9 answers

Befriending an EX

What advice does anyone have, when your sister in law "befriends" your husband's ex on facebook? I cannot help but to feel upset since my husband and I have been married almost 10 years now. The child from that marriage doesn't even come into play here, because she lives with us and hardly sees her mom. My husband's ex has been blocked by "my" daughter, because her mom started asking her friends questions about her own daughter. It appears this ex, even though she has her own "new" family, still wants to be a part of this one. Does anyone else see this as offensive by way of the actions of my SIL? Why would she care what the ex is doing and especially posting "happy birthday" to her? My SIL was there when the whole nasty divorce went down, so she knows the heart break my daughter has had. Thanks for your comments!

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Talk to her about it. This causes division in the family and it seems needless. We had family do this with an EX and it was an EX girlfriend of my hubby's brother and THAT caused problems and they weren't even married. It seems ridiculous but maybe she's thinking that it's been so long that it's not a big deal or something. Talk to her and hopefully, she'll unfriend her.

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I am friends with my ex SIL on facebook. She's been in my life since I was 13 and I'm now 45. They divorced 9 years ago when their daughter was 3. Bitter divorce due to my brother having an affair, but now he's the bitter one due to the new wife of 5 years being so jealous. We're not supposed to talk to the ex much less be friends on facebook. My niece isn't allowed to speak of her mother when she's with my brother, which I find very sad. I'm not friends with the new wife on facebook. I don't harbor any ill feelings towards her, but I also refuse to play into her jealousy and drama. I'm friends with the ex because I want my niece to know that it's okay for her to share things about what she and her mom have been doing. When her mom posts something about her accomplishments I want to see those and acknowledge my niece. (Moms post differently than kids do) She'll only be young for a short time. I want a relationship with my niece now and in the future. I don't want her to always feel like she has to choose sides.

So while our situation is a little different, sometimes it's about the child or a long standing friendship and has nothing to do with new wife or father.

2 moms found this helpful

Why did she need to ask "your" daughters friends things about her? Is there a restraining order? I can understand her still wanting to know what her daughter is doing and still wanting to be a part of her life. That is really sad. Not to diminish at all what the child is going through. But, if the mom was making an effort and reaching out, why is she not allowed to have a relationship with her daughter.

I'm great friends with my ex-sil. I've known her since she was 16. Yes, her brother and I had a bad divorce, with plenty of blame to go around. But, she and I found a way to agree to disagree about the divorce and still be family to each other. She always tells me Happy Birthday. We give each other gifts at Christmas. So far, it hasn't come between her and any new woman in his life. I don't expect her to divide loyalties or anything. But, our relationship is seperate from my relationship with her brother. We have our own bond that has nothing at all to do with him. Could it be possible that these 2 are the saem way? Grew up together, and have a history together that doesn't revolve around him, and therefore is no threat to you?

2 moms found this helpful

I don't know all the details as to why your daughter can't see/ talk to her mom.

Even though we are divorced, Im friends in person and on FB with my ex sis in laws. Still talk to my ex mil weekly. My brother still talks to my ex. Went to his wedding. They are still friends. I wouldn't want any of it any other way. The divorce was between me and him, nobody else. Not the extened ( sil, bil, mil) family nor our friends. Although sadly many friends chose sides and both of us ( my ex and I ) were hurt. Everyone knows the details as to why we got divorced and they aren't pretty.

2 moms found this helpful

Have you spoke to your sister in law. Perhaps she is spying on her. I know if my brother ever friended my ex husband it would be for some nefarious purpose. My brother hates my ex.

1 mom found this helpful

Have ya'll asked her why she is doing that? I would talk to her and let her know your fears about this. That you are not there to tell her who she can and can't befriend on fb or anywhere else but that you expect her to respect ya'lls wishes to keep things private. I would then inform her of your plans to unfriend her on fb so this ex won't see your posts, etc. I have a fb page that is ultra private to the extreme of having a fake name, fake email address, etc due to certain individual in our family that we want no contact with whatsoever. If your sil knows what went on and truly has her niece's best interest in heart she will understand and respect your wishes. It might be a better idea to have your husband talk to her about it. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I recommend you ask your SIL why. Tell her that the ex had blocked her daughter - maybe she didn't know this. Tell her that it's one thing to be friends with her away from the girl. But to do it in front of her when she knows how hard this has all been for the girl? Look her in the eye when you talk about this and keep looking at her til she gives you a reason.


1 mom found this helpful

Talk to her about it. This causes division in the family and it seems needless. We had family do this with an EX and it was an EX girlfriend of my hubby's brother and THAT caused problems and they weren't even married. It seems ridiculous but maybe she's thinking that it's been so long that it's not a big deal or something. Talk to her and hopefully, she'll unfriend her.

I am fb friends with my ex SIL. I was married to her brother for 22 years and she and I were (and still are) very good friends. Our friendship bothers my ex, but he has no control over it and it has yet to interfere with his life. My SIL is very close to my children which is just another reason for me to remain close to her. She lives 6 hours away from me so it's not like we hang out regularly. In fact, I will only see her on extremely special occasions when she comes to town for a graduation party or future marriage. Don't read to much into it. Divorce affects more people than just spouses and children. I love my ex's family dearly as they do me. That will never change.

I would just ask the SIL why she feels she needs to be in contact with the ex when she knows the drama she has tried to cause the family. I would simply ask her not to. And if she chooses the ex over you and your family then I would delete her from facebook and also limit my conversations and visits with her. Good luck.

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