seen my best friend require praise in such a way that was annoyinhg even to me looking from an outside perspective. Im not saying that, that is what you do, just saying that each person has a different way they like to communicate.

Oh yeah, I second the the book about love languages. It is called The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. It sounds like a communication problem to me. You sound like a person who feels loved by words of affirmation. Like that is probably your main love language. You are giving the language you want to receive but as this is most likely not your husband's language, it is not going as you would like. My husband and I realized that we are so different in how we understand and feel loved and we were each treating each other with the style of love we wanted to receive rather than purely seeking how the other wanted to be loved. Hard not to do that bc you initially only know yourself. I like to hear sweet things too and I love gifts. So I think it would be great if he would at least take the little test about what his love language is. You can just tell him that taking the test will make you love him better and that you are so curious about what love looks like to him. I mean everybody likes to talk about and think about themselves, it's human nature! Then you can just trade results and that could very well spark a great conversation, he might even read the book with you if he feels the focus is on being better together and not on what he can do to be a better husband or how he can treat you better etc. I wish you the best! We didn't read the whole book, just took the test and read some parts, it was fun and educational. Good luck!

haha!!! just edited this to LAUGH hysterically as I hadn't read previous posters advice! glad to see a lot of us know 5 languages of love!! LOL

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-fiv...

check it out. it was a wide eye opening thing for my husband and I. there are 5 languages that we speak and we all have ONE that we lean towards.

what is yours?
is your language "words of affirmation"?

his could be something completely different, and if you knew his, you might be able to read when he is showing his love (in his language)... and adapt to that.

doesn't mean he should pay you a good compliment now and then.
but if his language is "physical touch" then maybe give him more back rubs or hold his hand more than worry about giving him compliments.

=)

i get compliments on my cooking sometimes, & otherwise I fish for them, ask if there was something wrong with whatever i made... and though i compliment him he doesnt feel i give him enough credit. men just overlook the need to give credit where its due, because its like they think its just expected that we cook, clean, look after kids, & be beautiful... lol motherhood & all that can seem like a thankless job, until many years later when your kids are grown up, and then you get to "pat yourself on the back" when they make you proud. trust me, it comes :)

My honest answer....never. I too wish he did. My friends have recommended the book the 'love language' for help on this...but I have yet to try it.

the only compliment I ever get is for being "hot" (obviously his opinion is biased and he must love me and it's super great to hear at age 48) or sex was good, but come on! I'd love to hear another type of compliment. I talked to his brother's wife and she said the same exact thing! If i cook he's says what I could have done better, if I clean he doesnt notice, etc. He has never said I'm a good mom.
I just keep reminding myself men are from Mars Women are from Venus we are not the same species. Once I told him he criticized me so much, I felt that -as much as I loved him, maybe he would be happier with someone else and I really wanted him to be happy because I loved him. that made him think and he was nicer after that. so you could try wrapping it up in sweetness and saying how much you want him to be happy because you love him so much but it doesn't seem as if he is happy with his choice of wife and companion. Just say how it makes you feel starting your sentences with I think, I feel, never you make me feel or you always... I look forward to reading other people's posts on this!

Never in 22 years of marriage! It's the way he was raised.

All the time. He is a sensitive modern male. = )

I don't think you can radically change someone's personality but can you prompt your husband in some way? Hmmmm....How about starting "The Best & The Worst" at dinner time?

Everyone tells something awesome that happened to them that day or something they feel super proud of and then everyone shares something about their day that was sorta stinky. You can brag on yourself and support your kids and husband when they pat themselves on the back. It will give the entire family a chance to discuss their contributions instead of waiting for someone to recognize them.

My husband says I'm a great cook(I'm really not, it doesn't come easy) and what he admires most about me is the conviction in which I raise out children. I never get the "your hot" stuff, LOL!

i was just going to tell you about the 5 love languages too. sit down with your husband after kids are in bed and take this test. it wont take long. but then discuss your results.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
tell him what's important to you and find out what's important to him. My husband's is words of affirmation, like it seems you would have. And i tend to have a hard time doing that because that is not my love language so i do alot more of my love language onto him and that just doesn't work so much.

Honestly for most men, the term 'Mom' encompasses:
professional housemaid
24 hr. a day chef aka Betty Crocker
home economist (bill writer, coupon clipper)
professional shopper (cards, gifts, holidays)
decorator (holidays...etc...)
entertainer (kids, party host)
24 hr. a day shuttle/taxi (kids to school and activities)
etc...

I know WE want to be seen as more than just 'Mom,' but I think men really just think that's what Moms do... (everything) Haha. (especially if your husband has/had a great mom that did everything for him)

I hope you get the positive feedback you desire. I know it makes a big different. You may want to pick up a copy of that famous book- "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.' (for both of you) You can laugh at the interesting tidbits. And- if that doesn't work, you can always pick up that book- "Why Men Love Bitches' for yourself and use your husband as a guinea pig... (basically you wouldn't shower your husband with praise until you get what you want from the relationship...)

Good luck!