JFF, Kinda: Are Your Friends with Your X on Facebook?

I don't have experience with this except for dealing with my parents, who have been divorced for two years. They don't talk to each other at all, which is sort of annoying, considering they have three kids and five grandchildren together who would all love to have one of their parents or grandparents not sit events out just to avoid the other.

But anyways... I don't think there's a 'normal' as far as that situation is concerned. I know lots of people who break and are perfectly fine remaining friends. Doesn't make it less acceptable when you'd just rather not go there. That doesn't make you less 'grown up', I agree. It just means you'd rather not go there! No foul in that.

Hi J.,

I'm not on FB, but if I were, no.... I see no reason to keep in touch with or friend my exhusband. Even if we had children together --it's called boundaries. Some people have different ones. I personally don't want my ex knowing what I'm doing or up to. Nothing personal toward him, it's just none of his business. There is a *reason* we are not still married....

Yes, I am friends with my ex on FB. Neither one of us posts much.

Why?

Well, I think we have three great kids together, and we are both just OVER IT.

:)

(Took about 6 years to reach that OVER IT point, though)

My parents are not friends on FB.

I would hate to see what it would be like if they were! lol.

To me, I think it would depend on your relationship with the ex. IF you are friendly, and like to share back and forth about your kids... great, be friends.

BUT if you don't get along too well, or don't really care what goes on in their lives (things that don't have anything to do with your kids...), or if they are overly dramatic about stupid things (*Ahem... my mom..) then there really is no point of being friends.

Especially once the kids are adults...

My ex is so computer illiterate!! Pretty sure he still doesn't have an email address. I am friends with my older kids but I am pretty sure if he got a Facebook even they wouldn't friend him.

Pretty much he makes stupid comments, kind of annoying, so no I would never be friends with him on Facebook.

I don't have kids with my ex. But if I did, that would be the ONLY reason I would friend an "ex"...I mean if 2 adults that share a child can't be civil, who can??

I am friends with exes, but we don't have kids together, and we don't harp on the ex part.

My husband is not friends with his ex. She sent him a friend request early on, and he declined. According to him, they're just not cool like that, although they tend to get along pretty well. She's just not someone he'd want to deal with on an everyday, familiar basis regarding what's going on in his life or our life. Because of how she was behaving toward me at the time, I was annoyed that she would even have sent the request. Today...not so much.

yes. i post pictures of our daughter. orignially he defriended M., and then we kept commenting on the same friends and families pages (his family still has M. listed as their daughter, sister in law, aunt and so on) so it was pretty silly to not be friends. so yes we are friends now although he hardly uses facebook.
i would feel awkward saying no since they would obviously know, i'd have to think what harm it would do saying yes? if you said yes, you'd J. have to scroll through her posts or hide them if you didnt like them.
my main goal in divorce is to have my daughter feel comfortable talking about each of us with the other and to be able to have parties and celebrations where there is no awkwardness known to her.

I am friends with 2 of my ex boyfriends on FB.

My ex, whom I do have 2 kids with, pops up under my "people you may know". I have not friended him, nor is he blocked.

Our kids are 12 and 9 and have recently asked if they could get a FB account. I'm considering it. However, when the time comes, I will probably be asking a question on here about how do I keep my ex from seeing my posts without blocking him (cuz I would like to see what he's doing with the kids, when he has them, assuming he is active on FB). I'm VERY active on FB but I don't want him knowing anything more about my husband and I than he already does. =)

I am cordial when circumstances force our interaction, but I don't dabble in the life of my ex or welcome his intrusion in mine. Now that my children are grown, they don't need me to serve as a liaison in their affairs, so I leave it strictly between them and I don't nurture any type of connection with their dad.

No. We were when we first seperated then he kept asking me questions about where i had taken the kids when this picture was taken or who was that guy with us at my friends house, etc..... so not only did i unfriend him but blocked him, his new wife and anyone on my friends list who would give out their password so he could keep track of me.

I guess it would depend on your "ex-relationship" and how things ended? I've never been married or had kids with anyone except my husband, but I am friends with 7 guys that I dated (2 were serious millions of years ago, both are good friends, one lives in Spain and the other in Russia now). I am NOT friends with one that has no exgfs as a friend (he's newly married, and I totally respect that; we get random updates from our moms who bump into each other from time to time), and I am NOT friends with one guy who makes my stomach ill just thinking he still exists (ha).

My old boyfriends were just that: boys, who were friends (and more), but it was a million years ago and we still can laugh at the same public posts/jokes, brag about children, etc. It is NEVER talked about by any of us that we were bf/gfs because we all are married with kids and there's no reason to go there. I have them in the "acquaintance" or "high school" folders (depending on where they belong), but only 2 are in my "close friends" folder. I suppose with those 2, we're all still "good guys" to each other because relationships ended due to moving away, not things going sour. I don't talk to any of them often though, with the exception of following a winning racehorse he owns. I can't imagine my mom and dad being friends on FB especially since my brother and I are grown. Their marriage ended badly, and it wouldn't be a good idea. (I also don't comment publicly on anything my dad posts; just in private messages, to spare my mom the annoyance). Yay, FB drama. :P

No exes on my end, but my husband's ex-wife is FB friends with ME (he is not on FB at all). She sent me the friend request and I did accept. We are not "best buds" but we are civil toward each other and she likes seeing pics I post of our daughter and seeing how she is growing (she is out-of-state). I felt a little weird about it but I figured if I said no, she might have gotten bent out of shape about it. We are all grown-ups here, after all.

Friends of mine from school that married each other are now going through a divorce (he allegedly cheated on her). They are both on FB and "unfriended" each other - maybe it's just too fresh and raw right now for them to want to see what the other one is posting.

Nope, not friends with my son's father on FB.
I have no interest in his life, honestly, except how his actions effect my son.
I spent too many years wondering and waiting for the man to "come to his senses" and be a family with us. I finally got over and done, and do not want to invite him back into my life...even through FB. LOL

Nope. There is a reason that he is an EX. I had one friend me and I was really tempted...REALLY! But there was just not a good reason to accept the request.
L.

Yes. He's a grown up and so am I. We are both friends with our daughter and our granddaughter.

The opposite of love is not hate but apathy, or you just don't care. My kids are all grown up so his parenting skills are not really part of the equation any more. So the only behavior of my ex that bothers me is when he does something to hurt my kids. His health is really bad but that is mostly because he has bad habits about food and exercise. I can't change that ---- tried while we were married. My kids try now. His bad health does hurt my kids, they keep worrying that he will die way too soon.

So why be friends with someone I don't care about.

Nah- I avoid it. I don't have any crazy ex boyfriends per say-but as I've heard some are crazy irresponsible, making bad decisions, maybe in the middle of a divorce- That doesn't make them bad people- just may open unnecessary doors or drama. Plus- my husband's ex IS 100% nutbag- would be disappointed if I found he friended her...what's good for the goose is good for the gander- and vice versa;)

I had to unfriend my recent ex after he started filling my wall with messages about wanting me back.

I am friends with other guys I dated.

The ex was obviously toxic during the relationship. Hence why they are "the ex". So, no, I would not put them on my FB. It just causes drama. I only use FB for family and close friends anyway. Even the "negative Nancy's" get their posts blocked because I am too busy to sort through that nonsense. Having a kid together only means you must communicate, not that you must be "friends". My parents never talk, but their friends on FB. And my brother has my dad on his even though they don't talk and haven't for years. And my MIL isn't on our FB anymore because she wanted to be full of drama and then delete us when hubby got upset. He has no interest in adding her again. So I guess it's all about personal interest and what you use FB for.

My husband defriended me on FB while we were separated and technically "working it out". I was insulted. But now that we are divorcing, I'm happy with that FB separation. At one point I thought I would tag him in pictures of our kids or my posts about the funny things the kids do just so that he could be aware and share in their lives more. Then I realized that isn't my responsibility and he and I benefit from having limited contact with eachother. So I'm not going to push FB tags on him. Plus, it's nice to have an area of my life that I don't feel he is judging. That is actually a big part of why he defriended me on FB-- not wanting what he posted to be judged by my set of morals. If he wants pictures he can take them himself or ask me directly. If he wants to know what the kids have been up to, he can ask them or me. And I am no longer insulted if he doesn't show this kind of interest in their lives.

Nope. He doesn't need to see everything I'm doing and I have no desire to see what he is doing. We both post stuff with the kids so that is our only FB contact.

My fiance is not friends with his ex either, but she shows up under my "people I may know" nearly daily. Her and I would be good with being friends on FB, but it would weird my fiance out.