Control Issues - His or Mine?

Let him iron his own shirts then if he's going to mess with your system. When he asks why his shirts are wrinkled, you can say, "You have no one to blame but yourself. I told you to leave the laundry alone."

Or do the laundry when he isn't home.

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aawww...at least he is TRYING!!!
Stop putting laundry in and then leaving if you know he is there or going to be there!
:)
Laura

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Pardon my soapbox but think about the messages regarding gender roles your kids might be getting if the housework is so divided. I grew up in an extremely traditional home but both parents helped out around the house. My father worked crazy long hours but he also helped around the house. Whenever my mom goes away for a trip he cleans the house top to bottom to surprise her. Thankfully my husband is the same way even though I work fewer hours outside the home. I tell my girls to look for a man who is like Daddy who help whenever he can. Ok I will jump off the box! I agree he should not be ignoring your wishes. I would try and get him to explain why he continues even if you ask him not to.

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Why is he doing it? Maybe he's trying to send you a message...

This issue is yours, all the way, majorly. He obviously has zero control over the clothes if you take over when he's in the middle of doing them.

He's nice husband to want to help, so let him do his laundry himself, like a big boy, from start to finish. I'm sure the world won't crumble :-). If he has wrinkled clothes, so be it. He's not your child, he's your husband. If he looks like a mess, it's a poor reflection on him, not you.

I'm sorry, but it sounds kind of crazy to me, for a wife to tell her husband to STOP helping. Be grateful!!

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Your control issue. He is just trying to help. Maybe it makes him feel closer to you, or makes him feel more like a team with you, since he thinks he is helping you. Why not be so mad about this, and start asking him what you need help with. Just give him a task that involves laundry and let him do it. Maybe ask him to put the laundry in, and you can finish it that way you don't have to iron. I don't know, there are plenty of women on this site bitching because they can't get their husbands off the couch for anything. So I'd consider myself lucky if I were you.

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I didn't think a carbon copy of me existed......hello sister from another mister...lol! I too am laundry proud and take the time to do laundry properly, so the clothes last and look as good as when I purchased them and of course, so I don't have to iron.

My husband knows better than to even try to do laundry. I allow him to do bedding and towels. Stuff that I don't care about. If I were you, I'd take all HIS clothes in the condition in which you take them out in, and fold or hang them in his drawers and closet. He'll have to wear it as he leaves it. He'll have to iron it. And when he asks "why" you can simply say...honey, I dunno, you did the laundry this round. Maybe you should leave the laundry to me? I know I've asked you to leave the laundry to me, whatta ya' say? Guys sometimes don't get it until they actually have to do the work themselves. It also sounds like you may have mentioned something at one point about him not helping, and he is doing this to bug you : ) Give the wrinkled look a try and see how he responds. Good luck.

Oh....and it is not a control issue, it's all about who does it best and one of you has to admit that it is you. : )

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He wants to help?
Have him turn over a plot of dirt for a garden.
Next, he can work in the garage and build you bird houses.
Keep him busy enough with harmless projects and he'll leave the laundry alone because he'll feel he's helping in other areas.
(Why do men never think to vacuum and dust to help out?)

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He's an adult. It's not a "mental issue." How would you like it if your husband continuously ordered you around about something that you were perfectly capable of doing? So his clothes get left in the dryer after the dryer stops and they cool off enough to remain wrinkled. Take them out and give them to him wrinkled. There's the lesson.

This is such a stupid thing to turn into a power struggle.

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I'd be happy he is trying. But I'd be letting him wear the wrinkly shirts to work. His clothes - his problem.

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He is just trying to help! let him! If he doesn't care that his clothes are wrinkled then you shouldn't either. If he does then show him how to iron. Since he wants to help give him other small jobs too. I think it's sweet!When my husband wants to help with household stuff I let him and NEVER complain even if his help causes more work.

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Your's......let him do ALL the laundry. AND FYI...there are lots of ladies who would welcome a little help.

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I would just stop putting a load in and leaving to do other things.

Forgive me, but I think this is something I would never be so bothered by. I guess we all have our things!

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turn the buzzer off.

There must be a reason he even notices that it needs put in.

If that doesnt do it,

write a sweet note and post it on the dryer, something like If you can refrain from touching the laundry you can touch me tonight or something silly and suggestive like that.

Edited to add: HMMMMmmm, i see your SWH if there is an inkling of him being controling by doing this, THEN what if you flipped it and ASKED him for help on this and let it go for a few weeks or a month until he got tired of it. Am i right in you feeling like this is an area you excell at and he is trying to knock you down a bit and take away your pride?

I have issues with DH too he thinks he is a whiz at grocery shopping, makes his list out every month etc. EXCEPT HE NEVER checks to see what we have before he makes the list, AND he has no concept of what the kids need as they mature, if it was on the list 2 years ago he things he still needs it. babyfood diapers, i exagrate but not by much. yet he wants to do it himself, so i let him.

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Maybe he keeps doing it because A) they're his clothes, B) it's his house, too, C) he's trying to help, or D) he doesn't like having the laundry undone. You are describing a mother/child relationship rather than a wife/husband partnership. To answer your title question -- the control issues are yours.

ETA: I'm kind of surprised at how condescending everyone is being toward men here -- "giving" them assignments and chores as if they're children. My husband and I help each other and we check if there's a certain way the other would like something done, but I would never "assign" my husband a chore to keep him away from something. That's so manipulative.

And by the way, I'm a stay at home mom, too, but that doesn't mean I get to tell my husband what he can and can't do.

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Sounds like he needs a Honey-Do list to keep him out of the laundry room ;)

I think you should make it clear that if his shirts come out wrinkled, then he's the one who gets to iron them. Resist the urge to iron them yourself... just put them, nice and wrinkled, in his closet, and let him experience the "natural consequences" of his actions. When he wakes up and get dressed in the morning and pulls out a wrinkled shirt, gently remind him that he agreed to iron his own shirts by choosing to help with the laundry....

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Mine is similar to that... tee hee
He helps out with the laundry a lot. Problem is that he rarely checks pockets or for stains that need to be sprayed beforehand. It can make some messy messes and ruin and set stains in otherwise easily fixable clothes.

I don't mind the help, it is nice that he is so willing. But it is annoying to have to retreat and retreat items that would have easily come out the first go around, simply b/c he didn't spray them and proceeded to wash/dry. I HAVE pitched such a fit that HE picked all the gum wrapper and glittery foil bits out of the clothes/washer though. Ugh!

Of course, he didn't get them ALL...... lol

In your situation, I would put a sticky note on the washer when you leave home: 'Please do NOT take out of the washer... I WOULD appreciate the floor being vacuumed though... " with a big lipstick smooch on the sticky note or something.

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Could he feel un needed around the house?? You say he helps around the house in other ways and feels successful in those ways??
Maybe it is a challenge to him, he wants to master the laundry!!!
I'd suggest ALWAYS have a visible list of things you want him to do!

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I'd tell him one more time: I do not put your work clothes in the dryer to avoid ironing. If you want to put them in the dryer, fine, but you will have to iron them.

You could also go buy wrinkle or iron free shirts for him. I do this with my hubby, and I put them in the dryer for the full cycle.

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I can't answer the question about why he keeps doing this. However, if I were you, I would only wash clothes when he is GONE. If there's nothing in the washer to throw in the dryer, you don't have the problem. Have everything washed by the time the weekend rolls around.

Give him ONE job to do when he gets home. That will give him something to do. On the weekends, give him 3 things and hope for one to get done.

You're fighting a losing battle with the laundry. Just bypass the whole thing.

Good luck,
D.

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Get a door on your laundry room and lock it?

Or have him start doing all the ironing.

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He was raised by a mother who taught him to help. You need to give him so things to do. I too enjoy laundry and feel a great deal of satisfaction when it's done and the clothes look nice.

btw, you only need to wet a wash cloth or hand towel then add it to the dryer with an additional dryer sheet and turn it on timed dry to a low or medium setting for about 20 minutes. Enough to dry the wet item then hand as usual. The dryer sheet that ran through has been used and if the clothes don't have another one they will most likely have static as if they didn't have one at all so that's why I add another dryer sheet.

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The next time he decides to do the wash, show him how you like the shirts ironed. Make a list for him, step by step and hang it next to the ironing board. So from now on, the laundry is not done until the shirts are ironed...maybe that will teach him to not to laundry:)

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Although I'm less particular about laundry, I know what you mean about getting the clothes right out of the dryer. My husband "helps" too. He usually puts too much in the washer. I thank him, and ask him to please help with some heavy fix it job (a small one that is equal time for laundry, like straightening a shelf or something).

I'm not sure if you can change this. Maybe he enjoys laundry and truly wants to do some, but you just need to school him in it. Maybe you can let him do sheets or his own clothes or something.

Good luck!

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It's your control issue. I know, because I have the same one. :) Now, I will say this: When my husband DOES decide to do laundry we have an agreement. He is ONLY allowed to wash his own clothes, and if he starts it, it's his deal all the way through. That way, if he messes something up, it's only his clothes that have issues (he is notorious for leaving pens in uniforms and washing all colors together all at once). So, if it's just his clothes that he's tossing in the dryer that you then have to iron, just don't iron them! Either he'll iron it, or he'll stop messing with the laundry. Either way, don't let him trying to help make more work for you. For example, I HATE the way my husband vacuums. I think he does it poorly and inefficiently. That being said, I know he's just trying to help out. So, instead of going over it again (which I REALLY want to do as I have some OCD tendencies) I just distract myself with something else. Let it go, and you'll both be happier!

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You do not have to rinse then dry. Just spray them with a mister botttle while still in the dryer and run a few minutes then hang to finish drying.

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Offer him another way to be helpful. Weeding the garden, unloading the dishwasher, keeping a particular counter or table clear of clutter...whatever it is, just tell him about *something* that always seems to need to be done, and it drives you a little nuts to do it over and over again. I bet he'll refocus his energy on that task, rather than the laundry. He probably sees you spending a lot time/energy/focus on laundry, so it seems like the most obvious place to ease your burden. Redirect his energy toward something you would truly find helpful. Win/win.

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i think you should give him something to do around the house that can be "his" job so he'll leave youre laundry alone! .. i think he just really wants to feel like hes helping around the house, im assuming that even though youve specifically asked him not to do it,he's thinking, "well theyre my clothes so let me get them and dry them"... or he could just be like my fiance and have a brain like a siv (dont think i spelled that right).. i could tell him something 10x and theres a chance he'll still forget. ..i just read now that you said he does have things to do around the house, maybe he secretly likesdoing laundry& really doesnt like his other chores... maybe let him do it & dont redo it when his clothes are all wrinkled, tell him hes gotta either wear them like that or iron the,m himself..id bet he wont touch the laundry anymore

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He thinks he's helping you (his words, I doubt there's more going on there) so when his "help" results in more work for you--the. That additional work is also his work! Don't touch it, don't take it out of the dryer--leave it right where it is. Then he can re-wash it or iron it. Or do without it.
Seriously.
My famous quote? Don't HELP me! Lol

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Seriously? He's a grown man and trying to help with his own laundry. Just remind him that if he puts the laundry in the dryer to remember to take it out early so that it doesn't wrinkle. If he forgets it where it wrinkles, teach him how to iron or how to throw it back in for an extra rinse.

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You came to your conclusions logically. Allow him the experiences to do the same. He is in charge of ironing.

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I think it's your control issue.

I don't touch my husband's clothes...he can do them and have them to his liking. I'll help sometimes, but I do my own clothes, he does his, and the kiddo's help with theirs. Maybe it's different because we both work full-time, but still. Even if I stayed at home, I think I'd still let him do his own.

As far as him not listening to leave it alone, can you just give him his own set of responsibilities to handle? You don't want him to be on his own and not know how to do things, so he has to be able to help.

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