Do You Think My Husband Is Too Critical? or Am I a Slacker?

Can you approach him when he's calm, and tell him what you feel (that you feel like a single parent). Let him know that you appreciate his working extra had at this time of year, and understand that he's tired & frustrated when he comes home. But that you need him to start looking at things in a more positive way--instead of looking at what isn't being done or what mistakes were made, look at what is accomplished/well done. Make a list of all the things you do every day to hold the family together/help the family, etc. Hand him the list, and say that it is really demoralizing that after you do all this ever day, the things that he points are all the things that are wrong, instead of the "thanks for working so hard/doing so much."

Then, if he continues to criticize, do not respond in any way. Don't acknowledge it, or if you must, do it once by saying "I'm not going to respond to you if you continue to speak to me or treat me disrespectfully." And then ignore him (it will be really, really hard, but it you continue, he'll either stop, or you'll get more immune to it).

Your husband sounds like a tryrant. Why didn't HE sign the paper if it was so darned important?

Sounds like he's very involved in monitoring homework, perhaps that should be his job, signing the weekly report.

The only thing that stuck out with me was "I am in trouble with my husband"...WHAT!?! HOW can you be "in trouble" with your husband? Your husband SHOULD be you PARTNER. Not a "father". (to you, that is)

Oh my...I just re-read and have understood that you are in a very controlling and manipulative situation that you cant get out of.
Let me tell ya...the longer it goes on...the LONGER it goes on.

Life is sweeter on the outside....

You are not a slacker he's abusive. Counseling might help but I doubt if your Mr Perfect would go or listen. Unless you tell him it's counseling or hit the road. You deserve to be treated better than this. And so do your kids.

http://www.turningpointservices.org/Domestic%20Violence%2...

Your language sounds like you feel like you are one of the kids, on eggshells when dad gets home. My mom and I lived that way because of my dad for 20+ years. I don't know if your husband is really abusive because I don't know him. But no one should make you feel so bad about yourself. His actions are not kind or helpful. At a minimum, he sounds wound pretty tight and stressed out. And more likely he needs anger managment and you two need therapy to learn to communicate. This can't be new, right?

AFTER READING YOUR "SO WHAT HAPPENED"

I have no doubt that you are doing your best. It appears your husband is so wrapped up in his job, that he fails to see the you have a job and while he make work long hours 7/days a week, So do you and it's 24/7 because I'm sure you are up and awake when one of your children is sick.

I believe that you are in need of validation, affection and a united from your husband.

Are you familiar with the ADHD support group formed by Holly Robinson. Her show is called "The Talk" and if you go on that sight, you can find the ADHD site (I don't know the exact name of that site).

By the way....who doesn't forget to do something now and then...I know I certainly have. So I say, if you can't get your husband on board, to take a more active part in the children's needs, then at least YOU start taking some ME time each week, even if that means you hire someone for a few hours each week, or let your man know, he will need to take over on the days that your need to just "check out" for a few hours!

Original Post....

Long hours 7 days a week? Could he cut back and you take a part time job? He's treating you like a child not a wife.

Have you tried having your family eat at least ONE meal together? This would give everyone a chance to talk about what's going on and what school paperwork needs to be signed and homework assignments.

Your husband seems resentful, tired and putting the blame on you. How long has it been since either of you expressed your love for each other and you've had a night out just the two of you?

Lastly, NO you are not a slacker, but I would start checking the old back packs or see if your children's teachers have their assignments on line.

Keep us posted.

Blessings.....

I think your husband is being a big bully and treating you like a child who he thinks he needs to discipline. Maybe he needs anger management counseling. Maybe you both need to see a marriage counselor together. Maybe he is stressed out or has something else going on if this is not typical for him. Maybe you need to stand up for yourself more. But I think it is a very big deal - I could not tolerate being treated with such disrespect from my husband without saying something.

BTW, my dad was the same way when we were growing up. We hated it when it was time for him to come home from work because we never knew what kind of mood he would be in or what he might start yelling about. I bet your kids hate it too.

Sounds like your husband is trying to be your dad.
Remind him that you guys are equal players on the same team and no one is perfect.
Sounds like you need to take a little vacation for a few days without hubby and kids and let him see how things are when you are gone.
It will probably help him realize what a hard job you have.
Take off on a Friday afternoon and go be C. with someone you would love to go spend some time with but havent in ages, and dont go home till Sunday.

People can only make you feel "less than" if you LET them. You are a mother and a wife...not a child. Who does he think he is yelling at you in the first place? I've never met a perfect person, we all make mistakes. Yes, you forgot to sign a piece of paper that is important. But YES your child is old enough to learn to be responsible for his/her own paperwork. That means doing homework (with help of course if needed) and placing all of that homework and documents back in his backpack. ADHD is not a free pass in life unless you make it one. It is incredibly important that your son learns to handle his responsibilities NOW. I'm not sure how old your son is but my four year old knows it is her JOB to get her homework out of her backpack, gather the supplies needed to complete her homework, sit at the kitchen table and do her homework with Mommy or Daddy, then return the homework to her take home folder and place the folder back in her backpack. She also knows every tuesday is show and tell. It is her JOB to locate the requested show and tell item and place it in her backpack. If she forgets to do it then she pays the consequence the next day at school. She knows all of this because we've worked with her on it from the beginning of the school year. After a few weeks it was second nature to her and it will be to your son as well if he is taught consistently. My hubby and I both work full time and we have two children. Some days my hubby works 12 or more hours, some days I work 12 hour shifts.....regardless we BOTH tend to the children, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. We're equal partners in this as we choose to have a family it is both of our responsibility to keep our home/family running smoothly. When one of us is super busy the other one jumps in to pick up the slack. That's called being a team. Rather than constantly belittle you, your husband needs to man up and chip in to help you. Good Luck and God Bless!

I am sorry but your husband sounds like a total A**hole. Seriously. It is time for you guys to have a discussion about expectations: for chores, taking care of the kids, schoolwork, housework and how you treat each other - the last quite possibly being the most important. I don't know how old your kids are, but the bottom line is that they learn how to interact and behave in relationships from their parents. It is completely unacceptable for your husband to YELL at you over anything!!! WHo does he think he is? I mean, everyone had fights or disagreements now and again but you want your children to learn respect and thus they must see that you two respect each other. If there are things that he thinks you are so bad at let him know that he can be in charge of those things. Are his parents dysfunctional? He probably learned this behavior at home - you might point out to him that this is what he's teaching his own children is acceptable - is this what he wants, really?

Perhaps counseling will help, but a man like this is unlikely to agree to go since he already knows everything.

Good luck.

I forget things too. Things that I never forget usually have all of a sudden slipped my mind. It's hard to remember everything when you have more than one child and trying to get them dressed and ready and out the door. My hubby never hollars at me if I forget something. He knows I'm pretty good with what I do get done. He works long hours also but recently stepped down to be with us more. That made me feel good. My children too. He has been in a much better mood since a lot of the stress went away from his job. He had deadlines to meet and meetings all day which made him have to work longer. He was getting so stressed with work that he had a short fuse for awhile and I'm glad he realized it and made a change for our family's sake. I get everyone off to school and pick them all up and make dinner then he reads to our youngest and puts him to sleep so they have special time together. I was feeling like a single parent for awhile too. I know what you mean. I hope the other posts didn't make you feel bad because I read them and thought some of them weren't very nice. I got a dry erase board to help me remember things. I try to remember library book day and gym day and my volunteer day plus appts and dinner menus and events for my older two plus the chores and a million other things. It's called life. No one is perfect.

He sounds stressed and overworked... however, that isn't an excuse to expect perfection from his wife and to belittle you.... though it is probably a cause of is short fuse.

Watch this little 3 minute video together, perhaps it will offer some new perspective.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

I think we are not hearing the whole story, only your view of it. But, if you know there is a letter called the Friday letter that is sent home every Friday, then why did you not sign it? Instead you blame it on your son having ADHD.

How is this your fault? You son did not have the information in his backpack. Are you a mind reader? The responsibility comes with son knowing that there is a Friday letter and ensuring that it is signed. Not you. As for your husband, sorry big jerk. I would have laid into my husband if he yelled at me. What you can tell him is "if you can do better, have at it" and walk away. Go out of town to visit friends or family for a long weekend. Leave on a Thursday and come back on a Tuesday. Make him take the kids to their activities and events. Trust me that will shut him up. If he has to take vacation days to take care of the kids, so what. You are "working" and you decided to take a vacation too! Good luck!

Hi, C.:

Sounds like there is a communication challenge going on in your household.

First thing to do is to get an appointment calendar with the number of columns as people living in your home.

(Beauty supply places have them. )

At the top of each column put the names in starting with your husband, then yours and then each of your children.

Put in under each name the routine activities for each day.

When things come up, put those apointments in too.

Everybody participates to get schedules in. No secrets.

Next, get a poster board and assign responsibilites that need to be carried out each day.

Put in consequences when things are not done are promised.

Look up anger distortions: Blaming is an anger distortion.

See if this eleviates any of the issues that are coming up for you.
If it doesn't, let me know.
All the Best
D.