Bridesmaid Problem

Is it possible they all thought you had been invited? My best friends had a home party once and then called me the day of it and asked where I was, I had never been invited and did not know about it! They all thought someone else invited me I suppose. Anyway, just a thought.

Let me just say...MY MOM was at my bachelorette party!!! My mom, bridesmaids and I rented a limo, went to a drag queen bar & I got HAMMERED (my mom is a recovering alcoholic sober 23 years)! There were drag queens all over me, plastic "wiener" guns that shot milk, and fun to be had by all!

It is just wrong for you to not be included. I would without a doubt talk to the maid of honor in a respectful, "maybe I was overlooked" kind of way. Maybe it really was an oversight??? I mean especially since you are being asked to contribute to the evening...

I don't agree with the woman who said to not be in the wedding. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face (I never understood that phrase, but it just seems appropriate to say here) and risk your friendship with the bride.

Respect is the way to go. Give it even if you aren't getting it.

Good luck and have a drink for me!

On my goodness, who does that? The bride has asked you to stand in her wedding, purchase an overpriced dress, shoes, get your hair and make-up done, travel (if necessary) and all the other responsibilities and duties that are involved with being a bridesmaid and she doesn't even extend the invitation to the bachelorette party?! Wrong! It was her choice to ask you to be in the wedding the bachelorette party is a duty of a bridesmaid as well, although you can opt out of that one easier then any other responsibility. Who cares if you are 10 years older! That doesn't make any sense. I would ask her personally instead of going around and asking everyone else first and see what she says. Maybe she has a really good reason but it is your right to know what it is. You can't ask someone to do all it takes to be a bridesmaid then just exclude you from whatever she wants with no explanation THEN to ask to contribute to a party gift that you are even invited to? Heck NO! It isn't something I think you should be hurt about necessarily but it is an insult no matter how you look at it. If there is a good reason, it is her responsibility to inform you of that and explain it. I would approach her with no hostility and just ask if there is something wrong and if there might be any misunderstandings about you and what is planned for the party.
I guess my point is, it seems rude, inconsiderate, irresponsible and immature. Maybe she isn't even planning it and the maid of honor is the one with the problem? Who knows. I would just confront the bride about it nicely, non confrontational, just so you can be at peace with it all.
You have a right to be a bit insulted.
Please do let us know what you decide to do and how it all goes! Good luck!
J. B

N.,

I think you should have been given the chance to decline the invitation. If that makes sense. Then asking you to contribute for the gift wouldn't seem as bad. I think you should bring it to the host's attention that you are a little bothered by the situation and see what she says. Good luck!!

S.

I would feel exactly like you feel. I can't think of a single reason for them not inviting you, and, being just a little bit TOO honest I would have said so to the maid of honor- I would have been like "why would I contribute if I'm not invited?" Sometimes people think crazy things, like that you don't want to be invited, but still it's rude. If she doesn't ask you again, have the groom (depending on how close the two of you are) talk to either the bride or the maid of honor about it. Or, if you're really brave, talk to her about it yourself. But either way, if you're not invited, you shouldn't contribute to the gift.

I agree that the party planners are being terribly rude. However, I whole-heartedly disagree with the poster who suggested you opt out of the wedding entirely. That would be stooping to their level. Also, it would be devistating to the bride and cause undue stress. I had a bridesmaid drop out 22 days before the wedding! And she was a friend I had know since elementry school, and we had made a pact in high school with another friend (who was in the wedding) to be each other's bridesmaids. I was the first of the three of us to get married so of course I called them up and asked. She excitedly accepted, then didn't come to my shower, but excitedly responded to emails and calls about the planning. Then BAM 22 days before I got a curt email stating she could not attend. I was devistated! Fortunately, another good friend stepped in right away and saved the day (she ended up helping a ton too!). So I know what it is like to have a bridesmaid drop out, PLEASE don't do that! I would kindly mention to the MOH that you had not yet received your invite to the bach party and that you were disappointed.

Hi, N.! Well that was just rude of the bachelorette party planner(s) (maid of honor and/or bridesmaids) to not invite you...regardless of the reason!

I'd say address this with either the maid of honor or at least with the bride (sounds like you know the bride better, so I'd lean towards asking her about this oversight).

But unless they have a really good reason for not inviting you, you know you could just decline to be in the wedding at all. Why stand up for someone who won't stand up for you? And I can't imagine a single good one if you were asked to be a bridesmaid and participate in the wedding festivities...I mean why ask someone to do that and then not include them in everything? Makes you wonder what the true motivation was...

Keeping my fingers crossed that this is just an oversight...

Good luck!

Give to the gift and let it go. You have every right to feel upset, I would and I am 51. I would love to be included if I was in the wedding. But let it go. Come over to my house and we will have a few drinks and laugh at the very young.

You have a right to be hurt. It was completely unthoughtful of them to exclude you (especially so blatantly). But I think you have to just let go and enjoy the rest of the wedding festivities. Don't let this ruin the whole experience.

Have you thought about telling them that you should be invited to the bachelorette party? Can you sort of say it kiddingly and see their reaction. When the maid of honor asks about the gag gift, remind her that you have not yet been invited and go from there. It could be an oversight. Instead of wondering, just ask.

I am not sure I'd want to attend a party given by people so rude, if I were you. Not including you is bad enough, but asking for you to chip in for a gift on top of that is really the presonification of disregard. Some other's here have suggested that perhaps it was just an oversight, however, being cared about so little that they can't remember to offer you an invitaion is no improvent on out right rudeness. I would ignore the whole thing unless asked for my contribution. Then I'd flat tell them I thought they were rude to ask.

Although I totally side with you here, (I say) you can't ask why you weren't invited. I personally wouldn't contribute to the gift, but just let it go otherwise. What a tough one! I usually wear my feelings on my sleeve and I would hate to see that happen on her special day. I would say just have a lot of drinks, but if it were me, a lot of drinks would mean me approaching her and asking WTF??? Wow, I guess if it were me, I would probably need hubby to look after me to be sure I don't say anything I will regret. I wish I could offer you the perfect solution, but it is difficult when you are dealing with feelings.

I take it this is not the type relationship that you can ask her...what you didn't invite me??? Otherwise you would have done so already.

My opinion...no contribution, no shower, suck it up, and attend the wedding. My SIL is young and we go a lot of places together. I always take pictures (I am a photographer), send them to here, along with gifts for the baby and I never hear a word that they have been received, enjoyed, etc. I just do again the next time because I excuse her behavior due to her age. Not even a stupid myspace recognition when she uses the stupid pictures, but I'm not bitter!

To bad your not in Vegas or I'd say let's go have a drink.

I think you should have been invited, chances are there is going to be something going on that she may not want you to know about. I know i was invited to a bachdlorette party and they were having a male stripper, I didn't go. J.

Do you really want to go? You're a mature adult with a family so maybe they thuoght you would be too busy. Let it go and do something fun with your kids instead.
M.

N.: Your absolutely correct. It is proper,to include all of the bridesmaids to the bachelorette party,regardless of age.I'm sure the bride is aware of this. The person,responsible for making the plans for the party is the maid of honor.My reply to her request for a donation on her (gag gift bag)would be...."I'm sorry,I don't mean to imbarass anyone here,but "I feel a little silly pitching in for a party I was never invited to attend". lol "I'm sure it was an oversight" . : ) I believe you may have hit the nail on the head. I believe the girls don't want any details of the party to leak out.They must have one whooping party planned.If she corrects herself and invites you....I'd make it a point to go!! tee hee. Go to the wedding and cut loose!! best to you N.