Anyone Else Feel This Way!?!? - Marlborough,MA

I have ONE kid and feel the same way some days.

I make sure we do something once a week we NORMALLY don't do and it REALLY breaks up the week. There are days it's totally "Groundhogs Day" around here but I LIKE boring/normal things. People that have drama 24/7 annoy me to no end.

Last week I met up with a friend I haven't seen since our son was born and he's almost FIVE. Those three hours of just talking to another ADULT was awesome. It was like an hour massage--REALLY!

Try to get out of the house ALONE if you can. Now I get why I see people (MOMS) sitting in parking lots reading books or just have their eyes CLOSED--they're regaining their SANITY!

Good luck, it'll get better.

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I'm not a stay at home mom for this very reason! Even the 8 weeks maternity leave I had after my c-section drove me nuts. I am definately not the stay at home type, and I have huge respect for everyone who is. So on behalf of your husband and kids, I would like to say Thank You for all that you do!

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Your problem is perspective. You get to decide and determine what you are going to do with your days and nights even though you have children. Children should be a part of our world but never the center of our world.

I would encourage you to develope a hobby, skill or talent outside of your children. Set some personal goals for yourself. Write them down and plan out a strategy for making that happen.

As for your women's group, develop free things you guys can do and there has to be free places you can go. Check out the department of tourism in your state you may find some things there that never crossed your mind. Also look into volunteering. Perhaps you are too you focused and changing you perspective by helping others will help you too. So look into perhaps spending quality time at a senior citizen home making friends with the seniors, or spend time at a local hospital volunteering to hold border babies. There are many opportunities in this world to connect with others and do something for someone else.

The trick is you get to choose how and what and when and where and why of your own destiny. Don't get caught up in the kids. They should never be the center of your world just a part of it. I really hope this helps.

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I couldn't do what you do!!! SAHM's have all my respect and a lot of my envy.

Tell your husband he gets the kids this Saturday and take the day off. you have earned it.

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My last "job" was so awful that I embrace the monotony of being a SAHM. While it can be monotonous and I do suffer from cabin fever and feelings of loneliness, I remedy it by getting out as much as possible. Outside interaction definitely is a good distraction for mom and kids. Maybe try and sign up for a class once a week? Claim a night as yours, even if you just go out for coffee solo. I rely on strangers and people watching since all my close friends are out of state.

So no, you are not alone in your alone-ness.

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Hey there,

Being a SAHM is a pretty thankless job now, but your kids will probably thank you once they are grown. And, I thank you for being a committed mother to your kiddos. It is a HARD job, but well worth doing it right.

What has worked for me was getting a part-time job that gets me out of the house and doing something different. I use to teach, now I tutor/teach only a few hours a week. It makes me stay organized and gives me something to plan for other than for my children and family. Even when I'm having an off day at home and getting nothing done, a few minutes away doing something else really gets my blood pumping. When I get home, I have a renewed sense of motivation and energy. And, I have to say that where I work is NOT the same day in and day out.

The other thing that works for me is a planned night out with a friend to do something I enjoy. When the first kiddo was a baby, I went out almost every Friday night to scrapbook. Now, I go maybe every 4-6 weeks.

Find something just for you and DO IT. You need it mama and you deserve it. :) Best of luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful

I work full time so I am not exactly in the same boat. But there were years when they were little that I would just grit my teeth and take deep breaths because it was truly hard all day every day. I had an infant and a toddler and lived alone in the 2nd story of an apt building. I had to carry both up the stairs. Car seats, groceries, just me. Life was so hard.

But, here we are 4 yr later and I made it. Life is good. The kids are hilarious. I make more money than I ever thought I would. I survived. Sometimes that's all you can ask for.

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OMG I would love to be a stay at home mom. That being said you really need to make sure you have me time. I'm not talking all the time but Once a week for a few hours it needs to be about you. You need to train your kids. My daughter knows that Sat morn is my time. She is allowed to play her ds, watch cartoons, all fun stuff inside the house. But she is to leave me alone until noon on Sats. In the beginning she would still be all over me. I tell her I love you very much and I love being with you but mommy's need to recharge their batteries or they cannot be good moms.

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My light at the end of the tunnel is my youngest starting kindergarten in 3 years! Then, everything will be rainbows and fluffy puppies!

Okay, maybe not. :( but I am hoping for 6 hours a day where I can clean and organize my house and maybe even paint my nails once in awhile!

I know when I get in a rut, I try to get all of us out of the house for a few hours. It also helps to take an extra two minutes to wear something a little nicer and maybe even some jewelry and makeup. Makes me feel a little less like a mom. I'm sure the PT job will help, too.

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Yep--it's like the movie Groundhog Day...over. And Over. And OVER AGAIN! LOL Hang in there, great idea getting a PT job and please know that it DOES get better as they get older!

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This is common. I'm a stay at home of 2 about to be three kiddos also. I miss work SO bad but I know this is the right thing for my family. Sacrifices must be made for the greater good. Unfortunately it's usually mom that has to give up the most of herself. Counteract this by finding yourself a little time each day for just "you".....

Every day for at least 30 to 45 minutes I do something fitness related--- I've trained the kids to accept this as my time and not interupt me.

Without it I'll be too tempermental

1 mom found this helpful

I feel the same way, you're not alone. I'm slowly startring to learn that if I'm not appreciated or being rewarded, that I need to reward myself. Hopefully, your new P/T job will help.

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I felt that way after my first child was born. My husband said I needed to find a hobby. I tried many different things before I found glass art (mosaics and stained glass windows) I am now so passionate about glass I sometimes dream about it. My youngest is now in 3rd grade and I am fortunate that I have lots of time to devote to my art.
My advice to anyone who feels like this is to get a hobby. My hobby has enriched my life more than I ever could have imagined.

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Honestly, I think everyone feels this way at one time or another.
Doesn't matter if you stay at home or work.
You get in a rut.
Do what you can to break out of it.
Add something different to the routine for your own enjoyment.
Just a walk around the block in a little sunshine can make a difference.
Realize that taking care of you is a valid priority and when you are happy everyone around you is happier too.

1 mom found this helpful

I completely agree. I wanted to work, I believe that child care is not the big bad evil a lot of people make it out to be. I think if a mom wants to work or needs to help with the finances she should be able to and be happy about it.

I had a much cleaner home, more organized, more efficient, everything when I worked full time, well, even part time at 30 hours a week.

It worked for me. I was fulfilled and I had a lot more time to spend quality time with the kids. It was so much less work.

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I often find I'm in danger of loosing myself to the Activities of Daily Living. Just staying on top of the diaper changes, cooking, dishes, laundry.... Days can often blur together and I can get to feel like I'm sleepwalking through life. Occasionally, I assert my need to connect with who I used to be and do something that has nothing to do with the fact that I am a Mommy. Date nights help, but sometimes that is just trading Mommy Me for Wife Me and is still leaving a lot of ME out of the equation. I know it is hard. Believe me, I know, but you need to find an outlet for something specifically for you. Good luck, and I hope you at least feel a little better knowing you are not alone. I love my kids, but I know to be the best mother and wife I can be, I can not loose ME.

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Hi J.,

I know you already have tons of answers, but I hope mine will be helpful to you as well.

I always knew that I wanted to be a SAHM and am blessed to be able to be one. When my first child was born, I found the transition to be a really hard one. I felt lonely and every day was hard. I couldn't find myself (and didn't take time for myself because I didn't think I had the time to) and you said, felt lost. Thankfully, as my daughter grew things got easier, but it wasn't until I got pregnant with my second child that things really came into perspective. I realized two things that have changed things absolutely for me in terms of being happy every day as a SAHM. Those are: acceptance of your identity and role as a SAHM and taking time for yourself.

Acceptance was key for me. Even though I knew I wanted to stay at home, I hadn't fully accepted it as my role. I failed to see just how much it meant to me and my children and once I thought of it as who I am and who I wanted to be (kind of like you would a full-time job that you've always dreamt about), things changed completely. Now, every day, even if it is the same thing every day, I wake up knowing my role and as we go through the day, time spent with my children, cooking, cleaning, etc. are all a part of that and mean something. Just as you would feel pride or a sense of happiness when you finish a task at work that took a really long time, so would I feel watching my daughter dress herself for the first time and see how happy she was to do it!

I may not get thanks for it all the time, but it is what I want to do and what I am happy doing--but that had to come from inside. What also helped was the second thing I mentioned--taking time for yourself. This is SO important b/c it gives you time to reconnect with yourself and your friends and stay true to who you are. Even running errands by yourself can make a difference b/c it is "you" time.

Also, remember that your kids won't be young forever. For me, cherishing every moment and realizing they won't always be there is helpful and meaningful.

Sorry if this sounds idealistic--these are just the two things that really helped me and I hope they will help you, too!

Good luck and hope things turn around :)

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Hi! I have a 6, 4 and almost 1 year old and def understand how you feel. I just started reading a book called "The Happiness Project" which attempts to tackle some of the issues and feelings you mentioned. Its about how you need to try to remember to look at the big picture and try to cherish these moments you have with your kids cause it all goes by so fast. This is your life and you dont want it to feel... wasted... We are blessed to have them and this time with them, but its so hard to keep this in mind when we're caught up in the daily chaos!

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There is no harder job in the world than being a SAHM. You won't know that until you do it. I did it for 3 years, and have now been working almost 6. There are days when I long to stay home with my kiddo's and take them on walks, to the park, to look at airplanes (we live near a Navy base), lots of things. I'd love to keep my house clean, have dinner ready at home everynight at a decent time. Put my kids on and off the bus by myself, etc, etc. But...I also cherish going to the bathroom alone, adult conversation, deadlines, etc.

I really think there is no win-win situation once you have kids. To be the SAHM I'd really want to be, I'd need my husband to make a LOT of money :).

It is a thankless job, but none better.

Don't get down on yourself...the weather will get nice soon and I bet things will get easier.

Updated

There is no harder job in the world than being a SAHM. You won't know that until you do it. I did it for 3 years, and have now been working almost 6. There are days when I long to stay home with my kiddo's and take them on walks, to the park, to look at airplanes (we live near a Navy base), lots of things. I'd love to keep my house clean, have dinner ready at home everynight at a decent time. Put my kids on and off the bus by myself, etc, etc. But...I also cherish going to the bathroom alone, adult conversation, deadlines, etc.

I really think there is no win-win situation once you have kids. To be the SAHM I'd really want to be, I'd need my husband to make a LOT of money :).

It is a thankless job, but none better.

Don't get down on yourself...the weather will get nice soon and I bet things will get easier.

1 mom found this helpful

It really doesn't help that it's cold and you've undoubtedly got some cabin fever going on too! At least if you could get out, it wouldn't feel like the walls are closing in on you!

I work from home, and I am soooooo lucky I do! I totally see where you're coming from. No adult human conversation, only housework, kiddos, and the same chores day in and day out.

You need a date night with your husband.

I flipped this past weekend and was like 'I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!'... my husband was sick, so I called a girlfriend and met her for a drink... on a Sunday... at NOON ;) BUT, it helped! I was only gone for maybe 2 hours, but it's like it reset my sanity, and I was able to get out of my rut.

I also rearrange furniture/entire rooms out of boredom, just for something different to look at. It helps! I can't afford to, but maybe you can, redecorate an entire room, but yourself, one day. It truly does give you a different point of view and the 'problem solving' keeps your mind busy.

What about taking classes? Are there any classes you want to take? Maybe online classes? Or a hobby... *I* don't have a hobby (can't afford one), but it does help other stay at home moms!

Looks at the positives. I know it's hard some days. But like you said, you're very blessed, just try to continue to see it as such :)

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I did it for four years, and it had its really sweet moments, but it also drove me NUTS -especially after my second was born. I went back to work, and it's really been so much better for me. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone -some people LOVE it, but it wasn't for me! You may want to look into going back to work, working part-time, volunteering or something of that nature. Your oldest two should be in school, and the youngest would do great at a half-day/part-time (or full-time) preschool. Explore your options -you don't have to go crazy!

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Especially with the 5 & 2 year olds, you are in a tough phase - I remember it being one of the hardest phases of my parenting life (mine are 17 & 14). It's not rocket science but it's RELENTLESS, and that's what makes it stressful. The good news is that you only have a year or two more to go before things start to flow a bit better, hopefully. Your 2-yr old will quickly become more self-sufficient.

Does your church community do a "mom's day out" or anything like that? Getting out a few hours a week by yourself could work wonders.

Hang in there. What you're doing is very tough, but very important.

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Have you read 'The Feminine Mystique' by Betty Friedan? This was an overwhelmingly common feeling in the days when women were expected to be homemakers and little else. Have you considered getting at least a part time job, volunteering in your community and developing other non-child related interests?

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The light at the end of tunnel is your children growing into wonderful people that you have created.

As Charlies mom said I will "Thank you" on behalf of your family. I hope you have a better day.

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Amen mama! I soo understand where you are coming from!

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I totally feel like that from time to time. I think winter is worse in general since the kids are in the house more and lack of daylight etc. Do you have a part time job? I work about 10 hours a week and it does wonders for my sanity. Do you belong to a gym? That might help you feel better. These are just some of the things I do to keep my sanity and self esteem in tact. There is a reward to being a stay at home mom, you just have to make sure to take care of yourself as well. Good luck!

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Right there with ya, sweetie. Sometimes I feel like my brain is turning to mush from lack of use. My kids are 9, 7, and 4 months old, and most days I feel unappreciated and completely invisible. This really hit home when I cut my hair- I went from waist-length hair to a cute bob, and NOBODY NOTICED! Seriously! I'm not one who needs my hubby to say he likes my new haircut, but when he doesn't notice 3 feet of hair missing, you kinda wonder if he even looks at you.

But I will say this- every time I think about returning to work, I remember that my family is better off with me here. I make their lives easier, whether they realize it or not, and that's important to me. I'm not knocking parents who work, of course, because in the end it's a personal decision, but I'm saying, for MY family, this is the best thing for us. So I'm OK with it. And that's what I remember on the bad days.

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I'm with Molly!!! They all take me for granted and complain when I ask them to do anything. My 8 and 6 year olds have begun saying "Well, what Do you do all day?"
We're scraping by because I always thought it was so important for kids to have a parent at home, and then my daughter tells me she wants me to get a job so we can have a bigger fancier house. Gee thanks.
I can only hope they'll appreciate me when they get older.

I read your 'so what happened' and it's good you got a job. You also need to start doing something you enjoy. Sewing, crocheting, knitting, baking cakes, ect ect. This could turn into a home based business or just fun for you.

You can also go to the library for story time, the Y, Mc Donalds play area. If you get you and the kids out of the house and meet new people and find some friends it will help soooo much.