Husband Thinks School Is a Waste of time-I Want a Career That Requires School

Oh I hope you can figure out a way to do this for yourself! There is SO much more to getting an education than just getting a bigger paycheck!! You meet so many people and learn so many ways to solve problems that may seem next to impossible. Education for many people is their way out of poverty, yucky home lives, or an unmotivated environment. An education can inspire, give hope and confidence in every area of your life, not just your chosen field. Your husband needs to change his attitude. If you go to school this would be such a motivator for your children to continue on in higher education as well. Good luck to you!!
A.

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My mom went back to school to get her masters degree in teaching. She was well into her 40's and my dad was completely opposed. This was my mom's dream so she went to school and found a great job that she loved. My dad made fun of her and continued to demean the work that she did the entire time she worked. But I'm so glad my mom didn't let that stop her. She loved her job. loved her students and although my dad would never admit it, the extra income made them comfortable financially. I think my mom is a more confident person because she did what was right for her in spite of my dad. She's my hero!

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Sounds like he is stuck in a time warp.

People of ALL ages, go to college.
My Husband included.

To be a nurse, you have to attend school.

Wow, doesn't he have ambition?

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Ugh. I could see his point if you wanted to go to school for a BA in Underwater Basket Weaving or even something as useless at this point in your life as a liberal arts degree but nursing school? Sounds like one of the most practical educations you can get! My mom is a nurse, my dad's cousin is a nurse, and three of my cousins (all sisters) are nurses and guess who is also now in nursing school? Their mom! Perhaps you could start with one of the lower licenses and then get into a program where you can both work and go to nursing school vs. going to school full time? The first of my cousins to go to nursing school was working for a call center of a health insurer and they paid for her to go to school. Since graduating, she has been a pediatric oncology nurse (tough job!) and is able to work part-time and be at home a lot with her two pre-schoolers. If nursing is your dream, then stick to your guns and make it happen. And yeah, if your husband wants to stay at home, with a good nursing job that could probably happen. Go show him!

Edited to add: Now that I think about this, how dare he think that you should just waste your life on some dead-end, monotonous job. You get ONE life and should have the same choices everyone else has. He chose his career and is satisfied with his job. You get to choose a satisfying career too, one that' meets YOUR needs and fulfills YOUR dreams as well as the needs of your family.

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Wow! I'm not sure where to begin. My family very strongly values education. (My mom has her masters, my dad has his doctorate, my brother and sister and I all have post graduate degrees.) I actually cringed a little when you said, "Education is important to me and I don't even want them to think college is a choice (okay, I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean)." My parents did raise us to believe that college was not optional. Not in a mean way at all!!! They just always made it clear to us that we were going, that getting a bachelor's degree was part of life and we could choose where we would go and what we would major in, but we were definitely going.

My MIL went back to school after the kids were older to become an RN. My FIL has the equivalent of an 8th grade education. Overtime, the definitely grew apart. I don't know if it was different values or they just didn't have anything to talk about.

I don't mean to ignore your question or be negative, but this situation is not healthy. It sounds like your husband doesn't value education. Maybe he is insecure, maybe he does see it as a waste of time, maybe he would be jealous and begin to resent you. I do think it's something that you really need to talk to him about. A part of me wants to really encourage you to go for it, because the long term benefits far outweigh the sacrifices you would be making in the short term. But you want to make sure you do this the right way. Don't alienate your husband. Work hard to sell him on this. Help him see the financial benefits, but also remind him that a happy wife and mother (who is working at a job she loves) makes for a happy husband, kids and home.

Good luck! You're in a really tough spot.

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School can be a waste of time if you're going to go for something that's not practical, especially at this time in your life. Going for your RN, however, is EXTREMELY practical and one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family given how stable of a job it is. Like others have said, I think your hubby may be feeling threatened by you becoming more educated than him. And you're totally right that you need to set an example for your kids. Go to school. Talk to your hubby about how important this is to you and reassure him that nothing will change between you two once you get your degree. Whatever you do, do NOT listen to him and give up on your dream. You're setting a wonderful example for your kids by following your dream. Good luck!

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Not really sure what your hubby's issue is - if he doesn't want you better educated than him, or doesn't want you make more money, or what. But not everyone can just work their way to the top with only a HS education. In most instances you will only get so far and a lack of a college degree will keep you from advancing further. Can you show him how much, on average, an RN makes in a year, and then ask him what he thinks your family could do that with that amount of extra money? Does he feel that your kids going to college would be a waste of time also? I'm sorry, it's just strange to me that in this day and age anyone would have such an attitude toward education. My grandparents and great-grandparents made great sacrifices and came to this country so that they and their children would have better opportunities, starting with a better education - it's amazing to me that people in other countries want what we have while so many of us take it for granted or don't see the value in it. If this is something you feel passionate about and will help you feel more fulfilled, why is he against it? He sounds like a bit of chauvinistic sexist pig to me - it's 2011 for crying out loud!

And BTW, my husband is the stay-at-home parent because I am the one who makes the "big bucks"! Guess who went to college and who did not?

EDITED TO ADD: read some of the other responses and someone else made a very valid point as well - if something were to happen to him, what would enable you to better support yourself and the kids?

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School is not a huge waste of time. You becoming an RN might make him nervous since you'll be making pretty big bucks. Go for it if you have the opportunity. None of us are getting any younger.

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Husband is wrong....and maybe a little insecure. Go for higher education and realize your potential. If he's in the marriage for the long hall, he will benefit and appreciate your achievements.

Blessings....

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Tell your husband you are going to college for your RN - period. This job can net you at LEAST $20-26K a year part time schedule. Over $40K as a full time career.

He shouldn't expect you to do all the household and child care duties of the household anyways... so he'll need to step up his game to ensure you succeed and children are cared for.

I'm pretty sure you can qualify for SOME federal aid - called a Pell Grant. You need to go online to www.fafsa.ed.gov to fill out the grant application.

As a Nurse you will always be needed!!

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It's rare to find a good job at 35 without a post-high school education. Those who I've worked with who've "worked their way up" did start with a company at 18.

I heard a quote somewhere that most men want their wives to have a "jobette". In other words, make money but not doing anything too important.

Go to school!

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Absolutely, absolutely go to school. With all due respect to your DH, I'm really surprised to hear someone espousing this view in this day and age. I mean, that's what my grandfather's father told him ca. 1938. Zeda (what I called my grandpa) was the son of immigrants. He got a scholarship to Penn State, and his dad just about hit the roof, saying "Herbie Schmerbie [I forget the actual name] has a son who's working, and he's making $5 a week!" Well Zeda did go to college, and grad school, and then some more grad school. He wrote about 20 books over the course of his life and ultimately taught at an Ivy League med school.

And you know what? You sound every bit as smart as him. Your post also shows that you have THE key skill to be a wonderful nurse, and that's good communication. I mean most doctors, especially in a hospital setting, don't have the time to really talk to patients. It's the RNs who educate patients about their diagnoses, their meds, the whole thing. Your post was so clearly written and so personable, it really sounds like you'd make a fantastic RN. And, there are loan forgiveness programs for nurses, so you could come out of school with zero debt. Please tell your DH, thanks for sharing that interesting opinion, and go to school. It's the right, smart thing to do.

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I don't know how to advise you about your husband, but I am currently in two classes that are required for the nursing school I'm applying for in the spring and so far I love it. I am really excited about having an actual career that requires critical thinking skills and involves truly helping people in a meaningful way. Nursing is competitive to get into right now because so many are trying to get in and there are limited numbers of nursing schools available (because of a shortage of faculty), but if it is something you really want to do it is definitely worth it. Plus it is recession-proof; what happens if that one job he has is suddenly not there anymore? Wouldn't he like something for you guys to fall back on? Plus you could work part-time after finishing school if that's what you want to do.

I went to college and got a degree in psychology but had no career to speak of (a bachelor's degree in a liberal arts field does not really equal a good paying job). But a nursing degree is definitely one that is worth it. I've worked those dead-end jobs, and they are mind-numbing and I hated them. They are fine if you are just looking for extra money, but if you are really looking for a career then nursing is a good idea. I'd say do more research on it, show your husband the facts about it all, and see if you can work something out. Good luck!

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I'm not sure if he "really" thinks it's a waste of time - I think he is afraid. Afraid that you will look down on him for not having more of an education, of you making more than he does and thinking he is less of a man for it, of you moving beyond him and no longer wanting or needing him. I know it sounds corny and old school, but men are "programmed" to be caretakers, providers, etc. and even if he doesn't consciously think this, it's probably there. When people make big positive changes, sometimes those closest are threatened (either consciously or unconsciously) by it, and sometimes they are right - the changes DO really alter the relationship.

I think it's great that you want to do this, and you should go for it. Somehow reassure him that these things aren't going to happen - either approaching these issues directly, or finding some way to help him feel secure as you're growing and pursuing this career.

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Go to school! Tell him you want to be able to support yourself and your children if anything should (God forbid) happen to him. Tell him you want to do it for yourself...yes, you actually do get to have a life. I have a friend you just completed a two year nursing degree and she did per diem work for awhile and just was offered a permanent part-time job that will end up paying her 50K a year. She will also be able to work nights so that it will not hurt their family schedule.

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Wow! Tell your husband that this is very important to you and just do it. Could he be jealous that you would get an education when he never did? If you insist on it then you can attain anything (even without his support). I think it's sad that he wouldn't support you on this one. And setting an example for your kids is also very important. Don't let anyone (even your husband) stand in the way of your dreams.

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Well, there's something to be said for working your way up from the bottom.
Unfortunately, sometimes the top isn't very high.
Having worked in the health insurance industry as well as for hospitals, good nurses are very much in demand. Especially here in California.
A nurse can work in a thousand different capacities. Hospitals, short term rehab facilities while people recuperate from hip fractures/replacements, doctor offices, in home care. You can be an ER nurse, an ICU nurse, and OB nurse. Nursing is not a bad field at all.

It sounds to me like perhaps your husband might be threatened by your intelligence and ability to receive a degree when he chose a different path.
I say that because of his comment that he would just stay home since you'll be making big bucks. Oh....and let's not forget your duties at home.
I know so many nurses who make it work. Many work 4 long shifts with 3 days off. Some work nights/graveyard so they're at work while their kids sleep and take them to school then get some sleep, get some work at home done, spend time with the kids and then go to work.
Maybe your husband is worried he would have to step up a bit.
My friend got an amazing job being trained as a pharmacy tech. She had no formal education. They let her train and study at the same time. Her husband and kids just about lost their minds because she wasn't there to do every single little thing for them. Oh, they thought it was awesome that mommy got to take her vacation and could afford for them all to travel across the US because she was making money, but having to wash their own clothes? Having to take out the trash and feed and walk the dogs?
You'd think she was killing them.
She had normal business hours and worked 10 minutes from home and you'd think she ran off with the gypsies to abandon her family.

You don't have to daydream about school. You might qualify for a grant or two. If it's something you really want, you can make it happen.
I think your kids will be proud of you and it will show them that they can do what they put their minds to.
If you're happier, your husband might be happier, but that might take a little longer in the convincing department.

I think you should check into it further.
I just went to the gas station and my favorite clerk was there. He is young enough to be my son, but he is really cute and nice. He told me this was his last day. He got another job.
He's been working there for 2 years making $8/hour. He has a wife and a kid. He's so thrilled that he will be starting at $10/hour at his new job.
That kid could have been there for 5 years and still make $8 an hour. There was no starting at the bottom and moving up there for him.
No offense, but your husband's philosophy could be flawed in that regard.

Hopefully he will support you. He will know it's important to you. He will understand that you are intelligent and have so much to offer, not just to other people by virtue of your profession, but to your family as well.

Hang in there. Get the info. Check into grants. Make it a reality.
You can do it!!!!!!

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He may be concerned that after you get your education you won't need or want him. I went back to university when I was 35! I am not going to lie, it was hard. I had two kids, a husband who traveled and worked an intership my last two years while taking 15 to 18 hours. But the satisfaction that I got when I received my degree was more than I can explain. I felt like I was successful, that I had started and finished something important. It was a lesson to my kids that education is important at any age. When I graduated, I walked the line. When they announced my name my family went nuts. The President of the University asked who they were and I told him "that's my family, my greatest support". I was so pround of them and of me. Understand that there will be sacrifices that the whole family will need to make. I was able to schedule my classes the first two years around my kids school schedule. I dropped them off at school and was home when they got off the bus. We studied together. However, when I got into my upper level classes, it made it more difficult.

Talk to him and explain that you want this for you and the family. That its important to you. If I can do it, anyone can. But only you can decide if you want it bad enough. Good luck!!!!

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Go for your education, have faith in yourself by investing in your education. As a nurse you will help countless people, and honor your family with the integrity of the profession, and the income. I have degrees in higher education, and two kids and a husband, and no, I'm not do good at getting the housework done very well , but my income supports us , and even men can pick up the load at home

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Go to school. It is the best money you will ever spend. A nurse is a very rewarding and caring job. In the short term, I would get a vocational degree in the medical field (sonogram technician, MRI technician etc..) and than work in the field and see if you like it. You will have a skill and be much more marketable and make more money than working in an office. You can work odd/flexible hours that works for your family. You really have to be able to support yourself, because you NEVER KNOW what is going to happen in life.

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I went to school to be an RN. I was single with a boyfriend, and working part time at an animal hospital. I already had a bachelors degree in another field, so I had all my pre-reqs done. I took one class at a time for the required courses before Nursing 101. Then I took all the nursing classes alone as they all had a clinical component as well. I don't think running a house, working a part time job, and going to nursing school would be advisable. But in the end, if that is what you have to do to make ends meet and have a career that will make YOU happy....do it. Nursing
school is just very stressful and time consuming.

Good luck! Do what makes you happy! You could make at least 75k depending on where you live if you work full-time.

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Wow! Did he get stuck in a time warp? You are in an area that has many schools to go to. The state med school is not that far away. I am from NJ even though I live in NM now.

If nursing is your dream, you do it. Don't ever let someone else ruin your dreams because you will resent them over time. Get the info that you need to go (grants, scholarships, loan info whatever). Check out when and where the courses are that you need and start slow and work up. By this I mean a class in the beginning and then add to them as you go. I am still taking classes and it has been 20 years or more since I started. My goal now is to finish my degree that I wanted but did not do as a military wife and moving around the country and world.

You can do it. Think of the book "The Little Engine That Could" and you will be fine.

The other S.

Oh yeah, I am still trying and have thought a lot about nursing. Some of my husband's nurses want me to work with them. So we will/shall see.

Good luck to you.

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in this economy school is the way to go even college is not enought you need a master to many people fighting for the same job. so try and fit in some school if you want to be an rn do it or you will regret it and him for it.
It will pay off always need nurse and priivate duty has the $

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You have some marital issues. Maybe your husband will be threatened if you get educated? Anyway, you need to decide if you really want to become a nurse. If you are sure that's what you really want, then education is the only way.

How you get husband on board, I don't know. Good luck.

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If you wanted to go to school with no job in mind I could see maybe an objections. But an RN can got a good paying job at graduation. The are usually jobs to be found with a variety of setting and hours. Show him some statistics on average salary and projected job prospects for an RN. Health care is definitely a steady or growing field.

Maybe you can find a job that will help with school? Years ago I interviewed for a group home job that had a benefit of paying for 1 course per semester in a related field or something along those lines.

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I am planning to go back to school this fall. I also have two sons and I am going to go for a nursing degree as well. I want to have a career that is stable and I know that I will always have a job. You never know when something can happen in your life to pull the rug out from under you. Can you support your whole family on your own while working your way up? I don't think so. Go to school, no ifs, ands, or buts. Even though we live comfortably and my husband can support the whole family on his own, he is completely supportive of me going back to school. However, he would have no choice either way. I did not ask for his support. I just told him how things were going to be. He is actually excited about the extra money we will have one day...lol. Also regarding the kids and education...they have no choice either. They are expected to go to college. They are only eight and ten, but I talk to them constantly about going to college and why its important. and also about choosing a field of study so that they will have a job when they get out.

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Obviously I know nothing about your hubby, but from my experience I have seen that some husbands don't like their wives to be "too educated" for fear that the women will gain more independence.

An RN is a FANTASTIC career and will ALWAYS be in high demand--much more so as the baby boomers age! Go for it! My husband is a doctor and they have the toughest time trying to find and keep good nurses.

Updated

Obviously I know nothing about your hubby, but from my experience I have seen that some husbands don't like their wives to be "too educated" for fear that the women will gain more independence.

An RN is a FANTASTIC career and will ALWAYS be in high demand--much more so as the baby boomers age! Go for it! My husband is a doctor and they have the toughest time trying to find and keep good nurses.

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He thinks going to school and having a career will interfere with "house stuff" that you "have to do"? Sounds like he considers the housekeeping to be your responsibility as a woman, and he doesn't want to get involved in picking up the slack. That's a problem. Let him know what a starting RN makes, and compare that to what you'd make after 4 years of a job that doesn't require a degree. If you have the money to pay for school, you don't need his permission. Perhaps he is feeling threatened by the idea that you'll have a higher level of education and maybe be making more money than he does.

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OMG go for it! Talk about an educational investment that's actually worth it. You will be fulfilled, set a fantastic example for your kids, and get paid, WELL!!!
Sounds like hubby has had it "easy" for a while (as has mine) and is worried about the changes to come. I'm sure he will adjust :)

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I think many times one person in a couple is more ambitious than the other and I think each needs to do what they need to do. Your husband is probably partially worried if you go to school you'll have no time to take care of him and the kids. I know two moms who went back to get their nursing degree via programs that are an intense year. They had to take prerequisites but if you could do that part time and not impact the family much, he may be ok with just one year of intense school later. He may be picturing years and years of school... But you shouldn't feel worthless staying home! Lots of women with multiple degrees stay home or want to stay home. And you do have time. One mom I know just started her nursing degree at 42 and she's not the oldest in the program. At 35, you have ~30 years to work. If it's only 25 bc you wait 5 years, that's still a long time. If I were you, I'd try to value your time at home but take one course a semester of prerequisites. I'm not sure if you have an undergraduate degree already. If not, I guess the whole thing will take longer but you could still ease into it.

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My husband doesn't want me to finish my BSN either. He makes off the wall comments such as, "She only wants to go back to school so she can make good money and leave me." Well, deep down, there may actually be an element of truth to that. I made a good living on my own in the military and got out to be a SAHM, but the feeling of holding back and putting up with some of the things I do out of finanical fear of not being able to provide on my own for three young children really bothers me.

My BIL's gf is almost 23, one year out of school, making 50K working 3 12's a week. If nursing is your calling, who can deny that?

Do I have advice? Sure, but none that I have been willing to take myself yet! LOL! But I will, as soon as my youngest (16 months) hits kindergarten. I am SOOO going back to school!

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I think that his response says he's worried about a breadwinner wife and is feeling insecure. I would find the means and make the plan and go. Talk to him, sure, but don't let his macho insecurities prevent you from having a career. I don't think it's about school per se. I think there's more going on. You absolutely need training to be a nurse. There's no way around it. And nurses are in demand.

I wonder if, since he had no formal training, he's worried that you'll show him up. Do you have friends where the wife is a nurse that he can talk to and see that everything is fine?

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I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband, as there seems to be lots of issues going on -

Firstly, you need to be in synch about how much education is going to be a part of your child's life (I agree with you, by the way!!). If you're not in agreement, your children will get very mixed messages, and may not take education as seriously as they should. I don't know what your husband does, but some careers (like RN's) obviously require an education, and in most jobs, you just can't get to the top without an education. My brother is a bookkeeper - fell into the job about 20 years ago, when he was running odd-jobs for a company and the boss took a liking to him and taught him how to do the bookkeeping for the company. Didn't receive any formal training other than that, and though he works for a different company now, he'll never advance, and will most likely be doing this exact same job for the next 20 years until he retires. There's no satisfaction in that, IMO.

Secondly, your husband needs to support your dreams!! It's not like your dreams are so far-fetched that you'd be ridiculous to think they could happen. I think wanting to be an RN is a great dream, and it is totally possible, even with two kids, AS LONG AS YOUR HUSBAND IS SUPPORTIVE. I'm guessing he doesn't want you to have a good job because it'll take away from his perceived importance to the family, - his joke about being a stay at home dad is probably masking his concern that you'll end up making more money than him (and therefore taking away his "manhood"!!). You need to downplay that part of it, and reassure him that the family will always rely on him, but that you need to be happy with your life too. You don't want to resent him for the rest of your life for taking your dream from you.

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The full time RNs I know make 6 figures, easily. Is that chump-change to your husband? Do you have a BS degree already? It will take years going PT but nursing is flexible and well paying.
Maybe your husband is afraid to be married to an educated, high-earning wife?

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