Does This Constitute as Child Neglect?

I've only seen a few people I ever liked them on. I know they can be okay. But most of the time they seem gross. That's just my opinion. I also agree with the people that say he should be much older before the choice is made. Some day he'll be faced with job hunting. He'll go through life needing to do things he doesn't want to do. Washing and brushing his hair is the LEAST of what a responsible person should be able and willing to do.

I do not think dreadlocks are dirty. I work with an extremely intelligent doctor that has dreadlocks. She keeps them neat, and trims them every year so they don't get too long.
I say just ignore the negativity!

Libby:

I don't see how on earth this is child neglect!! is this W. serious?

while I don't "like" dreadlocks - i would NOT see a child with dreadlocks and say or even assume "child neglect".

don't give this W. another thought.

He is your child and you have the right to keep his hair how you wish. Do dreads offend me? No. Do I like them? No. Do I see dirt, when I look at them on people? Yes.

~For the record: I don't get the 'reason/excuse' about he doesn't want you to brush his hair. You are the parent, some things just need to happen.
~Also, I don't buy the 'He wants them' answer. He didn't want them. He didn't know what they were. You showed him pictures and told him he didn't ever have to brush his hair again. You talked him into it!
Just own it already!

It's not child neglect, but your son is going from having gorgeous, shiny blond ringlets to scraggly, dull dreads. The process of dreadlocking ruins the hair. Some people think that no matter how much you wash the dreads, they still look dirty and frankly, they do. You could wash and sanitize them daily and you'll never get them completely clean.

I'm also going to be completely honest here and say that you're probably getting the flack because your son is fair-skinned and blond. Is that what you want to hear? Maybe it's not "fair" but that's probably the bulk of the problem.

I think you're doing your son a huge disservice. Cut his hair so that there's an inch or two from the scalp so that you can still see his lovely hair, but it's not so short that it's a buzz cut. There's no reason on Earth you should be putting your young son through this sort of social torture at this age with close family, friends, and strangers. You might not have intended this, but it's becoming a "statement" and children should not be about making a statement to others. If he still wants to do this when he's older, as a teen, then let him. But right now I don't think it's appropriate.

Two comments:
1) When my children are not old enough to take care of their own hair (by which I mean shampoo, condition, apply product and brush/comb), I get final say in their hairstyle.
2) If you choose an alternative hairstyle for your child (or you allow the child to choose their own alternative hairstyle), you should be prepared for people to comment. I can almost promise you that 90% of people think exactly what your aunt thinks; she's just the one who said it out loud. She did not say you ARE neglecting him, she said it LOOKS LIKE you are. In other words, she knows you're a good mom, but she's concerned that this hairstyle makes people think your kiddo is neglected. You can choose to ignore what she's saying, and you would be well within your rights to do so, but just be aware that in our culture, dreadlocks do not immediately bring to mind clean, healthy hair.

My older daughter has beautiful, curly hair, and it's super thick, so I know what it's like to take care of hair like that and can sympathize. Ultimately it's your choice as a mom how much work you're willing to put into your child's hair, and how much flack you're willing to take for it. :)

You need to get some thick skin if you are dreadlocking a young child's hair. You can say it is his decision, but until he is old enough to wash it and take care of it himself, it is really your decision. That being said you need to understand what people are saying behind your back. No it is not neglect, but many may have a negative view of what you are doing. Your aunt just voiced what a lot are probably saying. Some will think it is cute, some will think it is dirty and looks terrible. If you can't handle the criticism cut his hair.

I personally hate them and would never let my kids have them but that doesn't make it neglect or something I would impose on someone else.

All my kids have curly hair, I buzzed the boys until they were ready to take care of a style and they girls accepted pain was part of the brushing process. But this is my house and my rules. I did not care what they wanted if they were unable to tend to their own hair.

Still, again, what I do with my kids doesn't make it right or wrong, just different. Do what works best for you and just ignore them. They probably want a reaction anyway so don't give it to them.

Libby, it is totally you and your husband's business if you dreadlock your child's hair. It isn't anyone else's.

That being said, you will most probably have to pay a social price of having this hair style. It is very unusual for white children and most people just have either never seen it or think in terms of negative connotations when they see it.

As far as your little guy is concerned, I get why you are doing it, since he has some issues that you are working through with him. However, it is true that children can't always have what they want, and hairstyle is one of those things. I would not give a child all the power associated with a hairstyle. You need to have that power, to be honest. What you can do is tell him the once his hair reaches a certain length, it will be time to "start over" with a cut. That would help you out in public with your son realizing that society matters in addition to his opinion.

I'm sorry your aunt talked to you like that. She is not very observant if she thinks you are neglecting your son, and she is extremely judgmental using his hair as a way to make jabs at you. I don't think I'd be having her over anymore after talking to you like that.

Hugs to you, and I hope you are feeling better from your cold! (No doubt she made you feel worse!)

Dawn

Hmmm....My opinion...without trying to offend...and I am sorry if it comes across like I am.
If I saw a little boy with dreadlocks I would think that the kid had a dirty head. I am sorry!! That's the first thing I would think. I think dreads look nasty on a grown man so I don't think I would find it good on a kid either.
I would also think that it would be a haven for lice. My kid comes home every single year with a case of lice in his classroom and he never gets it. Why? Cuz we clipper him to about a 1 or 2. Very short. If a kid has longer hair the lice will live better in the hair. If you have long snarled up hair then it would be perfect.
While I certainly understand that the child has said he wants the dreads what I really think he is saying is that he doesn't like to have his hair brushed and that is his best remedy.
When I see a grown man with dreads I think that he looks dirty so if I saw a kid I would think the same.
Now...does that mean that I would call CPS? No way. It just means that you are parenting differently than I would.
What would I say? Well, the same thing I say when people were giving me a hard time when my son had a mohawk for a year. "It's his hair. He wants it, I don't see the problem" But, since you are doing something that is so different you will probably be asked and judged about it until he cuts his hair.
L.

Long answer to short Q... but I think you'll like it:

I have ringlet curly hair. It starts locking up (when it's curly) in less than 24 hours. 1 sleep, or 1 active afternoon. I have a several page list of instructions on how I deal with it to KEEP it all Shirley Temple. Most of the time I blow it out straight for the sheer convienece of it. Yes. Even when i had shoulder blade length and longer hair and blowing it out takes 2 hours, it's FAR less hassle than dealing with the curls. (Most of the time I keep my hair fairly short so that it only takes 30 minutes). YES, they're beautiful when I take the time to deal with them. NO, I have too many other things in my life to spend the time having gorgeous curls.

And if you DON'T spend the time.... they lock up. If you DO spend the time, they lock up in 24 hours.

So when I was in middle school I got really into surfing. The locks happened on accident as a byproduct of half living on the beach with friends one summer (they lived on the beach, and half the time was in the house, the other half we just camped and waited for the tides in the morning).

OMG... LOVE dreadlocks.

Because of the saltwater they locked "straight & small" (about finger thickness). When they first happened, I was horrified and embarassed, BUT my friends parents didn't make disgusted faces and get that gut clenching tone about "MATS in your hair". Instead, they got all delighted about how fast they formed, and showed me how to roll them. BLISSFUL summer of not hating my hair for the first time i my life.

A week of surfing and rolling them absently during fire time and I had foot long locks. They were beautiful.

Of course, my mum combed them out in the fall (with the "Ugh! MATS in your hair!!!" comment). It took 3 excrutiatingly painful days to comb them out. She did it, me sitting in front of her.

Next summer, I locked them up again. And the next fall, she combed them out again.

The ONLY thing I didn't like about them is that they're a bit scratchy. Clean, smelled good, looked GORGEOUS... just a bit scratchy.

If your son likes them, GO for them. Let him be happy with his hair. Let him feel good about himself, and feel good about yourselves for not putting him through the torture of trying to maintain Shirley Temple hair. Maintaining those curls is PAINFUL. It's time consuming (a waste of time in my humble opinion).

It's not neglect... it's a style. A "black" style, which some people will NEVER like.

_______

Oh... and Z is going to look GORGEOUS with them, when they're done. He has exactly my kind of hair (from the photos), just a different color, and his face shape totally supports them. Drop dead gorgeous. And because he has "my" kind of hair... you'll never have to worry about "dull", because you won't need wax. Most white people have straight hair, and it won't lock without wax. The four tricks I can offer is

1) to make them small to begin with (giant thick locks look strange on small heads, and they get wider the longer you have them... go for about pencil thickness to begin with, as opposed to hotdog thickness

2) to pick the section, comb it straight (the salt water did that for me, and the few times I've decided to lock back up as an adult, I just use saltwater in a bowl to get the same effect), and make them as "long" as possible (they always shrink) so that they don't ball up (super easy to have happen with dry curls)

3) douse in salt water to help. ((Straight hair gets all brittle when wet, curly doesn't))

4) Make sure they "stand up" when you're doing the top / have him lean his head over to the side when doing the sides, etc. They lay down from the weight (eventually, depending on length), but doing them "out" keeps them from "plastering" to his head, and will make them so they can "swing freely" as they grow.

Have fun!!!! I'm SO jealous of your son for not starting off every day for the next 10 years crying because it hurts to deal with his curls, like I did until middle school!!!

No, it is not neglect. Are dreadlocks offensive? No. And this is totally my opinion, but they are ugly - on anyone at any age. I'm sorry if that offends you, but I looked at your profile pic and I assume it's that cute little kid with the curls that has his hair in dreads. Blech. I understand you don't want to deal with the fight to ease out the knots. I do get that. But if it were me, I would have cut his hair and kept it short.

As for getting them to leave it alone, it's a losing battle until you cut it. They don't like it and they don't have to like it. Just don't lose your cool over their comments. You and your husband decided this for your kid (there's no way that I would let a 3 yr old dictate to me about how they wanted to look, but that is neither here nor there), so you have to deal with the consequences.

Of course it isn't neglect but you are sending a strong message to the world through your choice in hairstyle for you kid. I say you and your husband because people will assume it's your choice. He is too young to make a lot of decisions for himself and in most households hairstyle is mostly up to the adults while kids are little. If he is saying he wants dreads you have to admit to some degree that is because that's what you and your husband are into. Would he beg for a military style buzz cut? Probably not because that's not something his parents and family would be into.
I beleive strongly it's not a big deal either way, and it's too bad that our society attaches so much meaning to hairstyle. The thing is the vast majority of people will. He'll get more negative attention just like what he got from your aunt, or wait YOU got the negative attention because, as I said the world will perceive it as your choice, not his.
It reminds me of little girls with super short shorts and half shirts. Can't beleive their parents let them wear that stuff. They say their letting their child make their own choices but they are just not mature enough yet to understand the message the rest of the world is receiving. Just like the "slutty tween look" the dredlock look sends a message to the world and that message is not always received in a positive way as you've already experienced.
If that frustrates you or makes you sad then maybe you should reconsider your choice. As close minded as it seems a lot of people will make asumptions about him just by his hair. Seems like a burden for a little kid to carry and it is only hair. I say wait until he understands what his style choices will really mean before he makes his own decisions about his hair style. That's what the teen years are for.

My thoughts, if he's 3 then it looks like you just don't want to deal with a child and get his hair cut. Since he didn't know what dread locks were that makes me think he is too young to understand what it is.

If he's 10 then he can make some choices about how his hair is styled. If he's much older than he can certainly choose how he wants his hair.

But the bottom line is, he could have this long hair that most people assume is dirty and unkempt do to laziness or he could have a shorter cute hairstyle that has no tangles or issues like that. I would say if his hair was an inch or two in length then combing the tangles out while he has conditioner in it during his bathing time would be the way to go, he would never have a tangle or issue for the coming out. In the mornings he could either bathe then or just wet the hair down with de-tangler or water. He should not need any hair products in his hair with this length.

If you are going to let him have dreadlocks, you are going to have to get used to judgmental looks and comments. A lot of people really dislike them and view them as your aunt does. So yes, to answer your question, a lot of people find them offensive. Not me, I'm just speaking reality. I don't know what your community is like, but if you live somewhere kind of alternative, that certainly helps.

You, and possibly your son depending on where you live, are gonna have to get thick skin if you keep up the dreadlocks.

As far as what you say: if she says something again, say, thank you for your opinion, and leave it at that.

Libby,
YOU know that you are not neglecting your child. You like it, he likes it and he is cared for. NEVER let other people rent space in your head!

My stepson is 18 and decided almost 2 years ago to give himself dreads. I don't like how they look at all, he looks like a dirty hippie (even though I know he isn't), but it's not up to me to tell him what to do with his hair. HE knows how to take care of them and in your case, hopefully, so do you. If your son wants them, if he likes them, and if you know how to keep him and his hair clean - that's all that should matter. I know exactly what Julie B. is saying - because my stepson is white, and because his hair naturally tends to be fine and stringy, the dreads look awful. Maybe if he were African-American, or had different textured hair, it would be different.

Unfortunately, other people are going to have other opinions and not understand. My mother could be like that - overbearing, opinionated, and the type that seemed to think if she just nagged you enough about something, you would do what she thought you should do. I know it's frustrating, but try not to let it get to you. He's your son and he's at an age where he's going to want to make decisions regarding how he looks and how to take care of his own body. As long as he is clean and hygienic, it's nobody else's business. But as others have said, sometimes what we wear and what we look like sends a message to the rest of the world. My stepson with the dreads also has several piercings, as well as the large holes in his ear lobes - if he understands that people are going to judge him on his appearance, whether it's justified or not, he's the one that will need to live with the potential consequences.

hmmm, are dreadlocks offensive? What a question! There's no right/wrong answer....only opinions.

Basically, you have two choices: to be mainstream or not. :)

Your choices are creating this living environment. When faced with being in charge of your son's hair, you allowed him the autonomy to make his own choices. By doing this, you opened the door wiiiiiiide open for censure & public opinion. Does this make you a bad mom?.....NOPE :) But, as the adult involved, you will have to bear the brunt of those unable to live your life.

As the parent of a child with physical disabilities, I would never knowingly draw attention to my son's differences. That said, I did agree with him when he wanted the bright yellow armband crutches.....& then the bright blue ones later on. We could have chosen the traditional wooden ones, but what the Hell? Why not go with the colors he liked? & he was the one who had to live with them 24/7, so why not make the choice which would ease his suffering? :) Oh, & then how about the bright yellow wheelchair when he had surgery in 3rd grade? AND how about the bright red walker he picked last year for his 1st hip replacement, at age 23? :)!!!

It's all about choices! My younger son has steel-wool rough, curly hair. It appears to be soft & silky, & everyone is always shocked at how coarse it is. He had beautiful curls as a baby/toddler. By KG, he was tiring of the curls & asked our barber to cut his hair all off. I was heartbroken! We compromised on "curls on top, short on the sides". This ended a few years later by my son saying, "it's my hair, Mom. I should be able to wear what I want". He was right.....& I haven't seen curls on him in years. Dang. He's 15 now, & is asking for a haircut as soon as the hair is <1". BooHoo! & yes, he would be a candidate for dreads.....& honestly, I'm just thankful that he's chosen a care-free hairstyle!

Oh, OH! Funny, gross story: when my son was in 5th grade, he let his hair get about 2-3" long (my DH was ill & time was short). My son stopped shampooing his hair...just to gross out the girls. Seriously! The girls wouldn't leave him/his curls alone....kept playing with his hair - so he stopped washing it. He would sit there & just gloat/smirk over what he knew & what they were touching. I found out by noticing the odor of his hair as I walked by him. I did one of those generic, "so when did you last shampoo/shower?". His answer was only in response to the showering. I sniffed & said, "OMG, when did you last shampoo?" ......it had been TWO weeks. Eeeeeeew. His butt was in the shower immediately! Oh, oh, how gross!

Peace to you! & then go kick your Aunt!

It's different, and depending on your heritage, it may not be something anyone around you understands. I guess the biggest question I have is, do you think your child is old enough and mature enough to make this choice? Obviously you do, since it was made, so there ya go.

You need to understand though that not all parents are likely to think he is old enough to have the final say in something like brushing his hair. My middle son is gonna be 11 and I still get on his case to brush his hair. It's reflexive for me, but it's also not traumatic or a big deal for him. For some people being a good parent means forcing your kids to do things like shower and brush their teeth and hair. for others being a good parent means allowing kids to make what we feel are reasonable choices for themselves. Neither are wrong, just different views. Both sides should be respectful of the other.

respect your family and friends when they ask, but don't feel the need to justify yourself, they need to respect you as well. Just say you'll cut his hair when he wants it cut, it's his hair, and change the subject. Don't let it bug you.

I know a person who thinks the shorter your hair is the nicer and more wholesome you are. Usually from the older generation. I'm not young but I like hair...I prefer hair on heads but on the other hand I have sons and realatives with shaved heads sometimes. What does that matter? I love dreadlocks. If clean and kept how can that be neglect? Years ago kids all over wore them. Maybe not that young but maybe some were. Don't let it bother you if you are keeping him clean and presentable. You need to not let others upset you as you will run into this many many times in the time you raise your kids. There is a guy at our Walmart store here who has dreadlocks and I love them on him. He looks clean, is friendly and nobody just sees his hair.

Dear mom,
who cares?!! you are the mom, he likes it, you like it and I'm sure he looks adorable!
You can't control how people feel about the things you do or say, but you can control the way they affect you. control it so it doesn't.
I'm sure neglect constitutes a lot more than dreadlocked hair.
Be happy with it.
Good Luck!.

As long as his hair style is maintained it is not neglect.

As long as it is clean and no odors it is not neglect.

Now if the dread locks are starting to look ratty.. you know where you cannot actually see the braids and just look like long tangles, it is time to cut them and let all start regrowing.

Take a step back and look at him with clear eyes and decide. Is this looking like it needs to be refreshed?

Our daughter has always had curly hair and TONS of it. To keep it under control, it needs to be trimmed up by a person that us good at it.

We have found that person and to this day our daughter uses her. She is expensive, but she is the only one able to handle this massive job. Our daughter is worth it.

I am amazed at the negative opinions about hairstyles! I am a former punk rocker. I had all manner of hairdos and colors from the time I was 13. I learned quickly to expect people to be mean because of the way I looked, and that it was THEIR problem not mine. Your aunt was rude and anyone who comments negatively about something like this to you or him is rude. We teach our children not to judge people by what they look like from the outside, because stereotypes do not translate to reality. Let the boy keep his dreads. I think they are adorable on children.

My daughter had hair past her butt when she was five. I had a few comments about "Cutting that hair". I just ignored them, until we were ready to cut it.

As for the question, is it offensive. I must say...I had no clue about dreads and did think it was unwashed, although I never asked or made any derogatory comments. Perhaps that is why people make comments. I do however suspect, people will always give their 2 bits. If you cut it, you will probably have the free spirits asking why you gave in to society.

You are the parents and what you say goes. To your relatives, AND your son.

If YOU want him to have dreadlocks, fine. I'm not all the way on board with "he cries at brushing and HE doesn't want to cut it" as reasons if you WANTED him to have short low maintenance hair at this age and he was controlling you. God knows, my kids all scream in the bath too, but I still wash their hair and they HAVE to behave at the hair dresser despite their instinct not to. So if I saw your son, I'd presume you guys, the parents, chose to give him dread locks, and that's your right.

Will some people think he looks neglected? Absolutely. If they're clueless about what dread locks are. Are those people your problem? No. People have issues with ANY choices you make for style. You need to just feel OK that they have the right to their opinion too. Is it nice of them to make digs? No. Do you have the right to tell them you don't like it when they make those comments? Yes. You can handle the disagreement however you wish. There will always be people (relatives especially) who get their nickers in a twist about your fashion and hair choices, and feel they have the right to say so. Fight back, or let it go. your choice!

Ok, I did the lock thing. As an ex tour kid, we all did the dreadlock thing. They aren't meticuously clean, but 'cleanliness' is a relative term, and it also one that shifts culturally, too. SOme countries, bathing only takes place after sex. Me? as i've mentioned, I'm an ex-hippie-I wash my hair once a week.My home is clean and my kids are fine. Your aunt is uptight about that sorta thing. Oh well different strokes. I was the product of child neglect. At 8 I was alone for weeks at a time and ate bugs i was so hungry. Your aunt needs to get a life.

Be prepared for a battle they obviously do not like it. People think of dreadlocks as what dirty people do with their hair, dreadlocks are also associated with druggies. It is what it is and you will not change their mind. Personally I love to see the crazy little ringlets all wild and crazy I think it's too cute. You should also NOT brush the curls with a hair brush but a hair pic and use lots of detangler if you wish to cut off the dreadlocks. He is your child and he has a right to make his own choices in life just be ready for the ramifications.

Dreadlocks.... does NOT equal, "dirty" or neglect.
That is the bottom-line.

I don't know how old your son is... but he seems old enough to say he likes it and wants it.
You also DO keep his hair clean.
And I assume, trimmed.
So he doesn't look like a mountain man or homeless.
LOL

I personally, do not find dreadlocks, "offensive."
Nor do my kids.
Nor do we.

Hair is personal. To each his own.
Main thing, a person is clean.
Which your son seems to be.
Regardless of hair style.

I think dreadlocks are cool...very cool. But you should not be so sensitive. You have to know that having dreadlocks is making a statement...and there are a lot of people out there who will have a strong opinion about them. If your son is going to have dreadlocks you will need to be prepared to deal with statements like your aunt made all the time...and he will have to deal with statements from people as well. I'd just tell people that your family likes dreadlocks and you did not ask for their opinion so if they cannot say something nice they can not say anything at all.

i think mostly the connotations in many people's heads are negative. unfortunately, as someone said, that may be the price you have to pay. but YOU are informed. YOU made an educated decision. YOU chose not to fight that particular battle, and found a compromise. i don't see a thing wrong with it. i would probably look twice if i saw a little guy with dreads...but that's my ignorance too, because i thought they were that way because they didn't wash it (actually someone told me once that to get dreadlocks you can't wash your hair for x amount of time) so that's my problem, NOT yours. it sucks that people can be so judgmental - but that isn't going to go away. remind yourself that you guys are making an informed decision, not being neglectful. because that's the truth. you're a strong intelligent mother, don't doubt yourself now. merry christmas!

As long as his hair is maintained (meaning clean and tended to), then it is not neglect. When they ask "when are you going to cut his hair?" my response to these rude/insensitve people would be "When he decides he wants it cut". When they reply with something such as your aunt did, my reply would be "How incredibly rude! His hair is styled, although not to your standards, and clean. He likes it and so do we."

My advice? Learn not to let it get to you & shake it off. You, yourself said that your child likes it, and it makes life a heck of a lot easier for everyone. As long as you know that, who cares about anyone else's opinion?

Unfortunately, when someone does things differently or looks unconventional, people seem to either have a problem with it or have an opinion about it. My opinion is, is that it's just hair & doesn't & shouldn't define someone. And, I'll tell you what.... if people worried half as much about their own selves instead of what everyone else is doing or looking like, the world would be a much better place.

As far as what to say...maybe something like, "This is how his hair is going to be, so I ask respectfully that you try to accept it, and keep your opinions to yourself." If someone brings it up, say that, and then move on to another topic, or just ignore their comment & move the conversation along.

OMG If I could dreadlock my hair and thought I looked good with that hairstyle I would have done it years ago. Ignore this old hag! Her coming out has nothing to do with her being rude and not minding her own business. I don't get it either. Isn't Federal Way near Seattle? People have Seen dreadlocks haven't they? Just do what you want to do and either ignore people or tell them it's not their hair or business.

Teach your son to do what he wants and is best for him. If this is the most convenient way to deal with his hair right now and he likes it (sounds like he does since he's cooperating with hair washing), it sure sounds the way to go.

ETA - No it's not neglect. Even though the end result is easier care for your childs hair, you've spent a lot of time and consideration on this.

Keep them! My boys are 11 and 8, both have hair past their shoulders. It is what they want! I get the same thing, "When are you going to cut it?" It is their hair. I only wish that they had the texture to dreadlock it! I love them and wish I could do it to theirs! I constantly have a battle with the youngest to brush it out. He tolerates it but it is always tangled. Do what works for your child and your household and tell the others that you choose your battles and this is the answer that works.

its just the odd looking in between time before it really looks good and not just a mess. i personally wouldnt do it to my child. but i have seen children with it done. a little girl in the fact had hers done and i could tell it was in the early stages. dont let others get you or your son down. when he is ready to have it cut off he will.

I wonder if this aunt who made the comment is dear and special to you and would explain how hurt you were by her words. Also from what you say, it sounds as if maintaining the dreadlocks takes as much work as a regular hair styling; so no you couldn't possibly be neglecting him. You don't mention how old your son is, this would be a factor if my son/daughter asked me for dreadlocks. All the same, you and your husband are in agreement and that is all that matters. It's possible your aunt, MIL, etc.., have a bias and negative frame of reference to dreadlocks. (I used to live in Hollywood and many smelly people wore dreadlocks, but I'm sure it was because they were runaways and homeless and not the dreadlocks). I hope you let go of the hurt feelings. Good luck.

Dreadlocks look like clumps of matted hair, reminds people of laziness and drug use, and the Rastafarian culture. None of which is mainstream. Those are my first impressions when I see ANYONE with dreads.

After my initial impression it all comes down to: is it hurting me or my children? No, Is it my child or life partner wearing them? No, Is it something I'd have my child wear? No, but it's quit alright to have another's child/partner wear them.

Your Mother, MIL and Aunts are from an older generation... you cannot expect them to approve or understand your choice. Just understand that and move on, after all YOU are your child's Mother.

I would like to tell you to tell your aunt to blow it out her...knees, okay I'll keep it clean. My feelings were hurt alongside yours, people think they can say anything they want and it hurts others. If you could get brave, do not have her anywhere in your house and let her know that she should stop drinking because she says some really rude things.

Hi--
I have a nearly four year old little boy. He has had long hair all his life and he likes it that way. He's adorable and I think it suits him. Lots of people tell us what a pretty little girl we have....he always says "I'm a boy!". He's a very pretty boy--even with short hair he has a pixie like face that is just pretty. When we go to get his haircut he tells the lady what he wants. Yesterday we cut it to his chin and now i think it's too short :-) Lots of people have made comments about "When are you going to cut it?" I always answer, "It's his head. He likes it. And so do I". One woman told me, "But you're the mother." and I said, "Yes, and it's my job to teach him to stand up for himself, have his own opinions, and express who he really is." If you don't feel insecure about it then other people will respect your choice. Good for you for allowing your child to be who he is rather than forcing him to "fit" in. You're a great Mom!!
J.

Dreadlocks evoke a thought of a specific type of culture, one that people don't normally associate with cleanliness or excellent hygiene. I, personally, have never seen dreads that I think look clean. I'm not saying they're not clean, they just don't appear that way to me.

Because he's chosen this and you are allowing it, you will get these comments. It's not mainstream, and it's not widely socially acceptable.

Hopefully, by the time he's applying to colleges and jobs it will either be more socially acceptable or he will have found a different way to wear his hair - or he will have a very difficult time.

I don't know how to get them to leave you alone about his hair - nothing may work. They are probably worried about his social acceptance. If you're not, then great. Don't worry about their comments.

You can try asking them to stop bringing it up, it's his decision and you refuse to listen to any more comments about it. It may work. But I doubt it.

Tell them all to stfu. My son asked to get his ears pierced when he was 3. They are his ears, so I let him. I have had some people give me some really nasty comments about it, but he is now 6 and still loves his earrings. It is your sons hair, he should get to style it how he wants.

I know I am reasly late but girl No.. There have been many times I want to dread my kids hair, but. Think it's cuter on boys than girls, and my girls like different hair, but my husband is from New Orleans, and almost all of the men with long hair have dreads. And your doing it right. So, if he likes it, and y'all like it.. Then to hell with what anybody else thinks.

aww you should put a pic up for it. I think the reason you're getting this response is because he is so little. It's your choice not his so people are assuming you're doing it for lazy reasons and not practical reasons. The only reason I;d be agnst doing it to a child that young is because hes not old enough to understand the social repercussions that it comes with, and that you're chooding for him, and kids are mean. Thats the only reason I wouldn't want to do it. But to each their own=) I cried when my mom brushed my hair each day, my niece has hair like you sons and she used to cry to, but my brother looked up ways of avoiding that, using conditioner when brushing, putting it in braids...there are ways. I bet he looks cute though, i J. hope the kids arent mean about it

I don't think you are neglecting him. It wouldn't be my personal preference for my child in the same situation, and if I saw your son my opinion on how it LOOKED would be that I wouldn't like it. But, that doesn't mean that you are neglecting your son. That is just a difference in tastes. I'd pick something out about your Aunt that you didn't like and tell her!! lol

First of all I don't think it's neglectful. I have had many a friend who has had dreads at one point or another and I KNOW that it is neither unhygienic nor lazy.

Me personally...I think it's icky and I think that is probably the mainstream opinion on it. Even though I KNOW that dreads are not dirty, they LOOK dirty and unkempt and even though I love my dreadlocked friends... I avoid touching their hair because it makes me cringe.
If you make your child stand outside of the norm like this, you and he have to deal with people giving you the looks, making comments or asking questions. You are right, it's rude and none of their business, but it is what it is and it's how the world works.

In the end only one person has to like it and that is him! I am sure he will let you know when he is sick of the criticism or the look.
Good luck!

You will never get them to agree with you on this. They are sure that they are "educating" you and saving your son, and you, from ridicule.

When my niece had her hair in dreadlocks, I was amazed at the number of people who equated that with being unwashed and filthy. She bathed often, she washed her hair, but they were just sure that she had, or would get, lice, and that she was just generally dirty. Nothing anyone said or did changed any minds.

The only advice I would give you is this: in general, it's a bad idea to say "never" about anything. By repeatedly saying "never," you're effectively telling your son that his identity is tied up in his hair. He might decide in a month, or ten years, or any amount of time at all, that he wants a crew cut. Or he might decide he wants a 70s style feathered shag, or a mowhawk. He should not be made to feel that changing his hairstyle is giving up his identity. He is NOT his hair. No one should feel that they will cease to be themselves, cease to be unique and valuable, if they change something superficial like the way they wear their hair. So, when people ask when it's being cut, say, "When he wants it cut." You need to make it clear (to your son and to others) that you will value him just the same if he changes his mind about this (and chances are, some day, he will.)

People can be so ignorant sometimes! I think you made a great decision. It sounds like you keep up on keeping them clean and even using tea tree oil on his scalp! How is that neglect?! I think dreads are very cute and not dirty or neglectful. If your family is going to be rude, tell them "fine then, if you can't be excepting then you don't deserve to be around us anymore.". That is what I had to do for my son and as soon as the family found out I was 1,00000% serious they knocked off the attitude quick. It can be hard to be a mom when people act like that toward you and your little ones, thats for sure. I bet he looks dashing and he can probably notice the people that are being rude don't approve so I would keep him away from them for self esteem sake. YOU are doing a great job!

I personally don't like dreadlocks. I don't think they look good and I do think they look dirty. BUT that is my opinion and that is all. It is also based on ignorance. I don't know how people keep them up or keep them clean and since I know more from you now, I can be less judgemental about those who have them. Maybe if you made her sit down and listen to you about how you care for his hair, she'll at least understand that it's not dirty and done with purpose. She may still not like it, but at least she can't complain that you're not keeping him clean.

Or you can just say "Auntie, you've told us your opinion and we listened. But we don't agree and we ask that you respect us enough to leave this topic alone. We're done talking about this".

Good luck!

I don't think that you are neglecting your son. It doesn't really matter what your aunt thinks...however, my personal reaction toward dreadlocks is that it doesn't look hygienic. I think kids need to learn to tolerate having their hair brushed, washed regularly and if he grows up and wants dreads so be it. My 5 year old girl has super thick hair and we wash her hair every other day, and combing/brushing usually doesn't go without some tears. I don't like her getting upset, but I'm not just going to let it turn into a knotted mess because she doesn't like having it brushed.

I am late too, BUT I think it sounds great. I bet he is really cute with the dreadlocks. I got some lip from, older realitives this holiday about my 9 y/o son who is growing his hair out. He wants to be able to pull it back, so we are letting it grow. Right now it just looks very shaggy, but it won't forever. Do what your kid wants and just ignore the hurtful comments.