Any One with Teenagers

I have 2 teenagers, both girls,but I went through this with my oldest one. One day I just quit doing anything for her. I did'nt make dinner, do her laundry, or drive her to her friends house. When she asked me why? I told her that being part of a family was helping each other out. If she felt she did not need to help then she was on her own. I also quit buying her the food she put on the shopping list. Since she's vegan it made it harder for her to figure out what to eat. This helped her see how much we really did for her. As for homework I cannot help you there, never really had a problem. They do know that homework has to be done before they are allowed to do anything else and that means the homework needs to be done correctly.
My daughters are turning 16 and 18 soon. They both do their own laundry and once or twice a week I have them make their own dinner. They help out now with out being asked. In some ways it does get easier.

Cheryl

Believe me, I have gone through this MORE than once. =) In fact I just went through it recently with my 13 year old stepson, with the added bonus of "at my mom's house I am the MAN of the house!" and the refrain of "Kate (his 22 year old stepsister) stays up late why can't I". This is my standard answer...
There are three things that bring you closer to adulthood in this house and are definite indicators of maturity, which in turn give you more freedom to stay up late, play certain games, go out with friends, etc...
One. Are you old enough to hold down a job? And I don't mean babysitting or odd jobs, I mean a real job with taxes and social security attached, most states frown on someone under 15 working, it isn't legal. (of course this may need some explaination)
Two. Are you old enough to drive and pay your own insurance on a car? Most states don't let children have a permit until they are 15 so the answer is still NO.
Three. Are you old enough to vote? No, the age is 18 for that, when someone is LEGALLY an adult because they are considered mature enough to decide about weighty issues about our country.

If the answer to all three of those are NO then you are STILL A CHILD! Not only by our standards but by the rest of the USA. Until you have reached the age where you can do those things you have to trust that we have a good reason for what we do when we tell you to do chores, go to bed at a certain time and be respectful. These things are a practice so that you will be prepared for the larger responisiblities like a job, driving and voting. Learn them well, be respectful and trust that as adults we are doing the what is best for you as a child in our home. You are on the cusp of being an adult, it will come fast enough.

Having had this conversation with my 13 year old I was amazed at how he settled down and stopped complaining! I hope that it works for you. =)

Everytime my 13yr old son talks back or gets mouthy with me he has to pay me 1.00. I have found that this has been working extremely well.

I am sorry that I can not help you. But I just wanted to post and say thanks to the others that are responding to you. I have similar situations with my 6 year old twins and it has been great to read what others have done....good luck!!!

I responded b4 about your daughter and your son sounds alot like my daughter also, although she is only 8. she questions alot and its aggravating. part of it i think is curiousity, part of it is stubborness. i got tired and fed up with all the why do i have to do it, when you dont and this is what i have come up with.. its only been a week since i started this, but so far so good.

i calmly(was so proud of my calmness)..i calmy explained to my daughter all about privileges and the effects of misbehaving and such that wil get privileges taken away. she said she knew what privileges were..to her that meant riding a bike and watching tv and playing with her game boy..i explained in my book privileges mean the following:(only listed some here)..the clean clothes you are wearing are a privilege. it costs me money for laundry detergent, water and the utilities to wash them. the snacks you get when you are hungry between meals are a privilege. the nice mattress you sleep on is a privilege.. she tried arguing with me that they arent privileges and she would call the cops on me if i didnt give her snacks or clean clothes(she is a brat lately!!!)..i calmly explained sorry dear, but in my house these are all privileges and listed many many more. i explained to her that since some kids dont always have clean clothes to wear and she does, this is a privilege as far as i am concerned and privileges are something that are earned in this house..since i cant always carry thru on grounding her(too many reasons to list-and she knows it) and since taking her tv and gameboy away doesnt work, and literally having her carry her things to the trash doesnt work i am trying this and so far it is working..if nothing else in the very least she will begin to understand just how lucky she is(I hope)

K.
www.arkparties.com

Hi T.!
I'm a surviving mom of 3, my baby is now 18. My surviving quote for the past 10 years has been "this too shall pass"! And honestly it does. It is just one of many phases yet to come. He is beginning the breaking away from childhood years and into the "who am I?" years and his biggest job is to push your buttons!!!!!! Keep your anger in check ALWAYS. He wants to rile you up, but if you calmly answer and firmly repeat your direction etc. it takes all his fun out of it. It's really no different the his 2 year old year of asking "Why" Remember that phase? Calm and firm direction was our moto, never waivering from what we said or wanted and never letting them play one of us against the other. Always communicate with each other so they can't catch you off guard. Many times this meant writing each other notes as I left to work in the evenings and my husband came home from working all day. But at least my husband knew what was up and wouldn't be caught off guard and we presented a united front. Our oldest 2 turned out great and the youngest is doing good with a little way to go yet. Senior year of high school they punch your buttons again BIG Time!!! Good luck and just remember "This too shall pass"!.
K.