I am expecting a baby any day now and just found out I'm 3cm dilated today at the doctor's. I called my mom who lives 2 hours away after leaving the hospital and talked to my dad and told him the news. I was expecting to hear back from my mom and by 9pm I decided to call her instead. She said that my dad told her the news but she didn't want to call me cause I told her never to call our house after 8pm because our youngest is in bed by then but she found this out around 3pm when I talked to my dad. I told her so does that mean if I'm dying and it's after 8pm you're not going to call me?? Hello!!! This is important news not a typical week night where nothing is happening and I don't want you to call after 8pm. They're both sick with a sinus headcold and have been home all day so I don't get why she's not concerned. I mean I hate it for her that she's sick but I'm about to go into labor any second and it pisses me off that she could care less. She told me that her doctor doesn't want her going anywhere for 3 weeks till she's over her cold and she won't be coming over for Christmas or to see the baby at the hospital. That's fine disappointing but fine cause I don't want her getting my newborn sick so that doesn't bother me as much that she probably won't be there for his birth but she could at least act concerned! Needless to say the call ended with me hanging up on her out of sheer frustration not to mention the stress was starting to make me contract more.
Thanks Ladies, I'll call her 1st thing in the morning. I did express concern for them being sick and they know I am disappointed that we won't be getting together for Christmas but at the time it seemed like she was making a bigger deal out of having a cold than me having a baby and the whole not calling after 8 excuse really upset me cause I know if my daughter called with that news I'd be calling her back asap to see how she's feeling especially if I can't be there to help! Labor is no easy task and far more near death's door than having a cold. She just really got under my skin and you girls are right I'm so excited that I'm getting so much closer to delivery that I expect her to feel the same way and I've never heard of women going a month at 3cm so thats all news to me not to mention my doc said I'd probably go early and fast which I told them that too. Do I expect her to read my mind? No but I do expect her to be there for me the same way I'd be there for my daughter in that situation. I'll try to patch things up with her in the morning and not get too pumped up about the baby coming. Merry Christmas Ladies and thanks for the well wishes!
Holy over-reaction!
3 cm is not even close to being in labor. And dilation is the normal MO for someone due "any day now"!
Is there such a thing as a MomZilla? LOL
J.,
I hate to break the news to you, but you can abe 3cm for a week+. You are not necessarily going to go into labor at any second. Your mother probably knows this. It sounds like you are way too focused on yourself and not enough focused on her. Take a deep breath. Relax. Love your mother. It really isn't that big of a deal that she didn't call you. She most likely figured that you would call her if you were actually *in* labor. Why bother you if not? I would not have interpreted your information as anything urgent either. Just information. If you wanted her to call, did you specifically say that? Nobody is a mind reader. Blessings to you, J.. I do hope it comes quickly for you. I know how those last days are. But, please, don't start fights over something like this. It isn't worth it.
Yeah, you're being a crazy end-of-pregnancy mama. You know that 3cm dilated means nothing, right? That people walk around like that for weeks and weeks before going into labor? She's not helping you out with your L&D and you're not in labor, so I can see her not being "concerned." I'm sure that if you were in labor, she would have called you back for an update and wished you well. You're not - try to relax a bit, and best of luck with your labor and delivery. Hope it goes well and that you're holding your little one soon!
I apologize if this comes across a little harsh, but I'm sorry. When did it go out the window about children being concerned about their parents health as well as their own? The day I delivered was 3 weeks & 1 day from the day my mom died of pneumonia. Wish my mom called and said she was going to be 3 weeks late seeing the baby, not gone. Again, I apologize for giving it to you straight up, but sometimes you don't realize what you have. I listen to my friends piss and moan about how their mothers do this or do that or won't do this or won't do that. I just wish I had a mom. Consider your mom a blessing, whether or not she does what you want her to or not, she brought you into this world the least you could do is make her feel as though she is your world a part of the time. Best of luck with the delivery of your baby.
You sound very upset. Relax, don't let your pregnancy hormones get the best of you.
So you are 3 cm... what do you expect your mom to say to that? You could be at 3 or even 4 cm for a few more weeks... I am not sure why she should be concerned... you're having a baby, everything sounds like it's going smoothly... no reason for concern here.
Sure it's sad that she can't be there for Christmas... but it sounds to me that she is doing a very responsible thing there...
Save all that energy for the birth. Good luck!
You can't control your mother. Neither can you read her mind. You assume she doesn't care. I suggest that just isn't true. She's sick. Did you ask her how she was feeling and express disappointment and sympathy that she won't be able to be there for the birth or Christmas? I would wonder if she's depressed. I would be in her situation.
What is it that you can do that would make you happy? Relying on others for our happiness just sets us up for disappointment. We cannot know how someone else is thinking or what they'll do. I suggest that since this was so important to you that you could've made another call, earlier and before you get yourself worked up. Then that painful phone all wouldn't have happened. The phone wires go both ways. Often we forget that. smile
If your mom makes assumptions, like you do, she may be feeling hurt that you didn't express concern for her illness.
I suggest that you find a way to cool down and call her again and apologize for hanging up. Tell her that you reacted in this way because it felt to you that she doesn't care. Express sympathy concerning her illness and having to stay home. Exchange loving words. You'll both be happier.
A saying that helps me alot when I need to make a decision after a blow up is would I rather be right or be happy? I usually decide happy and figure out a way to get that way.
Hmmm! You are no more close to death during labor and delivery than you are with a cold. Try to find a way to relax. Perhaps a massage, manicure and pedicure. My daughter was dilated 2-3 cm for 3 weeks and her friend helped her by distracting her with special things. She had 2 children already at the time. She didn't feel like doing housework or fixing meals. Her husband and mother in law did those things for her.
Lol, you are so cute, you poor extremely pregnant lady!! Yeah, you're overreacting. Its ok though, your 10 months pregnant! Breathe, Mama, it will be ok.
Congrats on your new bundle, I bet he/she is going to be a doll!
Keep us posted!!
I think you over reacted about your mom not calling you back right away. "This is important news not a typical week night where nothing is happening..." She did what you said dont' call after 8pm so now you are upset. She is probably happy about the 3cm indicating that the birth is beginning but not happening right now and no need to run over or to call you right back especially feeling so badly. This is also your second child not your first.
Since mom and dad are sick with very bad head colds they don't want to be bothered sorry to say this way. Their doctor told them to stay put and not to go anywhere for three weeks means they are very ill. This could turn into something else if they don't follow doctor's orders.
An apology by you is in order. You do need to inquire about their health and well being as well.
You got caught up in the pending delivery and think that everyone else should be also. As a poster stated you can only control your own happiness and only you can make you happy no matter what.
Sorry I am sounding so harsh but life is life and the world goes on. You are a small part in it.
Have a healthy delivery and happy holiday season. Mom and dad will be happy to meet your like guy when they are feeling much better.
The other S.
Yes. Yes you are over reacting. I think your pregnancy hormones are going crazy!!
For the record, I was dilated at 3 for a month and never dilated further. Being dilated at a small number is not a big deal to anyone, but the person who is dilated.
well, you've already responded, but here's my 2cents worth:
good grief! Your mom is sick....leave her alone! She was sick + + following your rules! & now you're blasting her for it.
I went 3 weeks dilated at 2cm, & then another 3 weeks at 3cm. Long hard haul....& my DH was out of town for 3 out of the 6 weeks. I was ready to strangle his boss! Since I was on bedrest the 1st 3 weeks, my dad moved in with us to care for our 9yo son. A blessing in many ways. :)
Relax.....& enjoy the Season!
I'm with Momofmany. I didn't see anything urgent about what you said to your dad. It was informational in nature only and you did not request that she call you (or at least you do not mention that in your post).
I also think that if you did not ask her (or even your dad) about how they were feeling with the sinus issues that they may have their own hurt feelings to deal with ("doesn't she CARE that we feel so AWFUL?")
I've had cold where I just felt a little "off" and I've had a sinus infection that made me not want to speak to a soul. ( Just leave me alone!!!)
Why can't you give her the benefit of the doubt here and just assume (as she plainly told you) that she was trying to respect your wishes? And then you hung up on her? I'm sorry... but I don't recall the last time I hung up on someone in anger... maybe junior high school? I find that both childish and selfish. If she was screaming profanities at your or something... that would be different. Was she doing that?
And no... being dilated to 3 cm does NOT mean you are about to go into labor any second. You could... but you could go into labor without being dilated at all, too. I was dilated to 2 for two weeks. Unless I called my mom and said "I'm IN labor" then there is nothing urgent in that. Sorry.
ETA: Wanted to add that as I get a little older (age creep, lol) I am finding that small things, like colds, are a little more difficult and take a little bit more toll on me than they did only 2 or 3 years ago. I am only 43. But the last 3 years has dramatically (seems to me anyway) affected how "bad" I feel with a simple cold. My mom just turned 70 two weeks ago. When she gets "a cold" it doesn't "seem like a big deal" usually, and my mom is a tough cookie. But the reality is that at age 70, a simple cold could quickly turn into something much worse and put her in the hospital or worse. And taking OTC meds? Maybe it has been awhile since you have taken any since you have been pregnant for the past 9 months or so... but they ALSO seem to affect me more than they used to. I am groggier--or else the medications available are stronger, lol. If my Dad were to be taking OTC meds for a cold, then he would be weighing the use of the OTC meds in conjunction with other prescription meds and combined, the two (or three?) meds might have an effect on things too--like whether he returned a telephone call, or how "excited" he might be about something that he knows already he can't participate in or be present for.
I read your "what happened" and I am glad you are going to call your mom and try to patch things up. You will be glad you did. I promise you, just a short 3 or 4 years ago I still felt virtually invincible. You might too. But time creeps on and one day you will likely be more aware of how age plays a subtle role in these kinds of things sometimes. I know I am more sensitive to this these days. I promise your mom is happy for you. And worried, too. But she is sick. She is probably trying to take care of her sick husband WHILE she is also sick, and not getting much help. (You know how whiny and pathetic a sick man can be, right?) And on top of that, you sound needy, too. She is tired and sick. Cut her some slack and promise to send her pictures as soon as you are able! :))
Hopefully, you will have your baby in your arms in time for Christmas! :))
Congrats!
BREATHE! This is why I never let them check to see if I was dilated-- you can go from 0 to 10 in no time or you can walk around dilated to 3 or even 4 for ages. It's pretty meaningless--but EITHER way you get STRESSED because it's not happening RIGHT NOW!
yes your over reacting1!! i spent 2 weeks at 3cm and 75% effaced. your anxiousness got the better of you!
I'm not sure of why she did not feel that you would want a response regardless of the time, but I do know for myself that I have suffered with a sinus/tension headache for most of today and all I wanted was piece and quiet, some pain medicine and to lay down. I'm not sure how badly they are feeling, but the sickness may make them feel similarly. I know that you are stressed and excited with the nearing of the time for the baby. I would not call it over reacting for the most part anyway. I have been there where I felt a response was to be expected regardless of the time because of the situation. The last 6 weeks of a pregnancy seem to be the longest and even a few days can draaaaaaaaag! I hope you have a very beautiful healthy baby and easy labor!
I think you over reacted. Im glad your going to patch things up.
With her not feeling well, she might not have wanted to be on the phone for that day. I know when I have a head cold, the phone makes my head hurt more.
I go VERY fast! Out of 5 kids my shortest is 45 mins ( from first contraction to holding my little one) and the longest was 5 hours ( I went in and the contractions went away, so they broke my water to start me in labor).
When I would be checked weekly and they said that I was at 3cm, I knew it would be atleast another 2-3 weeks. The second week at 3com I knew it was getting closer. Usually the 3rd week I would be at 3-4 and I knew that it was any day.
Good luck
I just wanted to say that I kind of get your frustration. When my Mom was staying with us to help out when our third was born, I had a similar dissapointment. I woke my Mom up to tell her that I had been laboring for quite a while and that my husband and I were headed to the hospital. I expected her to be excited but she actually hardly even responded (think her exact response was "OK") and then rolled over and went back to sleep. Not even a hug :-(
I just thought that was so weird.
I know she was happy about the baby so I tried not to over analyze.... But sometimes you just want your loved ones (especially Mom) to be as excited as you are.... And when they aren't, it just kind of hurts your feelings.
So, I get it. It's not like your Mom did anything terribly wrong or anything on purpose to hurt your feelings.... But it happened.
You are on the right track..... Call her in the morning. You need to make peace with her so you can relax and have this baby!
Good luck!
If she's usually a passive aggressive person who likes to play victim (as many mothers are!), I can see how this would drive you batty. If she's not, then I would dismiss as her being a little clueless, though harmless in her intentions, and maybe not making the best judgement calls b/c she doesn't feel well... so I would call her back and say your are sorry for hanging up, and hope you can all resolve this, you are just stressed and nervous about the baby's arrival. Remind her that while you prefer her not call after 8 b/c of the baby, there are always exceptions for special news and updates and it wont make you upset if she calls you. Also, show sympathy for her sickness and ask how she is doing. I don't think she's not excited or concerned, I think you are nervous and overreacting just a tad mostly due to that, but I can certainly see why you are. Also, she may not see 3cm as special news to immediately respond back to, most people don't. Since she isn't an emergency contact to watch your other child, and can't be there, she doesn't need to respond to every update.
Either way, it's best she stay away for now until she is no longer sick... and congrats and good luck!!
I'd be pretty pissed too. There's probably some history here... It's family and most families are dysfunctional. I'd just tell her how you feel - that you feel like she doesn't care and see what her reaction is. I'm sure she does. Maybe she was just thinking it wasn't an emergency because she wasn't going to be able to come, but I agree she should have called, if nothing else just to share in your excitement. I understand her having a cold and not wanting to share but I also think that she could wear a surgical mask and wash her hands and be there. Good luck and remember your baby is where all of your focus should be now anyway...
FYI I know you are hormonal and frustrated--but just so you know,some women walk around for weeks at 1-3 cm. Until you are actively contracting and at least 4-5 cm, you aren't in active labor. I completely understand your mom's reaction really hurt you and you wanted her to be there for you~ I suggest you call her when you are calm and tell her what your expectations are and how it made you feel when she reacted that way. Hang in there and things will be better. Congrats on your baby and I hope that you have a wonderful, safe delivery. Take care--- M
yes you are way out of line, yes the baby coming soon is exciting but your momma has done her part. people forget to call peopel back even about important things it happens call her tell her your sorry and blame it on the hormones lol good luck!
