Ah, the Whining! 20-Month-old

Girl I know how you feel,my 20 month old son is doing the same thing.Some says he is just whining and some not so much,he even starts out good and when he wakes from his nap its just whines agh.Its like his way of getting what he wants no matter what,like he knows thats a way of getting him stop whining lol.I try and find a way to make him stop without giving in but sometimes I just ignore him and he stops.Later and sometimes not long he does it again so I so know how moms feel.A few years ago I told my mom I was sorry because I realized how rotten of a child I was lol,now I have a taste of being the mom now....you know the other end of things.

L>H
i know this is going to sound mean but when the whining start for no good reason walk away if you are holding him at the time put him down and walk away if they know they are going to get held played with or giving something when they do that they will keep it up and don't show any emotion over it they feed off it at that age

sorry, I wish I could help. My four year old is whining like crazy and I try daily to correct this. If you get any helpful hints pass them on. Does it help to know others deal with the very same behaviors?

He may be frustrated with trying to form word and comunicate, and at the same time, he might be getting attention by doing this if you respond with the usual "what's wrong, Honey". If you show attention when he does this then it will become a habit. Try to work ewith him by telling him that you don't understand when he whines and that you will wait for him to quit whining so that he can tell you what's wrong. Let him know that you won't do anything until the whining stops and he can tell you what he needs.

I hate to tell you this, but it sounds like he is starting the terrible two's. I grew up with my mom being a child development graduate and having a group home daycare, plus I have a three and a half year old little boy and a 15 month old little girl, so I have seen this many many times. Patience and consistancy are key (along with some "mommy time outs" when you get to the end of your rope and just need a few minutes alone). Good luck!!

My 24 month old has become a whiner aswell. I have started to tell him to use big boy words when he is whining.I only tell him one time to use his big boys words then if he continues to whine I do not respond.If he talks to me properly after the reminder, then I respond to his need.Give him one reminder only. I beleive if you do not pay any attention to it it will stop. Just remind him that if he uses big boy words he will recieve what he needs and follow through with actions. It seems to be working for me. I understand that the whining can cause frustration for the whole family.

Hope this helps, C.

I have a 21 month old who's been doing the same thing!!! It got so bad a few weeks ago I actually took him to the doctors and come to find out he's got a double ear infection (yes, I felt like "Mom of the Year"!) I was so frustrated with him and the poor kid was sick the whole time.
Well, his ears are cleared up and the whining continues... now its teeth! You might want to check your child's mouth for signs of new teeth. My son is getting all 4 of his two year molars as well as his last I-Tooth!
One thing you could try with your child is some Motrin. I'd give him the perscribed dose one day when he gets really whiney. If he stops whining and acting happier within about 45 minutes, something (i.e teeth, etc.) may have been bothering him?
Good Luck!

I have one of those crazy, whining 20 month olds myself! Actually, my daughter is almost 21 months now that I think about it (my, how time flies!)... Anyway, my daughter went through this phase a few weeks ago where she whined about everything. My husband and I were starting to go crazy so we simply started not responding when she whined. I started out by telling her "please TELL mommy what you need so I can help you" - sometimes that worked and she calmed down and talked to me. Other times, she continued whining so I had to ignore it. I know that may sound harsh and it's not like I was being mean, I just kept repeating, "Mommy can't understand you when you don't use your words" (or something like that) and she would either stop whining and tell me what she wanted or she would continue whining and I would have to ignore it. Eventually, the whining became less and less. Of course, it still happens from time to time but it's not nearly as bad as it was for a few weeks. Best of luck! I think this is typical 20 month old behavior but maybe it can be minimized (at least this worked with my little girl).

Whenever my duaghter started to whine I calmly told her that she needed to talk like a big girl in order for me to understand her and that continuing to whine was not going to help her get what she was wanting. Then I would not respond to her until she spoke using big girl words. Once she did, I would immediately help her or get her what she needed/wanted. The whining almost always stopped right away and within a few weeks it was pretty much gone all together.

I feel your pain!! Our 17 month old is whining constantly too!! It's so hard to deal with. I read (somewhere, probably online) that they do it because they don't have the vocabulary to express themselves and they become frustrated. I just try to ask my son what he wants, it's a game of him pointing and me guessing!! Like everyone said, and my friends tell me it's a phase and it too will pass. Only to be replaced by something bigger and worse!! Good Luck someday they'll be 18 :)

Hello, I am the mother of 2 girls 16 and 13, and I did child care in my home for 12 years, and I have to say that that sounds like the terrible twos starting. I also noticed that a lot of boys go thru that worse then girls, the are whinny from around 2 until they are like 7 or 8, (and this is where the girls will pick up the whinny). I know AHHHHH but dont pull your hair out, there is hope, give him things to do, let him help you around the house, praise him when he isnt whinny, I HATE TV for any age, but maybe a special video for the times when he is really whinny, give him books, the best thing that I did was keep him busy, this will wear him out to and maybe take a good nap giving you sone quiet time!!! This may keep his mind occupied, and "forget" to whine so to speak, Read to him to, have him in your lap and hold him and love him, you sound like a great mom so keep up the good work, we all know its hard, but your not alone, however, there is an up side, it does stop for a while, until they hit the teens, you will look back and remember why was I frustrated, teens whine about EVERYTHING nonstop and the whiny dont stop til you lock them in their room!! ;) (but we all do survive it) Good luck and God Bless!

My children are quite a bit older than yours, but when they were little we pretty much just ignored the whining. Most times, if you don't respond, it will stop. When they get to be a little older, you can give them a place to whine in. I used to send mine to a chair in the living room.

Good luck.

Dear LH,

I'm certainly not a child-raising expert, but I have three of my own! The sentence that caught my attention in your explanation was "he has constant attention all day". This could be why he's whining. Perhaps he needs to learn how to entertain himself a little more? Constant attention breeds the need for constant attention. Just a thought!

Good luck,
L.

Here's a technique I used, and it actually worked.

We had a pair of earplugs--the kind you might use to protect your hearing at a gun range (but you could even just use earmuffs if you wanted). Whenever my daughter would start whining I'd put on the earplugs and tell her, "Oh my goodness, that whiny voice is really hurting my ears. I'm going to have to put on my Whine Mufflers. I won't be able to hear you when I have them on, if you're whining. But as soon as you speak in a normal voice, I'll be able to hear you again." Then I'd put them on and proceed with whatever I was doing and pretend I couldn't hear her until she stopped whining. The minute she spoke in a normal tone of voice, I'd immediately remove them and say "Oh good! You're speaking in a nice voice and I can hear you now!"

Maybe silly, but it worked!

Depending on the language your son has required I would recommend, as others have, teaching some sign language to your son. So often at this age kids are struggling to communicate with their parents and are not capable because of the limits to their vocabulary. We picked up a simple sign language book (Teach Your Tot to Sign) and love it. My youngest son (23 months)is at the low end of the spectrum for language development (probably speaking only 2-3 dozen words)and sign language is such a blessing. He will imitate signs immediately after we've shown them to him while it often takes MUCH longer for him to start using new verbal words. Sign language has been the perfect bridge between crying and talking for both of our children. We have thankfully yet to encounter whining with our youngest. :)

One word of encouragement to you is to keep your standards high. Every once in awhile my eldest son (just turned 5) will slip back into "whining". When he first started using whining as a method of communication we put an abrupt end to it by telling him, "that is not appropriate." We would then model for him the proper way to communicate his desires. (Ex: Saying in a clear, calm voice, "Mama, can I have some cereal, please" when the child has whined "I want some nowww.") I am so pleased that he will rise to the challenge and imitate exactly what I have said. His attitude becomes more cheerful and the tension between us dissolves. This carries over into his other conversations as he learns to speak with respect and kindness to those around him.

Good luck and happy mothering!

HA! If I had a dime for every time I said, "Use your words" when my daughter was that age, I'd be rich! It's a phase. A seriously annoying one, too. Hang in there. This is followed by the sassy, talking back phase. Ahhh, parenting... lovely.

It must be another one of those glorious phases. My 20 month old is acting the same way right now. I can't offer much advice other than trying to find distractions when the whining comes. I get out the playdoh or something I know he really likes when I need him to stop whining.

Whining is hard...I have the least amount of patience when the whining starts! If you are sure there isn't another issue (like an illness), then it's just a phase that you have to get beyond. I've heard it said that whining is a baby's way of going from crying to talking...it's a natural progression and the only way they have to communicate. We teach our babies to sign simple words (more, all done, eat, milk, please, etc.) and that does help. Also, don't underestimate your baby's ability to understand you. Tell him "ask nicely" and demonstrate for him the way to get what he wants without whining. With signing, the simplest way we learned was to take baby's hands and make the sign while you say the word, and then right away give the item. It has helped us immensely and I am always amazed at how fast they pick it up!!

~L.

My son began whinning once he began watching certain tv shows like Calliu or Arthur. We stopped watching those and he is much better. When he did it I would tell him "No whinning, just tell me what you want" then show him how you want him to talk to you. At times we would say you need to sit on the couch and fold you hands until you can talk without whinning. He would only sit for less than a minute but Then I'd have him try again. And reward him when he talks nicely. We reward with an exiting high five - he thinks that is great! You can see how proud he is of himself.

It is hard to say, it there anything else going on? Any drainage? Now that the weather is changing, allergies tend to kick in for some. If there is much post-nasal drip or runny nose, it could be his ears are bothering him... Teething does hurt and it could be a set that is coming thru that has not yet broken. (our son had us up at night for three nights in a row getting the top teeth in.).

I always rub my son's feet now. Makes it right with the world for all of us! :)

If there are no other issues then it could just be a communication thing...
We always tell our kids that we "can't hear them when they whine. You need to use your normal voice" But at 20 months he may not know what whining is. To him its just talking. Try different ways to explain the tone of voice and what is whining...