Comptetely Torn- Help

If everyone is on board, it sounds like something that could work.
I don't see it as any different than being deployed, as military families must deal with this kind of thing all the time. And at four hours away, it's not like regular visits wouldn't be possible.
Just make sure your mom REALLY knows what she's getting into, she may have "forgotten" what it's like to take care of two small children all day. I know that if I ever did something like this when my kids were little, my husband would likely be supportive, but I know he would have a really hard time not seeing them (the kids) every day.
If it makes you feel any better my friend (who is 42) finished her nursing degree close to two years ago and is working full time in a large hospital and is LOVING it! She went back to school when her kids were in middle school.
Lots of factors to consider, best of luck to you!

If you don't think it would hurt his feelings for you to be gone for a year, a year is actually quite short. I'm sure you two would visit each other now and then, only 4 hours a way.
If you have thought out a good plan, he'd rent a cheaper place, etc.. ..
It could work.
You'd probably miss each other a lot, but it would be for a good cause. No different when a husband getting deployed for long periods of time.
It's worth talking to him about, if he doesnt really like the idea, I'd say skip it and try to do some online classes while you are getting to stay at home.

I would do it! One year is a short time in the scheme of things to prepare yourself for a career and the ability to contribute financially to your family, or even support yourself and your children if you ever need to.

I do agree that you and your husband need to agree that this is the best plan for all. I would introduce the idea as if you haven't already talked with your parents, or he might feel like you were "plotting" without his being aware. It sounds like your marriage is solid and he is supportive, which will be necessary to make this happen.

Your children are still young enough to be flexible, the older they get, the harder a move like this would be.

Your career dreams are as important as your husbands, and he has been able to make decisions that may not have been the easiest for you. The reverse should also be true. The end result, again, is that your family will be more financially secure for the long term.

If you can get hubby on board, I think it is a great idea! You've put your dreams on hold and it sounds like you realy want to do it. A year apart will not ruin a good marriage..my husband has deployed twice and we are stronger than ever! When you finish your degree do you think you'll be able to get a job where you live now? Good luck!

Those people talking like that about your friend just WANT their marriage to go sour so that they can say "I told you so." Look, years ago my husband was working in another state for 9 MONTHS while I tried to sell our house, work full time, and take care of 2 kids. I quit my prerequisites for nursing school (yes, on top of a fulltime job) in order to handle the kids and house without him. With all of our subsequent moving around, I never did get to nursing school.

Our marriage did fine. He came home every other weekend. We love each other very much and he was very committed to our kids. If your husband loves you and is committed to your family, you two could make this work. At least it's 4 hours instead of 16, like it was for us, necessitating flying!

We don't have to leave the family behind anymore when he transfers, but that first one was the hardest. If he hadn't accepted transfers, and if we hadn't endured that difficult time, he wouldn't be where he is today in his career. And if you don't take the opportunity to get through this program, involving you living in a separate place some, you won't be able to have a career for when your kids are a little older and in school.

Nowadays, you need the skills to get a job. You really do. It's an investment for your family in the future when the future is uncertain. And the economy is uncertain right now.

Your husband can drive 4 hours on Friday after work to come be with you every weekend. It's not so hard. When you have some time off from class, you can bring you and the kids down. Just do it and get the program done!!

Good luck!
Dawn

Well, it's not like you're moving to another continent and won't see him at ALL for a year, right? 4 hours away is not that bad - you could very easily still see him every weekend.

As for the issue of him getting into trouble while you're gone....people cheat while living with their spouses full time, they need their husband/wife to move out for a year to do it. Cheaters find a way. If you and your husband have a solid relationship, you trust each other and respect each other, then I don't see why it couldn't work.

The main thing is that he needs to be on board 100%. Just bring it up to him and see what he says. Tell him you're struggling with the decision and need him involved and on board. Tell him how important completing your education is to you.

And please don't think you're selfish for wanting to better yourself for you, your kids and your family. I think it's horrible how we mothers are always beating ourselves (and each other!) up for wanting something for *us*. It's ridiculous.

why are you not able to go to a local school for your degree? most cities have a community college that you could finish your schooling at. If you move that far away from your husband your going to have some serious things to work out time wise. And not sure if you have lived with parents while you had young children with you but its hard. very hard. and I get that you want to be a nurse but why have you not looked for a job in any field at all? You might be able to find another field you like without uprooting your children and taking them away from dad. My own thoughts are yes it is selfish. But thats just my thoughts

There is no way to predict.... how it will be, ahead of time.
Per your schooling and how that will go, per your kids and how they will do, per your graduating and getting a job in your field, per how your family will handle it and everyone living under their roof, per how you and the kids will handle it... living with your parents and under their roof, per how your kids will adjust to moving and having friends, then after you graduate... moving back... to where you used to live? Per you and your kids moving out of their Grandparents home to move back to where your Husband is? Per not seeing their Dad... and how their relationship will be with them, per your children's special occasions and Daddy not being there to see them grow up, etc. etc.

And, will your schooling, take only 1 year, finitely???

How is your marriage? Solid? Trouble free? Trusting?
Is your Husband reliable? A go out with the guys to bars type, or a domestic type?

Can you handle a long distant marriage? I know its only 4 hours away, but still, you will not be together. And how will your kids, adapt?

What if, only you go to school and live with your parents?
Can your Husband handle being a "single parent?"
Your 2 year old can go to Preschool.
Your 6 year old will be in school anyway.
Your classes as you said, are 10 hours a day.
Is there no school, nearer to your home?

Will your Husband, be able to make these sacrifices, too? Not seeing his kids, not seeing you, and he being the one that will most likely be expected to do that 4 hour traveling, to see you and the kids at your parent's home???

You said your schooling, will be 10 hours of school a day, plus you need to think that there is also studying 7 days a week, plus any other class/degree requirements. Your parents, will also NEED to know... full well, that THEY will be care-taking of your kids, mostly.
My Husband, was in school too to finish his degree. We have 2 kids. He spent, 7 days a week, night and day, studying. In conjunction with attending his classes. And he worked full time too. During his time in school... I was like a "Single Parent." And he could not attend many of our kids things or family special occasions, because, school took up a lot of time and studying. And we did not have a lot of face time. And we live in the same house.

You are not selfish.
But... you need to think about all of the scenarios... of which this will cause, upon everyone. There is you, the kids, your Husband, your Mom and Dad.

If you could make it work and your husband was on board, I'd go for it. If your husband isn't on board, then I'd pause and really think about it. There's so many factors involved like your husband's personality and marriage. Is he the type to fall apart withoout having the wife around to clean and cook. Is your marriage stable? Would he be willing to drive 4 hours on his day off to see you and the kid's? Is there room for him to spend the night at your parents as well?

If it works, it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. Good luck!

I understand you being torn. I had similar feelings before starting my master degree, and during the first six months of my studies. My boyfriend moved to Germany for me when I got pregnant and left the US. He spent a year learning German and acclimating and then I got accepted to a very good conservatory in the Netherlands. Relocating again, that time with the baby already, was super hard, and definitely not the best thing for him and his life. It was accompanied by loneliness, depression, and me being certain that it was the wrong choice. And then we made it work. We found some friends, and finally work (the economic crisis is bad here too), and now it is my husband who does not want to leave this place.
I feel more complete than I ever have before. I am a mom and am doing very well with my composition studies in an amazing institution. I will have a degree and I will be able to make money for us, and I have the best chances now for a good career in music. Most importantly - I have found myself. I always thought I was fairly confident, but now I am secure.
If you can anyhow go back to school, even if it is a strain on your family - do it. It will show your kids that they have to go for what matters, and for what they dream of. It will teach them flexibility, as it surely has taught us and my son. And they'll be around other students, and cool people who want to play with them, and that will be awesome. Having my son around all my nice classmates has been amazing for him.

My mom and step dad have done this twice in their 22 or so years of marriage. The first time he wanted to move to Alaska (where my mother actually spent her first years of life) from Texas, and she said if he liked it after a year, she and my 2 year old sister and 6 year old brother would join (I lived with my father). It worked out well for them, and she did end up moving up there after the year for about 4 years. They did it again when my sister was in high school (he moved for work for about a year, although he was much closer, maybe 4 or 5 hours away). They are still very happy together, and have done better with their careers because of those separations. I am sure it will be hard, but I think you should go for it. You will have your parent's support, and you should be given the same chance to follow your dreams that your husband had by switching jobs and locations.

My only question is, if you do this, will you be able to move back home after the year and find a job? Because if putting your kids in daycare is not an option now, why would it be any different in a year? How would you balance the kids and your career? In my perspective I think that would be the biggest question. What you wrote sounds like you are sure of your husbands support and the strength of your marriage. I think you're struggling with decision because you would be splitting the family up to accomplish your goals and in reality the real problem would not be solved once said goals are accomplished. Problem being, what would you do with your son, since the daycares aren't good enough? What if you get offered a job 2.5 hours away in the big city? Would you have time to raise the kids and have a career? I think these are the real questions. Good luck to you. Please keep us posted.

Would you still be with your husband on weekends? Like break your neck on Friday to drive you and the kids home to spend the next two days with him, then back to your parents on Sunday evening? Or he come to your parents for the weekend? Or if you could meet halfway and stay in a hotel sometimes? If you're willing to do just that it could possibly work, IF your husband is on board. Otherwise i wouldn't advise it.

You owe it to yourself to finish your education, but not at the expense of your marriage. Remember, your children need their father, too. Keep looking for daycare in your area, maybe a home one near his school that could pick him up. Hopefully you'll find something nearby and it will be easier than you've imagined : )

HisMomma hit the nail on the head. Say you do this and get the degree. Will there be any realistic chance of then getting a job when you move back in with your husband in your current location? Will there be any day care then that's better than the day care now, which you said is not a choice?

Please think hard about the possibility that you are longing so much to get out of this town (you mention repeatedly things you dislike--the distance from any real city, the poor day care, etc.) that you are grasping at what seems like a chance to get out, and move toward a job at the same time.

Have you ever really sat down with your husband and told him, kindly and not in a blaming way, how unhappy you really are there? That you willingly gave up furthering your RN education for his job prospects, but now you find that you are frustrated and feel isolated? That you realize that you want a job, not just for the money, but because you want the work and the stimulation? If those things are true for you, script out how to talk with him about it. Frankly it sounds as if your family needs to move -- together -- to a place more amenable to BOTH your dreams and his. From the schedule you describe, it sounds like he might be a Border Patrol or immigration agent. If he's good at the job, there are other offices for those agencies in other places -- though not necessarily near your parents; you may end up further from them than ever.

But you and he need to be a team. You talked with your parents about this idea before you talked to your husband about it--and you haven't even talked to him at all yet and you're running it by strangers on the Internet. Do you see how that is a huge red flag that you are worried he will not like this idea? Do you see what's wrong with this picture -- that you would turn to others with this life-changing idea before turning to him? It raises questions about why you are afraid or reluctant to tell him what you really feel about this area where you live and the fact you gave up your studies for him.

Consider some counseling on your own to see why you aren't talking to him about such a huge idea. The fact you're not talking to him first indicates some issues that may not be solved by just getting your degree and finding a job.

Also, your parents said yes based on a single phone call--? Think about it: Are they in good enough health to basically look after your kids full time for a year? Do they have other interests or activities that you may find get in the way of their really being with the kids all day, every day? Are they really aware of and up for the task, or will you find a few months in that they are exhausted and frazzled by having small kids in their space 24/7? It sounds like a recipe for real problems. They can love their grandkids to pieces but that does not mean they are ready to take them, and you, into their home and really be OK with it every single day for a year. It's not a matter of how much they love you; it's a matter of logistics and space and their ages. Going on just one phone conversation isn't wise here.

Please talk to your husband about the big picture, your frustration with this location and your boredom there and your desire to work. He needs to know before you present him with a huge bombshell of "I've talked with my folks before you, and I'm taking the kids four hours away for an entire year, and enrolling our child in school up there, too." Please think about counseling to find out why you aren't communicating with your husband.

Some people do it, but it wouldn't work for me.
I like seeing my husband every night, and our son would miss Dad too much.
We live in an area where soldiers/sailors are deployed for a year at a time.
Granted, they are on the other side of the planet and not 4 hrs away, but you are not going to be able to visit back and forth as much as you think you are.
They skype to keep in touch and manage best they can but many marriages have problems.
It's an adjustment to being independent to take care of everything on your own with Dad (or sometimes Mom) being away, and then adjusting again to when they come back.
Kids grow so much in a year and your husband is going to miss out on a lot.
Your parents will be primary caregivers suddenly to kids who are at active ages and some grandparents are just not up to it or they've forgotten what it's like with young kids - they might stress out before the year is up.
There really is a lot to think through and you should discuss it all with Hubby and make a decision together - try not to spring it on him as a decision already made.