Am I His Favorite?

Please, please, please understand something. I am a granmother. I have three daughters. My middle daughter got married first and had my first grandchild, a boty after all my girls. She was ill during most of the time and I took a leave of absence from work to care for her. When she had HER child I spept on the floor of the baby's room so she wouldn't awaken when the baby cried!!!!! My grandson and two more granddaughters are MY GRANDCHILDREN they are my daughter and son-in-law's children. Your child will NEVER be confused about who loves him. Only YOU can cause your son to turn to his grandmother. A son's love for his mother knows no boundaries. Many wives know this. You must learn that love GROWS. With a beautiful relationship with his grandmother, your son will learn so many things. Most of all respect for older people, the kindness of an extended family and all the things you can provide for him by working and NOT having to take him out of his home where he is safest in the care of a woman who will adore him. No lecture just a little lesson in parenting from one who's been there. I am "Crazy Grandmom" to all three of my grandchilden. I received a Snoopy Valentine's Day card from my grandson. He is nineteen years old. I think he turned out pretty great!!!!!!! C.

Of course you are his favourite!! You are Mummy!! You are blessed to have Grandma to look after him while you work. On your return home in the evening, he will want only you! I had a similar situation where my Mum looked after my daughter when I went back to work. My daughter shunned her Grandma when I came home and Grandma felt very slighted that she looked after baby all day and was paid no attention when I came home. Be thankful that you don't have to put him in daycare and that you can keep him in his own environment and that Grandma is so willing to help and love him as you would.

Hi Darci,
I don't think I have a solution for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I totally feel you and you are not being selfish at all. Of course you want to be the most important person in your sons life! I would just suggest that you make sure you are making all the decisions for your sons life, regarding discipline, eating habits, etc. Obvisously, I don't know the dynamics of your relationships, but if you are making the rules and decisions for your sons life and your mother-in-law follows those rules, your son will know you are the mama. I would also suggest to not give in to your son's whims and wishes because you feel like you are not around as much and you want him to like you. He will respect you much more if you give him those boundaries. Trust me, it may be hard in the moment, but the payoff later when he listens and is repectful, is SO worth it. I never gave into my children's tantrums when they were toddlers and now they are good listeners (for the most part anyway)and don't have tantrums. My kids are 5, 3 and 1 year old. I have friends who always gave into their kids just because she didn't want to deal with it, and she pays the price everyday, her children misbehave constantly and never listen to her because they know she is full of empty threats. Just some thoughts, I wish you the best of luck, enjoy your baby!
S.

Hi Darci,
I can totally relate. When my adorable baby girl was one (now she's 13), my sister-in-law came from Ireland to live with us and take care of our daughter while we both worked. I was so nervous, just like you are. Our daughter never was confused about who her mom was - but I can't honestly say it was totally easy. (I knew ahead of time I'd be jealous and I was a bit.) But the good thing was that, when I was home, she (my sister-in-law) was usually out with friends, etc. And overall, it worked out pretty well. (Eventually, other issues ended the situation and she went to work as a nanny elsewhere.) But I don't think it interfered with my bonding with my daughter. It was nice to have her help when we were both home, too.
Good luck, and remember, there's no one like your son's real mom! It's probably really healthy for your son to have a grandma to love who is right there also. (My kids' grandparents are either thousands of miles away or deceased, and that makes me so sad.)
all the best,
L.

Good Morning Darci,

OH MY GOSH!!! Our lives sound identical, except this happened 20 years ago.........In fact, it had such an impact on me, it is part of my book I wrote about parenting!!!

I was a single mom in the beginning and I lived with my sister. He was googoo over her. All she had to do is rock him a few minutes, rub his forehead and bam, he was out for the count. ME, wow, had to nurse him, rock him, hold him for endless about of time, and the minute I would put him down he would cry.

Then I had to go back to work. I would call every so often and ask how he was doing and I would hear the dreaded words, he's doing great!!! I just gave him a bottle, Im vaccuming and hes sounds asleep.

Don't be jealous honey, the only reason they act like that is because they feel the calm the other person has to offer. We as mothers tend to be a little uptight or tense and they feel that. It's a blessing trust me. He is your son and will always be your son! Dont stress be humbled that you dont have to put him in a nursery....... Relax!

L. Hein
Author
THE BOOK "I'm Doing The Best I Can!" (They won't always be cute and adorable)
www.lisarhein.com

I have this exact same situation except the caregiver is my Mother. My husband and I work full time, this is our first child and I was very concerned about this, too. I couldn't tell if my son could identify the difference between Grandma and Mom but now that he is 2 1/2, it's very noticeable. He calls me Mama and he calls grandma "Ma 'Ma" with the accent on the second syllable and it almost sounds French. He distinguished the difference on his own and we were reinforcing who was Mom and who was Grandma.

I wonder about your relationship with your mother in law... Are you able to talk to her about this??? You are lucky to have that help, but it is also hard. I think that you need to establish special time for you and your baby where you feel like you're bonding with him alone...I feel sure that your baby knows that your his mommy, but as you return to work, you will feel like you're spending less time with him, missing milestones, etc... This will make you feel even worse... But if you set some guidelines now about things that are just for you and him to do, hopefully that will make you feel like those things are your unique bond... Maybe try getting a few special books- i recommend "you're my little love bug" and "I Love You Through and Through"- the first one plays music and is kind of mushy lovey dovey, but I love it!! And those are OUR books to read together, and make me feel more bonded.... I hope that helps!!!!

Hi D.,

I can only speak from my experience and I totally understand how you feel. My mother in law does not live with us but she does take care of our son while we work and she does a fabulous job but I find myself VERY jealous that she gets all the quality time with him that I want. He is 19 months old and he does know that I am mommy but it still bothers me. Also in my situation, both of my sisters in law are pretty much sahm's and spend a lot of time with my mother in law and son which again is fabulous for our son but it makes me very sad because I feel left out of a lot of stuff. Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you other than don't worry about your son thinking that she is his mommy. Babies know who their mommies are. I would also suggest trying to get some one on one time with your child when you are home. Take your son outside for a walk or just lay on your bed with him and play and giggle with him. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just some good solid quality time with him (without your mother in law). I don't know if this helps you at all but I hope if nothing else you'll know that you are not the only one with these feelings. Good Luck!

Don't worry, he will ALWAYS know who his Mommy is. My daughter is 9 weeks old and I've been back to work for 3 weeks now. She is in daycare and when I go there to pick her up she responds with big smiles. When we get home I sit facing her and she tells me all about her day (in her own baby coo language of course) and she smiles and laughs!! Trust me, when your son sees you after a long day with someone else, he will let you know how much he missed you!! I also believe that babies can tell there Mommy's by her smell as well as her voice and looks. Your fear is valid, but you will soon realize that your son will ALWAYS know who his Mommy is!! Good Luck!!