Difficult Age???

Ah, the "terrible two's"....she can do so much more than when she was a baby but is still too little to do so much more. This is a phase, which I'm told will pass (we still see it at 5 sometimes). She can be Mama's little helper (dusting, getting baby supplies for you). She can be Big Sister, Protector of Baby Brother (she could even wear a cape for that role). And of course, she can still be your Little Girl, worthy of hugs and snuggles during your time together.
Having said that, it still won't prevent the whines. You can tell her that you can't hear her when she whines - she can ask in her regular voice and then you'll listen. She is old enough to start hearing that whining doesn't get you far.
As for her paci, we had to reason with our son for quite some time before he was willing to give it up. As she gets more and more engaged in other activities (coloring, puzzles and whatnot), she'll be less inclined to need her paci. Having a younger sibling may make it even harder if he's using one, though. Good luck and keep encouraging her to celebrate her independent toddlerness.

It actually sounds as though your daughter is jealous of the new baby and is in need of some one on one time with both mommy and daddy. Every day set aside at least 20 minutes that you can play with her uninterrupted by anything - the baby, the phone, the laundry, someone at the door, etc. And once a week find someone to sit with the baby so your husband and you can do something fun that's all about your older daughter. It doesn't have to be all day, just an hour or so. After a few weeks at the most of consistently doing this for her you will see dramatic changes in her behavior. Good Luck!

Unfortuately, I have no advice for you but I can sympathize. My daughter is 23 months and acts the same way. Some days I just want to cry. Everyone I know that has kids tells me these are the TERRIBLE TWOS and will pass. I try my best to keep her occupied e.g. going to the park, book time etc and that seems to help a little bit. Hang in there the rumor is this will pass.

Lisa
Sometimes kids go through transition due to growth, illness or just because developmentally it is time to move ahead. These are times of frustration for both you and especially for her, she may be struggling due to hunger, being over tired or bored even? Is her day filled with enough stimulation, physical exercise and mental challenge? Is there a playgroup or a preschool setting she might see other kids her age regularly in? With a newborn at home (another more obvious challenge for her as well in terms of jealousy) you may not have the time to devote to her as you did prior to the baby arriving and of course she may resent having lost her status as the baby who was cared for, doted on and had a paci....instead I think you should try to encourage her to embrace her new status, demonstrate all the things she CAN do that a baby cannot, encourage her to feel strong, proud and responsibile, give her a roll in helping you with something to build her confidence...cooking in the kitchen, spraying the shower doors with a water bottle and a paper towel, anything that is something reserved for "big kids only" my other suggestion is this stick to a routine, when the baby naps make time for her, I realize that there are probably 100 other things that need to be done but show her that she is too special and the first 30 minutes of the baby's nap is reserved for mommy and big girl time.....good luck and hopefully she will begin to see that being bigger is better in her case at least.
E.

Hi L.! I too have a toddler (22 months) and a month and a half old baby. My son has regressed in certain areas. We used to give him his paci only at sleep times but from the STRESS of a new family member, he started to suck his thumb if he didn't have his paci so I gave it back. From what I have read older kids REGRESS a bit when a new family member comes. Don't make too big of a deal out of it. Your 21 MO is probably just stressed and getting used to her new sibling. My son whines and throws tantrums too but I DO NOT give in. My son used to whine and throw tantrums long before the new baby came and I nipped the whining in the bud by not picking him up, giving him the screwdriver, scissors etc. and letting him scream because he couldn't have it. After a week of this he finally stopped. He still throws tantrums but not nearly as bad as before. He is still whiny but I chalk that up to not being able to communicate with us about his needs. 21 months IS a tough age. I am having biting and hitting problems all of a sudden so each age has its stages!! Good luck!!