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Looking for Book on How to Communicate with My Spouse.

Hello. My husband and I don't know how to talk with each other. He's very giving and does everything for me (cooks, helps clean, etc.)... but sit and have real meaningful conversations. If I talk about a situation at work where a co-worker said something to me that wasn't a positive comment, he would respond with something like "what a b"$)&, do you want me to let the air out of her tires?" instead of asking questions, like why would she say such a thing. And no he is not being serious about doing the action but it's his way of solving my problem, next subject if we have to have one. I know my husband in his eyes is just being supportive, but we're definitely not having a conversation. I've told him before that I don't need him to fix my problems unless I ask for help, but I need to just talk it out and have him to bounce ideas off. So as a first step before going the counseling route, I thought, which he agrees to, reading a book together on this subject. I'm looking for some sugestions on what book helped you and why. By the way, I'm easily distracted when reading, so the book has to be easy to understand and captivating. Thank you.

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Thank you for all of the responses. To add, I am not looking to CHANGE my husband, I'm looking for ways to communicate with him better. It's not only work that I struggle with, in fact I don't really have issues at work, it's the more important things, like childrens birthdays, what are we doing this weekend, etc. I do have my girlfriends that I do get to talk a lot with but I obviously am around my husband more than my girlfriends, so I need to know how we can build back up an understanding and strong relationship. We'll probably check out men are from mars women are from Venus and/or the five love Languages which got great reviews or maybe a couple of the other books you recommended. Thanks again for all of the great feedback!

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I have heard great things about "Night Light". You read it together and it gives you things to focus on each evening so it gets you talking.

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Mars and Venus In Touch by John Grey(shorter) or Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.
it talks about how different we are,and how woman communicate with other woman, we listen to each other and offer sympathy, and a listning ear. Men dont. If you tell them about a situation they think they should tell you how to solve the problem. the only time they talk to other men about their problems Is more like "I need #### tool to fix the ####" and the other guy says "Bob down the street has #### tool he'll let you borrow it, or tell you if it's worth buying" Problem solved, men have bonded, how sweet. So now I say to him before I talk (as I learned in the book) "I dont expect you to solve this problem but I will really feel better if you just listen to me"

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I have heard great things about "Night Light". You read it together and it gives you things to focus on each evening so it gets you talking.

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I'll be interested to see the responses you receive. This sounds just like my husband but I think it's also very "male" to not over-analyze situations the way we do. My husband will very typically issue a one sentence - if that - response that he feels solves the situation and closes the subject. Like "Don't let it get to you" or "It's not worth worrying about". Sometimes I think his way is best - he really lets go of things easier than me and doesn't see the need to talk it out and reflect on it. But those times where I really need to sort it out, I have to talk to a friend or journal about it because he really just doesn't get it. I'll be watching the responses on this one!

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I like the book Love and Respect. It is a book on communication and explains the differences between men and women on how we communicate.

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Hi Mommy D

I am curious about if you want a book that changes the way HE communicates or the the way YOU communicate??? That would be telling. It seems like you want to change how HE communicates, which is not going to be productive and will only frustrate both of you.

He sounds fairly typical, regarding how men process information.

My advice. ONLY talk to him about problems you want him to HELP YOU SOLVE. He has been fairly consistent about that being his strength and the basis for how he operates.
If you expect HIM to change you are not only being unfair to him, but doing him a disservice by having unrealistic expectations.

For everything else and to bounce ideas...... get a girlfriend. Once you have 'bounced' with your g'friends then you can bounce on over to him and the house he cleaned for you. Your meaningful conversations should be about your future, what's for dinner, the kids etc. NOT the girl at work who pisses you off (that just frustrates him because he wants to take care of you, but he can't in the ways he knows how and is comfortable with). But keep it so that his answers can be action-oriented, not empathetic.

Good Luck
B.

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My husband doesn't have conversations with me about "my stuff." I think it's a male thing. He listens to me, and occasionally will give me suggestions if I am really upset and it is really important, but I usually just share "my stuff" with my gfriends. I inform him of it, but for discussion, I rely on my gfriends.

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A book that was recommended to me recently, but I haven't gotten a chance to buy it yet, by a couple that was in "crisis: in their marraige is "Getting the Love You Want A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix.

This book was recommended cause my husband and I come from very different backgrounds and occationally have a very hard time understanding each other. The couple told me it has exercises in it to help you get a stronger relationship. The couple gave 90% of the credit to this book for saving their marriage. The other 10% went to their marriage counslor for recommending this book. You're only supposed to do one chapter at a time and it is intended to be read together.

Hope this helps!!

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Mars and Venus In Touch by John Grey(shorter) or Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.
it talks about how different we are,and how woman communicate with other woman, we listen to each other and offer sympathy, and a listning ear. Men dont. If you tell them about a situation they think they should tell you how to solve the problem. the only time they talk to other men about their problems Is more like "I need #### tool to fix the ####" and the other guy says "Bob down the street has #### tool he'll let you borrow it, or tell you if it's worth buying" Problem solved, men have bonded, how sweet. So now I say to him before I talk (as I learned in the book) "I dont expect you to solve this problem but I will really feel better if you just listen to me"

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Men are really very simple creatures. That is part of the attraction. I just like to leave everything at the door sometimes and concentrate on the million things I have at home. Men are from Mars and Women from Venus is a good one to bring a funny twist to reality.

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